Daves are, in some ways, the perfect minions.

Perfectly loyal. Surprisingly strong. And also… Very disposable.

Don’t get me wrong, some people would object to sending daves off to their deaths, but it’s hard for me to think the same way after witnessing how suicidally imbecilic they can be. That and the fact that I was able to just summon them out of the ether meant that I was probably the last person who would make an organization for the ethical treatment of daves.

Though maybe an organization for the ethical treatment of all the poor people of Placeholder who now had a slime monster named after them wouldn’t have been remiss. However, that’s a story for another time.

---

I ended up losing Dave the crocodile-slayer later that day. Rest in peace. It turned out that while a dave could survive a single crocodile bite, that a second was more than enough to vaporize the poor amorphous blob.

That led to me frantically summoning another one, but otherwise, the fight went exactly the same as before.

Other than the 2 run-ins with the new crocodilian monsters, not much of note happened that day.

However, something of note did happen when we got back to camp that night. The thing of note? Science Dave was still going strong.

I walked up to it. “I guess you guys last longer than a day then. Don’t you?” I stared at it as if my glare would somehow make it reveal its secrets to me. “But how much longer? I guess… Just keep sitting there, and I’ll check up on you every day until you disappear.”

The dave obeyed my order and didn’t move an inch. Which meant that my order was basically useless, but I liked to feel like it had followed my command to the letter.

A quick checkup on the other dave showed that it was still being a good little submarine. If an entire day wasn’t enough to convince me that daves don’t breathe, I don’t know what was going to. I was also pretty sure at that point that [Summon Dave] was an absolutely overpowered spell, but I tried not to think on that too much. Well, beyond thinking, Please don’t nerf[1] it. Please don’t nerf it. Please don’t nerf it.

After checking up on my science experiments, I went off with Jake again for the first watch of the night. He was a bit confused when I kept summoning daves whenever I had the mana.

“Whaddya need those for?” he asked.

A grin and “You’ll see tomorrow” were the only answers I would give him. Eventually, I grabbed one of the daves and asked Jake if we could go to a swampier part of the swamp. He was a bit confused, but I insisted, so he finally caved.

He gave me a weird look as I stood there, holding one of the daves, but I staunchly refused to explain my science experiment. Any minute now. Any- A vine grabbed hold of my leg and dragged me underwater. Perfect!

I hope this works… I held the dave against the plant monster’s vine, and the vine disappeared almost immediately. Yes!

I swam back up to the surface.

“That was faster than normal,” Jake said. “Oh, you didn’t grab the body?”

“Nope, not done with the experiment,” I answered. I set the dave down into the water and then backed up.

“Are you trying to have them fight?”

“Fine, you caught me.” I sighed. “I want to see what happens when a stranglevine attacks a dave. Or if they will at all, I mean it should be basically suici-“ I saw a vine shoot towards the dave. “There it goes!”

The vine wrapped firmly around the dave before completely dissolving. We watched two more vines attempt the same thing before I grabbed it, and we headed back towards more solid ground.

Jake shook his head. “Wow, so a 50 mana summon, and it counters everything in this swamp. That’s pretty OP.”

“I know, right!?” I replied. Then I remembered. “Oh yeah, would you mind carrying a couple of daves back to camp tonight?”

He shrugged an acceptance and carried 2 daves back to camp.

That actually didn’t go as smoothly as it sounds. The daves tried to attack Jake at first, and I had to yell at them to get off. It was only after I gave them orders specifically to not attack the person carrying them that they were willing to let the [Hero] bring them along.

I ended up repeating the same with Garrett, Lindsey, and Sam, though without the attack part. The end result was that the next morning we were back in camp with a small platoon of daves.

I was a bit peeved that Megan was still avoiding me, but I decided to worry about that later. I had an idea to present. I gathered the entire party, even the reluctant Emilia, near a pile of daves and began my pitch.

“Ladies and gentlemen! May I present the newest product from Titus Safety-wear, the personal dave!” The party stared at me in confusion as I handed one over to Jake. “Fully water-proof, it’s sure to meet all of your swamp-exploring needs! Get yours now while supplies last for the low, low price of…” I trailed off and couldn’t keep up character. “I guess free? I don’t think I should charge you guys for them.”

