Chapter 7: Food and Thought

OWWWWWWWW!

The first thing that pops into my head when I wake.

Everything hurts! My arm is on fire, my legs ache, my throat is dry, and my stomach is a bottomless pit! OWWWWW!

I open my eyes and am greeted by a familiar sight. A wooden ceiling decorated with small little stars that glow in the dark. A small ceiling light sits in the center of the constellations, currently off. There’s still plenty of light to see, however. The drapes may be shut over the window, but plenty of light still gets through.

I feel the soft purple sheets under me and the down blanket. Besides my bed sits a lamp and a small collection of my favorite books. The ground is clean, and a small laundry basket sits half full in the corner of the room.

Huh, I’m in my room. How did I get here?

Searching my memories, I find that they are a little spotty when it comes to answering that question. My last thoughts from last night are a blur. I mostly remember talking to Ophir in her room. Telling her about the bus. And after that…

Well, regardless, it looks like I managed to get to bed before falling asleep which is good. I’m already embarrassed enough that Ophir had to carry and bandage me up in her room. If she’d had to drag me to my room, undress me, and tuck me in, I’d probably die of embarrassment.

Thinking back on last night… man I was really out of it by the end there. My choice of pajamas is a testament to that. Orange bottoms and a green top? Really? I only kind of remember what happened but it’s enough to make my cheeks burn red. I was acting like a little kid.

Well, it's understandable, after all, I was chased by a—

The Goblin!

I was chased by a Goblin! I’m sure of it! Some of them appear in my past memories! Comparing the stooped ugly creature from last night to the ones in my spider memories leaves me certain! It was definitely a goblin! A real goblin!

…

That’s so cool!

Now I’m definitely awake. All pain is forgotten for a brief moment as I recall the creature that shouldn’t exist.

How? There haven’t been goblins on the central continent for… um, well Mel would probably know. I’m not really caught up with my history homework so… regardless I know it’s been a while since they were exterminated. There might still be some on the other continents, but I’d have said that the chances of one showing up in the middle of the Free Lands was zero if I hadn’t seen one last night.

I mentally make a note to call Mel, she’ll know more about goblins. After I get some food, and some water, and maybe a little stretching and rewrapping my arm…

Sometime today I definitely need to call Mel.

But not right now. Right now, I need to eat. Also, grab a glass of water. I haven’t eaten since those pancakes at Mel’s and my stomach is not happy. Only after I settle Mr. Grumpy stomach can I worry about other things.

I start to pull myself up, but…

Unfortunately, the task is harder than I first assumed. My muscles are sore and ache and even little movements make my body seize up in pain, which sends other muscles moving making them seize up... It’s a vicious cycle that leaves me trembling in pain, small tears collecting in my eyes as my breathing catches with each new wave of agony.

After a few excruciating moments, the pain begins to dull into a low background ache. It still hurts, but I think I can get up.

Which is good, because I think the house is empty and getting help is not something I can count on right now.

I listen, but there is nothing but the occasional creak of the house settling. Compared to the loud noises that usually accompany people grabbing breakfast, it’s safe to assume that everyone’s already left. Having my room close to the kitchen does have its disadvantages. Actually, looking at the light coming into the room… what time is it?

I instinctively look towards the clock on the wall, examining the long and short arm… 9:30.

Yep, 9:30, and it’s been 9:30 for the past two months. Somehow, I still look at that clock as if it’s going to be right one of these times, but it has yet to deliver.

Grumbling, I heave myself upright, I try to stop the world from spinning while reaching out with my left arm to stabilize myself before standing up.

Well, that was a mistake.

The pain coming from my left arm is enough to banish any dizziness I’d had before. OW. OW. OW.

Being injured sucks! I give the clock a glare. I can tell it’s laughing at me.

Making a note to replace that stupid clock, after I eat, drink, call Mel, and… I’ll do it later. The microwave in the kitchen has a clock. That should be fine.

