Skills. Skills are good. But after feeling the rush of dopamine I got from being able to do what was once thought of impossible, I started to become acutely aware of the very situation I’m in.

This cavern I am in is massive and somehow overflowing with life. Up until now, I have not met a single animal, giving me a small sense of security. Because of that, I became engrossed in the moment, not worrying about what was going on in the environment around me.

No, I don't want... I refuse to be careless. In my last life, I let every opportunity I had to secure any chance of happiness fall right through my fingers. I have miraculously been given another somehow, and this time I refuse to have it be wasted.

I start to wander through the cavern looking for any sign of animal life, making sure to utilized my camouflage passively and my identify constantly, hoping that it would level up eventually.

Blue Glow Moss.

Moss that often grows in caverns deep underground with high concentrations of mana.

What is my goal for this life? To live how I want to live. Gone are the days of just passively taking things as they come, letting them shape my life in whatever way they feel like it.

Rinthra Mushrooms.

Deadly mushrooms that can be lethal if ingested. Grows in caverns deep underground with high concentrations of mana.

My fate rests in my hands. I will no longer make the mistakes past me have committed. No longer will I live life so reluctantly. I will do the things I require to live. No matter the cost. Also, looking back on the identify skill after the shock and awe have faded, the description seems a little too bare bones, doesn't it? Nevertheless, I continue my trek forwards into the unknown, wary and curious at the same time.

…

I have been walking for what feels like an hour. I’m beginning to feel a little exhausted from my constant usage of camouflage and identify.

Camouflage has leveled up 1 → 2

Identify has leveled up 1 → 2

Oh, what fantastic timing.

Suddenly, I hear sounds from my left. Sounds of fighting.

I walk towards it, wondering if I had finally found what I have been looking for. I ascend the terrain inside this massive cavern and find the group in the middle of a depression in the land.

I use identify.

Razor-Clawed Bat

A monster that utilizes its sharp appendages to quickly swoop in, damage its prey, and then fly away before it can deal any damage.

Found in caves or cavernous areas.

Level 4

Gray Variant Cavern Scorpion

A unique variant of the regular Cavern Scorpion, but with a gray exoskeleton as well as slightly higher defense at the cost of speed. Its stinger is mildly toxic, but packs much force behind it.

Found in cavernous areas with high mana concentration

Level 6

The sizes of these monsters are incredibly massive compared to the ones on Earth. The scorpion especially so, as it trumps the size of the bats, despite being what was is usually thought of as the smaller organism. Magic? It looks like it reaches the height of a human. I guess the rules don't work the same here than it did on Earth.

I watch them sneakily, hoping that the extra level gotten from camouflage will help me stay hidden from the group. The monsters are savagely fighting each other. It's obvious that individually, the scorpion would triumph over the bat, but because it’s a 3v1 fight, the outcome seems less assured.

I plan to attack the winner of the battle, hoping that it would be weak enough so that I would be able to take them on. With this in mind, I continue to observe the battle.

The bats swoop in and use their claws to leave gashes on the scorpion, then flying away before the scorpion could hit them. The scorpion struggles to land hits – it seems that its speed deficit may be lethal for him in this match. Even then, it manages to land one hit on with of the bats who were to slow to dodge. The scorpion’s tail gores the bat, it’s stinger fully plunged into the bat. The scorpion shakes the bat off, and it weakly falls to the ground. The image fills me with uneasiness. I shake it off. Or try to at least.

First kill for the scorpion, but the monster has already sustained heavy damage already prior to killing the first bat. Its movements have slowed, but the removal of one of the bats have also diminished their firepower.

I watch even more intently, fear gripping at me at the thought of trying to go against these things. I can hear a more logical side of myself telling me not to do it.

But do you really have to fight the monster?

Yes… I do.

They will most likely kill you, you know. I mean the scorpion is six times your level. The trio of bats were all three times your level.

I already know.

But it’s just… I have to prove it to myself.

Prove that I can change. I don’t want to be the same person who was as reluctant as I was.

This monster is more than a source of food; It’s a challenge...

To me, my character. And I know that I have the ability to defeat them when they're weakened.

