《EARTH SAGE DOESN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED》CHAPTER 7 EARTH SAGE EATS BREAKFAST

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Botan was still confused as she ran towards home while a storm raged above her. The rain was coming down hard as lightning struck above her but Botan was too lost in thought to care about the weather. How did that mage survive a direct hit from an arrow enchanted with smite? Is he actually really powerful or was he just lucky? Just who does that guy think he is? Smite arrows are expensive and for him to cause her to waste one was unforgivable, how dare he not die when she tried to kill him? Then a thought occurred to her, how was she going to explain this to her father?

Botan tried to piece together all that happened today with an unnecessary recap. She, Waldo (her father) who also goes by the name of Titan, and a large group of Red Piper’s Guild members were having a disagreement with some outsiders. Some haughty dark elf and her lackeys would not get out of their way. Then a mage lumbered out of the woods looking stupid and ugly. Her dad decided to let him decide who should get out of whose way. The mage chose the dark elf because he’s so stupid and ugly. Her dad didn’t appreciate the choice he made and gave her the noble task of following the mage and killing him.

After much begging from her father she accepted the task and hunted down the mage. When she had him right where she wanted him she let loose her most powerful attack, the smite arrow! The mage took the hit and just got up like nothing happened. Botan shuddered as she remembered how the mage robbed her and was probably going to kill her when some strangers passing by somehow managed to capture the mage and rescue her. She thanked them graciously and made her way back home to the Red Piper’s Guild. She wondered for a moment what became of the two strangers, probably got killed by the mage she thought, nodding to herself.

No matter how strong an opponent the ugly mage was, it doesn’t change the fact that she failed her mission and wasted an extremely expensive and rare enchanted arrow. How was she going to explain this to her father? Her face grew pale. How was she going to explain this to her mother?! Her mother was the strongest member of the guild and that’s why she was the guild master with her dad as the second in command. She definitely didn’t want to tell her mother that she lost the smite arrow she gave her. Fortunately her mother was away on a quest and wouldn’t be back for a week or so.

Botan finally reached the guild headquarters. The Red Pipers Guild was the biggest guild in the entire kingdom, made up of several buildings, living quarters, bars, taverns, forges, training field, and even a building for healers to help with injured guild members and also a cemetery for the same reason. It was a very popular guild and they would often receive high stake quests with massive payouts, and as such it made the memberships to the guild very exclusive, the trials to become a guild member were extremely difficult and the success rate was only about 5%. Also for one reason or another only humans, dwarves, and elves could join; and even then dark elves were not allowed.

The main headquarters was where you could post/accept quests and make reports. That’s not where her father would be now that she thought about it. She looked over to the building next to the main building; it was the Shallow Grave Tavern. Her father would likely be there getting dangerously drunk since they had just finished a quest. She made her way to the building and pushed open the door and was bathed in warm yellow light and scents of various foods and burning candles.

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The tavern was bustling as usual. There were people dressed in all kinds of armors and robes. A bard was singing a love song about poking a dead bird with a stick, a giant of a man was showing off by carrying two women on his shoulders, and a barmaid had cast multi-arm on herself and had a mug of beer in each of her eight hands passing them out. The bar was packed with weird people doing weird things and as she scanned around the room she just couldn’t find Waldo, her father.

She did notice a young dwarf with his hand spread out on the table stabbing each one of his fingers with a knife in sequence. She made her way through the crowd and approached him. “You know you’re supposed to stab in between your fingers, right?” She said to the dwarf.

The dwarf looked to her and back to his bleeding hand then back to Botan again. “You know,” he said while nodding, “that makes a lot more sense.” He then noticed who he was talking to. Botan was well known for being the guild master’s daughter, and most of the members liked her and treated her kindly. “Oh, Botan, it’s you. Good to see you are well.”

“Yeah, have you seen my dad?” Botan asked the man trying not to reveal that she didn’t know the young dwarf’s name.