Staggering out of my room, I’ve never been happier that I live on the bottom floor. Stairs are not something I want to deal with right now. With how dizzy I feel I’d probably face plant after the first step. Not something I want to do in my condition.

I lurch towards the kitchen. My bare feet touching the cold wood floor. It’s not far, but I’m walking like some poorly raised necromancer’s summon. No wonder zombies hobble around! They are hungry! Probably sore too. I think being dead would make me a little sore… actually!

Haven’t I already died!? Wouldn’t that make me The Conqueror of Death!? That’s pretty cool. I should add it to the list of titles I’ve acquired throughout my life. But not right now. Right now, I’m hungry. Which is more important than thinking about how I came back to life, yep.

Sad how my entire past life isn’t as important as an old pack of hotdogs right now.

I enter the kitchen. It’s a little strange as instead of being a household kitchen, it's more of a commercial one. This means that all the appliances are huge and chrome. Besides the microwave of course. It’s just a nice little normal one. There’s also a wooden table in the center, which looks remarkably out of place, mostly because it is. Apparently big kitchens don’t come with a place to sit and eat, which seems silly. You can make all this food, but you have to stand to eat it?

Luckily, we were smart enough to drag a table in. It was my idea, and I’m quite proud of it. We used to drag the food to the dining room but that was so much work! Having the table in the kitchen makes eating significantly faster!

Arriving at the massive fridge I’m less than thrilled at the selection. There’s some old rice, some cheese, a pack of hotdogs, hotdog buns, and a couple of condiments. Wow. I can eat mayonnaise if I get desperate. Yay.

Seriously!

Everyone else gets to head on a vacation to the Empire but I’m stuck here eating microwaved hotdogs!? How is that fair! At least leave me some food!

I find a couple of other items in the freezer. Mostly some frozen vegetables and hamburger meat. I add the frozen peas to the microwave queue, ignoring the corn. Corn is gross.

Opening the pantry and the cupboards to take stock of what other food I have on hand, I’m quickly disappointed. Actually, the pantry is pretty full, the problem is of a different sort, however. There are cans of beans, some ramen packets, peanut butter, flour, sugar, dried goods, and other things I’m not sure of.

Hmmm, well, I’m sure someone who knew how to cook could survive two weeks off of this, but I am probably going to starve to death.

The microwave beeps and I trade out the hotdogs for peas and remember to check the time. In between typing in the time for my food I catch the number on the small analog clock.

10:23 am

Huh, the clock in my room wasn’t as off as I thought.

Grabbing a glass of water and the hotdogs, I start to devour them as fast as I can. It’s fortunate that nobody is there to see the carnage and horror that’s inflicted on the poor meat bags, but it can’t be helped. The stomach is king, and it demands to be fed.

The peas follow quickly to their demise! Finally, the beast is satisfied!

With a sigh of contentment, I begin to clean the kitchen. Putting the dishes in the sink and wiping down the tables. It’s only me for the next two weeks, and I don’t fancy living in filth.

When you live in a house as mouse infested as this one, you begin to appreciate cleaning up the small messes.

Now that my stomach is full and the kitchen is clean, I can finally think without my whining stomach getting in the way. And boy do I need to think things through. Plopping down onto the kitchen floor with a groan, I think about how I am going to survive the next two weeks.

Best to get the big one out of the way.

The Goblin.

I’ve been joking around all morning about how cool it is to have seen a real goblin. Pretending that the thought of those yellow eyes doesn’t make my arms tremble. That my eyes jerking at any perceived movement is normal. That peaking around corners and holding my breath when I open doors doesn’t mean I’m terrified.

The truth is that I’m scared. The chase. The pain. The helplessness. I’ve been trying to ignore those feelings, but they are there.

I’ve never been that scared. In my past life, I’d faced lots of near-death experiences, but when I was a little spider, I didn’t really get death. I knew I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t know why or even have the capability to understand what ‘death’ meant. After growing up there were times I was in danger, but I always had a plan, an escape route, or something I could do when I was in trouble.

Last night I’d run like prey. There’d been nothing I could do to change what was going to happen to me.

