《The Joy of Evolution》A Monster can have a Brain-fart too. - Ch. 21

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The pantless woman releases the pressure from the cage and starts to speak in single word sentences similar to Cake.

“Hyile. Filigude. Noglien.

I think she is trying to say something to me? GladOs do you know what she is saying? Actually, GladOs don't answer that and...

“Using the designation of 2 bits to translate the unknown language into the Host’s language, English,” GladOs says in a robotic monotone. “5,492,521 bits have been used to estimate the time until complete translation, the estimated time is 102 Years, 8 Months, 12 Days, 7 Hours, 14 Minutes, and 59 Seconds.” GladOs starts to countdown the seconds in my head.

I thought I said...Wow...you did exactly what I asked! You are making progress GladOs!

“102 Years, 8 Months, 12 Days, 7 Hours, 14 Minutes, and 58 Seconds,” GladOs says as she begins the countdown of the century...literally.

Nevermind...I didn't want to do this again but, I think you deserve it.

Mute.

I learned about this handy dandy feature after GladOs started to read an audiobook called, “The 4001 Dumbest Ways a Cephalopod Can Die.” One downside about muting though, is that it doesn’t outright stop the thing GladOs is talking about, It just hides it and GladOs can start a new conversation while keeping track of the old one in realtime.

So for example if I thought,

Unmute, The 4001 Dumbest Ways a Cephalopod Can Die.

GladOs’s voice permeates through my head and I tune into the story.

“#3764: A Cephalopod being turned into protein-based pasta sauce.”

“#3765: A Cephalopod suffocating to death in a burning orphanage.”

Mute.

I think it’s quite obvious why I muted the super light hearted and kid friendly audiobook about octopuses dying, but if it isn’t, well I think it has to do with the pasta sauce.

I have tried to find a command to permanently mute GladOs so I never have to listen to GladOs’s comments on my life ever again, but for now, I am more than happy to not have to listen to century long countdowns and give GladOs a little bit of the silent treatment.

“Bloobah. Gyinle.” The woman says, trying to talk to me in an unknown foreign language.

Oh, that's right, I still have to figure out how to get out of this situation.

She must be a little crazy to be talking to a monster in some underground cave. She was passed out when I drilled a hole into her brain otherwise she might have kept her memories of being puppeteered and not the amazingly drawn blood picture of her heroic savior rescuing her, or at least that's the only explanation I can think of why she hasn't already killed me.

I’m can't tell if drawing that picture was a good thing or not due to the fact that I might be experimented on or something for being so un-monsterlike, but if it's the only thing keeping this human from killing me right at this moment, then it can only be a good thing...I hope.

I look at the woman’s horribly mutilated black military vest, messy black hair, and messy eyeliner mixed with blood; that makes her look like a grown up version of a certain ghost that walks through tv’s.

My dream scenario would be if she leaves me alone and we have a non-aggression pact. Although judging by the way this ghost girl is acting I feel that I'm going to become a pet to do experiments on or even possibly killed.

But, when in doubt go with the third option, fleeing.

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Having night vision that can view in 360 degrees allows me to look at the collapsed tunnel behind me and see the large Centi-Queen mandibles push the rocks out of the way.

*clink*

The rocks from the tunnel start to fall as the queen pushes her body through the collapsed tunnel.

I mentally turn off my slight glow and mist, so that the woman doesn’t see my escape, while she deals with the millipedes and Centi-Queen.

I start to pick away at the rock bars on my cage using my draining spike while the woman begins to crank her flashlight once again.

Having used her powers myself I know that she has a pool of Rock Magic that slowly recharges over time, and she must have used a decent amount of Rock Magic to collapse a tunnel on top of the Centi-Queen meaning that I will be able to escape while they fight to the death.

Although, I am willing to bet that the millipede nest is about to be exterminated, given the amount of millipedes I killed and injured and the fact that woman was able to beat the centi-queen while fighting on radioactive ground.

She turns on the flashlight blinding me for a moment, I immediately stop moving and make a few heart tendrils, before she turns the flashlight away from me and toward the Centi-Queen and 50 or so millipedes.

I continue to chip away at the rock bars while she creates a rock sword and dagger out of the ground and prepares to fight the oncoming bugs.

The pain starts to come back but, I continue to chip and drill away at the rock and act as if my gouging open wounds are simply little paper cuts, it doesn’t help, but at least I managed to chip away enough to slide through the bars.