“Titan?”

“Yeah.” Botan hated her dad’s nickname.

“He’s with a new initiate in the knife throwing room.” The knife throwing room was a large room at the back of the tavern that was used as a game room to have knife throwing competitions and was also used as a meeting room and interrogation room. Botan turned from the dwarf and made her way towards the knife room. “You’re welcome.” Said the dwarf as he turned his attention back to his hand. Stabbing between the fingers just seemed too easy. He decided to ramp up the difficulty as he readied his great ax.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….....

A frightened young man stood with his back straight against the wall, a single plum rested on his head. He watched with fear as the large muscular man known as Titan selected a knife. The young man asked with a shaky voice. “Is this really part of the initiation?”

Titan let out a deep laugh. “Ha! Are you getting cold feet boy? You passed all the other tests. This is the last one, you should be happy.”

“I just don’t know what we’re testing.”

“I like throwing knives and I’m getting much better at it. I can hit my target three out of four times. So we’re testing my aim and your luck.”

The young man gulped. “Three out of four?” He noticed the wall had various spots that were covered in red blotches.

“Stop sweating so much, you’re a healer aren’t you? Besides, you’ve got a ninety percent chance of success.” Titan was not very good at math. “Now stand still, that plum is really small. It’s plum tiny, ha!” Just as Titan was about to throw the knife a cloaked figure walked through the door. A smile spread over Titan’s face as he recognized his daughter. “Botan, you’re back! How did it go?” Titan set the knife down on a nearby table and turned to his daughter. The young man against the wall let out a sigh of relief.

“Not too well…” Said his daughter surprisingly meekly.

What Botan didn’t know was that Titan was well aware that it didn’t go well. He was not about to let his sixteen year old daughter fight a mage without backup so he had one of his best trackers secretly follow her. What Titan didn’t know was that his best tracker had gotten herself lost in the woods trying to avoid a giant red basilisk and only found Botan again as she was running away from the mage. The tracker made it back to the guild well before Botan to make her report and, not wanting to reveal that she had gotten lost, told Titan a vague story of how Botan missed the mage with an arrow and ran away.

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Botan swallowed her pride and decided to manipulate her dad with her cute daughter routine. Botan looked down at her feet and said with a sad voice, “I’m sorry daddy; the stupid looking mage was too strong. I hit him with the smite arrow and it didn’t faze him. I barely escaped with my life.”

“It’s okay dear.” Titan said calmly. “It was your first solo mission.” Titan was a little upset that she wasted such a powerful arrow but it was made for her anyway so it wasn’t too big of a deal. Besides, he thought it was cute how she didn’t want to admit she missed the mage and instead made up a story of how the mage just shook off the attack, which was impossible. “There’s bound to be hiccups here and there.”

“But…”

“It’s fine. When I thought about it, sending you to kill that mage after I asked for his help was pretty petty. We put the poor fellow on the spot over a childish argument then tried to kill him. Honestly I’m glad you didn’t succeed. So I’ll Tell you what, I’ll give you another quest, how about that?”

“Really?”

“Yes, you and a small group well be taking on a level A quest. It could prove to be a tough one.”

“Really?! Level A?! It’s not too soon?”

“Ha! I think you’ll be fine. Hacksar we’ll be leading the quest so you can get the details from him. In fact I’ll let you choose three enchanted arrows from the armory for this quest.”

“Really, three?! Thanks Daddy!” Botan said as she gave her father a big hug.

The young man against the wall thought the whole scene was sweet. “Aw, you’re a good father.”

“Shut up!” Yelled Titan at the young man. “I’m going to throw knives at you!”

“Aw…”

Botan left the knife room and happily looked for Hacksar. Hacksar was an old dwarf that had been with the guild since its founding. He was one of the most powerful members of the guild rivaling even her mother. Botan was happy he was leading the quest as she liked the old dwarf a lot. He was like a grandpa to her and she enjoyed being around him. In fact her personality was probably thanks to the old grump. After she looked around for a while she found him harassing some of the newer guild members.

