The morning came too soon. Somehow, I didn't have a migraine. Won a fucking bit of reprieve there.

But when I opened my eyes, cursing and sputtering at how shitty my night had been, I was greeted with a new fun little thing.

A countdown timer.

Deal or No Deal

Like a plague without proper quarantine, the rats will return if you don't deal with them correctly. Time until next attack: 03:05:18.

The last number ticked down pretty regularly, making me think it was counting minutes.

Three days.

Fucking hell.

Sure, that was plenty of time for me to put together a plan, if I had some idea of what sort of action I should take. How the fuck did you deal with rats, aside from just setting the place on fire and building a new one?

I looked at Derrick's to-do list, and rats were back on the menu. List. Rats were back on the list.

Menu. Ew.

Moon's Mercy I needed sleep.

I went downstairs to find Mel cleaning up after my, er, extermination session last night. She looked haggard, and I felt really bad about not cleaning it up myself.

"Sorry," I said in a gravely, sleep deprived tone. "Want me to take over?"

"How long do you have before they come back," she asked, ignoring my question as she scooped another rat corpse into the garbage pail.

"Timer says three days, plus a bit."

"Shit." Mel rubbed at her face with her forearm, obviously not wanting to smear whatever rat-based gore was on her hands across her skin. "Do you have any idea of what to do?"

"Not a thing. But... I was thinking of heading out to Derrick's place and seeing if he's got any tips. Maybe he's got some sure-fire way to keep this from being a problem."

She shrugged. "Could work. You could also see if Phelps wants to help."

"I'd say I wouldn't hold my breath, but honestly I think I'll die before he'll help either way."

Mel snort-giggled. "That's fair." She paused, leaning on the broom I wasn't quite familiar with. Was it something I'd gotten for the eatery, or something she'd picked up? I really needed to remember to give her money. Didn't need anyone else in town pissed at us for Mel's innocent 'convincing'. "Well, I trust you'll do the right thing. If I can think of anything else, I'll let you know."

I nearly hit the floor in shock. "Wait, since when?!"

"Since when, what?"

"Y-you said you trust me to do the right thing! When the hell did this start?"

The human-sized pixie glared at me, her cheeks puffed out with anger. "Fuck off, Harper."

That sent me over the edge. I started laughing hysterically. Tears, gasping for breath, the whole nine. I don't know why, really. Could have been sleep deprivation. But also, just maybe, I was in need of a fucking belly laugh.

Something about the way she held herself, with the puffy cheeks and the beady little eyes and her hair all curly and the adorable anger she protruded, made Mel look like a pissed off squirrel.

And to a sleepy Harper, that was just comedy gold.

I laughed so hard I gave myself hiccups.

"You're such an asshole," she huffed.

"But you love me anyway," I said between gasps for air.

"Doesn't make you any less of an asshole."

When I'd finally gotten myself under control, I went out into town. A very large part of me wanted to drop by and see Lizbeth. Like, an urge so great I almost just defaulted there by accident. Fucking Day. That old guy was such a dick. I wondered if Lizbeth knew what happened, or if she just thought I dropped off the fucking planet.

But... well... it sounded petty to say in my head, but I didn't want to find out if Day would actually get Phelps to evict me. We'd already put so much time and energy into Ambition (still sticking with the name, it's awesome, fuck off) that having it ripped away from us for something stupid like budding friendship did not feel good. Maybe in a few days, after we'd gotten the place opened and it would be harder for Phelps to pull the rug out from under us, I'd check in with her.

If I weren’t too busy.

I started with the public bath. Since I was heading out to Derrick's place, I needed to smell a bit less like absolute ass. All the physical labor, mixed with the stench of rat blood... it wasn't a good perfume by any stretch of the imagination.

Because we had no place of our own, I was almost on a first-name basis with the owner and staff. Everyone greeted me so pleasantly, and it was nice to actually feel like there was one place in town I belonged, other than my own damn property.

Bathing and cleaning my clothes fell into routine. I scrubbed away the bad smells and crusty bits, replacing them with dampness and a little bit of soap scent. While my clothes dried on the side of the tub, I soaked myself and thought about my rat situation. It didn't do very much, since nothing had really changed. But I did think I was going about this the right way.

