It took only a couple of more potions before Balrim returned both Kaldalis and Myrin to full health. The deck had erupted in a number of little sparring sessions, and the trio stood aside and watched some of the groups.

The bhogad with the metal kite shield held Kaldalis’s attention, since he was currently taking on two others at once. He was carefully using his block ability to negate damage from both foes as he whittled them down with rapid strikes of the blade, though that was not so impressive as him calling instructions and corrections at his foes, instructing them at how better to deal with his seemingly impenetrable defense and equally relentless offense.

“I’m gonna grab a drink,” Myrin said quietly. “Did you two want one?”

“I’m fine,” Kaldalis said, breaking out of his reverie.

“If it’s not too much trouble,” Balrim said.

The suyon, now with a greatsword sheathed across her back, pushed her way out through the crowd, trying to pick her way around the various friendly skirmishes that had broken out. Dylan realized that this was an opportunity to talk to Balrim. Dylan considered himself a good tank, and a part of that came from talking to healers and figuring out what they needed from him, and what they could provide to him. He tanked differently in Colossus with a deacon healer than he did with a horoscopist, because he had listened, learning about their resource systems and cooldowns.

Getting his first dose of information was going to be important moving forward.

“So, can you tell me about healing in this game?” Kaldalis asked. “How does it work? What happens?”

“Well, I have an ability - apparently administers are the only class that gets an ability at level one - that lets me basically generate a healing potion.” Balrim reached behind his back and produced another of the little blue-green bottles from seemingly nowhere. “The actual description tells me more about them.” His slit-pupiled eyes went slightly distant as he read. “It’s basically an aerosol compound. As soon as the glass breaks, the nearest person is healed for an amount determined by my level and our combined Light Affinity.”

“And that’s all you have?”

“For now, yes.” Balrim put the potion away, and it vanished into whatever void it’d been drawn from. “It has a cooldown of about fifteen seconds, too, which feels like forever in combat.”

“You’ll get more stuff later, though, right? It’s not just the one thing forever?”

“At later levels, sure. I was chatting a little with that finnian who healed you before the last bout, and he was telling me what’s on the horizon. In a couple of levels, I get a self-targeted heal, which will let me focus my healing abilities on my allies. A while after that I get the ability to choose an upgrade for the base potion, or add another potion to my arsenal instead.”

“Ah, so there are branching skills, then?”

“Yeah, apparently. Most of the alpha players are in their twenties to thirties in level, with the cap at a hundred, so not everything is known. Most of them aren’t even on this boat.” When Kaldalis went to ask, Balrim waved a hand in the air. “They stayed behind in town on purpose. But, the important thing here is that at level five you get your first upgrade, and then fifteen is your first choice.”

“So do you have some kind of supernatural throwing ability to deliver these potions?”

“Not really,” Balrim admitted. “I mean, this body seems to be pretty strong by default. So I’m better at throwing than I was in real life. But I’m not, like, a quarterback or anything.” He gestured vaguely in the direction Myrin had left in. “She was slightly disappointed that customization didn’t give her much extra. She made herself as buff as a suyon could be, but it didn’t make her any physically stronger.”

Silence crept between them as Kaldalis didn't really have a follow up question. He watched the people around them for just a moment.

On the one hand, it was nice to be just hanging out. But on the other, he was absolutely certain Balrim was uncomfortable. The talsar kicked at the planks as if scuffing the dirt.

“So, um, how long have you known Myrin?” Kaldalis asked, frowning at himself for how much his voice cracked. It wasn't like it was a hard question. He was just awkward with new people.

“Oh, years. We go way back. We were in the same Colossus RP guild before either of us worked for Monsoon.”

“Ah, I see,” Kaldalis nodded. He tried to think of a way to ask about their relationship with some amount of tact, but his brain locked up like it always did when trying to ask a question. “How long have you been, you know, together then?”

“Together?” Balrim’s toothy grin widened at that, and the talsar looked away from the fight to regard Kaldalis with slit-pupiled eyes aglitter. “You think her and I are a couple?”

“Well, maybe?” he said, feeling his cheeks flush. He wondered if blushing was turning his indigo skin purple, or if maybe vathon physiology could protect his skin from visibly changing at his discomfort.

“Why are you asking? Do you like your women tiny and buff?” Balrim said as his eyes flashed again. A single sideways eyelid flashed closed in a wink. “Or maybe you like your men scaled and pointy?”

“Forget I asked.” Kaldalis waved his hand, putting the other over his face to try and hide his embarrassment. “I’m not interested in either of you. I was only curious. Trying to get to know you, if we’re all in this boat and on this adventure together.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Balrim said with a laugh. “I’m just giving you a hard time. And we aren’t together. She’s aroace, so any relationship questions you have about her, the answer is no.”

“Aroace?”

“Oh! Oh, hell yes!” Balrim visibly perked up. “I get to do the explanation since she’s not here. Score! Been a while since I had the chance.” He straightened up and ran a clawed hand over the thorny horns across his scalp. “I’m guessing you don’t know what the split-attraction model is?”