I hop out of the cage and grip the floor to extend a flesh flash tendril along the ground to pull me away, it's painful to say the least as my body is still filled with millipede bite marks. But, it's the fastest way I can get away, I also activate Anti-Gravity Suction Cups for that slight extra weight loss.

The Tendril locks in place and quickly pulls me along the ground and I make my great getaway as the millipedes behind get chopped in half in one fell swoop by each of her blades, the only one that seems to be able to put up a fight is the Centi-Queen but, it already lost a limb or two from the rock swords slash.

See ya never, creepy ghost woman with no pants. I hope you find your way out and we never meet each other ever again.

After calming down I remember who started all of this, GladOs, she literally played me for a fiddle, she just wanted me to get bit by a bunch of millipedes and to suffer the itch even more.

"This assumption is corr..." GladOs tries to tell me.

Mute.

Yeah! GladOs take that, I'd like to see you try and screw me over again when you can't even speak a sentence.

I continue around a corner and start to roll through the maze, back to Hole Base to do a few things, but to mostly to feel safe again. I quickly arrive back at the rock door to Hole Base. I make sure to stop producing radiation before pushing the rock door out of the way. Cake must have moved it back while I was away.

I pull it open and using my Radar Sense I can see…CAKES CORPSE!

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I don't even look around the room and immediately roll toward the lifeless body of Cake.

Her shell is also gone, whatever killed her took her shell. I stretch a tendril from my body and touch Cake’s lifeless husk of a body.

‘Meister! Back!’ I hear Cake’s voice from the beyond.

‘Cake, I know you were just following my orders due to the brain parasite, but whenever you did those little crab dances, it would make me forget all the trauma I have in this hell hole. Fuck! God Damn it! You were too cute to die!’ I mentally think.

“You really are a dumb cephal…” GladOs tries to say.

Mute.

GladOs would have sent me into a maddening rage, if she tried to make a joke about Cake’s death.

‘Meister?’ I hear an illusion of Cake’s voice.

I pick up Cake’s claw using a tendril.

‘Meister?! Hurt!’

‘It’s as if she’s still with me.’ I think while clutching the claw.

...Before a pair of antennas started to touch my still regenerating wounds. I move my focus from Cake’s dead body and to behind me, and I see what looks to be a shinier version of Cake with her spiraling shell of different shades of gray.

‘Huh?! Cake?! How...how are you alive?!’ I mentally ask the not dead Cake.

*snip snip snip*, Cake snips three times in confusion.

Then who is this? Did Cake disobey my order and go out and kill another hermit crab, although even if she did disobey, I'm pretty sure I killed the rest of the hermit crabs in the nest.

‘How did this get here, then?’ I mentally send to Cake while still clutching the claw.

‘Cake. Skin. Changed.’ Cake calmly sends to me as her antenna prod the wounds

Ohhhh! Cake molted into a new carapace that would explain the dead husk of a body and the new shinier carapace on Cake.

I throw the claw back into the pile of molted carapace and the cogs in my core start to turn and I figure out, I just spilled all the beans about Cake being a literal mind slave to me in my emotional distress!

I look back at Cake in fear of her trying to dig the parasite out of her or something but, she seems to be taking the news quite well as she continues to try and find all the damage the millipedes did to me with her antenna, almost as if the news didn't even register in her brain.

I’ll just assume the parasite has a function that makes Cake completely ignorant to the fact that she is a mind slave, no matter what, even if I tell her. I would try to push Cake for an answer but, I think living in ignorance might be a better idea, than the alternative of asking Cake a bunch of questions about the parasite that lives inside her head.

With all of that out of the way, I think I'll check my ‘status'

Name: Joy

[Species: Toxic Myst Lola

(The Toxic Myst Lola is a variation of the Lola species that releases a highly radioactive gas from their body producing the gas causes an increase in energy production due to the body's radioactive nature, although Biomass Consumption is also increased. They are also immune to all forms of radiation damage, using a secretion produced by the skin.)

[Gender: N/A

[Level:12

[Stats:

[Health: 346/500

[Stamina: 500/500

[Material Storage: 54/250

(Due to Evolutionary Advantage (Endurance) your Health and Stamina have been multiplied by 2 from the base amount of 250.)

[Mutations]

[Appendages

-Draining Spike 1+: Draining( Max)

Breakthrough:( Max)

Brain Parasite: (Extremely Weak)

[Draining Spike is the main attack for the Host’s Species, that has been mutated to provide a chance to control live-organisms when stuck in the main processing unit of the organism.]