Or, at least I did until I got to Derrick's.

Somehow, maybe because of all the stress over the last few days, I forgot that he was a prick, too.

Fucknuts took his time answering the door, and the second he saw it was me he grew completely uninterested. "Oh. The chef."

I tried to not take it to heart, but the tone and body language he was sporting just cut right to the fucking core. "Yep. The chef. I'm almost done with your inspection list."

"That's nice," he said in a tone that said it obviously wasn't. "Is that why you're here?"

"Almost. I'm having trouble with one part, and I was wondering if you could help me."

"Oooh. Can't. Love to, but can't."

I frowned up at the building inspector. "I haven't even told you what I need help with."

"Yeah, but I don't have time to listen. Sorry."

He started to close the door, and I instinctively stepped forward, putting my foot in between the door jam and the quickly approaching door.

Hey kids, side note? Don't fucking do that.

It hurts like a bitch.

Maybe if I were wearing some heavy leather boots it wouldn't have been so bad. But I was basically in little more than a canvas sock, and so it fucking hurt like hell when the door slammed into my foot.

I hissed, but didn't move.

Without hesitation, Derrick pulled the door open a little and then tried to close it fast again.

I don't know if he thought I was going to pull out of the way because the first time hurt so bad, or if he was truly dense and hadn't realized what happened and why the door wasn't closing.

But instead, neither of those things happened.

"Oh! Harper! What brings you to our doorstep?"

Liam.

His tone was chipper, but when I turned my head to look at the younger man, I could see he wore a stone mask of anger and disappointment. All pointed at his partner, thankfully. I did not want to be the target of that deathglare.

I wonder how much he'd seen.

Fuck it. I decided to lay on the charm.

"Morning, Liam," I said with the world's biggest grin. Like I was happy to see him. Which, I mean, I was. But not this happy. "I was just coming by to ask Derrick some advice about the building. Having a bit of an issue."

"Ah, that would explain why my wonderful partner was trying to break your foot off with our door." Liam marched up the stairs, pausing only to glare daggers at Derrick, before grabbing me by the elbow. "But, since you came all the way here, why don’t you come inside and get something to eat? You must be famished. Barely any meat on you," he said, jiggling my arm for effect.

I wouldn't say that I'm in good shape by any stretch of the imagination, but I did have a shape that wasn't doughy. Years of being an adventurer meant a lot of physical activity. So, when Liam wiggled my arm, not an ounce of it moved.

Neat. I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep the physique working in a kitchen all day, especially tasting my own food, but it was nice to know that I still looked pretty decent for now.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to be any bother," I said, even as I took a step towards the door.

"Liam. We've talked about this."

"Yes, we have," the younger man snapped, his lips peeling back from his teeth. "You know damn well half this blasted town hates your guts so you could try to be a little nicer to the ones who want anything to do with you."

I wanted to add a 'yeah, Derrick' to that, but I honestly felt a little bad for the guy.

It wasn't his fault he was an asshole. I mean, maybe it was. But he seemed like one of those people who just hated every person on the planet before even meeting them. And especially people he saw as his clients. Which, I mean, I could respect. You don't get buddy buddy with your clients, or else you have less paying work and more friends who need favors.

Liam pushed his way past Derrick, sweeping his arm wide to invite me in, even as he led me by the elbow.

I have to hand it to Derrick - the house was fantastic. I'm not sure of all the architectural terms. I'm sure there's many.

There were big sweeping arches made of white stone, with fancy columns supporting them on either side. The walls had some fancy looking white wood on the bottom half of them, and a strip of white wood along the top edge.

Even the furniture was nice, ranging from well-crafted and handmade to natural-looking and strong. It was honestly a lovely mix and each piece accented the last.

Liam led me to a sitting room near the front door. There were two long wooden benches to either side of a stone fireplace, and they were covered with pillows and cushions of various shapes and sizes, turning the hard wooden surfaces into plush clouds of comfort.