The fact that I had to run. That there wasn’t anything I could do. If the house hadn’t been around that bend, or if I had been a second slower dodging or, or…

If any of those things hadn’t worked out, I’d be facing a fate worse than death.

I’m not exactly sure what goblins do with children they capture. But my memories from my past life hint that it isn’t something I want to experience. Like some of the other memories, I find it hard to grasp. The true meaning and horror slipping out of my grasp.

*shudder*

I didn’t like goblins when I was a spider and I still don’t like them now.

In my past life, I’d caught a few goblins in my webs, they’d smelled awful and tasted worse. I avoided ensnaring them when I could since, even as a spider, I preferred not to touch them. When I’d gotten older, I’d smashed a couple of goblin villages that were an eyesore, too. Turns out not even Demon Lords have much patience for the pests.

The point is, I have practically no experience fighting goblins. I’d probably be pretty good at chasing a goblin—there’d been more running than fighting when I smashed those villages—but this time around I was the pursued rather than the pursuer. No, what I need is to know their weaknesses. How to beat them…

It surprises me to realize what I’m after.

I want to fight.

There is a hot feeling inside that drives me to lash out. I want to kick something. To break something. I want to take my little wooden sword and beat that goblin into a green paste! Slowly the cold fear is being pushed back by this new emotion.

That feeling is anger.

I hate how helpless I had felt last night, running for my life. I hate how even in the safety of my house, I’m curled up on the kitchen floor, watching the doors for any sign of movement. Waiting for the monster to come and get me.

This wasn’t cool. It was cowardly and I am not a coward. I am Selina Wrath! Conquer of Death! Angle Detective, and adventurer extraordinaire! Friend of Mel Quick Sword! I was the Demon Lord for goodness sake!

Hadn’t me and Mel always talked about how much we wanted to go out and hunt monsters? That if dragons were still awake, they’d quickly learn to fear our names? We’d become the greatest adventurers ever and explore the world outside of the Central Continent! Wasn’t this that opportunity?

Then why was I being such a ‘stupid girl’ and sitting on the floor waiting for the inevitable to happen!? I was going to fight!

I stood up, feeling angry at myself. I shouldn’t be wasting time! I needed to do something! Like…

I scan the room looking for something that could help me combat the goblin. I see a wooden spoon, a few blunt kitchen knives, some pots, and pans… was there anything useful here?

My eyes land on a small note on the edge of the table I had missed in my ravaging of the fridge. Walking over, I recognize the handwriting as my sister Ophir’s.

Mel,

I didn’t want to wake you since it looked like you’d had a rough time last night. Me and the rest of the gang will be gone for the Empire for the next two weeks. I’ve called a friend and asked them to drop you off at school. They will also pick you up after school so please look for her after you get out of class. I’ve also arranged for them to take you shopping for food on Tuesday. You WILL buy vegetables and EAT them. If you have any trouble her phone number is down below.

Sorry for leaving you alone at home. I feel awful about it but… you know the rules. I’ll pick you up a souvenir from the Empire if I hear you’ve been good. Hang in there Little Sis! See you in two weeks!

-Big Sis Ophir

Underneath is a number, presumably for her friend. Reading the note, I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Thank goodness! I don’t have to hike the game trail!

I blush and try to crush the traitorous thought. Where did my fighting resolve go?

Still, this is a big help. If the bus were down tomorrow, I’d have to wake up four hours in advance to hike to the bus stop to get to school on time. Without my backpack, I might be able to do two hours switching between jogging and walking, but that was still way too early. Even for an early bird like Mel!

Well, that solved most of the immediate problems I had. Now I should figure out what to do about the goblin…

Trying to scrounge up the determination I’d had before, I head to the wall phone and punch in Mel’s number.

*ring ring, ring ring, ring ring, Chk*

“Hello, this is the Quinton’s house. Who is it?”

“Ah, Hello! Is Mel there? Um, Oh! This is Sel calling, um, from Starch’s house?”

