《Those That Do Not Yet Exist》Spectacular! (The Game Show of Life and Death)
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The stage was a strange one.
A simple brown disc of light hovering in space, the absolute darkness of the void surrounding it. With polished and shellacked boards serving as the floor, the only objects aboard this curious stage consisted of an ornate podium and seven gigantic pods. Aside from these eight remarkably specific objects, the entirety of the world held only blackness.
And then a man twirled onto the stage. Dressed in a green and blue striped suit and sporting a phenomenal top hat, the painfully thin man danced and spun across the floorboards. An unseen audience roared their approval, the sound of hundreds of clapping hands making their excitement and happiness known. Completing his dance with a forward split and pulling himself to his feet unassisted, the man cheerfully made his way to the podium. Tapping the mike briefly, the man said, "Hello hello, are you hearing me?"
The audience once again cheered, and he smiled. His features were lean, with sharp cheekbones and gaunt eye sockets. His vibrant green eyes glittered with charm, pleasant politeness, and a slightly darker sheen of something unidentifiable. His thin lips seemed to perpetually be in a smile, and one finger tapped the side of the podium in some unknowable beat that only he could hear.
Leaning on the side of the podium, the man said cheerily, "As many of you know, my name is Morvio Grue. For those of you that don't, well, you do now!" The audience chuckled at the joke, as they should, and Morvio continued. "But while you know me, I'm quite certain you don't know any of these fellows!"
With that, he waved to the gigantic pods. Each one was made of burnished steel and flawlessly transparent glass, each one an imposing cylinder of the toughest materials. While the interiors were darkened to obscure their interiors, the pods were clearly designed with containment in mind. As Morvio gestured to them, however, their insides were revealed, and an excited gasp rolled through the audience.
Seven people were floating, unconscious, inside of the pods. A burly man with a beard to die for. A robotic dog. An Asian man of uncertain age. A teenager wearing a hoodie, blocking his face. A gigantic gray-skinned troll, snoozing pleasantly. A gorgeous young woman, dressed in shorts and a crop top. A spectacularly average-looking man.
The audience oohed and aahed as they examined the people a little closer, and Morvio chuckled happily. "Yes indeed, we've got our contestants for this, the very first season of the Story Show! Now isn't that exciting?" Once the audience calmed down slightly, he continued, "Now then, I'm willing to bet you lovely eldritch beings, deities, and of course humans are just dying to learn some more about our contestants!"
Listening to their roar of approval for a moment, Morvio made his way to the first pod. Inside of it was the large man with a beard. His eyes were closed, but even in stasis sleep, his forehead was furrowed. "Now this fellow right here is Roderick Khevrigo. Roderick’s friends all call him either Rod or Hot Rod. Measuring at six feet and seven inches and weighing in at two hundred and thirty-six (and a half) pounds, he has a tendency to accidentally intimidate just about everyone he runs into. Lovely trait, wouldn't you agree?" The audience cheered happily, and he continued with the same enormous smile. "His Mexican descent bleeds into his dietary favorites, which is to say, he can eat a ghost pepper without hiccuping. Or blinking, for that matter. With a small intestine of steel and a beard that would put Chris Hemsworth to shame, his very favorite thing to do is pet cats. Regardless of where he finds it, he will always name the cats he pets either Trent or Alison, although I must confess our team still isn't quite sure why. Moving on!"
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He paced away from the pod to the next one, the one with the robotic dog. Most of its hydraulics were visible, and a cluster of wires poked out from underneath the left ear. "This lovely little puppy here? This is MDC-31. He's a highly sophisticated artificial intelligence, first off, but more to the point: MDC-31 (or Emdici, as he prefers to be called) operates on the very newest technological advances, such as a fully mobile quadruped mobile host, dual HZeduta 980 processing chips, and of course a state-of-the-art synthetic nervous system. In other words, Emdici currently uses the robotic canine you see here as his host. Bit of a complainer about his inability to perform with fine machinery, employ precision engineering, and won't shut up about thumbs. It is his highest opinion that thumbs are the greatest thing to exist since hard drives, and his sense of humor is quite dry. I'm sure that'll go right out of him after a week or two on our show, don't you think?"
Once the audience finished cheering, Morvio moved on to the third pod. "Here we've got a rather interesting guy. This is Teati - my apologies everyone, this is Yamada Taiyou. Everyone calls Mr. Taiyou by the nickname of Teatime. Both friends, acquaintances, family members, and random strangers have found it nigh impossible to call the twenty-seven-year-old Asian man by any other title. Further research may be required to discover how or why this is possible, but the unfortunate side effect of this curious nickname is that he absolutely despises tea and all things related to it. At five feet five inches tall with a weight of a hundred and forty pounds, he enormously enjoys the taste of coffee but hates the texture. As a result, he exclusively drinks water and Jamocha milkshakes. Now what I want to know is, how do you not like the texture of coffee, am I right?"