Jake stared at the ball of slime in his arms. “Why do we need a personal da- err, slime?”

Garrett cleared his throat and gave me a severe look. I shrank back a bit, but then he spoke. “What my associate means to say is, what features does a personal dave have? And why should we go with you over your competitors?”

I grinned, glad that someone decided to play along with my dumb skit. “Excellent question! The personal dave is the defacto standard for crocodile defense. Simply deploy it near the crocodile’s mouth and watch as your problems melt away! But that’s not all!” I continued. “The personal dave is also excellent for clearing out pesky vine infestations. Simply place the dave onto the offending vine, and voila! Problem solved.”

“Well, I’m sold!” Sam said as she ran forward and picked up a dave. “Oh.” She looked a little downcast. “What happens if our dave is uhh, lost, or damaged?”

“Ah, not to worry! We offer a lifetime extended warranty! Simply ask for a replacement as long as mana supplies last!”

I decided to drop the skit. “Joking aside, I do think that each of you should keep a dave on you while we’re traveling in this swamp. Those crocodiles don’t seem like a joke, and I’d rather be safe than sorry. Also, if you hold one of these daves up to a vine, they have orders to attack it, so you can have a one-handed way of dealing with those vines when some of you may have a harder time.” I shot a meaningful glance at Emilia, Sam, and Tim. “If you use your dave as a crocodile chew toy, I’ll replace it since that means that it won’t work a second time. Thoughts, everyone?”

Jake shrugged. “Seems like a good plan to me.”

Garrett walked over and picked up a dave. “Yup, to me too. Trying to free myself with my greataxe underwater sounds like a nightmare.”

To my surprise, Andrew picked one up a bit apprehensively, and then practically forced Tim to carry one. I guess his concern for his son’s safety trumped even his intense dislike of me.

Sam already had hers, and Lindsey picked one up without a word, so that just left Megan and Emilia. Megan was still nowhere to be seen, but Emilia turned away from it and shivered.

“Eww,” she said. “A swamp is bad enough. There’s no way I’m carrying a disgusting slime ball!”

“Disgusting?!” Sam asked. “I think they’re kinda cute.” She poked the dave that she was holding but pouted a little when it didn’t respond. Lindsey nodded along with Sam’s statement and held the dave in a hug.

“You’re all a bunch of weirdos,” Emilia muttered.

“Oh, c’mon, Em! It’s not like they get slime over you or anything!” Jake said. “It’s a small price to pay to keep you safe!”

Emilia looked at Jake for several long moments and then caved. “Oh, fine. But note that I am doing this under protest!”

She stomped over to pick up a dave, while I was a bit stunned. Wow. She lets him call her Em? And he managed to talk her down? I shook my head. I guess being the [Hero] must make you a tsundere whisperer.

I looked around at 7 adventurers all armed with a slime monster and then went to pick up my own.

That made Jake curious. “Why do you need one since you can summon them?”

“I was originally not going to carry one, but…” I shook my head. “If I have to summon a replacement, that means that I won’t have enough mana to cast the spell again. If we end up with 2 back to back crocs, that could be really sketchy.”

Jake nodded. “Gotcha.”

Megan still hadn’t appeared, but I shrugged. I guess if she just stays [Sneaking] the entire time, she should be fine. “Shall we head out?” I asked.

“Actually, now that we have a bit of extra safety and we’ve figured the swamp’s enemies out do we want to try to split the party?” Jake asked.

Garrett and I stared at him, but the [Berserker] replied first. “Did I hear you, right? Did you just suggest that we willingly split the party?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Common RPG knowledge. Never split the party. That’s all fine and good until you have to search a gigantic swamp, and you’re in a race with a [Demon Lord].” Jake sighed. “Look, I don’t know about you, but I’m getting worried. Yeah, we can keep going our current pace and find it eventually, but who’s to say that the [Demon Lord] won’t be well on his way to the ice dungeon by the time we find it? I think we have to start taking a few risks.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Garrett said slowly. “But, let’s think this through. How are we going to split the party up?”

“Good question,” Jake murmured. “I think we could just pair up? We should be pretty safe if each of us has a slime, and we have 2 people per group. I mean, we’ve been fine with just Titus and one other person at night.”

