《EARTH SAGE DOESN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED》***Hiatus Explanation In Pre-chapter Author Note***
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Sheeve looked over the map carefully; making sure the path that she and her men were on was indeed the fastest. One of her soldiers was on his hands and knees and she had the map spread over his back. Sheeve nodded to herself. “As I thought, this is the best path.”
“Knight Commander Sheeve?” Asked the man in the humiliating position. “Can I get up now?”
Sheeve gave a gentle chuckle. “Gregory, now what did I say earlier?”
The man sighed. “Tables don’t talk…”
“That’s right.” Sheeve said happily. “Tables do not talk.”
A short distance behind Sheeve a battle was raging on. Sheeve and her group had been traveling along a dirt road on horseback when they were ambushed by two ogres. Sheeve left it to her men to dispatch them because she wanted to look over the map. She could still hear the battle going on behind her but wasn’t very interested in it. A female soldier broke away from the battle and ran quickly up to Sheeve.
“Knight Commander Sheeve!” The soldier said exhaustedly.
“Report.” Sheeve responded without looking away from the map.
“We have lost one man and a horse. One of the ogres has fallen but the other one is proving to be much harder to fail.”
Sheeve shook her head in disappointment, it was so hard to find worthy soldiers these days. “Fine, I’ll do it myself.” She said with a smirk as she put her gauntlet on. She turned and looked towards the creature. Its skin was green with various patches of lighter and darker greens. It was almost ten feet tall and its body was wide and misshapen. Its repulsive face twisted in anger as it swung a massive wooden club at the soldiers who were just barely able to dodge.
The ogre and the men stopped fighting as they noticed Sheeve was heading their way. The ogre glared at Sheeve as she picked up a spear that was lying on the ground beside a soldier’s corpse. Sheeve looked up at the ogre and spoke to it with an air of smug superiority. “Ogre. Today is clearly not your day. This is the only chance I shall give. Run away with your tail between your legs and you might live to die another day.”
The ogre didn’t appreciate being talked down to by someone almost half his size and he screamed at Sheeve. “I am so ogre this!”
“Really?” Sheeve said grimacing. “What’s with monsters and puns these days?” The Ogre charged at Saline swinging its club in a violent circular motion. Saline ran at the ogre with the spear at her side. She slides to get as close as she could to the ogre and just barely dodged a deadly blow from the club. She quickly took the spear she was holding and jabbed it upwards as hard as she could. The spear pierced under the ogre’s neck and with another strong push from Sheeve the tip burst through the ogre’s skull.
The ogre shook violently and let go of the club. Sheeve released her grip on the spear and the ogre fell on its side with the spear still pultruding out of its head. Sheeve stood back up and walked away from the monster’s corpse. She called out to her men who were still in a state of surprise. “Someone bury our fallen, once that’s done we are heading out.”
“Yes Knight Commander Sheeve!” They all call out and begin doing as she asked.
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The female soldier from earlier walks up to her and looks at her with admiration. “That was amazing! I had heard tails of your strength but to see it in person was absolutely mesmerizing.”
Sheeve nodded with a smile. “I’m sure it was.”
The soldier continued with her praise. “You know the other female soldiers look up to you. You’re like a role model for us. One day I hope to be half as amazing as you.”
Saline chuckled softly and looked at the soldier. “My dear that would be impossible.”
“Oh…” The soldier responded sadly then quickly changed the subject. “Knight Commander, if we are heading to Kotvoselle wouldn’t it be easier to cut through the woods? I’m pretty sure the goblins wouldn’t attack such a large group as ours.”
Saline frowned and responded quickly. “Three reasons. The first is we would have to leave our horses and I refuse to do that. The second is, there is no rush. Third and most importantly are my ears.”
“Your ears?” The soldier looked at Sheeve’s ears. Sheeve was a dark elf, also known as a drow. She had dark skin and, unlike other elves whose ears pointed straight up or at a slight angle, her ears stuck out sideways almost six or seven inches long.
“Do you know what it’s like going through the woods with ears like these? They catch every spider web and rub against every tree limb and leaf. It’s obnoxious and I won’t have it. So the long way it is.”