“Um.” Kaldalis felt like he’d been suddenly ambushed by a teacher. “I’m guessing it’s not when you like your ice cream in between two halves of a banana.”

“Not quite? Good, uh, guess though. But no. It’s the idea that your sexual and romantic interests aren’t necessarily connected. So, like, you can be romantically attracted to only women, but find both men and women sexually attractive.” His tone was jovial, and he sped up as he went, as if doing the speech was interesting. “Or, you know, you can be romantically attracted to both men and women, and sexually attracted to nobody. That’s ace - short for asexual - when you’re not sexually attracted to anybody. Many ace people do still experience romantic attraction, but not everyone. Like Myrin. She’s also aro - short for aromantic - and doesn’t experience romantic attraction.”

“O-okay.” Kaldalis - no, this time it was Dylan, firmly - tried to wrap his head around the concept, and found it eluding him. Gender and sexuality stuff always confused him, but he was one of those people that just wanted everyone to be happy. Whoever or whatever they wanted to be.

“Most people it takes a while to understand,” Balrim continued. “Culturally, we’re conditioned to not just associate a person’s romantic and sexual preferences, but we’re also culturally conditioned to believe that experiencing attraction in both ways - sexual and romantic - are the default. It can be difficult to separate your thinking from something that has been drilled into you by every story ever told. Even for people who are aro and/or ace, it’s hard to come to terms with. Myrin explained to me that she grew up thinking that attraction - any kind of attraction - was just when you liked someone. That there wasn’t a real feeling that came from it. That love and infatuation and crushes and all that were just words people used to express that they thought someone was cool or pretty or whatever. She didn’t know that there was an emotional drive behind it.”

“I mean, but...” Dylan trailed off as his brain cross-connected something. “But there is,” he said, finally, and while his tone didn’t express it, it was a question.

“Yes, they are separate feelings for some people,” Balrim went on. “And even for people who have the same romantic and sexual orientation might feel one but not the other for different people. Like you might feel like you care about and want to spend your life with someone, but not feel any desire to fuck them. Or might even find the idea of seeing them naked gross. Or how you might look at someone and feel like you’d jump into bed with them with no more prompting than, you know, their explicit consent, but you couldn’t stand talking to them for more than five consecutive minutes.” The lizard man shrugged. “And then it gets more complicated when you include physical urges and libido, which are both physical reactions and not attached to either emotional feeling.”

Dylan sat quietly. “So, like, an aroace person might still enjoy things.”

“Like sex? Maybe,” Balrim said as he looked around, his slid-pupiled eyes scanning the crowd, probably looking for Myrin. “Some ace people are repulsed by sex. Some are indifferent. And some do enjoy it. Like I said, libido is separate from attraction.” He cut his voice low, taking a conspiratorial tone. “Some even masturbate. And watch porn.”

“Why are you whispering?”

“Because Myrin doesn’t reset her search history, and if she walked up when I said that she would beat the absolute shit out of me.”

“I feel like if you just said that normally I wouldn’t know that,” Kaldalis said with a grimace. “And I didn’t need to know it.” He held up a hand. “And before you start, I don’t need to know how you know it, either.”

“She’s not one to appreciate subtlety!” Balrim protested. “If I said that at normal volume and she walked up, she’d turn bright red and start beating me up, I promise! It wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t at all in reference to her.” He gestured vaguely around himself. “And then you’d know anyway, and-”

“What are you boys talking about?” Myrin said, emerging from the crowd with a pair of tankards.

“Nothing!” Balrim said quickly.

Kaldalis just stared openly at the back of his head. Despite what he’d just said about Myrin’s lack of subtlety, it seemed he was similarly afflicted.

Myrin didn’t say a word, however.

“He was just, uh, explaining to me that you’re aroace,” Kaldalis said carefully. “I imagine that he’s just worried that he didn’t do the explanation justice.”

“Ah. Hold this,” she said as she handed Kaldalis both tankards.

“Now listen, I was just-”

“I bet you did fine,” Myrin said, reaching up to punch the lizard in the arm. Kaldalis winced at how hard the punch was, but Balrim didn’t flinch. “You didn’t have to explain anything, though.” She immediately grabbed him around the waist - about as high as she could reach - and hugged him. “But you’ve heard me explain it a hundred times, I bet you just said everything I always say and it was great.” She pulled back and punched his arm again. “Don’t doubt yourself like that.”

Balrim went back and forth between looking terrified and genuinely touched by her words, even as Myrin took the drinks back from Kaldalis, handing the lizard man one of them.

They sat in relative silence and resumed watching the sparring matches, which had since moved to a different group. A human in black leathers with two daggers was fighting against the finnean healer from before, and it appeared to be super one-sided in favor of the robed elf.

In the back of his head - where he was still Dylan and not Kaldalis - was still processing what Balrim had described. And when Myrin offered to chat with him later about it if he had questions, he wondered if maybe he should take her up on that.