《Re:Hammer》Chapter 32
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Filnon woke in the morning to see Estaria already up, and playing with Filnon’s hair gently.
“Morning~” Filnon was exuberant after the night’s activities, but Estaria seemed more subdued. Almost, melancholy. “What’s wrong? Did I not do it hard enough last night?” Filnon teased. But, Estaria shook her head softly.
“No, it’s just...I woke up this morning thinking about the people I am never going to see again. My men, and Borrago, and Dawi. And my father. Gods, I should have tried to get along with him better. Of course, the immediate after thought was no I shouldn’t, bastard can rot. Left me and my mother to fuck off on some treasure hunting expedition that just netted him a bad case of scurvy and some lung disease. But the rest are still important. I have lived with them, fought with them, seen them bleed and some of them die under my command. And the worst part about it is I can’t seem to muster any more emotion than you would watching a mouse crawl across the floor. Less, even. A mouse is at least interesting. I feel, hollowed out. And the only time I don’t feel like I am alone, surrounded by chittering cattle, is with you. I think, that is why I jumped into this. Not because I wanted to or because I thought I was ready, but because I was worried that something would happen. That you would get bored waiting or sell me off to someone and I’d never again be anywhere that could fill that hole”
Estaria then saw the glimmer of amusement in Filnon’s eyes and scowled. “I’ll be the one spanking if you say anything” she growled. Filnon seemed to find this most amusing and laughed, but said nothing and let Estaria carry on. “What am I, if I can’t care for my own race? If I can’t care for any people outside of those who are playing this deranged game that was made for a reason nobody can find out?” Estaria finished, just staring off into the distance.
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“Mmm, I can’t say I have noticed, but that is pretty much how we feel all the time. Druchii are such proud creatures that they all think themselves the best, and everyone else is below them. Maybe that is why I don’t notice the same change as you. Because it isn’t a change. But only you can answer your questions, Es. Don’t rush into an answer like me because it is an answer. Make sure you want it” Filnon didn’t seem too upset at the idea of Estaria not wanting to be her slave, and rather just accepting it because it was something there, immediate and viable.
Then, Filnon got up and started to dress. Which, was strange. Her giving up the chance for morning snuu.
“Where have you been, anyway? It’s been a long time since you were home” Estaria spread out over the bed more and looked over at Filnon while she dressed.
“Ohh, just some Druchii politics. Nothing for you to worry about” Filnon replied, finishing her dress and heading to the door. “Though I will try to be home tonight. You’ve given me a taste for the finer things in life and I can’t go back now” Filnon blew a kiss and then left, leaving Estaria to lie on the bed and wallow in existential dread. But that was hardly a helpful thing, so she got up and washed herself, and then dressed herself, and applied the makeup that Filnon wanted her to wear. That part of things, she had no problem with. It was the, more intimate and personal thing she had jumped on last night that was the worry. She really was afraid it was too much too fast.
After that, she decided to go walking around the town. She might be able to find someone that she cared about that wasn’t a player, out here. So she went for a walk and came across a sight that was quite offensive. One of the slaves was being assailed by a low-level Druchii taskmaster. The whip biting into her flesh and cutting her like a blade. Her screams and the blood being spilled should have driven her to action. To rush in and save the human girl from this Druchii. But, she just felt she was watching two animals fight in the wild. No personal stake in either, not even feeling related to either of them. Still, Estaria sighed and walked up regardless. She didn’t need a stake to stop it, and didn’t need to feel like she should be stopping it to stop it. Though the action was emotionally futile, it was the same as throwing bread to the ducks.
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Not that the Druchii took it very well. He turned as she put a hand on his shoulder and slapped her face. Famous Slave was still a slave after all. But that didn’t change how she felt, and she slapped him right back, splitting his lip, busting his nose, and scattering teeth across the ground. The girl sobbed something that might have been a thanks or an apology or a death threat for foolish action, and then ran off. Estaria retreated as well, but felt a cold shiver that had nothing to do with the weather. If she couldn’t feel for the people when they were in distress like she just was, then how was there any hope for people who were just trying to engage normally? She had, to beat this. Had to surmount the insanity that was coming from the game system, or she’d no longer be human. Just, a crazed thing that kills...
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