Past me would skip out on a challenge. But now…

This scorpion is the strongest individual creature I have seen so far, and though I haven’t seen very many. It’s six times my level, but even then I will challenge it. This is a new world! A new chance at life! I don't want to live my life like before. I want to take risks. If I defeat this, the experience I get will increase my level and I will get stronger to more easily survive my future and undoubtedly more difficult hardships.

Do you really know that it will increase your level? Have you ever tested it? This is another world, do you really think our rules still apply?

No. Yes. I don’t know.

I grab a rock with shaking hands, the battle is coming close to an end. The scorpion is weakened considerably. There is only one bat left. I can still hear that voice in my head, coaxing me to stop.

If it’s food you want you could just wait until the battle is over and until the surviving monster leaves to then eat whatever is left of the carcass.

There are always more opportunities in the future. Better and safer ones. Really.

What does your effort to prove yourself even mean? There isn’t anyone here to even witness your actions!

Go ahead, idiot. March onto your doom, I mean even the most brainless of idiots would find a retreat to be a better option than trying to fight that thing being so weak.

Actions like these make you seem like your father: his wrong decisions led him to jail; your wrong decision will lead you to yet another death.

Are you really so eager to call yourself helpless? If you say that facing that monster here signifies that you can change, are you admitting that the you right now – the one that has not faced the monster – is and has always been a useless child?

“Shut UP!”

I shout out loud, emotions swirling furiously within me. The duo of monsters are too engrossed in their battle to show any reaction, but I doubt they haven’t taken notice.

My hands are clenched hard, shaking with violent intensity.

I speak again, quiet enough so that the monsters won’t be able to hear me.

“Shut up! I am not useless! I can do things! I just need to prove myself!”

Don’t you see the irony in that? You sound like the naive little child you once were and still is.

Whatever. Continue your ruse of bravado. Continue my ruse of bravado.

I exhale as I try to calm myself, panting in deep breaths. My thoughts went a little wild there, but I got a hold of them again at the end. Sometimes I forget that the voice I speak with in my head is just some obscure part of me.

The battle is finally resolving. The bat was swung at by the scorpion tail, it left a blood splatter on the ground, but it’s still alive and limping. The battle is over at this point, and the scorpion has triumphed.

The scorpion walks over to the bat, and with a brutal whip, it gores the bat’s face. Out of curiosity, I use my Identify skill again.

Gray Variant Cavern Scorpion

A unique variant of the regular Cavern Scorpion, but with a gray exoskeleton as well as slightly higher defense at the cost of speed. It’s stinger is mildly toxic, but packs much force behind it

Found in cavernous areas with high mana concentration

Level 7

It leveled up.

You wanted this.

Yes I did. Rock in my hand, I take a second to prepare myself. Then, I slide down into the depression and charge at the scorpion.

With all of the force I could muster with my measly one power, I throw the rock at the scorpion.

The rock misses by a wide margin. I need to get closer to hit it. The scorpion faces me, bloodied and scratches all over its exoskeleton. It looks at me, and in those eyes, the monster displays grim resolve. It knows that it could very well die here.

But I… I just freeze in fear, shocked about how raw this intensity was. I was just looking at them fighting before, now I'm in it.

The scorpion tries to dash towards me and I break out of my stupor. I take off running to the side as fast as I can. The scorpion is stunned a little from exerting such a large amount of force being so damaged but it quickly recovers. It lunges its stinger at me and misses as I frantically try and dodge out of the way. I try again to pick up a rock and throw it at the scorpion but I miss another time, my panic throwing off my aim severely. I realize how perilous a situation I have put myself in.

I start running in retreat, finally realizing what a horrible idea I’d thought up of. I am nowhere close to being prepared enough to take on this creature. The scorpion follows me.

Coward.

I choke out a small whimper and tears start to run down my face. I try to keep running, as fast as my legs can take me. The scorpion once again leaps towards me, its stinger aimed directly at my head. It fumbles the jump, not being able to move properly with part of its legs broken. Even then, the scorpion can still move fast enough to catch up to me. I keep running anyway, trying as hard as I can to escape.

What’s with you and your problems anyways?