“Yeah, but that’s because I take all the aggro,” I interjected. “How sure are we that splitting up would be safe for any group without me?” I honestly thought the idea made sense, but there was a reason I was being contrary. I wasn’t quite sure whether the party splitting up would be good for me, so I was trying to buy some time. If we split up and I can go with Megan, that means I can cover more ground on my searching, but the party can too. Is it worth it? I turned that thought over but didn’t get anywhere. Argh, I need to talk this through with Megan. Maybe she has an idea.

“He has a point,” Garrett said. “I’m not saying we can’t split up, but we have to do this smart.”

“Okay, what do you propose then?” Jake asked.

Garrett ended up proposing that we split into 2 groups for now and then see how it goes. That ended up sparking a debate about who would go with which group. It wouldn’t have been an issue if it wasn’t for Andrew and Tim. We wanted Andrew to go in the group that didn’t have me because he could [Heal] people in emergencies. However, Andrew didn’t want to separate from Tim, and he also didn’t want Tim to go in the higher risk group.

He managed to convince the rest of the party. Or at least made the rest of the party give up on the argument.

In the end, I was with Andrew, Tim, and Garrett. Jake took the rest of the party with him. Which just so happened to be all of the female members of our party. Curse your harem powers [Hero]! I silently stewed.

Meanwhile, Garrett raised an actual objection. “I still don’t know that I like this plan. Shouldn’t I trade places with Emilia or Sam? I don’t feel like either of them will help if you get dragged underwater.”

“Ah, you worry too much, ya geezer. The five of us will be totally fine!” Jake replied.

I raised my hand and spoke. “Request to no longer split the party on the basis of the [Hero] setting a death flag[2].”

Jake snorted. “Oh yeah? Then how about this?” He took on a gruff voice. “Just one last routine patrol, and then I’m retiring from the force.” He then took on an old man voice and looked at Tim. “And with that, I have taught you everything I know, my apprentice.” Then his voice was mostly back to normal. “And after today’s exploration, I’m going to get married!” He paused for a second. “Oh, wait. Can’t forget.” He turned away from us for a second before turning back with a somewhat serious expression. “I just want to say what an honor it has been to adventure with all of you, and I couldn’t have asked for better friends. I look forward to the long life and all the future adventures that we’ll share together.”

I stared at him, then asked Garrett. “Can I slap him?”

Garrett shrugged. “If you don’t, I will.”

I walked towards him to do just that, and he held up his dave defensively. “It was just a joke! And if I’m going to get slapped, I would rather it be by someone who doesn’t have [Martial Arts]!”

I grumbled and gave a go-ahead gesture to the [Berserker]. Garrett dropped his dave and captured Jake in a headlock. After a rough noogie and an admonishment for “No more death flags,” he released him.

Jake was a little grumpy. “Geez, guys, it’s not like we’re in an anime or something! Death flags don’t mean anything!”

I scowled. “You are a chosen [Hero] in a world with magic and prophecies. No tempting fate!”

“Fine, whatever,” he grumbled. “On that note, let’s head out. See you all later today.”

We waved goodbye to half of the party as they went off to explore and then took off in the opposite direction for another routine day in the swamp.

---

Jake was having a miserable day.

It turns out that getting dragged into gross swamp water over and over again gets tiring.

Fortunately, it wasn’t terribly dangerous. Thanks to his personal slime and he still refused to acknowledge that they were called daves, he had a way to break free even if his sword arm got wrapped up. The slime also took the occasional vine attack directly, which was always fun to watch as the stranglevines never seemed to learn that was a bad idea.

However, always being in danger of being dragged under was leaving Jake’s nerves a bit… frayed. I guess I could have someone else take point for a bit? He looked over the assembled party. Emilia is most used to her bow, so not her. Sam would have problems casting at the vines, so she’s out. Megan is… A possibility if she ever wants to stop [Sneaking] around and being antisocial. That leaves.. Lindsey? Lindsey could work. She has a sword. Maybe she would be willing to give it a go?

“Hey, Lindsey, would you be okay with taking point for a bit so I can take a breather from these vines?” Jake asked the [Knight].

She nodded in assent, and Jake sighed in relief.

It’s a good thing we can trade-off. I don’t think I could take much more of this. A vine chose that moment to pull him back underwater.