The soldier wanted to argue that they could save almost two days of travel by cutting through the woods but she knew better than to argue with someone with a higher status than her own. Instead she asked about something else that was bothering her. “I heard that Kotvoselle is currently being terrorized by a monster. Are we heading there to assist them? We’re not from this kingdom so why are we even interested in helping them?”
Sheeve looked at the soldier curiously. Normally her men just did what she said; it had been a long time since someone had the guts to even question any of her intentions. Maybe there was hope for this soldier. “Something was stolen from us and it is likely in that town.”
“What about that monster?”
“It’s not a monster, It’s treasure. Also you likely won’t have to worry about rescuing anyone. It is very likely that there is only one soul left in that town; a dirty little thief that needs to be punished.” Sheeve smiles at the soldier than turns and walks away heading towards her horse.
The soldier sighs. “Why does everyone have to be so mysterious?” Now she had even more questions than she did when she first asked Sheeve. She looked over and noticed that a soldier was on his hands and knees with a map spread across his back. “Uh… What are you doing?”
The man grumbled a response. “Tables don’t talk.”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Well that’s foreboding as fuchsin.” Ash said after Olanna had explained that they were heading in the same direction as an Earth Mage that had killed a large group of people and buried them underground. The party looked at Ash curiously. “Fuchsin is a dye substance used to color textiles and leather. It’s a fairly foreboding color. Actually, you know what, never mind. Let’s just get out of here.”
“I agree with Ash.” Karse says with a shaky voice. “Being around so much death is very uncomfortable.”
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The party decides to leave the burial grounds and continue on with their journey. They walk in silence for several hours. The sun begins to set and the light in the woods begins to disappear. Their discovery had given them all some food for thought and Ash was surprised at how long everyone had remained silent, even Sam hadn’t spoken since then. As if on cue Saline broke the silence. “Hey, Ash?” She said in a quiet voice.
As you can probably guess Ash sighed. He muttered to himself. “By the prickling of my thumb something obnoxious this way comes.” He turned to look at Saline who was now walking beside him. “What?”
“So, there’s another powerful Earth Mage, and we might even cross paths with that person. We know they’re violent and murderous and probably not alone.”
“Uh-huh.” Ash responded not knowing where she was heading with this.
“Well, you’re strong but not used to your power just yet. That team could be deadly.” By now the rest of the party was listening to the conversation. “So, I wanted to ask you…”
“Yeah?”
“Are you in love with Aza?”
Ash took a moment to register what she asked. “What?...”
“I saw the way you two look at each other and I could feel the love radiating from you two.”
“No you couldn’t, because there wasn’t any.”
Garret shakes his head. “I don’t know. Pretty sure I saw sparks.”
Olanna nods as Karse speaks up. “Aza is too good for you!”
Ash’s face flushes with anger. “I’m not in love. I hardly know her! There wasn’t any sparks, radiation, or love fire of any kind.”
Olanna walks up to Ash and pats him on the back. “Love is impossible to understand Ash. I only knew Garret for a day before I abducted him and forced him on our first date.”
Garret smiles as he remembers. “That was the most romantic kidnapping I’ve ever had.”
Olanna smiles warmly at the grossed out Ash. “The point I’m trying to make is that you must take the initiative. Even if you have to force them to be with you against their will. Eventually love will form.”
Ash shakes his head. “That sounds like Stockholm syndrome. That’s terrible advice. Olanna you are not a good role model.”
“No, I am not. This is a fact.”
Saline sighs and also pats Ash on the back, as high as she could reach anyway. “That’s why I’ve decided to let you date Aza, though it pains me. I will just have to settle on being her mistress.”
Good for you Ash.
Ash quickens his pace while angrily yelling. “I am not in love! Can we drop this?! Also who painted the trees red?!” Ash stopped walking when he came to several trees that had been marked with what he hoped was red paint. The marked trees seemed to stretch in a line going in opposite directions.
Saline nods her head knowingly. “These trees mark the true entrance to the Screaming Woods.”
