I found one of the adventurers I’m meant to be looking for. He’s brunette, wiry, and a little shorter than me. It’s hard to see him clearly in this dimly lit cavern, but he looks about my age, maybe a little younger. He’s not all I found though; a group of seven frantic goblins are accompanying him, or rather they’re nipping at his heels.

“Hey, you need any help? Should I call the guards?” I yell out.

His head spins towards me. The goblins gain on him, but he reestablishes the gap with a sudden burst of acceleration. “No, all good, stay back.”

Okay, so he is being chased on purpose. What’s his game? Where is he leading them to? Where is the rest of his group?

A lasso flies into the midst of the crazed goblins catching one by the throat as it chases the boy. It’s a comedic sight, watching a little, green, gremlin looking thing suddenly slip butt-first onto the ground. A few goblins turn and consider their prone companion. Are they going to help? Apparently not, looks like chasing the wiry boy is top of their priorities. At the other end of the rope stands a giant of a man. About nine feet tall and extremely muscular. He looks like he’d be a deadlift champion on Earth. I can’t make out anything else. His locket is hidden within his shirt masking its glow. At least that explains how I didn’t see such a big fella. I’ve been searching the dungeon for other walking light beacons.

The wiry boy has escaped the cavern now along with the six unshackled goblins. The caught goblin on the other hand is being roughly yanked across the cave floor to the giant.

“Now.” The huge guy yells while motioning his big bald head towards the goblin.

“Right!” A pure higher pitched voice calls out, the identity of which is a mystery as two average height girls, one blonde and one brunette, rush out from behind some nearby rocks. Each of them wielding a short spear. Their very sharp ends glisten in the locket light; maybe I should find a pointier rock.

The goblin stands up and attempts to wrestle the lasso from off its head. The huge man gives the lasso another sudden mighty yank. The goblin’s chaotic, writhing form slams into the ground once more. My heart stutters as two spearheads rip through the goblin’s chest pinning it to the ground. The writhing slows and then halts. In perfect harmony the girls rip out their spears.

Wow. That was badass.

“Good. Who will swap with Graem?” The giant asks this question, his voice deep and accent distinctly musical compared with the harsh Scottish sounding Lavraelian I’ve come to associate with the people of this world.

“I’ll go again, I feel rested enough.” The brunette responds. Then she moves to the blonde and hands her the short spear before crouching down and removing the lasso.

I faintly hear the blonde whisper something, but I don’t catch any words.

The brunette pulls out a dagger and cleanly slices off the goblin’s ears before turning back to the blonde. “It’s fine. My stamina is higher than yours anyway. You rest another round, I’ll manage.”

The wiry boy reappears at this moment and is quickly handed a spear by the blonde.

“Did I hear right? You’ll be runner this round sis?” The wiry boy asks towards the brunette girl. Looking more closely I see the familial resemblance.

“Keep them safe.” She hands him the goblin ears before dashing into the tunnel he had just arrived from.

“Keep yourself safe.” He responds to her distant retreating form “You’re the one taking the most dangerous role without a break.”

The wiry boy and blonde girl begin to move towards the rocks they had just ambushed the goblin from. Surely it won’t work again. Well, whatever. That’s their business. Still, I better let them know I’ll be hunting nearby. Wouldn’t want to get caught in the lasso crossfire.

“Hey!”

“Oh hey, I forgot you were there! Goblins on the mind.” The boy laughs. “I’m Graem, this is Jaed and the guy behind the rock is Gorm. You need anything?”

“Reed, nice to meet you. You mind if I stay nearby? I don’t have any companions of my own.”

They all turn and look to Graem. “I don’t mind, but if you don’t have any companions of your own would you like to group up with us?” He sounds genuine, but he’s probably just asking out of kindness or pity.

“No, thanks.” Group up with you and risk everyone in your group realizing I know nothing about this world? Yeah, right. Besides, I’m fairly sure as a summoned hero with Earth knowledge I can handle a few little green goblins on the first floor of the dungeon on my own.

“Right, okay then. Well, if you are going to be nearby just try not to get too close to us unless you don’t mind being chased around by a goblin horde for a few minutes.”

I look a bit closer at Graem and realize he is covered in light bite and scratch marks. Yeah, wasn’t planning on it. “Sure.”

Surrounded. Three of them, one of me. No problem.