Jake was able to fend it off, but it didn’t help his mood. The worst part of it is that we’ve had half as many attacks as usual, probably since we don’t have our [Monster Magnet] around. He warily trudged forward to keep exploring. I don’t know how Titus can handle getting dragged underwater all day.

---

We ended up back at camp sooner than Jake, so I decided to check in on my daves. Science Dave was still there, and Submarine Dave was still chilling, so I finally faced the facts. Okay, if they last 2 days, I’m willing to bet they go out at least a week. If not permanent. I unknowingly smirked at that thought. Is there any way that these guys last until they die? That would be so broken compared to all the other spells I’ve seen so far. I gave one last look at Science Dave. “I guess we just keep waiting and see. Good work, Dave.”

I was sitting on full mana, so I summoned another one and dropped him next to Science Dave. I can make a stockpile during the nights in case we have some really crazy days. I thought. Hmm. Or maybe I can make them guard the camp? Stranglevines wouldn’t be able to touch it. I decided to hold off on that second thought. I didn’t want to accidentally ruin my chance to be alone with Megan by taking away my reason for leaving camp at night. I really needed to talk strategy with her.

It was about then that Jake showed up drenched in swamp water and wearing a frown. Well, he had the rest of the party there too, but he was the one that I noticed first.

“I don’t know how you stand it, Titus, I just don’t,” was all he said to me.

“Uh. Okay?” I said. “On a different note, can you make Megan take the first turn watching me? She’s been avoiding me, and I want to clear things up.”

“Sure,” he replied. “Megan! You have first watch on Titus!” he shouted. He turned back to me. “Done. Need anything else?”

I could tell he had a long day, so I bid him farewell. I walked off, holding my safety dave and with a [Thief] in tow.

Or at least, I assumed I had a [Thief] in tow. “Could you please stop [Sneaking]? We have some things we need to discuss.”

She appeared with a scowl. “What do you want?”

“I wanted to know your thoughts about the party split. Is it good for our plan? Bad for our plan? I wasn’t quite sure which side of the argument to take. If we can convince people to split into pairs and I go with you, we’ll have more time to search, but the party will cover more ground.”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” she said with a shrug. “It’s not like your plan’s going to succeed anyway, right? So why does it matter?”

I scowled. “Just because it isn’t likely to work doesn’t mean that I don’t want to give it the best shot I can. If you keep avoiding me, I can’t even do that!”

She glared at me for a bit, and I was about to say something further when she just sighed. “Fine. You have a point. I shouldn’t let my feelings get in the way of the job. I’ll stop avoiding you, and we can pretend to be all buddy-buddy. Happy?”

“Uhh. Yeah. I guess so.” I was honestly surprised that our talk went that well, even if she was a bit sarcastic at the end. “So, we try to make sure the party splits into pairs, and then we go together?”

“Sure. The sooner we can leave this godforsaken swamp, the better,” Megan said.

“Okay, then.” I nodded.

We stood there in awkward silence for a bit. Fortunately, it was ended when she was yanked underwater by a vine. Wait. I mean, unfortunately. I think. I guess if you consider my relative ability to handle awkwardness against my ability to fight, it was kinda fortunate.

Anyway, that tangent aside, back to the life or death scenario Megan was in.

I was so shocked that someone besides me was grabbed that I was slow in reacting. By the time I started moving, Megan was already out of sight.

I took a deep breath before I remembered I didn’t need to, and I dove into the water after her.

When I finally reached her, it wasn’t looking good. Megan was wrapped with half a dozen vines, and more were on the way. She was struggling against them, but not effectively. It took her two swings of her knife to destroy a single vine, and they were being replaced faster than she could get rid of them. Finally, one wrapped up her right hand, and she was stuck with no way to free herself.

I swam down to her and hit the vine with an [Earth Strike]. Her arm freed, she got back to furiously attacking the vines. I also focused on the vines entangling her, even when they started grappling me as well. My dave went to work on the vines attacking me, and I finally remembered it was there. I shoved it onto her body instead, and it started doing good work on the vines.

Even with that, there were still too many of them.

I was going to be fine since I would manage to free myself eventually. Megan, however, was running out of air.

She started panicking and flailing wildly. She was no longer even landing her strikes.