Ash notices that a couple trees have a wooden sign nailed on them. Ash looks at one of the signs and reads it aloud. “Cation, Warning, Danger, Stop, Turn Around, Hit The Ground, Just Say No, Do Not Pass Go. Beyond This Point Is The Screaming Woods. Here There Be Feral Goblins. Your Lives Are Forfeit Should You Enter And Your Death Or Rescue Is Not The Kings Problem. So There.” Ash stands and looks back at a guilty looking Saline. “This is the shortcut, isn’t it?”
Saline innocently twiddles her fingers while looking at the ground. “Maybe.”
“You know. You kind of left off the fact that we’d have to go through goblin territory in a place called The Screaming Woods!”
Saline responds nervously. “It’s actually not that dangerous. The goblins mostly stay at the west end of the woods and attack at night. We’ll be staying away from that side mostly and we’ll just have people on guard at night. Besides this is the only way to shave off such a huge amount of time from our travels.” She notices that Ash seems to be considering it. “And goblins are relatively weak so really they are only dangerous if they attack in a horde.”
Ash was about to say something but Olanna interrupted him. “Before we enter we should rest first. An ambush is unlikely but possible. Plus I am both thirsty and hungry and I must appease my thunger. “
Ash thinks and nods. “Sounds good. I have to slay the brown dragon anyway.”
Gross.
“This conversation is far from over though.” Ash says as he walks through some trees to see if he can find an isolated spot to take care of business.
Saline sighs and flops down on the ground. “Why’s Ash gotta be so grumpy?”
Karse agrees. “Why does Ash even have to be here?”
Garret looks towards the trees that Ash went through. “Why does Ash want to fight a dragon alone? I could help him.” Everyone looks at Garret. “What? Dragons are tough.”
Time passes a little as everyone chows down on their rations and a thought occurs to Saline. “You don’t think Ash would just leave and not come back, do you?” Everyone thought for a moment and realized that it was a distinct possibility, though no one said anything.
Olanna was shoving food in her mouth when suddenly she felt an odd sensation go over her body. “Anyone else feel that?” Everyone looks at her and shakes their heads. She noticed that she was starting to feel very tired. “Anyone else feeling tired?”
Karse shakes his head. “It’s just your imagination.” He says as he falls to the ground asleep.
Garret stood up and readied his sword. “Somethings wrong. I shouldn’t be this sleepy. It’s not even close to my bedtime.”
“Someone cast a sleep spell on us, the jerks.” Saline said trying to stand but fell back down and was already snoring.
Olanna shouted as loud as she could. “Who’s there?! What do you want?”
A nasally voice echoes all around them. “I’ve always wanted to say this. Resistance is futile!”
Olanna felt the familiar force again and saw Garret fall to the ground asleep. “Garret!” Olanna called out as she tried her best to stay on her feet but she was slowly giving in to her sleep. She dropped to one knee and from the woods she saw several figures emerge. It was obvious to her what they were. “Goblins? This close to the edge of the woods?”
The goblins were short, green, and bald. They had pointed ears and long noses. A few had sharp teeth that protruded out of an under bite. They wore tattered clothes that almost looked like rags and their faces seemed to lack intelligence, like they were wild and animalistic.
One stood out however. It wore silky purple robes, complete with a light purple hood. It also wore a white mask that covered its mouth leaving only its dark eyes and crooked nose exposed. On the robe and mask were various jewels embedded into the cloth. It held a magnificent staff that was topped with a large spherical and red colored jewel. It spoke it that familiar nasally voice. “We’ve been expanding thanks to the great serpent god Trotana. She guides us to our promised future.”
“Great.” Olanna says sleepily. “That’s just what we need, a goblin cult. I can hear Ash complaining now.”
“Hey large human!” The masked goblin screamed. “I said resistance is futile! Stop your futile resisting!” Olanna looked at the goblin and closed her eyes as he body went limp and she fell to the ground. “Huh? Well, that’s better.” The masked goblin turns to the other goblins. “Take them back to the base. The humans shall be sacrificed to Trotana and the elves shall fulfill our… desires.” He says laughing menacingly.
Unfortunately elves, especially small elves were often used like toys by the goblins. They were given to the female goblins who would then dress them up in pretty clothes and dresses that the lady goblins just didn’t look as good in. They would then play various goblin games that had very poor rules and didn’t make a whole lot of sense. It was torture for the poor elves. I mean later they would kill them of course but some of those dresses were just so gaudy and in poor taste that at that point they would welcome death.
