《The Encroaching Rift [Dropped]》Tips for the story

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It seems that many people didn't really like the side story chapter that I did. But what can I say, I'm learning as I go. I'll probably delete it soon but I wanted people to look at it first and tell me ways to improve. My writing skills can't get better unless I know what I did wrong. I made this chapter so you viewers can give me tips on whatever you feel is necessary. You can even give me ideas for powers or the plot. Whatever you feel like commenting on. I'll take every comment I read into consideration. Since this is my first story I'm bound to make some mistakes. You guys will just have to struggle along with me until my writing skill is improved.

On a side note should I attempt side chapters or just stick to the main story? The first time I tried you guys didn't really see to like it. It's whatever you viewers prefer since I'm fine either way. How do you guys feel about Colm, is he too powerful, too weak, or just right? How do you feel about his skills, too many or too few? What about the monsters? I want to know how you guys think so I can make this story a pleasure to read.

So thank you for reading my story and thanks for the tips I receive every chapter.

Edit: In a day or so I'm going to delete the old side chapter and put a new one in its place. I might bring this one back later after I edited it first. I plan on doing essentially the same thing as the side chapter except the side guy will be weaker and I will write more details about him. As always thanks for reading.

Edit 2: Side chapter delete, new one up. Thanks for all of the tips and thanks for reading.

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