I hadn’t expected Mel’s mom to pick up! My response is like a bad train wreck! Stupid Selina! You’re all ready to fight a goblin to the death but as soon as it’s a phone call you get flustered! Dummy! Dummy! Dummy! Get it together!

Ms. Quinton’s voice comes over the phone. She sounds amused. Please let me die.

“Why yes! Mel is here! Was that all you wanted to know Selina?”

“Y-yes! I mean No! Ah, can I talk to her, please? Mel, can I talk to Mel, please?”

Noooooooooooooo!

“She’s right upstairs. I’ll go give her the phone.”

Mel’s house isn’t stuck in the middle of the woods, so she doesn’t have to use a wall phone. Envious!

“Sel?”

“Mel!”

“Hey! Has your family left already?”

“Yeah, I’ve got the whole house to myself. Um, do you have a second?

“Sure! But do you want to stay at my place? I know you’re supposed to stay at your house, but I won’t tell anyone if you stay over! We could have a sleepover for two weeks!” *squealing noises* “I even cleared it with my parents too! They won’t say anything, and we’ll have so much fun!”

I smile to myself as I hear her ramble on. Knowing Mel, she’s probably rehearsed this multiple times. I know I can’t stay over, but the offer makes me feel warm and happy. I find myself relaxing for the first time this morning. The crushing tension and anxiety slowly melting away.

“Mel!” I interrupt her when I realize she is not going to stop anytime soon.

“Sorry! Sorry! So, what did you want to talk about? And will you come over?”

“Mel you know I can’t. The rules say that the house “cannot be unoccupied by the inhabitants for a fortnight else it is within the Wrath’s capacity to reseize the property,” I give the last part in the same posh tone that the white-haired wig guy did when he brought us over. Since Dad is fond of repeating the phrase, it didn’t take long for me to memorize it.

“Fine. But Sel my parents are gone tomorrow so you could come over to play for just a little. They’re off with Tiffany doing school stuff so it would just be me and my brother here…” She says this in a conspirative whisper. My lips twitch upward.

“We’ll see…” Realizing that we’ve gotten way off topic, “Mel, I was calling to ask if you know about goblins.”

“Hmm, yeah. I know about them. Why?”

“I was just wondering how hard they are to fight?”

“Hmm, we had a guest speaker a couple of months ago talk about them in my swordsmanship class. He went over the different tactics people once used against monsters. He talked about goblins, orcs, ogres, giant spiders, dwarves, elves, vamps, Oh! He even had a talk about how you’d fight a dragon! Talking about the arrows the archers would use, the enchantments and the potions you’d need to get—”

“Mel!” Sometimes Mel needs to be dragged back from her fangirling.

“Ah, sorry. Anyway, goblins are really easy to beat individually. Hah, I bet a child with a stick could beat a young goblin!”

Critical hit!

“Individually?” I ask as I feel Mel’s attack pierce through my, defenses mortally wounding my pride.

“Well, yeah, but the thing is goblins are never alone. I think the smallest tribes have at least twenty-five goblins in them. The larger ones can have a couple hundred and the bigger the tribe the more likely you’ll run into older goblins. Those are nasty, but usually, it’s the goblin’s numbers that make them terrifying. They don’t usually have many strong fighters. Maybe one or two per tribe not counting the chief.”

“Ah, is t-that so,” My eyes dart to the windows, swallowing nervously. The lowest tribes have twenty-five! Stronger fighters! “How would you fight against them then. If you were outnumbered, that is.”

The line goes quiet for a second. I hope that means Mel is coming up with a solution and not writing it off as impossible. The seconds pass, with each one making me feel more and more nervous.

“Hmm, like in an adventurer party?”

“Ah, no. Just you.”

“With a town’s fortifications?”

“Nope, just you. In the woods.”

The line is quiet for a lot longer. I offer back a little more information.

“You also have time to prepare. So, it’s not a surprise or anything.”

The line is still quiet. Whelp, I’m dead.