“Yes.” The masked goblin smiled as he approached the large body of Olanna. “Trotana will be pleased with such a large-“ He was cut off mid-sentence as Olanna’s arm reached out and firmly grasped his throat. Olanna got up and pushed the goblin to the ground and began to mercilessly wail on him. “Ah! She was still awake! Do something! Ah! My arm! Sweet Trotana she is breaking my arm!” The other goblins just watch as the barbarian tears into their leader.
The goblin manages to grasp his staff and cast sleep again. Olanna falls back to the ground asleep, a torn piece of the goblins robe still clasped in her hand. The masked goblin was bruised and bloodied but gets up and gives her a swift kick. “You’ll be the first sacrifice. Oh, my arm. I think she broke it.” He hangs his arm limply at his side and turns to look at the other goblins. “Thanks for the help you morons!”
One of the goblins sensing his anger brings him a stick and holds it out to him. “Staa…” The goblin says with a stupid smile.
The masked goblin smacks the stick out of the other goblins hand. “I don’t want a damn stick!” The goblin backs away terrified and confused. “Everyone! Just do your jobs!” He watches as the goblins start picking up the elves. He then turns his attention on three of the goblins. “You three will stay here. I believe they have another party member who went off somewhere. You will stay here and ambush him.” The goblins nod with big smiles on their faces.
“Use this.” The masked goblin hands one of the goblins a scroll. “This is a sleep scroll. When the other one arrives, tear the scroll and you’ll be able to cast sleep on the fool. Here, I’ll even give you two just in case.” He hands the goblin a second scroll. “Do you understand?” The goblin nods. “You don’t do you?” The goblin nods. “Hide. Then when you see someone that isn’t a goblin rip the scroll and put them to sleep. Then carry them to our base.” The goblin nods. “All right so what do you do first?” The goblin thinks for a second then with a big smile he opens his mouth and starts to put the scroll in it. “No.” Says the masked goblin bluntly.
The goblin thinks some more then picks up a stick and offers it to the masked goblin. “Staa…”
“No! What’s with you all and sticks?!” The masked goblin yells and smacks the stick down. The other goblin backs away terrified and confused. “Look, just rip the scroll and cast the spell on the first non-goblin you see.” The goblin thinks for a moment then with a smile points at the scroll then makes a motion like he’s throwing something. “Yes! Use the scroll and cast it on the enemy! Good!”
“Skaza!” The goblin cries out happily.
“Yes! Skaza! Whatever that means.” The Masked goblin shakes his head and looks at the other two goblins. “You two will stay here if things go wrong.” They nod happily. “Feral goblins…I swear…” He notices Olanna still on the ground. “Don’t forget this one!” He says as he kicks Olanna. As he does this her hand shoots out and clenches his throat. “Uh, oh” The masked goblin whimpers. Olanna in a state similar to sleep walking, sleep beating if you will, starts to pummel the mask goblin again. “Someone help! Skaza! Do something, someone! Ouch, my organs! My goblin organs! Not my arm! Ow! Sweet Trotana! If it wasn’t broke before it is now! Ah!”
The goblins backed away terrified and confused, but one of them didn’t. This wasn’t his first battle; he was a veteran and he knew what to do. So he picked up the nearest stick.
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Ash closed the hole in the ground sealing away the unspeakable evil. He realized he was confused about something. There wasn’t any running water. “How do people wash their hands in the woods? Do they waste their own drinking water? Where’s the soap?” He decides instead of talking to himself that he’ll just ask Saline to cast the cleaning spell on him when he gets back. She owes him one anyway. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his ring and puts it on his finger.
I hate it when you take me off. It’s like being locked in a dark silent room.
“Believe me when I say you should be thanking me. Pretty sure I lost some HP during that ordeal.”
You know, right when you took me off I could have sworn I heard some screaming.
“My stomach was pretty messed up so I was groaning pretty loudly but I wasn’t screaming.”
Not like that Ash. I think you should hurry back. I’m worried.
“Fine” Ash says and looks around for a bit. “Huh?”