I panicked too. My next thought wasn’t so much a thought as a flash of inspiration, but I’ll try to translate it anyway. I have air. Don’t need. She does.

My lips found hers.

The underwater kiss. The breath of life. There are a few different names for the trope, but usually, it’s meant to be some romantic moment that the two main love interests of a story share.

This was not that. This was a panicked swamp-tasting lip-lock with the sole purpose of me forcing as much air into her lungs as possible.

I accidentally lingered on her lips a few seconds after I was out of air, and she answered by shoving me off. She didn’t look amused.

I just shrugged and kept clearing out vines, though I could feel my face burning red like a tomato.

We freed her, and she swam for the surface. She left me alone to deal with the stranglevines, but I was okay at that point.

Eventually, I cleared out the enemies, surfaced, and swam to shore. Megan was standing there, waiting for me. I was hoping to avoid talking about what happened, but she didn’t let me.

“That was by far, the worst kiss I have ever had,” Megan said. “In fact, I can still taste the swamp now that I’m talking.” She gagged a bit. “Oh, god. I don’t have words for how revolting that kiss was.”

“It wasn’t a kiss, okay? It was rescue breathing.” I said. It can’t be a kiss. It doesn’t count. “I would never kiss you, anyway.”

“Well, partner, you put your lips on mine. Any normal person would call that a kiss.”

“It wasn’t a kiss. It doesn’t count.”

She snorted. “Why are you so hung up on this? It was just a kiss, and I’m not even mad. You did what you had to do, even if it was gross and I would have liked literally any alternative that wasn’t drowning.”

I didn’t respond, but I was getting angrier.

She prodded me. “So, what’s your hangup?

“That was my first kiss, okay?!”

I don’t know what was more mortifying, the fact that the party who had been rushing to come help Megan chose that moment to show up or the nickname that Megan gave me for some time afterward. Hot Lips (always said in the most sarcastic tone possible, of course).

All I knew was that despite my best efforts to pretend that night never happened, I knew I was never going to live it down.

---

There were several fortunate and unfortunate things that happened kinda back to back.

One fortunate thing was that “the kiss incident” gave the party the wrong idea that we were a couple. And it was only fortunate insofar as it made it less suspicious that the 2 of us were sneaking off alone into the swamp at night during Megan’s watch.

However, it also caused Andrew, Tim, and Emilia to object to Megan watching me at all. They still (correctly) assumed I was the [Demon Lord], and (incorrectly) assumed that I was seducing her to the dark side. Which if they had actually said that out loud, I probably would’ve said something stupid like, “She was already on the dark side when I got there.”

The other unfortunate thing to come out of it was my new nickname, which thankfully didn’t last terribly long. However, the teasing attitude that some people in the party, especially Jake and Sam, took towards the “new couple” was definitely grating.

If all of that was unfortunate, then the party meeting was a disaster.

After Jake’s day in the swamp with the girls, he advocated for still splitting the party to cover more ground, but only doing 2 groups. He said that the amount of stress on a single frontliner was too much.

I didn’t have a good way to argue against that, so the decision ended up passing. That meant the party was now doubling the amount of ground they could cover compared to Megan and me, and we didn’t get anything out of it.

As for members of each group, we decided to rotate around. The only consistent thing was that Megan was usually part of my group. I had initially hoped it was part of her strategy for our plan, but I think it was mostly just to torment me and keep up the charade that we were together.

And so we searched… And searched… And searched.

The days in the swamp turned into weeks. Each day bled into the next. Party morale reached an all-time low because everyone was just getting tired of the swamp.

Meanwhile, I was actually in a pretty good mood because I was making progress. The stranglevines made for good [Elemental Strike] practice, and I finally managed to rank it up to level 3 (which coincidentally, dropped the stamina cost to 3). I also found out that whenever my summoned daves got a kill, I got credited with the experience. I could’ve gone ages without knowing that if circumstances hadn’t lined up just right. The final crocodile kill for level 9 occurred in the other group, and I did the customary level-up faceplant out of nowhere. And yes, Megan did laugh at me for that.

I gained another 10 HP, 5 MP, and 15 SP, putting me at 190, 95, and 285, respectively. I found myself wishing for just another 5 MP because then I would have been able to summon 2 daves back to back. Or at least, I would be able to find out the cooldown on the spell.