A round of laughter came from the crowd, and he went on to the fourth pod. "Not sure about this fellow, ladies and gentlemen. This is Kevin Feist. Few people have actually seen Kevin’s face, due to his tendency to frequently hide inside his gray hoodie. He only ever comes out of his room to obtain food and/or water, but inside his room... my goodness, dear viewers. Inside his room sits one of the single largest collections of anime, manga, and action figures on Earth. He’s subscribed to over two dozen paid streaming services, at least seven documented magazines, and has followed (and finished) over one point seven thousand separate web novels. There is no living human on the planet who is as obsessed with isekai and fantasy than Kevin. Shockingly, there is also no living human on the planet who envies this title." A genial wave of laughter emanated from the audience once again, and Morvio took it in his stride.
Moving on, he paused in front of the gigantic troll, putting his hands in his pockets. "Og is the only part of this gentle cave troll’s name that can be pronounced with standard vocal cords. Even with significant reality alterations in place, his full name remains utterly unintelligible. Despite this difficulty, Og is an extremely kind creature and has a tendency to trim trees so as to allow squirrels to build nests easier. At twelve feet nine inches tall and weighing in at approximately eleven hundred pounds, Og claims to be a pacifist. His four-inch serrated claws and jutting fangs would suggest otherwise, I must say. You're not going to be peeling apples with those, are you now?" He chuckled quietly to himself, a rich sound that went mostly unnoticed by the invisible and intangible audience.
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Placing a hand on the sixth pod, he said fondly, "Miss Jenny Halliday here has many titles attached to her name. Less than half of them are positive, and more than half of those are from her enemies. Measuring at five feet ten inches and just barely over the age of twenty-four, she’s considered to be quite the catch among the young men on the island of Madagascar. She either is unaware of this piece of information or simply does not care about it. Her current place of residence is located at the edge of a concrete-reinforced pier. Her windows are bulletproof, the walls are lined with graphite, and she has a not-so-secret bunker hidden underneath the 22,000 square foot house. She says she gets along with everyone she meets. Now I don't know about you," he added, throwing his arms wide as he grinned into the black void that the audience occupied, "but I'd say she's got some secrets to hide. Quite juicy ones, I'd imagine."
"But I digress," he said, looking at the final pod. "Our final potential character is a bit of an anomaly. He's quite probably the most average man alive. At five feet nine inches tall, a hundred and sixty-eight pounds in weight, and with brown hair and eyes, John Smith's face is instantly forgettable. On multiple occasions has his own mother incorrectly recognized him as her son, and on far more occasions have strangers incorrectly identified him as some friend or another. He’s surprisingly optimistic despite almost nobody being able to recall who exactly he is, and greatly enjoys both cheeseburgers and hot dogs. He dips his french fries in ketchup, frequently neglects to subscribe to his favorite content creators, and believes himself to be unique in his secret enjoyment of candy corns. Now if that isn't the most ordinary person you've ever heard of, I don't know who is."
Throwing his hands wide with a sparkling grin full of perfect teeth, Morvio proudly exclaimed, "That's all the Main Characters, folks!" Allowing several minutes of applause from the invisible audience, he finally continued, "You're gonna get to know them quite well in a bit. But for now, let's discuss the rules a bit, shall we?" A bored groan came from the audience, and Morvio chuckled. "Now now, we've got to set some limitations on this event, or else everything shall descend into madness in no time."
Reaching into his dapper green three-piece suit and vest, a vibrant red tie setting the colors off, he smirked happily. "These, my friends-" He withdrew his hand with a flourish, presenting six differently colored cards to the unseen viewers. "-are Cards."
An interested mutter spread throughout the audience, and Morvio nodded solemnly. "These Cards are the items you lovely ladies and gents out there use to interact with this curious tale. Firstly, there are two types - Standard Cards and Special Cards. There are four of the first and two of the latter. These first four are going to be the ones you see more often, and they are as follows."
A gigantic navy screen appeared above and behind the pods, five straight-forward messages written on it. Morvio gestured to them as they appeared, reading them off without needing to turn around. It was clear that he had either practiced his lines thoroughly or was enormously excited about the future of the show. Both were entirely possible. "Firstly, it is important to remember that while these Cards are selected randomly, the odds of their occurring are indeed enormously separate. For example, we have here the Zone Card." He held aloft a blue-coated rectangle, split into three horizontal areas. The top one was a desert, the second a bat-infested cave, and the third an ocean. "Represented by rolling a one, the Zone Card allows you fantastic Viewers to vote on a new location. The Main Characters have an hour to prepare, and then they'll get shunted into that new region all at the same time. Make sense?"