He had long dark brownish red hair and an equally long beard to match. His big nose and small stature with his bulking body just screamed dwarf. He wore a red mage’s robe that had golden patterns all over it, including the trademark Red Piper symbol in the middle of the cloak. He had a beer in each hand as he spoke to the group in a loud aggressive voice. “I’m telling you lot that we should just take over the bastards. Dissolve their guild and combine the territory with ours.”

One of the young men at the table spoke up. “But a guild war, really? There’s almost no profit in that. Besides The Cloudy Sky Guild is tiny compared to this one. Why not let them be?”

“The hell you on about?!” Said the dwarf angrily. “They’re stealing our business and they are too close to our guild. Also they allow anyone to join. I heard goblins are even members of their guild. Goblins! The small handed green little shits.”

One of the women at the table spoke up next. “But it’s not a live-in guild like ours. Most of the members are usually out on quests and are rarely even at the guild. It’s also in the middle of a town. What if some innocent people get hurt because of the attack?”

The dwarf shrugs. “Fuck ‘em” Hacksar never bothered to filter his foul mouth. “This is the problem with the new generation. No bloodlust! No, wait, I meant to say no ambition!” Just then Hacksar heard someone scoff at the table behind him.

“You know what I heard?” Said a tall arrogant man standing up from the table behind theirs; he had been eavesdropping on their conversation.

“What? Your mother calling you?” Said the dwarf as he turned to look at the man. The people at the table were making frantic gestures to the tall arrogant man for him to shut up but he was too drunk to be concerned with things like not being killed. Also he was a bit upset because he and his comrades had just failed the test to join the guild.

“A long time ago your wife was killed by a member of their guild by accident. That’s why you want to tear their guild down. You should get over it man. A guy your age shouldn’t be acting like that. Grow up, grandpa.”

The dwarf stood up and even though he was barely over four tall he gave off a threatening and intimidating aura as he spoke. “Listen son, no one’s gonna give a rat’s ass if I kill a nobody like you. So sit down and wait your turn, I’m talking to this lot here.” The group he mentioned was slowly making their way out of the tavern while the old dwarf was distracted.

The tall man scoffed at the dwarf. “Do you know who I am?”

“Listen here you little puckered asshole, I don’t care who you are but I know where you’ll be if you utter three more syllables, face first on the ground, unconscious or dead, depending on mine and the ground’s mood.” The other men at the tall man’s table got up and surrounded the old dwarf. They had heard about Hacksar the mage and how he was supposed to be unstoppable but they also heard he was getting senile and weak. They were bitter about being denied membership to the guild and were just drunk and stupid enough to challenge a high level opponent like Hacksar. Hacksar eyed the men; there were two humans, a dwarf, and two elves. He took note that the dwarf was in throat jabbing range. “Don’t cry when I kill at least two of you.”

“Yeah, right, bulls-“The dwarf thrust out his hand hitting the tall man’s kneecap hard and a loud sickening crack could be heard echoing throughout the tavern. The tall man screamed in pain and fell to the ground. The dwarf walked over to him as he laid on the ground screaming in agony. “Wait no!” The tall man screamed as the old dwarf grabbed him by the head and slammed his face on the ground as hard as he could. Then he did it again, and then again, he thought about doing it one more time but lost interest.

The tall man’s comrades were caught off guard by the sudden act of violence but snapped out of it. One of the elves held out their hand and a bright ball of fire shot out of it hitting Hacksar in the face. Hacksar angrily shook the embers off his face and yelled at the elf, “Dwarves are born from earth and fire you bleeding scab!” Hacksar rushed at the elf knocking him down and before the poor elf could do anything Hacksar grabbed him by the head and head-butted him so hard everyone in the tavern could hear sound of crushing bones. Hacksar was unharmed due to his naturally thick dwarven skull; the elf however lay on the ground motionless.

