《The Sphere》Chapter 15: Inside, Looking Out
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I awoke in the middle of the night, when something began pecking at my forehead.
Opening my eyes, I saw the moon and stars overhead, though a few of them were obscured by something dark. The dark spot in my vision moved again, and I felt the same pain as before.
When I groggily moved my hands to intercept the repeated assault on my cranium, my hand met some resistance, as well as another bout of pain, this time in my finger.
I rolled over and tried to draw the blanket over my head, but before I could manage, my ear was hit as well.
"What exactly do you want?" I asked, finally resigned to having woken up entirely.
"It's time for step one of our crossing. We need starlight for this, that's why I had her wake you up." The voice sounded from the other side of the burned-out fire, which I'd rolled away from. I slowly sat up.
"Why did you let me go to sleep in the first place? This would have been easier if I didn't sleep beforehand."
"You were tired." came the response..
***
Some time later, I was bent over one of the stones of the circle, scribbling symbols on it using a piece of coal.
The symbols didn't exactly make sense to me, not that I could really see them - While there wasn't exactly a full blind spot there, they were sort of ...blurred, and the passive removal of memory disoriented me severely. Ref eventually took to guiding the motion of my hand with her words, rather than describing the overall shape, but it was hard work.
All in all, it was a grueling process, especially because I had to do it at night, and on stones very close to the ground. When you're as tall as me, these things are tedious.
Luckily, I didn't have to scribble on their entire surface, as the sides were apparently off-limits to tampering, something I helpfully realized upon accidentally drawing a line down one of the corners - which lit my sleeve on fire.
The reason it was coal, as Ref explained, was that the stones were apparently reusable, and putting permanent markings on them was "a travesty''. Considering what happened when I pushed the bounds with coal, I didn't want to find out what would happen if I violated a much more serious rule concerning the stones.
And so, begrudgingly accepting the imposed limits, I worked for close to two hours, covering a spot on top of every single one of the eight stones in indecipherable lines and squiggles. And then another hour fixing them up under the judging gaze of my Reflection.
Overall, I'd say my efforts aren't the best piece of art I've seen, not that I could actually see them.
When all was said and done, I turned back to the fireplace and fell onto my bedroll once more. Not even bothering with the blanket, I was asleep like a stone the moment my head hit the little pillow.
***
I woke the next day later than usual, probably because of the previous night's escapade. After eating some more canned food, which was beginning to disgust me a little at this point, I strolled over to the stones, curious about the markings themselves.
I barely remembered the three hours of writing the night before, like trying to recall details from a dream, so naturally, I was curious.
The circle was ...overwhelming. Not in appearance, but in ...something else. Walking toward it, it felt like the air had built up a tension that made electricity run up and down my spine, and made my eyeballs vibrate. Looking down at my hand, I saw the fingers shaking, and quickly stepped away.
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"Is it supposed to do that?" I asked over my shoulder.
"Do what?" came the answer.
"The," I waved my hands a little, "The thing?"
"I have no idea what you mean, but yes."
"Alright." I walked back toward our little camp. Raven was nowhere to be seen, but when I looked up, I saw her circling overhead, probably stretching her wings or something. Can't go outside the perimeter, after all.
"So what's the plan?" I asked as I sat down on a nearby boulder.
"We need to wait till noon, that's when the circle reaches critical energy density. It's also when the barrier between worlds is weakest."
"You know an awful lot about this stuff." I observed.
"More than you suspect, probably. But you know why I can't tell you."
"I do. It's frustrating,"
"Yes, it is."
"...so, once the circle has maximum mojo, what do we do?"
"Then comes the hard part. Using the weakened fabric inside the circle, you will need to collapse it. The circle will do the rest... Also, please don't call it 'Mojo', that’s offensive"
"Could you be any more vague?" I asked in exasperation, ignoring her complaints about me being offensive.
"Indeed, I could. But I won't. Truth is, I'm not sure how your species would interact with a mechanism such as this. We'll need to wing it once the time comes. Speaking of, you should probably put all our stuff inside the circle as well. Wouldn't want to leave anything behind."