The goblin in front is moving on the balls of its feet. He’s going to leap at me. No, no power behind it. Must be a faint, I won’t fall for that again. The one on the left to the side then. Out of range. That just leaves the one on the right. As I thought, its closing in. I’ll dodge the first strike and trip it. Then spin kick the goblin as it does a follow up attack from the front. When the left strikes, I’ll smash my pointy rock into it. Then I’ll commando roll out of the way. Punch. Throw the front goblin at the right. Strike. Strike. Twist. Punch. Roll. Suplex. Break the neck. Hammerhead rock crush strike finishing move. Okay, plan into action!

-3 Health Points: Piercing damage.

“Fucking ouch, you bit my ankle again you little shit.” My right leg reflexively swings forward launching the ghastly creature a few feet up before gravity slams it back into the ground. About three seconds hang time. Good, I hope it hurt.

I limp away from the goblins, thankfully barely able to outrun their tiny forms even with my handicap. I focus in on the words that just mysteriously registered in my brain. Three damage that will heal quickly.

I’ve learned a lot from the couple minutes I've been fighting these things- Oh, who am I kidding? If I’d learnt a lot I wouldn’t be limping away from the battlefield in tears. That's what I get for disregarding a powerless feint. At least what I thought was one, until the goblin's pointy teeth tore a chunk out of my shin.. Regardless, I have learned some things and while I stumble my way the hell out of here, I’ll remind myself of the short version. Goblins suck. Bites hurt. And this is absolutely not fun.

‘Status.’ I mentally scream taking out some of my ankle pain on whatever video game world deities are listening to my thoughts.

Name:

Reed Williams

Race:

Human

Subrace:

Otherworlder

Age:

19

Level:

1

Experience

0/100

Health Points:

88/90

Mana Points:

90/90

Class:

-

Subclass:

-

Statistics

Strength: 6

Stamina: 7

Constitution: 9

Charisma: 8

Intelligence: 12

Wisdom: 9

Traits:

Human:

Built for endurance:

Every 5 levels gain 1 bonus point to Stamina.

Otherworlder:

Linguistics Correction:

Innately understand the language of the first being you speak with (Language Designated: Lavraelian). Gain increased efficiency towards learning new languages (intelligence modifier)

Abilities:

-1 Health Points: Bludgeoning damage.

Ouch! Something hard just slammed into my back. A rock judging from the clink heard by my feet.

I twist around and see a goblin has followed me to my resting place. It is juggling a small pebble in its slime covered, leathery hand. You little wretch, you’re dead.

I jump after it. Thankfully my legs are healed enough that I can at least keep pace. It spins around throwing another rock. I lift my arms to protect my face and feel the wind knocked out of me as it slams into my stomach.

-1 Health Points: Bludgeoning damage.

Very good, you little shit. But you’ll need to try better than that if you want to stop me. I haven’t learnt much about this fantasy game world’s combat, but I know one thing for sure, my health regenerates quicker than a few thrown rocks can break through.

The bastard scrambles for another rock. Oh no you don’t!

I kick hard launching its arm backwards, the rock flies off as the goblin loses its grip. Good, just because I heal doesn’t mean those rocks don’t hurt. I lunge forward, and thankfully my left hand succeeds in gripping its throat despite the disgusting, slimy residue. It spins around again and its claws rake through my cotton pyjama pants lacerating my right shin.

-3 Health Points: Slashing damage.

I raise my pointy rock high above my head with my right hand. I will kill you!

It twists its head and bites my left wrist.

-5 Health Points: Piercing damage.

“Shit!” I can’t help screaming as I lose my grip on it. My right arm swings down a second later, but my pointy rock strikes nothing. The goblin has already wriggled away.

-Bleeding condition: Wound haemorrhaged. -2 Health Points: Bleeding condition.

I limp after the little bastard, but am forced to keep a steady distance, slowed down as I am by my wounded shin. Thankfully these buggers are all idiots. It could easily get away, but keeps stopping to pick up rocks to throw at me. That’s just more time for me to heal. The rock sails through the air landing right upon my lacerated shin.

-1 Health Points: Bludgeoning damage. -1 Health Points: Bleeding condition.

God, that hurts. I grit my teeth and stumble after it. In fact, everything about this hurts. Why didn’t I think to try finding shoes before going barefoot into a cave? And why are there so many jagged rocks on the ground. Did you really need to make the dungeon floor feel like it’s made out of legos, fantasy world Goddess?