At this point the other members had sobered up and realized the error of their ways. They looked around the tavern but noticed that no one was even paying attention to them; they were acting like nothing was even happening and were still drinking and talking happily. The remaining men decided it was best to leave but unfortunately Hacksar wasn’t through with them. He turned to the dwarven member of the group and quickly hit the young dwarf’s throat as hard as he could. The dwarf grabbed his throat and gasped for air as he fell to the ground. Hacksar turned to the last two who, when they couldn’t find an escape route, had returned to their table and started to pretend to be really interested in the designs of their mugs. “The craftsmanship of this drinking device is quite sublime” Said the elven teammate.

The human teammate nodded in agreement, “Yes, you are correct. Much drink can be had with such a product. I suspect many a man and woman have enjoyed the use of this fine item. Excellent indeed.”

At seeing this Hacksar lost his will to fight and just sighed. “For crying out loud you little bed wetters, don’t start a fight you can’t finish. This is why you didn’t pass the test in the first place. Take your dead and dying comrades to the healers next door and never enter this guild again. If I see you lot again I’ll chop off your toes, grill them, and force feed them to you… without any sauce.” They could tell he was serious. Together they picked up their fallen party members and escaped as fast as they could. Fortunately their dwarven member had caught his breath and was able to help them out with the load.

“Little punks,” Hacksar shrugged and continued where he left off. “Anyway it would take all of ten minutes for me to destroy their little guild headquarters, if you can call that shack a-“Hacksar turned around to see the table empty and only Botan sitting at the table. She smiled and waved at the old man. “Princess?... When did you get here? Where did the rookies go?”

“They left when you started picking a fight.” Botan said smirking at the old dwarf. “Was all that really necessary.”

“Bah, of course, violence is always the answer. Besides, the little turd sniffers were asking for it. They had been glaring at me all night just looking for a reason to cry at me. It’s not my fault their mothers let them out this late.” Hacksar grumpily sat at the table and looked over at Botan who seemed unusually happy. “Well, little princess, you sure seem in high spirits. I guess your father told you about the quest.”

“Yep, and don’t call me princess.”

“I’ll call you the cow queen if I want. Anyway, did he tell you about the quest.”

“No, he said you would.”

“Gah, that lazy good for nothing. To make a long story short we’re going on a lich hunt.”

“A LICH!?” Botan shouted as she stood up from the table.

“Calm down and quiet down girl! This is a bounty quest so the less people who know about it the better.”

“Oh right, sorry.” Botan said as she sat down. “But a lich, wow. Aren’t they really dangerous?”

“Almost always. They are undead mages that continue to cling to this world after death, the stubborn fools. Their hatred and envy keep them tied to this world. Often they have a dangerous control of the undead and frighteningly powerful dark magic.” Hacksar could see Botan turn a little pale as she thought about the monster they could face. “Don’t worry princess, I’ll be there and no lich is going to stop me. Besides I’d never let anything happen to you… your mother would kill me…literally…definitely kill me…”

“I don’t need your protection!”

“You’re damn right. You’re no child anymore, but just to be safe grab a holy arrow or two when you go the armory.”

Botan nodded, “Good idea. When are we leaving?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Already?”

“Aw, too soon for the Princess? But, yes, tomorrow. It’s a pretty long march there. You’re lucky it’s stormy tonight or we’d be leaving now. Also it won’t be just us, two others are joining our group. Though they’ll likely be killed. Seemed very killable, the two of them did.”

“All right.” Botan set quietly at the table for a bit and watched the old dwarf drink his beer heartily. She decided to try to make some small talk. “I ran into a human earth mage today.”

“A human earth mage? That’s rare.”

“He was really stupid looking and ugly.”

“Ugly, you say?”

“Yeah, but also really powerful. He took a smite arrow head on and acted like it was nothing.”

“You sure you didn’t miss? It seems more likely that you missed. I think you missed.”