I end up at the incline of the terrain. It’s too steep for me to climb fast enough to escape the scorpion before it stabs me. I forgot, the monsters were battling in a depression weren’t they?

The scorpion fumbles its way towards me while I try to escape it. I trip on a rock. Looking back, I can see the scorpion behind me, struggling to move with its broken legs. I roll to the side while narrowly missing a stinger and get up as quickly as I can.

Pathetic.

I hate myself. The tears flow faster down my cheek. I’m going to die a pathetic child. Twice.

Every single time a problem faces you, you run away. And yet…

I pick up another rock this time. I weakly throw it towards the scorpion, hitting it. It bounces off its exoskeleton, but it seemed to exacerbate its internal injuries seeing as how the scorpion was stunned a little on the impact.

You continue to live life so shamelessly. That is your flaw. On the outside, you seem so concerned with trying to put up a calm persona you ended up tricking yourself that you were could deal with the circumstances you were in. Was it because you were concerned with appearing tough? Nevertheless, these very situations expose your true self: Cowardly, Pathetic, Useless. Even then, you still have to gall to appear to calm and cool in the situations you are put in. You don’t even know how to truly cope with the trauma you’ve been through.

Instead, you bury it. You bury it and forget it and hope that you never think about it again. When you read all the death threats that were sent to your father, you buried that. When you realized your parents lied to you about what they truly are like, you buried that. When your mother told you that she was going to kill you you buried that too.

So where’s that bravado now?

Where is it?…

Maybe I really am just a pathetic person. Maybe I should just accept my death like I did in my last life. Maybe someone as shameless as me deserves it. I slow down my sprint to a complete stop. The scorpion continues fumbling along as quickly as it can. I turn.

Yes, I think that’s the fate that’s in store for me. Death for the weak, isn’t that the law of nature? I am an immensely weak individual, who tries to play with the big boys.

I turn to face the scorpion and meet it in the eyes. The scorpion pauses for a moment, wondering if this weak-looking monster staring at him was finally going to start fighting back.

“Come on scorpion.”, I say, knowing there’s no one around who could understand me. “Are you afraid of a fourteen year old boy?”

Because that’s all I am. A young, naive, little boy in this cruel, oh so cruel world.

I dash towards the scorpion, subconsciously looking for death. To escape, once and for all. My mind races in a haze as I feel as if I’m not in the correct mental state to control my actions. Instead, things just happen as I feel them. I wonder, is this how it feels like to spiral into mania? Have I gone crazy?

The scorpion snaps out of its stupor. It readies it’s weapon and swings the tail down at me. My body tries to dodge out of reflex, and the tail ends up puncturing the area near my left shoulder.

You took 11 damage.

I felt numb to the pain, and to everything really. I don’t know what I was thinking, except for numb despair that was in the back of my mind since I had first engaged this monster. All that filled me at that moment was a crushing need to repent for my inability to well…

To do anything right in my life? I'm not even sure exactly what I'm feeling.

I started to bash on the exoskeleton of the scorpion with a rock I picked up. It spasms wildly with every strike. Over and over again. I hit once, then twice, then another, and then again another. All with the force of my measly one power, taking off the tiny slivers of life this scorpion has left.

Maybe in games or movies, the slaughtering of monsters is easy to watch. It doesn’t really take very much from the main character – all that is required is to pull the trigger of a gun or swing a sword.

Well, what if you don’t have any weapons then? I had to slowly beat the scorpion to death with nothing but my hands.

Sounds pretty metal, doesn’t it? Let me ask you:

Do you know what happens when something is dying?

Each and every hit, the scorpion spasms, it’s tail waiving in death throes. Nearly dead, it starts to convulse seizures. I quickly backed up as it started vibrating uncontrollably. It turns on its side and I can see the foam in its mouth.

This happened because you were weak.

I sigh, one of emptiness and pain, and after collecting myself for a little, I picked up the largest rock I could find. Then, to my surprise, I felt a peculiar calm well up within me. I wanted to laugh at the feeling. I wanted to cry.

Instead, I simply held a sad smile. In my self pity, I couldn’t help but joke at the irony.

“In the nearby future, I will kill you.”