‘I died. I didn’t even get to save anybody. I wasted my life. I shouldn’t have even tried. I got a second chance, but I accomplished even less than in my first one.’

‘...’

‘Wait. I’m dead. Right? That was supposed to be my second chance.

I felt a strange sensation covering me, almost like a comforting blanket. I yawned, stretched my arms high above me, and finally opened my eyes.

‘I’m... back?’

I was greeted with a familiar ceiling, one I had seen just a few days prior. I sighed in relief but was left with a couple of glaring questions.

‘How am I alive again?’

I sat up in my bed and pulled off the blanket. A few minutes later, I was dressed and had my phone in hand.

I scrolled through it and pulled up my contacts list. My finger hovered over Jacob’s name, a silent war fought behind my eyes.

After a few seconds, I retracted my finger. ‘Maybe… maybe I can call him later,’ I told myself, not convinced for a second I would follow through.

I walked over to my window looking out into the city. It was a small one, and not that high up, so I could barely see anything. As I absentmindedly watched the bustling streets of the city, thousands of people going about, completely unaware of the tragedy that would strike, a strange sensation that I had never experienced before welled up inside me.

Hopelessness.

‘Why should I even try? All my efforts have gone to waste, and I am here once again. I died almost immediately, and I was supposed to be something “special”. Bah! I’m nothing of the sort.’

I had tried my best, fighting within an inch of my life, and for what? To just relive the same thing again? I watched two people die in front of me. Sure, I’d seen people die before, but not… not in the same way that madman eviscerated them.

I had just sat there, doing nothing, as they both were slaughtered. I didn’t even lift a finger until he threatened my life and even then I failed. And he was only a second-floor boss, still leaving another three enemies that would be on par - or superior - to him. How could I possibly compete? How could I save a world when I couldn’t even save myself?

I wandered throughout the apartment for a while, making some coffee and reading a few short poems. It was a pleasant change from any experience I’d had since the apocalypse began and I might as well enjoy these luxuries while I still could.

Eventually, though, I was confronted with reality. The apocalypse was coming, and I was unarmed and unprepared. Luckily, I could rely on my plan from my previous life to take care of that.

This time, however, there was no way I was going to go and fight that goblin dungeon. An inadvertent shiver ran through my spine as I recalled that second floor.

Clearing my mind from such thoughts, I put on some thicker clothes, before remembering that I had stayed in the same clothes when the apocalypse had started in both of my previous lives. I decided to pack a suitcase of the essentials. Toothbrush, toothpaste, check. Blanket, check. Flashlights didn’t work as the apocalypse cut all electricity, which was unfortunate. Stuffing the rest of my suitcase with clothes, I took a quick shower and left the apartment. On my way to the main entrance, I bumped into one of the few people I knew in this building.

“Hey Seamus, going somewhere?” Liam asked, eying the overstuffed suitcase.

“Don’t you almost never leave this place?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s a… sudden emergency,” I responded, my reason sounding flimsy even to myself.

“O-okay then, hope whatever emergency it is this time doesn’t make you cancel all your plans. Again.”

I cringed, unaware of my prior transgressions but despising my younger self all the more for them.

“Uh, yeah, it shouldn’t affect them at all.”

He glared at me for another brief second, but then finally acquiesced and walked away. Once I got past him, I sighed in relief. I did not need that today.

Finding that same bunker was easy, but I wouldn’t be able to actually put my stuff there until later tonight, so I decided to go back to the blacksmith that forged Lament. Maybe I could glean some more information from her and possibly make a better deal.

I made my way through the crowded streets and eventually into the small, old shop. I noticed it smelled musky, almost like an abandoned department store.

The old lady was once again right at the counter of the store, so I walked over and this time I introduced myself.

“Hello miss, I’m-”

“I don’t give a crap,” came her deadpan response.

‘Well, that went nowhere.’

“I’m looking for-”

“Katanas are on the right, knives are on the far left. I assume you’re here for one of those because that’s all you people want nowadays,” she cut me off, a ‘pleasant’ reminder of how upset she was.

