Ethan lay awake on one of the couches in the living area. It was 0200 server time, and he hadn’t slept. Numerous half empty bottles of beer and wine cluttered the small table next to him.

In the week since their confrontation with Paul, he’d barely left the guild hall. When Alera had abandoned him, all the personal belongings she’d left in their, his, room had magically vanished. Her membership revoked, this was no longer her home. Only the watercolor portrait of the green dragon hanging above his bed remained. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to sleep in his bed.

The sheets still smelled like her.

His numb feeling of abandonment hadn’t gone away. Ethan felt empty, hollow, a shell of his former self. He’d been so willing to sacrifice himself to keep his friends safe, but when Alera denounced them, that resolve had vanished.

His complete and utter failure at getting Tae-Won back, at keeping Alera with them, was eating away at him. He wasn’t eating, he wasn’t sleeping. All he’d done for a week was drink and suffer. Alone.

Ethan rubbed his temples, wishing sleep would come to him. The last time he’d looked in the mirror, large dark circles had formed under his eyes and his skin looked sallow.

A small click behind him, caused Ethan to bolt upright. In the dim light, he could just barely make out Sam closing the door to his bedroom.

“What’re you doing?” He asked, turning on the lamp near where he’d been laying. He was confused why his friend was sneaking out of his room in the middle of night.

“Ethan…” Sam stopped in his tracks. In the low lamplight, Ethan could see Sam shuffle uncomfortably.

“Got a date?” He asked, laying back on the couch. “Too much time in game, got you sneaking off for a late night hookup? It’s not like Derek will ever find out.”

“Don’t you fucking say his name,” Sam tried to be quiet to avoid waking anyone else in the house, but the fury in his voice came through clearly.

“I don’t see what the problem is,” Ethan reached for one of the bottles on the table, shook it and found it was empty. “Not like anything that happens here is real anyway.” He tossed the empty bottle onto the opposing sofa, it landed with a clink as it hit another empty bottle.

“God, Ethan,” Sam raised his hands and clenched them in frustration. “What the fuck happened to you? A girl leaves and you completely lose it?”

“That’s not-“

“No it is!” Sam interuppted him, “for two weeks you’ve been sitting on that fucking couch, moping and drinking.”

“Hey, it’s only been a week!” Ethan attempted to defend himself.

“No, Ethan, it hasn’t.” Sam said with an exasperated sigh. “It’s been two weeks since we… since the day outside the Tower. You’ve been so drunk you haven’t even realized it.”

Ethan went silent, trying to concentrate on what Sam was saying. No, it’s only been one week. He thought to himself as he checked the in game calendar. Holy fuck, he’s right.

“Sam, I-“ he started to apologize, but was interrupted again.

“You know what, save it Ethan,” Sam shook his head wearily. “I can’t do this anymore. You’re one of my closest friends, have been for years, but I can’t sit here anymore and watch you self-destruct. Not when Derek is out there waiting for me to come home.”

“So what, you’re just leaving?” Ethan’s shame over his drunkenness evaporated as he realized what Sam was saying. “You’re just going to leave us, with Tae-Won still missing? You would do that to Leah?”

“Leah already knows, heh, everyone else knows too,” Sam looked at the floor and then back to Ethan, “and you know what? They’re supporting me. Because even though I’m not here, I’m not going to stop looking for Tae-Won.” He paused again, “Unlike you.”

“Get the fuck out of here then!” Ethan shouted at him, reaching for another bottle.

“Brother,” Sam said sadly, “I really hope you get it back together.”

Ethan hurled the empty bottle across the room. It shattered on the wall several feet away from Sam, sending shards of broken glass flying.

“Goodbye, Ethan,” Sam shook his head as he walked down the corridor and out of the door.

Sam has left the guild.

Ethan sat down hard on the couch, sobbing into his hands. He’s fucking right! I can’t even keep my friends together. I can’t protect them. It’s no wonder Alera left, she saw me for how weak I really am and just wanted to use that!

He didn’t hear Leah open the door to her room and come into the living area, but he felt her hands rubbing his back.

“You okay?” She asked him tenderly.

“No!” He said through his sobs. “Sam fucking left!”

“I know,” she sighed and sat down next to him. “He told me he was going to.”

“And you’re just okay with that?” He asked her, turning to look at her for the first time in more days than he probably realized. The dark circles under her eyes were bigger than his. She looked like she’d gotten less sleep recently than he had.

“It’s Sam,” she shrugged. “That’s how he’s always been. How many times in other games has he had something come up and had to bail on us?” Leah shook her head. “But he always comes back.”

“I don’t think he will this time,” Ethan wiped his nose on his arm.

“He will, just give him some time,” Leah hugged him. “We’re his family, whether he likes it or not.”

“Leah, I’m sorry,” he wanted to apologize for everything, for Tae-Won, for his behavior, for bringing Alera in, but when he tried to say all of it, he couldn’t. “For waking you up, I’m a little drunk.” He tried to take a smile through his tears.

“I know,” she hugged him again. “It’s okay.”

When Leah returned to her bedroom, Ethan lay back down on the couch. He tried to take comfort in what she’d said to him, Sam would come back. But his doubt didn’t go away. Every time he tried to think of a way to move forward, to “get it back together”, as Sam had said, the same thought penetrated his mind. I can’t do this.

Slowly, that horrible mantra invaded all his other thoughts. They’d be better off without me, safer. Paul made it clear that he wants only me to suffer when he let Alera go. If I leave, if I’m not here, they’ll all be better off.

Slowly, Ethan twisted into a sitting position, his head in his hands. They will be better off without me. He thought as he stood up.

He felt both lighter and heavier as he walked to the door of the guild hall. They’ll be better off without me. He repeated to himself.

Forcefully, Ethan reached out and turned the doorknob. The door opened with a click, letting in the cool breeze of the middle of the night. The streets were quiet, even the other drunks had finished for the night and were safely back home. They’ll be better off without me.

Ethan stepped onto the front step, swiping hastily with his right hand.

Confirm: Promote David to Guild Leader?

His hand was heavy as he tapped the “confirm” icon. He hoped the alert wouldn’t wake David and he’d see it in the morning, when it was too late.

Seconds later, another notification appeared in his view:

Confirm: Leave Guild-Disorder?

The weight on his chest pressed down harder as he hit the confirmation.

A list of inventory notifications flooded his view, everything that had been in his room was instantly transported to his inventory. The very last item stood out to him.

Dragon Watercolor portrait (1)

Quality: Rare

Ethan sighed, he hadn’t been expecting that to be one of his items. Wearily, he withdrew it from his inventory and held it in his hands. The street lights illuminated the pastel green dragon painted on it as Ethan cried. His tears fell unburdened onto the painting, the salt water smudging the lines of the dragon’s face.

Slowly, Ethan sat the picture down on the step, leaning against the door. With one last glance up at the guild hall he and his friends had worked so hard to purchase, he turned, and stepped into the street.

End Volume 2