"Come. Sit." Still leading me by the elbow, Liam planted me on one of the benches. I sank into the cushion with a soft sigh. It was like sitting on a cloud. "So, what's the problem?"

Derrick appeared at Liam's side. He stood behind his partner, arms crossed over his chest, but he didn't say anything. Either to dissuade Liam or keep me from talking. So I shrugged and got down to it. "We had actually cleared out all the tasks on the to-do list yesterday, and were just waiting on some last-minute pieces to be delivered before we came to fetch Derrick to do the final inspection. But last night, the rats showed back up."

"Oh no! Rats! What dreadful things."

"Yeah. Phelps sure runs a clean ship, over there, doesn’t he?"

"Did you clear them back out?" Liam asked, ignoring his partner.

"Yep. Got them all last night. But when I woke up this morning, I had a countdown that told me they'd come back in three days if I didn't deal with them correctly."

"Well, then what's the problem?" Derrick asked, obviously bristling. "Just take care of them properly."

I swallowed a nasty comment I wanted to say and instead shrugged in an exaggerated way. "Wish I could. Problem is, I don't know how. Which is why I came here to ask you. Wanted to see if you knew how, or knew someone who might." Derrick frowned and looked as if he was going to say something sharp, so I quickly added: "I am new to town, after all."

"Of course, of course," Liam said, reaching out and patting my arm. "And we wouldn't dream of sending you away without something as easy as a little advice. Would we, Derrick?"

Even though Liam hadn't turned to glare at his partner, Derrick visibly flinched. "Of course not. But Liam, why don't you go get something for us to munch on while I explain to our guest the best way to deal with his home-invading rodents?"

"Oh, a splendid idea. I'll even grab some of the fresh lemon water I squeezed this morning. You aren't opposed, are you, Harper?"

I smiled my best smile, ignoring the daggers Derrick was tossing my way. "Never tried it. But it sounds delicious."

"Perfect. I'll be back in just a moment. You two feel free to chat while I'm gone."

Liam exited the room the way we came, leaving Derrick and I alone. I tried to smile sweetly, but he just frowned at me in response.

I sighed. "Look. No hard feelings. Wasn't my intention to get Liam involved, and I had no idea he was there."

"I know," he said with another, somehow deeper frown. "I don't know how you did it though - he's absolutely adopted you."

"Perhaps its just my charm and good looks?"

"More like your ability to be so pathetic it physically hurts to not help you." Derrick took a seat on the bench, where Liam had been sitting. He blew out a steady, long breath, and leaned forward so his elbows were resting on his knees. "Normally, I don't help folks in situations like yours. It isn't my deal. But if I don't, now, Liam will make my life a living hell, so I guess you're getting some free advice."

"Who's hungry?" Liam said in a jovial tone, returning way quicker than I thought humanly possible. He had a silver tray in his hands, and it was filled to the brim with various savory pastries and three crystal glasses filled with some slightly yellowish liquid.

Like any great host, Liam focused on dishing everyone out, starting with me. He piled a small ceramic plate with the savory pastries. One seemed to be filled with some cooked spinach and topped with grated cheese, while another had bits of smoked meats inside.

I was sure to be a gracious guest, thanking him and complimenting him as things were handed out.

I might have been broke as hell, and basically begging for free advice from the man who was going to have to inspect my building as part of his job, but I wasn't uncultured.

As we ate (and by the way, the pastries were divine - all buttery and filling - I wasn’t sure how they were made but I wanted to find out), we discussed the problem at hand. It seemed pretty simple, all things told. Rats were counted as a swarming creature, which meant they could respawn in their lairs indefinitely. You could either get rid of the lair, and thus stop the spawning from happening, or you could block off the entry to your property from the lair.

Derrick explained that there were a few options, but the best one that would work was to use a special type of metal fiber to block up the holes, and then seal it up with either metal plates or cement. Both of those sounded really expensive (and apparently were), so he said that I could use stone as well, as long as I was willing to replace it in a few years.

Pft. Years. I could barely think about what I was going to do after I left here this afternoon.

Except try to find something called wire wool.