I wait so long that I begin to wonder if perhaps the line has gone dead. It does that sometimes. I want to pace but the phone being attached to the wall makes that difficult. I fidget, waiting for Mel to give me a glimmer of hope. Finally,

“If I had to fight them by myself in the woods, it would be tricky. But if I could set up some traps it might be doable. I’d make sure to never be cornered or surrounded. Using the terrain, I’d divide them up and take on a small group at a time. I’d keep moving, spreading my traps throughout the forest and bleed them out slowly. I still don’t think it’d work, though. Can I get a ballista? Or maybe a teammate?”

Why would you have a ballista in the forest?

“Ah, that’s probably good enough. Thanks, Mel.”

“…So, why did you want to know about goblins?”

I pause. Should I tell her? Mel would probably believe me, right? We’re best friends, I can trust her. Mel would be a lot better going against a gang of goblins than me. I’m going to tell her.

‘Stupid girl.’

“No reason. I was just trying to imagine who would win, between you and a tribe of goblins.”

“Ha, ha, I’m pretty strong Sel, but without magic, it’s pretty hard to go against multiple foes at once. Even if they’re just goblins. Sorry to disappoint.” She sounds cheerful and teasing. I hope she didn’t notice my lie.

I’ll tell her tomorrow at school. I… I just don’t want to tell her over the phone. That’s all.

I’m briefly distracted until Mel’s voice comes over the phone once again.

“Hey, hey, Sel. Did you finish the math homework yet? I’m having trouble on question four…”

“Do you really think I’ve already finished Monday’s homework?” I reply. My voice sounds bewildered, hiding the pain I feel in my chest.

“What!? I figured you’d have it done yesterday! If I’d known you weren’t finished yet I wouldn’t have put it off till now! Selllll, how could you do this to me!?”

“Ho ho ho! Mel, how could you doubt me? I haven’t finished Monday’s homework…” I pause for dramatic effect. “I’ve finished the whole week’s Math homework!” My voice is haughty, and sound like what I imagine an evil noble’s would. As she looks down on the insolent common folk.

“YOU! Okay, help me out with problem four then.”

“I don’t know if I should though? After calling my mathematical abilities into question, I don’t know if you want the help of this humble me. I probably didn’t even do it right.” *sigh*

“I’m sooory! I shouldn’t have doubted the Great Selina’s mathematical prowess! Please forgive this one’s insolence!”

I hold the phone away to hide my giggles. I don’t want Mel to know she’s gotten the better of me.

“Well, I guess it can’t be helped then. Tell me how far you got…”

-------------------

I stare at the wall phone. It’s only been a minute since Mel had to head down to the kitchen to help prepare lunch, but I already want to call her back. It’s one o’clock.

I should get moving. Start setting up traps and prepare to take on a tribe of goblins if they show up.

No, scratch that. I don’t know what I should do.

I can’t win. Mel’s a great fighter and even she doesn’t think she could take on a tribe of goblins. I couldn’t even beat one goblin that was smaller than me! What hope do I have in this situation? Looking around the room I can’t come up with a single brilliant idea that’ll miraculously change the fact that what I’m trying to do is impossible.

So, what should I do?

Nobody will believe me if I tell them there’s a tribe of goblins in the woods. I can’t leave the house, since there’s no car, and even if I could, where would I go?

Mel’s house.

I can’t. The rules say I have to stay in the house. Dad could call at any time to check up on me. I can’t leave.

Mel’s house.

Even if there would be a warm dinner, with family and friends…

Mel’s house.

I don’t know that the goblin will return anyway! Maybe Mel was wrong and there is just one of them. I can’t just grab everything and run because I think there are more.

Besides, I’m being trusted to watch the house. I can’t leave it. My family is relying on me. This is my responsibility! A child couldn’t watch the house! They would need a babysitter! Me watching the house shows how responsible I am!

Mel’s hou—

Quiet.

I start to head for the door. An idea in my head. It’s not a good idea, but it’s all I can think of.

I have some traps to make. I’m not leaving.

Mel…

…I wish Mel were here.