I wish I had a proper weapon. I wish I had armour. I really, really wish I had shoes.

Bleeding condition ended.

My goblin nemesis and I continue this painful dance through the cave for a few minutes. But slowly my wounds heal and with my increasing health points the pain dissipates; I appreciate it System. I gain on the cretin and finally, it makes a mistake. This tunnel it brought me down is a dead end.

I watch as it scrambles for more rocks before realizing there is nothing left. It looks at me and I can see the realization and fear in its eyes. Nowhere to run. You really are stupid.

I leap at it arms outstretched ready to wrestle it to the ground. I feel its slimy arms and legs slide through my grasp. I twist to grab it, but it kicks off my torso. Suddenly, I find myself falling as it flies through the air in the other direction, inertia parts our ways. I twist back to see I’m about to fall face first into a shallow inky black puddle.

I brace for impact. Eyes shut my whole body falls into the puddle. I’m totally submerged. Okay, not so shallow. I clamber around until my arms find purchase then desperately I grab hold. Violently I pull myself up and emerge from the depths of the pool. The goblin nowhere in sight. There’s something wrong with this pool, it’s far too thick and sticky to be water. Suddenly the smell assaults my senses. Whatever I fell into, it reeks.

I look down aghast and it hits me, clinging to my skin is greenish slime. That’s a pond of goblin goop. I am completely covered in goblin goop.

I feel nauseous and revolted. It’s taking all my willpower to not vomit.

I can hear the goblin scampering away.

“I hate these stupid stinking goblins!”

I step outside the dungeon and the glow of my locket fades out. I forgot I even had the thing. It’s not so easy to focus on the little things while I feel like I’m covered in honey and smell like I took a bath in a compost bin. At least it’s still light outside, some damn warmth for my clammy skin.

As I make my way to the portcullis, I overhear Braed, the unknown guard, and the group of adventurers I met earlier conversing. I stop, I’d rather they not see my still dripping visage. My glorious dinosaurs aren’t even visible atop my pyjamas anymore. Everything is goop. Perhaps I’ll just wait here behind the fortress walls. I mean, I can enjoy the warmth. And maybe I’ll learn something useful from eavesdropping on their conversation.

Braed’s voice is the first I hear. “Thirty-one ears without a break, your best haul yet. Maybe you’ll be able to attempt a second floor delve again soon?

There is a long pause before the boy from the dungeon responds. “We still have a long way to go before then I’m afraid.”

What was his name again? Graem I think?

“Right well, Guild cut is half but you’ve got an odd number. So today we’ll be kind and take fifteen. Though if you show up next time with another odd number the Guild will of course take the extra.”

Half? I could have sworn the debt repayment was only forty percent. Maybe I misremembered?

“How did you end up with an odd number of goblin ears anyway?” The unknown guard laughs.

“One was missing.” Graem speaks again.

“Ah well, just a measly goblin ear who cares. Are you heading back in there?” The unknown guard replies.

There is a short pause before Graem replies. “No, not tonight. It’s getting late.”

“Right, it is.” Braed pauses. “Did you happen to see a lone adventurer while you were in there?”

“Yeah, introduced himself briefly. Why?” Graem again.

“Oh, I just thought he might walk out with you is all. Considering the time, I’m a bit worried. Today was his first delve.”

“First delve!? And he went in alone?” It sounds like the tall brunette girl speaking, Graem’s sister if I remember correctly.

“Brave.” That deep, rhythmic voice, definitely Gorm.

“So, he’s still in there alone?” It’s a light voice I can’t place, must be the blonde’s. I think her name is Jaed?

“We should go back and help him!” Ever the hero aren’t you, Graem? Except, did you ever consider I don’t want your help? Didn’t I already say that? Fairly sure I already said that.

Graem’s sister follows up, “Right, he could be in serious danger!”

I sigh and step out from my hiding place behind the tall fortress walls. “That won’t be necessary.”

There is a lull in conversation as they all turn and look at me eyes growing wide and mouths falling to the floor as they take in my goopy presence.

Unsurprisingly the unknown guard is the first to speak, “Boy, have you gone mad? What are you doing covered in goblin shit?”

“Goblin shit!?” My skin tingles.

“Aye, that green slime smeared all over you.”

Are you fucking kidding me!? What kind of messed up video game fantasy world have I been summoned to!?