"That's a good idea." I said, and stood up, picking up the lighter of my two bags.
Approaching the circle, I felt the overwhelming feeling of tension rise once again, and with every step, it became harder and harder to concentrate - until I passed between two of the stones. In one beat, the tension fell away, and was replaced by calm. It felt strange, almost alien, but good. It was as though the inside of the circle was more tranquil than anything I'd ever experienced. It would make a prime spot for meditation, I realized.
Stepping out of the circle, I didn't feel the tension as hard as before, and before I knew it, I was at the camp once more, feeling lightheaded.
"Jeez, that's freaky. It's like being drunk in there." I slurred.
"That's the effect of a weakened fabric. Everything out here is subject to turbulence, and subconsciously, you feel it - depend on it, for the most part."
I wordlessly picked up another bag and moved back toward the circle, noting that the tension of before had lessened a great deal. I could still feel it, somewhat, but it didn't seem to affect me as hard as before.
Reaching the middle, I concentrated on the feeling of calmness, considering what Ref had told me before. Everything except here was 'subject to turbulence', whatever that meant. I grasped at the feeling, finding a deep sensation of stillness, and slowly walked out of the circle again.
The moment I passed the circle again, I could almost feel the tension wash over me, disrupting the feeling of stillness - but it felt wrong. Not natural. However, the stillness didn't fade completely, even as it was bombarded by the waves of disturbance emanating from the nearby stones - I could still feel it, underneath everything.
Only when I stepped away from the stones did the feeling of calm seem to fade away in an indeterminate way - almost as though it had never been there in the first place.
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***
Come noon, everything was inside the circle, including Raven, the mirror, and me.
The sun was overhead, though not in a zenith - we were too far north for that.
However, I had no eyes for any of this. In the center of the little circle, everything we had brought was piled up, with Raven sitting on the very top, looking down.
I had struck a sukhasana pose, sitting cross-legged before the pile, and the mirror shard was propped up before me. Inside, my Reflection was guiding me into a trance state. Once there, she explained, I would be on my own.
"One, two, three, exhale. One, two, inhale." She said. Enhanced by the amplified tranquility inside the circle, I was already halfway there.
"Be aware of your body, and feel every part of it." I did.
"Become aware of where your body ends and the world begins." It reminded me of something, but I was unable to care at the moment.
"Feel the world pressing down on you, trying to make you it's." I felt a gentle pressure on my skin, most likely air. Or not?
"You are aware of yourself. Feel the resistance you project passively, at all times." I felt along the border of me and the world, sensing the barrier. It was sturdy, hard as steel. A wall that said 'This way, and no further.'
"Push."
I pushed.
***
I pushed, and Everything gave way.
Various senses sharpened, but others fell away. I was no longer aware of any sound or light, but I could feel everything. My perception turned forward, and I felt the mirror's surface. cold, unforgiving.
It turned backward, and I felt a presence - its size startled me, until I sensed its form.
I expanded outward, past the pile, the mirror, and the too-large presence. It became harder and harder the further out I went, but I did not relent. I couldn't.
My consciousness touched something warm, like a ray of sunshine, and I focused on it, drawing back all the other extending tendrils. It felt ancient, older than the grass beneath my feet and the air around my body, and I realized its shape - one of the stones.
I felt upwards from the ground, among the grass, along the stone. Initially, it was warm to the touch, like a ray of sunlight, but it darkened as I crept upwards. The stone became slick and chilly, and began to feel more and more unwelcoming.
I crept around the edge, and touched an icy light - a light that was cold, thick, and incomprehensibly ancient.
Starlight.
Against my better judgement, I pressed onward, feeling the stone beneath, toward the ancient light.
I felt power. Vast, barely contained power, but restrained nonetheless. I saw what held it, lines of blackened material, feeling of life and fire and death, and extended outward once more.
When my perception reached the middle, I was almost blinded by the light. It felt unwelcoming, but I could not resist it. Some of it flowed into me, making me feel cold inside.
I extended myself outward once more, toward the other pillars, and saw it easier than before. I found them quickly.