-Suction Cups 1+:

Grip: (Max)

Power:(Max)

Anti-Grav: (Extremely Weak)

[Suction Cups allow the Host to move on surfaces such as a wall or ceiling, it has been mutated to provide Anti-gravity, which causes weight loss for the host at the cost of stamina.]

[Internal

-Regeneration Gland:

Speed:(Slow)

Usability: (Medium)

[The Regeneration Gland allows the host to regenerate much faster than normal; although if the Gland is destroyed the host will lose regeneration.]

-Flesh Motor:

Speed: (Slow)

Usability: (Very weak)

[A Gland in the body that allows for extra limbs to be created, the strength, amount, and speed of generation are variables that can be changed with further upgrades.]

-Toxic Gas Gland:

Amount:(Extremely Weak)

Strength: (Extremely Weak)

[This Gland is the main mutation of the Toxic Myst Lola and allows the host to produce a radioactive mist that glows around the body, while also permanently producing a skin secretion to block out incoming radiation. When active this Gland will also produce a mutated cell that increases resistance to pain, exhaustion, and cold. This Gland is toggleable. A downside is that it causes an increase in daily Biomass Consumption.]

-Radar Sense:

Clarity:(Medium)

Distance:(Max)

[The main sense for the Host’s species, it allows for long distance sight and hearing, but a loss of clarity occurs the further they are, it cannot penetrate through anything although it is able to bounce off and detect objects.]

-Lola Core:

Defense: (Very Weak)

Usability: (Very Weak)

[Combines all organs that are mandatory for survival into one small ball inside the body, it can be upgraded to provide a boost to reactionary movements, it is a critical weakness for any monster as any damage to the core is the same as damaging all needed organs, regeneration cannot regenerate any damage to the core, although it can be strengthened by allocating Biomass on (Defense).]

(Ability)

-Flesh Flash:

Distance:(Medium)

Speed:(Medium)

[The Flesh Motor will generate a special Flesh Flash tendril that has extra grip and special muscles that allow it to fling the Host at high speeds or to grapple onto something, Flesh Flash can be modified to have a longer special tendril or an increase in elasticity to provide extra speed.]

-Monster Egg Latcher:

Amount:(1)

Progressor: (0)

[A Special Perk bought from the Mutation Store, it allows the host to take control of a selected organism for the rest of its life by inserting a parasitic worm into a Monster Egg, there is no chance for failure and a connection is almost impossible to sever. The amount of connections the host can make can be increased through upgrades or if the connection is severed a new connection can be made with a different organism. You can also skip evolutionary steps by upgrading the (Progressor) attachment.]

-Flesh Grenade:

Explosiveness:(Extremely Weak)

Generation:(Extremely Weak)

[An ability of the Toxic Myst Lola that will use large amounts of radiation on a specific limb to sever it and cause the cells in the severed limb to explode shortly thereafter, it has a cooldown that can be shortened with upgrades as well upgraded with extra (Explosiveness).]

(Perks)

-Tier 1 Mutation Store

[Tier 1 access to the Vast Network of Mutations for monster’s to Access and Buy unique Mutations, it is managed by Demi-God, Gilbert the Monopoly Penguin and is only available to monster's with special privilege.]

-Deep Learning

[It allows for a deeper insight into the system, which includes but is not limited too, free stories, pie recipes, jokes, descriptions, and best of all Verthrariug’s helpful advice. Hidden Commands included.]

It seems my status has a 'little' more info on it after buying Deep Learning, I'll have to look into that later.

But for now I have 54 Biomass and a good idea of what to upgrade.

My Core and Flesh Motor are seriously under developed, my core basically dictates my reaction speed and it's also my weak point, and after evolving my reaction speed is definitely too slow for how fast I move.

Also if I want my Flesh Flash ability to become more useful at longer distances I am going to have to reel that tendril back in faster than I currently can and that means I need speed.

GladOs, Upgrade my Lola Core Usability to Slightly Strong and Defense to Medium, and Flesh Motor’s Usability also to slightly strong.

I would still like to upgrade some other things but, I need to keep a small reserve of Biomass for emergencies, so that should be good enough for now.

[Confirmed, Upgrading Host, using 38 Biomass, remaining amount 16]

Lola Core: Usability (Very Weak) -> (Slightly Strong)

Lola Core: Defense (Very Weak) -> (Medium)

Flesh Motor: Usability (Very Weak) -> (Slightly Strong)]

===

I pass out and while I’m cut off from all senses I begin to think that I may have upgraded the wrong thing. I said I wanted my Flesh Motor to have more speed, so why did I just upgrade Usability.

Did I just have a brainfart?

...a Core-fart?

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