“I didn’t miss! I’m a great shot! He must have had really high defense or some kind of resistance. I think he might even be an earth sage.” At this point Hacksar started to burst with laughter. “Stop laughing you senile old man!”

“A human earth sage is almost impossible. How old was he? Seventy? Only dwarves can master Earth Magic and even then that’s only a handful. Earth mage maybe but a sage I doubt it.”

“He might even be stronger than you!” Even as she said that she knew it was unlikely, Hacksar was known as the strongest Earth Magic user in the kingdom and one of the few dwarves to ever reach sage class.

“Ha! You’re talking to the most powerful earth sage in the world!”

“Yeah, and you’re really modest about it.”

“I’m the most modest dwarf you’ll ever meet.” Their argument was cut short as a scream echoed from the direction of the knife throwing room. Everyone in the tavern had stopped for a moment when they heard the scream but then quickly resumed their merry making.

“What was that?” asked Botan.

Hacksar shook his head solemnly. “If I had to guess, it sounded like one out of four. Anyway that’s enough out of you princess. Go get some rest. We leave early tomorrow and there won’t be any napping on the way.”

“I’m not a child but fine. Goodnight.” She agreed, realizing how tired she felt. Botan yawned and left the table and began to head towards the living quarters.

“Sleep well, princess.” Hacksar watched as she left the room and took another long drink from his mug. “A human earth mage? Sounds like a fool. Wonder what he’s like. I doubt we’ll ever meet though.”

“Quit trying to foreshadow Hacksar.” Said the barmaid as she set another beer down for him.

“I’ll foreshadow whatever the hell I want!” Yelled the dwarf as he slammed his fist on the table.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ash came walking down the stairs from the room he had spent the night in. He was well rested and felt terrific. Yesterday had kind of sucked and seemed like it was dragging on forever, but now Ash felt like he could do anything he set his mind to. As he approached the tavern side of the inn he could smell the familiar scent of eggs wafting from the kitchen. He looked around and only saw Braxton and another smaller minotaur talking. Braxton noticed Ash and waved at him. “Hey, it’s the violent golem mage, slept well I hope.”

Ash nodded, “Yeah, surprisingly well uh...”

“Braxton is my name.”

Ash, when you sleep a full eight hours your magic power and health are brought back to full.

“Oh, good to know.” Ash responded to his ring.

Braxton smiled at Ash, “Got a surprise for ya.” He then turned and shouted to the kitchen. “Hey, Aza! He’s up!” Braxton turned back to Ash and gestured to one of the tables. “Have a seat. Plenty to choose from, we don’t normally serve breakfast. Oh and this minotaur here is my other employee Alex.” The smaller minotaur nods at Ash and Ash nods back.

From the kitchen area walks out Aza with a big plate of freshly made scrambled eggs. She walks over to Ash and lays the meal in front of him and clears her throat. “Here, it’s for the trouble I caused yesterday. Don’t worry it’s on the house.”

“Wow, thanks.” Ash looked at the surprisingly edible looking meal. He grabs a fork and takes a bite of it. It was a little bland but not bad. “It’s good thanks.”

“Really!” Aza said at a shocking volume. “And you’re not saying that just to be nice or to flirt right? And you’re not under my charm right?”

“It’s good, seriously. If it wasn’t I’d tell you. Hey, Braxton.”

The minotaur looked towards Ash, “Yeah?”

“That stew was awful and almost inedible.”

The minotaur just shrugged, “That’s fair.”

Ash turned back to Aza, “See? Uh…Aza right?”

The demon woman nodded. “Yeah, and you’re Ash right?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh, we both have three letter names. Well, actually Aza is short for Azaerania. Is Ash short for something?”

“Nah... It’s just Ash…”

“So you’re joining Saline’s party?”

“No, I’ll follow them to the guild, but I have no intention of joining any group or party. I like being alone. Even the ring is pushing it.”