Speaking of daves, I had dutifully carried Science Dave from campsite to campsite, and he was still going strong.

There was also one more surprise that I got during that time.

Now that Megan and I were on speaking terms again, she had gone back to tormenting me by popping up where I least expected it (which the rest of the party saw as flirting). That, combined with the fact that we were together most days, meant that she did that a lot.

Imagine my surprise when one day, out of the blue, I could actually see her [Sneaking] up on me.

I looked her dead in the eye and said, “Hello there!”

She frowned and then waved her hand back and forth and then up and down. I dutifully followed it to prove I was actually seeing her.

She stood up. “How did you manage that? You didn’t see me enter [Sneak], did you?”

I shook my head. “Nope. I just… Saw you coming this time.”

We were puzzled about that for a while. Eventually, a check of my skills revealed the culprit. I had somehow acquired the [Detect] skill. It was only at level 1, but that seemed to be enough that Megan’s level 5 [Sneak] was no longer full invisibility.

I was initially elated because I thought that would mean no more jump scares, but I was dead wrong. If anything, it made Megan more excited about it because she actually had to put in a token effort to [Sneak] up on me.

And yes, just a token effort. As long as she didn’t walk up in broad daylight right in front of my face, I usually still had a struggle finding her. The difference between my level 1 skill and her level 5 one was almost insurmountable.

However, the split party also made much better progress exploring the swamp. We even found a landmark, which was a shock after being surrounded by so much swamp that we couldn’t tell apart.

The landmark was a lake, and we decided to focus most of our scouting efforts on the area around it. Since it was the only thing that looked different from the rest of the swamp, we assumed that the earth dungeon would have to be around there somewhere.

We might have been stuck there for several more weeks if it hadn’t been for Megan.

One night during her turn watching me, we were doing our usual exploring. We got a bit turned around and ended up at the lake yet again. I grumbled and turned around to head back to camp, but she just sat there staring at the lake (a fact which I only knew because I had just recently seen her [Sneaking]).

I called out to her, “Megan, you coming?”

“You guys keep saying that it has to be around here, but why do you think that?” she asked.

I sighed. “Video game tropes mostly. Since there are bosses and achievements and skills, I guess we assume that the terrain will follow suit. If you have a big swamp, the dungeon will probably be near some type of landmark so that it’s actually possible to find. Why do you ask?”

She continued looking out into the water. “Then why couldn’t it be hidden inside the lake?”

I snorted. “The earth dungeon inside a lake?” I was about to tell her how ridiculous her idea was, but I stopped. Instead, I thought about it, then started laughing hysterically.

She looked at me like I had lost my mind, which was probably a fair assessment.

Eventually, I managed to get myself under control. “The prophecy. The prophecy said it was in the swamp. Right?”

“Uh, yeah?”

I could tell she missed my meaning. “The dungeon is literally in the swamp. And since that is the only place big enough to hold it, you are absolutely correct.” I shook my head. “Good work.”

She was a bit smug about being the first to figure it out, but I left her alone since she had good reason to be. All of the gamers in the group would never have thought it could be there. I mean, who puts the earth dungeon underwater!?

That left us with a few issues.

First was how to actually get inside the dungeon. The lake was practically teeming with stranglevines and crocs. Like any competent evil overlord, I immediately came to a conclusion. Send in more minions.

The second issue was the time limit. We decided I basically had to clear the dungeon during Megan’s turn watching me. The issue was that the lake was approximately 30 minutes away from where we were camped out in the swamp. With the trip there and back, I only had an hour to get inside, clear the dungeon, and get out.

The third issue was how to draw suspicion away from the lake. Megan ended up saying that there wasn’t a need to. Since we would need to stockpile daves near there, we may as well tell the party that we planned to search the lake sometime soon.

And so we put Operation Davesert Storm into action (Megan refused to go along with the name, but I thought it was clever). Over the next few days, I managed to get about 50 daves near the water. And then, it was time.

I retrieved her from camp for the last watch of the night, just before morning, and we hurried to the lake. I ordered half of the daves to charge forward and half to follow me. The daves flopped into the water, and I followed suit, heading towards the bottom middle of the lake.

