《Handyman》Chapter 4: Logs
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Ah, the light burns. Hold it in; be a man….”WAAAAAAAAAAA.” Damn, I’ve got to get better control of myself.
“Careful Ahanu, you should wrap him up to protect him from the sunlight,” cooed Alsoomose from her husband’s shoulders.
I must force myself to keep thinking in complete sentences. My language processing seems to come and go as if my brain is in a pulsing blender. I need to keep my mind working to maintain my sanity.
It’s only been three days. Three horrible days. Wait, how am I certain on the passage of time? I’ve been cursed with some kind hyperthymesia, but given my request to the deity, I might possess the mythical ‘photographic’ memory. I have little direct control of my body. I’m constantly fighting against an enormous fatigue. My vision is poor to say the least. I can see around 20cm, and three days ago that was 20cm too many.
Remembering your birth is a horrible thing. I don’t know if I will ever be able to look at my mother right. And breastfeeding... I now believe in the correlation between breastfeeding and incest taboo. Nothing sexy about it, but damn is it good. I want milk all the time. It’s the best high I’ve ever had. Makes me so happy... buzzed... and then I can just mellow out.
“Look dear, he’s smiling again. I told you he’d like a stroll.” It was the peak of summer, and even the flowers near the palace were struggling not to wilt. Ahanu happily led his family out into the fresh air. He worried that his wife was becoming a tad obsessive about their son.
I can’t quite place their language, thought Talo. I don’t know how the experiment affected my brain, but it seems as though their language belongs to the Algic language family. I don’t even understand what that means, but I know it.
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“Well he’s not smiling now. Does HurHur need a new diapy diapee?” Alsoomose was still wholly consumed with her son.
Why is she looking at me like that again? I’m perfectly fine, I—
“WAAAAAAAAAA”
“Your Grace, I will take him at your leave.” Paquine forced a calm tone, but was terrified of making mistakes. She honored her family by obtaining the position of chief nurse to the young marquis, yet it was her first time serving high nobility. Ahanu quickly handed him over. With a quick sniff Paquine announced, “It would seem the young marquis has soiled himself. I will return him shortly.”
Oh, it’s the angel’s face again, mused Talo. He cooed with his eyes locked on her face. I’ve never met anyone so beautiful. It’s like she’s a photoshopped image.
“Marquis Huritt, you are quite smelly today. You should know that is not becoming of a gentleman; I will have to help you with that.”
I have no idea what she’s saying but I hope that she talks forever. Here’s the best part. With a deep breath Paquine blew azure streaks across Talo’s hindquarters.
“♫ Just a pinch of healing to prevent a rash and kisses for mommy’s stash. ♫”
⁂
“We need to think about what Powaw said, dear. He’s not just our son, he’s heir to all the Western Lands.” Ahanu wasn’t a bad ruler by any stretch of the imagination. He inherited a fragile peace from the end of his father’s rule, and held the unenviable task of rebuilding after decades of war. Four distinct cultures crossed his grand duchy, and sectarian conflict was common.
“How are we to know if it is so unusual to have a structured mana well at his age? There are maybe six other experts in the kingdom who can clearly see someone else’s mana flow. Experts at that level have largely kept what they know to themselves as trade secrets, and just how many babies do you think he’s delivered?” Alsoomose featured an abnormally large mana well herself. Ahanu wasn’t so blessed, but excelled at fine mana control from an early age.
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“It seems perfectly reasonable that our children would be abnormally advanced in mana development,” sighed Alsoomose with a smile.
“We have professional advisors for a reason. It’s also reasonable that one of our enemies tried to influence him in utero. You didn’t even stop competing in duels until the second trimester,” protested Ahanu.
“And that was only because you all ganged up on me and made me stop. The ancestors carried children while hunting and farming. They didn’t know anything about trimesters, and kept on working to till the baby actually came. AND that’s how all the ancient ‘heroes’ were born.” Alsoomose refused any blame for her son’s condition. She was healthy during the whole pregnancy--not even morning sickness. She played it off as being tough, but in reality she felt blessed. She just didn’t know from whom.
“You’re not going to say he’s a blessed being again are you? Such things could easily be construed as blasphemy, even from a grand duchess."
“I’m just saying that he and I... we were blessed. During the pregnancy we were blessed. I don’t know if that makes him a blessed being.”
“Your Grace, I believe the Marquis is hungry if you should choose to feed him. I could also take him to the wet nurse.”
“No, no, no. During the day he shall eat from me and me alone. A mother’s milk and mana are best.”
Oh yes, yes, yes, it’s milk time. “See, look at how happy he is.”
“I just pray to Angond you know what you’re doing giving him all that mana with your milk.”
“Don’t you start. A mother can tell what the right amount is, and he’s drinking it up. He’s my son, and he can take my mana. I’m going to give him all he wants till he’s full. It’s what my mother did, and it’s what your mother would have done if she could have been bothered to feed you.”
Here it comes. It’s the best. Eat your heart out George Clinton, this is the real motherlode.
💤 💤
“He’s so much cuter when he’s sleeping.”
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