Hey.

“Ha. Me too. People suck.” Aza said as a genuine smile appeared on her face.

They both turned to face the minotaur because he had suddenly started laughing. He looked at the two of them with a big bovine smile and said, “Aza rarely strikes up conversations with anyone. You’re a lucky guy Ash. She also came in on her day off to cook for you. Are you moooved?” The smaller minotaur named Alex began to burst out in laughter hearing the cow pun. “This guy gets it.”

Aza gave a nasty glare at Braxton. “Stop it. I’m just apologizing.”

“It takes some love to cook a guy breakfast Aza, at least that’s what I herd.” Braxton replied as Alex laughed even harder slamming his hooves on the ground and dragging his horns on the table.

“It’s not like that.”

“You’re right. Maybe I don’t know what’s at steak.” Alex stopped laughing and looked at Braxton with a confused expression. Braxton let out a sigh. “Instead of the proper use of the word stake spelled s-t-a-k-e I said steak, like the ones made from beef, you know like a ribeye steak.” After Braxton says this realization hit Alex and he falls to the ground laughing and begins convulsing, rolling on the ground, and foaming at the mouth.

Ash looked at the minotaur on the ground with worry. “Is he ok?”

Aza sighed and shook her head. “This actually happens a lot. He’s fine.”

Ash nodded, “Cool. Seriously though, there’s nothing to apologize for, I don’t blame you for what you did so don’t sweat it.” Ash finished the meal and patted his stomach; he forgot what it was like to have an actual meal. “Thanks, Aza, that was good.”

“Really?” Aza said with a hint of relief in her voice. It was nice to hear an honest opinion instead of ones influenced by her charm ability.

Braxton thought the whole scene was sweet. “Aw… You’re a good pair.”

“Shut up!” Yelled Aza threateningly at the large minotaur. “I’m going to throw knives at you!”

“Aw…” Sighed Braxton. Aza was in fact known to carry knives and be true to her threats so Braxton decided to stop the teasing here.

Ash talked to Braxton with a mouth full of food. “So where’s that guy?”

“Guy?” Responded Braxton.

“The, please don’t kill me, guy.”

“Oh, Kory! He’s…uh… stewing over what he did.” Braxton let out an evil laugh as they all looked at him. “Yeah, he’s out front clearing that mess of rocks you made everywhere. Part of the violent agreement we came to last night.”

“Ah, I guess I’ll help him.”

Aza shook her head. “You don’t have to help him.”

“Well, technically I’m not.” Ash said as he got up from the table. “That golem yesterday was neat; well except the whole stomping me into the ground thing. I’m going to practice controlling them a little better. I think I’ll summon a few to help clear the mess so I can get some practice in.” Ash began to walk out of the Inn towards where the battle took place the day before.

Ash, that’s a great idea! Golem control is extremely important for an earth mage.

“Ash! That’s a terrible idea! Don’t do that!” Pleaded Aza as she followed him out the inn’s front entrance that was still missing its door. Almost as soon as they left Saline came running down the stairs. She looked around the tavern and spotted Braxton helping Alex to his feet.

Saline ran up to Braxton. “Where’s Aza?! I could have sworn I heard her. Ash too, he said he’d wait for us. He better have. Have you seen them?”

Braxton looked at the short and young elven woman and remembered that Aza’s charm effect was unusually effective on her. If she found out that Aza came in on her day off and cooked for Ash, Saline would likely lose it and would probably cause a lot of trouble for those two. “Aza came in on her day off and cooked for Ash. Right now they’re both outside alone together.”

“What?!” Screamed Saline as she quickly took off outside knocking over several chairs on her way.

Braxton nodded to himself. “You did good Braxton, you did good.”

Alex looked at Braxton and asked, “How did Aza know exactly when Ash was going to get up and come down stairs so she would have the breakfast hot and ready for him.”

“Just go clean the dishes, dish cleaner.”

“Aw…”

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