The starlight was no less ancient and cold on the other pillars, but I knew it now, and it knew me.
When I had reached the last pillar, I worked to fill the gaps in between. The cold light streaked into me from all eight sources, and almost flowed on its own. I guided it some, giving a direction, but the pillars connected almost on their own accord.
When the circle was filled, I was aware of everything within, including myself. The perspective shift, as well as the unfamiliar senses, were disorienting, and I almost snapped back into myself, only managing to hang on because of the light.
I shifted upward, forming a sphere in the air, covering everything we had, including Raven. When I passed her, I became curious, and poked her - which made her twitch. I felt my body do a slight chuckle.
Extending downward, my perception now encompassed a perfect sphere. It was streaked with almost geodesic lines of starlight, which shimmered and flowed in silvery gleam even in this state of consciousness.
I began to saturate the space inside the sphere with starlight, which eagerly accepted my guidance. It flooded inward, washing over everything, enriching everything with a sheen of silver, and an icy cold.
I turned into myself once more, toward the place I'd found before, the stillness. It was there, like always, but tinged slightly, as though it had a film over it.
My perception shifted once more, and the physical fell away. The circle was no more for me, neither was my body, or the earth, or the air. Everything was the Stillness. It felt light, diffuse, and tinged with silver - the starlight.
Exploring the edges, I realized that this was my sphere of perception - the inside of the circle. I tried to penetrate outward, between two of the stones, but found a wall of storms. I caught glimpses of the outside, waves and maelstroms, and fled inward once more.
The center of this sphere, and the circle, come to think of it, was even more diffuse than the rest. Where everything outside felt like knee-deep water, this was simply mist. a thick sort of fog.
Remembering Ref's instruction, I felt around the sphere of influence, gaining an understanding of the two pressures.
Outside, seeking to subsume, and Inside, seeking to resist.
My senses snapped, and I became aware of the circle's geometrics. I felt the world pressing down from the outside, and the circle keeping it out.
I pushed.
I pushed, and everything buckled.
It felt as though I'd pushed not on a solid object, but the ground the object was standing on.
I pushed again.
The ground shifted a little more, the mist parting in the center of my sphere of senses.
Feeling there, I felt a tension - something that held the outside away.
I pushed, and pushed, and pushed with all my might, and the tension lessened and lessened, until it reached zero - and then it started anew, but in the other direction.
It was infinitely harder than pushing my body, and I realized - I was pushing the world. But just as I push the world, the world pushes back.
Everything ground to a halt, and I felt an overwhelming pressure, a pressure so great that I knew it would destroy me, Raven and everything else, should I let it win.
I stemmed against it, refusing to give way. It took all my might, every drop of willpower I still had, but I did not let it overwhelm me - and then it ceased.
With the pressure gone, my resistance turned to movement, and I pushed outward before I could realize it had disappeared.
The fabric tensed, and stretched to its very limits, until, with a deafening crack that shook me to my very core, it snapped, and I began to feel a pull.
I felt cold stream through me, into the wound, which began to glow a deep silver.
I had to use all my remaining strength to hold on, not to fall through the hole, and felt the sphere of senses collapsing inward, pulling everything of me through.
A part of me touched the puncture, and froze solid in a moment. Unable to hold on much longer, I grasped at anything - and felt something. It was warm, like a ray of sunlight.
It extended toward into the circle from outside, a ray of orange light, piercing the silvery vortex at my center, and wrenching it open.
I held on to the orange tendril, and rode it outwards - toward my body.
I opened my eyes - and saw madness.
The circle stones were glowing a deep orange, and a mad wind had whipped up around them - I looked upward, to one of the perimeter stones, which flashed purple, and cracked in half. Immediately, the entire perimeter glowed once, and then burned out with a deep sizzle.
The oppression from outside rushed inward like a wave of darkness.
Before it hit, the circle stones glowed orange one more time.
Moments before the wave of dread clapped together above us, there was a sound like cracking thunder, everything collapsed into itself, and the world was swallowed up by the deep and ancient darkness.
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