Go right.
“Ah.”
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Ash steps out to where the party had been resting but is surprised to see that everyone is gone. Even their bags are gone. “Did they leave without me?” Even though he didn’t want anything to do with the group he felt a just a little hurt.
No Ash, look closer.
Now that Ash looked closer he could see pieces of fabric here and there and splatters of blood. He had no way of knowing it was all from the same goblin but he could tell there was a scuffle.
They were ambushed by goblins.
Ash was compelled to agree. Mostly because there was a four foot goblin hiding behind a small two foot bush. The goblin was smiling and looking at Ash thinking it was completely hidden. Ash calls out to it. “What are you doing?” The goblin stands up surprised and confused. It decides this human is dangerous.
It lets out a whistle and another goblin stands up from where it was sitting out in the open and removes a small rock from the top of its head. Then Ash notices yet another one is standing in front of a tree, not behind it of course. It removes its hands that it was using to hide its face and gives Ash a sinister smirk.
Ash tilts his head looking at the goblins. “Okay, how did I not see them? Sam, how dangerous are goblins?”
Depends on the type of goblins. These are feral it looks like. They are physically weak and not very smart. They are typically only dangerous in large groups. Three shouldn’t cause you any trouble.
The goblin hiding behind the bush pulls out a scroll and chuckles.
Ash, watch out, that’s a magic scroll. It could have any spell on it. That could cause you trouble.
Ash braces himself as the goblin laughs. The goblin gets ready and then just throws the scroll at Ash. It hits Ash’s leg and falls down by his feet. Ash looks at the goblin feeling a little confused and picks up the scroll.
You’re supposed to tear it.
The goblin is confused and terrified as Ash looks at the scroll. Then he remembers that he has a second one. He pulls it out and looks at it. He tries to remember what the bossy goblin told him. Then he remembers. He puts the scroll in his mouth and swallows it whole. Ash looks at him and the goblin begins to worry because nothing is happening.
Ash tears the scroll and feels the spells power surge through him. “This is cool, it’s a sleep spell.” He says as he suddenly knows what spell it is, its effect and how to use it. He turns to the other two goblins and casts the spell. The two goblins fall to the ground asleep in an instant. Ash looks at the last goblin. Fear crosses its face as it turns and tries to make a run for it. It losses its balance and falls to the ground. It decides its best option is to play dead, because it’s not very smart.
Ash looks tiredly at the goblin on the ground pretending to be dead. “Now what?”
That Goblin could take us back to its base and we could rescue the Saline and the rest of the party.
“Rescue? Why would I want to do that? I’m free. They got caught by weak goblins so it’s their own fault. This Earth Sage does not want to be-”
Ash, if we don’t save them they could die.
“They may already be dead.”
We need to try. Do you know what goblins do to elves Ash?
Ash grimaces. “I can imagine…” Ash didn’t know Sam was referring to forced cosplay. “But this is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I’m going to waste so much time doing this. It’s been non-stop, do this to do that, side quests since I arrived in this world.”
Ash, I don’t know where we are. If we try to go alone we could be lost for days. Also even with your power you aren’t immune to starvation, so if we run out of food and water you could be in big trouble. Lastly the goblins might have some gold hoarded away so this could be beneficial.
“Gold, you say?” Ash responded while weighing his options. He didn’t know that Sam was lying about not knowing where they are, so he reluctantly decided that he should save the party. “Fine, we’ll save them. I guess it would be good practice for me as well but, so that we’re clear, all gold we find will be mine.”
What would I do with it?
Ash walks up to the goblin that is playing dead and rolls him over. The goblins eyes widen as Ash puts his hands on the goblins throat. “Skaza!” The goblin starts screaming as Ash covers his mouth with his free hand. “I’m going to ask you some questions and I want you to answer them honestly, you understand?” The goblin nods. “You don’t understand, do you?” The goblin nods. “Listen, if you don’t tell me what I want to know I’m going to use my hands to do awful things to you, and trust me when I say you don’t want that. My hands right now are very…very…dirty…”
Wait…What?
The goblin tries to look down at Ash’s hand that is covering his mouth and becomes both terrified and confused.
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