I was glad that I was perhaps a bit overprepared for the enemies in the water. Megan and I had struggled with just 8 stranglevines (I had ended up retrieving the bodies later), whereas the lake probably had upward of 20. They all lashed uselessly at the daves.

Multiple crocs also joined in. They dove down and grabbed unsuspecting daves from the vanguard. However, the dave army had no morale to break. They continued their slow hops forward.

Eventually, we found it. There was a rocky landmass under the water, and it had a large green doorway leading into it.

A bit pensive, I swam inside.

There was a wall directly ahead of the door, but a quick look upward showed an air pocket and an opening. I swam up and pulled myself into the room.

The first thing I thought was honestly a bit embarrassing. It was a complaint about how it made no sense that the entire dungeon wasn’t underwater when there was no way I was back above the level of the lake.

The second thought was also embarrassing because it was a critique of how the earth dungeon seemed to be rock-themed instead of grass or plant themed like usual.

The third thought was the one that I should have had first, and that’s why it was so embarrassing. Wait. The dungeon’s completely empty?

I looked around at the rocky floor, rocky walls, and rocky ceiling. I also looked directly across the vast dungeon and saw the dungeon obelisk sitting there quite a ways away. No monsters, no visible traps, nothing.

What? I took a step forward, and the system saved me from eternal confusion.

System: Demon Lord perk verified. Performing first-time elemental dungeon setup!

I laughed long and hard. “No wonder the admins thought I could take the dungeons! There aren’t any dungeons to take until I get there!” Meanwhile, the daves that had been following me had hopped into the room. I told them to go back out into the lake and fight whatever enemies they found since I wasn’t going to need their help.

The tension eased out of me. “This is a piece of cake! I thought I’d have to fight for my life and try to clear a dungeon in an hour.” I sighed contently. “Instead, I just have to set up a dungeon in an hour.” My mind caught up to what I just said. “Set up a dungeon in an hour. An entire dungeon. I couldn’t even make a pretend one in that amount of time back home. Frick!”

Fortunately, the system interface for dungeon design was quite helpful and offered tips. I snatched up the first two monsters that it offered, “lesser earth elemental” and “minor earth elemental,” and I assigned them as the main monsters.

I threw up walls to make a random path to the dungeon obelisk, and I set up a few traps along the way. Since the entire theme was rocks, I made a couple rock-drop traps and even one Indiana Jones-style boulder trap attached to looting a chest.

I continued my speed-build and finally made it to the obelisk. I was about to touch it when I finally remembered. Crud! I have to drop out of the party to claim this, don’t I? I looked at the obelisk. It’s only because I tried to claim for 2 factions at once, right? Maybe I can claim for only [Demon Lord] even though I’m in the [Hero’s] party? I waffled a bit but decided it was just 50 HP, and I had to give it a try.

Fortunately, it was a moot point. I touched the obelisk and got a couple… Interesting prompts.

System: Dungeon obelisk is claimed by the Demon Lord faction but inactive. Activate?

Yes?

System: Zone, The Great Southern Swamp, has been claimed by the Demon Lord Faction

I didn’t explode. That’s a good sign-

My thought was interrupted by a gigantic beam of green light that erupted out of the obelisk and seemed to phase through the ceiling.

System: The earth dungeon has been claimed by the Demon Lord! Only 3 elemental dungeons remain!

That was a global prompt. Wasn’t it? I started panicking. I need to get out of here, NOW.

System: Assign a dungeon boss and finish setup?

System: Warnings-

No mimic assigned

Very few dungeon traps detected

I decided that I didn’t care about the warnings. Yes.

System: Please design dungeon boss

I don’t have time for this! Uhh. A giant dave!

System: Error. Bosses must have at least one unique trait

Oh fine! I remembered that there were 2 archetypes of slimes. The same one that I had, and then another with a slime core that was basically the only spot you could really damage it.

Give it a core that takes extra damage!

System: Dungeon boss assigned. Teleport to entrance?

YES!

I reappeared right at the entrance to the dungeon, with the underwater doorway behind me. I dove in and made my way back to Megan.

She stared at me when I surfaced and walked over to her.

I stared back.

She finally spoke. “You actually did it.”

I grinned. “Yup.”

“We found the dungeon first, you were able to clear it on your own, and you didn’t even have to leave the party?”

I nodded again, and my grin got wider.