She must have rehearsed that speech hundreds of times. I couldn’t tell if it was any different from the last time I entered her store.

“I’m looking for something that could withstand punishment and anything that should be used in a fight,” I tried.

Her eyes snapped back to me and I could almost see the gleam appear.

“Oh, so you’re a customer then. I’ll be right back.” She hurried off into a room behind the counter.

I could make out some clings and the sound of something hitting the floor quite hard before she came out with a couple of items.

She laid a shield, two different swords, a spear, and an axe onto the counter. Pushing the others aside for the moment, she put the shield in front of me

The curved shield had an interesting design. An anvil, above it a worn hammer crossed with tongs. The shield itself was a metallic frame surrounding a beautiful dark wood. A dark, rich leather held it together and thick metal bands crossed it, reinforcing the piece. Similar to my previous weapon, Lament, it had shallow engravings carved across its length. I couldn’t exactly determine the origin, but it was likely an old European language.

“This here is a fine shield, and it shouldn’t let you down anytime soon,” she bragged, rapping her knuckles against the wood.

“It was made of a- I’ll spare you the details.” I gratefully nod. Then she moved it off to the side and showed off the spear.

The shaft was deep mahogany, similarly etched with patterns. These were in no discernable design, but when examined it was an elegant work of art. The spearhead, in contrast, was made of a lighter colored metal, almost white in its appearance. It was approximately the same length as me, and on the butt of it, I noticed a second, smaller, spearhead.

“This spear is probably among my best work,” she grunted, before giving me a cold look.

“If anything happens to it, I will find you, and I will kill you.”

Next, she moved on to the two swords. The first sword was longer and made of a lighter colored steel. It was a classic western design, complete with the straight guard at the hilt. The blade had characters engraved through it, I could recognize the letters as Old English. They were the ancient glyphs used before it adapted the Latin alphabet.

I didn’t know any of the characters’ meanings, but I recognized them from one of my literature classes.

The second sword was a short sword with a thicker blade. The hilt was accented with golden streaks, and the blade itself was nearly white. That was strange because I couldn’t recall any metals that were nearly as bright. Not anything that would be used to forge a blade, anyway.

“These two come as a set. The first is used for attacking, and the second is a parrying weapon,” she finished.

Finally, she set the axe before me. It was a sharp tomahawk, and it was made of a style I couldn’t recognize but it looked very sturdy. The light metal was patterned and had several designs, but nothing like the runic language I had seen before. The handle was made of a wood that appeared to be oak, but I couldn’t be sure.

The lady looked back at me.

“So. What’ll it be?”

I took a second and weighed the pros and cons of each weapon. Either I could buy the shield and probably the axe to go along with it, or I could purchase the two swords and go for a dual-wielding style. On the other hand, I could buy the solo spear and do it two-handed.

The spear and shield would allow me to brace the shield against enemies that got too close and use the spear to get monsters that were further away. The dual-wielding style would be much harder to use against opponents that used natural weapons, as they were designed to perform best against people.

“I’d like to purchase the spear, the axe, and the shield, please.”

“Wonderful! That’ll be three thousand.” She held her palm in front of her. Sadly, I knew I was going to have to pay in credit as I didn’t have that much cash no matter what I did.

“I only have credit, do you mind-”

“Yes yes, that will be fine,” she replied, waving her hand in a circular motion, “just get on with it.”

I pulled out my card and gave it to her, surprised. She went to the back for a few seconds, then came back and returned the card to me.

“Would you like that bagged?” she grinned.

“Well, if you’re offering…” I let the silence sit for a second. She stared at me, completely straight-faced. The moment stretched until it eventually became awkward.

I grabbed my things and tried to ignore the atmosphere. First, I have to figure out how I would get them anywhere without being arrested by the police. Was there a license I needed in order to carry them around?

“Can I pick them up later? I don’t know how I can take them out of here,” I said, a little bit helpless.

“Yes yes, come back before I close at five. Happy new years!”

“Happy new years,” I replied unenthusiastically.