A polite chorus of yeses was sent Morvio's way, and he grinned brilliantly. "Excellent! Next up we have a Cameo Card." The gold-edged rectangle Morvio held was colored white, a laughing man with a question mark prominently featured on the front. "This handy little thing is represented by getting any fourth number after one. Which is to say, five, nine, thirteen and so forth. At any rate, it allows any of you fellows to put into the story, provided you have enough votes. I'll get into the whole voting process afterwards, but rest assured that it's quite important."
An excited rumble of oohs and aahs followed the statement, and the snazzily-dressed host chuckled. "Thirdly, we have by far the most common Card, the Scenario Card." A flick of his wrist procured a violet card with a small tornado of random objects swirling slowly across the front. "This handy little fellow can be acquired when the roll happens to land on any number that isn't a Zone Card, a Cameo Card, or our final Standard Card. If rolled, the Scenario Card lets you viewers hurl a situation in the direction of our Main Characters. Whether it be a hurricane, an escape room, or a plague, the Scenario Card can be used for almost everything."
At this news, the audience chuckled and laughed loudly, and Morvio was forced to wait several minutes before he could speak. "And now for our final Standard Card. This one is a bit dark, but can be used to devastating efficacy if employed correctly." His face was uncharacteristically serious as he held up a shimmering black card. A simple, fragile-looking skull was embossed on its cover. "This... is the Death Card."
Dextrously flicking it in between his fingers and spinning it on his flawlessly trimmed nails, he gazed at it, speaking reverentially. "When the roll lands on one hundred, this Card may be used by the audience to slay one character. It is the great and terrible weapon of the viewer, a blade to be wielded or a bullet to be aimed. Its power is infallible, and it will never fail. Now, you can't use it to kill a Main Character-" Some of the people in the audience booed, and Morvio's practiced grin returned. "-but rest assured that any and every other character is up for grabs."
Setting the Cards on his podium, he said, "I'll get to the Special Cards in just a moment. Right now is the part you're most excited about! - the voting process!" The audience clapped politely, and he continued. "Voting's never been easier. Once the two Cards are mentioned in the postscript of the given chapter, you lovely people can place comments in the... well, the comment section! Add Rep to the comments you wish to see made real, and the number one and two comments win! In these first few chapters, you'll be allowed to place a comment for both Cards, but as more and more followers tag along we'll reduce it to one Card per person. And if you don't like someone's idea? Just reply to it with either a 'no', a 'no thanks', or a 'cancel'! Assuming your cancel can get two-thirds of the votes that the original got, it'll go through and the comment will be rendered null and void! It's as easy as that!"
Waiting for the applause to die down, Morvio added, "And here are the really serious rules, the ones that nobody is allowed to break. Rule number one." He held up a single finger in the air, a solemn expression on his face. "At no point in time are any of the Main Characters permitted to commit suicide. At no point in time may a Main Character murder another Main Character. And at no point in time may any of the Main Characters go insane."
A second finger was raised. "Rule number two. The Viewers will be granted three days from the release of the latest chapter to place their comments and their votes. At the end of these three days, the votes and comments will be tallied, and Angry Spider will start manipulating reality for the next sequence. I'm sure at this point you all know our ReM?" He gestured to his left, and another portion of the stage was revealed. Frantically typing on a silver laptop, a spider probably four feet long glanced up at everyone, waved one single leg, and went back to his writing with single-minded fervor. Morvio called over, "Would you like to say a few words, Mr. Angry?"
The spider shouted in a rather hurried voice, "Hi everyone! You'll get your chapter of DGI soon enough, don't worry! I'm working on it!"
Those last three words wavered uncertainly as he called them, and Morvio coughed awkwardly. "We'll let you get back to that." The spider's section of stage faded into darkness, and Morvio winked at the audience. "Reality Manipulators, am I write?"
It took the audience some time to figure out there was a joke in the statement. The people reading understood it quite a lot faster and, for the most part, mentally groaned at the atrocious pun.
With a grin full of shining teeth, Morvio said, "Rule number three. None of that inappropriate nonsense, please. If you'd like to see someone's head torn off and shoved down their throat, comment away, but we would appreciate a lack of innuendos. After all, a particularly traumatic death makes for good character development, wouldn't you agree?" The audience agreed, and he continued, "Finally, rule number four. Two cards will randomly be drawn at the end of each chapter, and you'll be able to vote for only one. Which isn't to say the other won't be used, only that your opinion only matters on one of them."
Throwing his hands wide, Morvio waited, and all seven of the characters vanished from their pods. His face split in a grin. "Let's get voting, shall we?"
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