“Well then, partner,” for once, there wasn’t a hint of sarcasm on the word. “The party is on their way. It’s time for us to come up with a cover story.” She cracked a wicked smile. “And I think I’ve got just the thing.”

---

Jake had woken up a bit early. He was glad he did, or he wouldn’t have been up for the two most crucial system messages he had seen in ages.

System: Zone, The Great Southern Swamp, has been claimed by the Demon Lord Faction

System: The earth dungeon has been claimed by the Demon Lord! Only 3 elemental dungeons remain!

He also got to see a massive beam of green light shoot off into the sky from the direction of the lake.

He was up and moving, even as Megan was telling the party to get to her immediately. He roused everyone who wasn’t already up, and they raced off in that direction.

“I knew it!” Tim shouted. “Titus finally snuck off and activated the dungeon!”

“Less talking, more running!” Jake shouted back. He really hoped Tim was wrong, but Titus and Megan had mentioned they would explore the lake. He decided to reserve judgment until he got there.

He was glad he did.

Megan and Titus were having a shouting match.

“Why on earth would you send the daves in without waiting for the party?!” Megan shouted. “Do you have any idea how suspicious that will make you look?!”

“It doesn’t matter!” Titus shouted back. “If he claimed the dungeon, the [Demon Lord] has to be down there. We have to catch him before he can get away! That’s the only way to clear my name for good!”

“Yo, Titus! Your aura’s on!” Jake called out as the party approached the shouting couple.

They looked surprised to see the party. Jake watched Titus take a deep breath, and the wrath aura icon disappeared from Megan’s status.

With the aura taken care of, a much calmer Megan explained what had happened. She and Titus had visited the lake and added to the stockpile of daves just like they had been doing. They had debated about doing the search then but decided they would wait one more day and see if the rest of the party wanted in.

That was when the [Demon Lord] claimed the dungeon from right under their noses. The giant beam of light confirmed that the dungeon was in the middle of the lake, and Titus had immediately sent in the daves before Megan could stop him. That had led to their shouting match.

“You all are imbeciles,” Tim said. “It’s obvious that Megan is covering for him for some reason. The timing is too convenient for it to be otherwise!”

“So let me get this straight short stuff,” Titus said eerily calm. “You think I stockpiled daves, with full knowledge of everyone in the party, tried to claim the dungeon without you knowing, in the area I said I would search with the daves, and somehow managed to convince Megan that she should just be fine with that?”

“… Yes,” Tim said unconvincingly.

“Fine, you don’t trust Megan as my alibi. How about this. How’d I clear a dungeon in less than 2 hours? Better than that, how’d I claim it? You all saw what happens when I claim an obelisk in the party.” Titus turned to look at Jake. “[Hero], did you have to reinvite me to the party?”

“Uhh, no. You never left,” Jake said.

“Dang right! I never left the party. And last of all…” Titus walked closer to Tim. Andrew moved to intervene, but Titus stopped instead. “Do my clothes look wet?”

“A little.. I guess?” Tim said weakly.

Titus looked down. “Ah, right. Darn daves splashed a bit when they jumped in the water.” He grumbled something incoherently. “Anyway, can we finally stop accusing me? It’s getting real old.”

“Aura,” was all that Jake could add to the argument. After Titus pulled it in, he decided to change the subject. “Either way, we have to go clear the dungeon. We may as well go as soon as possible since Titus cleared the way with the daves.”

The party got ready, and Jake thought to himself. First elemental dungeon. I wonder what it’s like?

---

Megan and I had both played our parts perfectly.

We had even come up with a fantastic way to show that I had never even been in the lake that day. A couple quick [Fire Strikes] speed-dried my clothes, and then Megan made it even better by suggesting I summon one more dave to splash into the water near me.

The rest of it was too easy because the truth was too ridiculous to believe.

The only thing that could’ve given me away then was the grin that I was desperately trying to hide.

We got ready to go into the dungeon, and that finally gave me pause. I hope I didn’t accidentally make it too hard.

[1] Nerf – Gamer terminology meaning “reduce in power.” Usually done in multiplayer games when a certain item/character/ability is overperforming when compared to other options.

[2] Death flag - At its simplest, an action (or statement) in media that makes the character’s death seem highly likely.