《Hiraeth: Promise of the World》Chapter 20 || Conviction
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“Akari—!” Essairyn burst forward and lightly embraced the injured fox.
“Shh, I’m not dead…yet.” The fox’s familiar, sarcastic undertone put a smile on Essairyn’s shaking lips.
“How did you get back here? We’ve been looking for you. Are you okay, what happened?”
“Too…many questions.” Akari blew out an exasperated sigh and wearily answered, “Someone brought me here when I fell unconscious… A man in black…couldn’t he have placed me somewhere more comfy…?”
“What man?” Essairyn roved her mind for possibilities. “K?” She had wondered where the mercenary had gone after the fight with Kajarn. But the fox grumbled in dissent. Essairyn’s eyes widened. “No… it can’t be one of the enemies?” Akari closed her eyes in exhausted confirmation, making Essairyn concerned and confused.
“But why would they help you after everything they did…? Did they not know you were with us?” Essairyn thought back to Kajarn’s words which had made it evident that H.T. knew their adventurer group was a mere ploy by the Knights. Why injure Akari, but carry her back safely in the end? She couldn’t fathom H.T.’s intentions.
Peering down at the fox’s weak breathing, Essairyn gently scooped Akari into her arms. “Stay with me now… you’ll be fine. Let’s get you somewhere nice and comfy, and you can tell us all about it later when you’re better…”
When Essairyn had seen Akari lying on the doorstep, both joy and pain stung her at the sight. It had reminded her of when her dog had made her way back home after being lost for a week. While she had mostly composed herself after earlier in the forest, Essairyn still struggled to contain the shining emotion leaking from her eyes as she walked to her room.
The fox peered up at the girl through narrowed vision. This girl, really… Relief and comfort washed over Akari, making her eyes shut as she relinquished to her fatigue.
“Looks like the demons affected her,” remarked Izlende as she followed Essairyn. “But that’s strange… I’ve never heard of demons being able to corrupt a spirit animal like this.” Her brows furrowed at the faint demonic aura puffing out from Akari’s body in wisps. “I’m not sure if I can purify it from her body.”
Essairyn glanced over at Izlende’s grave expression before cocooning Akari in a spare blanket and resting her on a bed.
“It’s okay, do what you can. I’ll see if I can maybe do something, too.”
“You think you can—?” Izlende breathed in suspended disbelief. Despite the human kingdom and As’rien’s friendly relations, little was known about rain elemental powers. Compared to other elemental types, knowledge about rain magic was sparse due to centuries of lost and buried history specifically about Cyrienne and the earliest rain elementals. To this day, the As’rien royals remained reticent about their legacy and magical capabilities. So, Izlende was keen to learn through Essairyn’s experimentation.
“I can only try. Before, it seemed like demons didn’t like my magic, so I might be able to expel it somehow.”
Izlende nodded seriously at the other girl before settling her hands upon Akari’s small frame. White specks floating in waves of light that undulated from beneath her hands slowly dispersed across the fox. The magic settled into the wounds which visibly began repairing themselves. Pained, Akari unconsciously grunted and gritted her teeth.
“Essairyn, can you try now…? I think the demonic energy is hurting her even while I’m healing.”
The raven-haired girl immediately focused and sent a web of magic that covered and spliced the dark magic sprawled across Akari’s body. Indeed, it was like Essairyn’s magic was the natural enemy of demonic power.
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“How beautiful…” Izlende murmured in awe. “It’s like light magic came alive again…” She turned her gaze from Akari to softly smile at Essairyn. “Your purification abilities because of your rain power is something else.”
Essairyn smiled in return, thankful that her strange magic could cure Akari’s demonic ailment.
“Kaff!”
“Eh? Did you just cough?” Essairyn stared at Akari who had partially awakened during treatment. “Why did it sound so cute?”
“Don’t make fun of my cough,” mumbled Akari weakly, peering through slitted eyes. “I’m dying here.”
“It was a compliment, silly.” Essairyn touched the fox’s fur tenderly. “And I personally helped heal you, so stop being so dramatic. Dying? Hmph, you’re definitely fine if you can be your usual sarcastic self.”
“Fuuu~” Akari let out a heavy exhale. “Go away, you’re ruining my rest.”
“Pft.” Essairyn gently stroked Akari’s head and ears, making the fox drift into slumber once more.
“She really does need to rest since healing magic forces the body to exert itself to mend the injuries,” Izlende muttered. “I can only provide so much of my magic to lighten the burden.”
“Since not all magic is compatible, right?”
“Exactly. White magic, or healing magic, is one of the few kinds that’s universal. But it’s still inefficient. A lot of magic gets lost in transferral. Light magic is the most healing, but only a portion of that power can be found in rain elemental magic today. So, the best healing comes from As’glyfens and their green elemental magic.” Izlende’s forehead wrinkled regretfully. “But as you can guess, humans don’t often have that luxury, even if some hybrid elementals are kinder to us…"
Essairyn paused in deep thought. “…Maybe that’s why H.T. is so vicious. All of the power literally lies in the hands of those with magical power. It can’t even be transferred if they wanted to try stealing it…” As she trailed off, a sudden spark of realization dawned on her as she connected the possessed wolves from the Welforts’ farm to the humanoid demons in the Farinheld raid. “Wait! That’s it!” She exclaimed. “If demonic power can’t influence spirits, then what about ordinary animals and humans?”
It took a moment for Essairyn’s underlying idea to sink in for Izlende. “You don’t mean—!” She gasped. “Damn it! The answer was there in plain sight in front of us all along! I can’t believe those bastards are actually taking the magical power of demons and injecting it into humans! No wonder why those humanoid demons looked so grotesque and different from typical demons with human-like appearances. No wait, demonic magic can’t possibly disfigure the body like that. Is it a side effect? …We need more information.”
Determined, Izlende shifted her seat and stared at Essairyn. “Thank you! I’ll discuss this with the Knights and Academy. If what you’re guessing is true…then we have an even bigger problem on our hands. Tch, what equality? They really are just trying to rule the world themselves! But at what cost?”
A troubled, crestfallen expression shrouded her mien as a deeply embedded memory wound its way up to the forefront of Izlende’s mind. Yes, it’s just like that time… I had received that spirit god’s power without a contract. So it’s not a far cry to say that humans can also use the magical power of demons. But will demons really just let humans have their way without a contract favorable to them? It surely can’t be that simple. Spinning her experiences and suppositions into a theory, Izlende suddenly felt her scar sting. She lifted a hand to apply pressure to the front area of her scalp.
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“Your scar, are you okay…?”
Izlende glanced at Essairyn’s worried expression and waved her hand. “Haha, I’m fine. I was just thinking back to when I accidentally stumbled in-between a demon god and spirit god’s fight as a little girl and got a nasty blow to my head.” Izlende tapped her head as she chuckled lightheartedly. “Luckily, that spirit god had a conscience and healed me, even giving me the rest of their powers because it was old and worn out from the fight. Thanks to that encounter, I was able to refine my healing abilities and develop combat abilities typical to knights.” She leaned back on a bedpost and smiled lopsidedly.
“Without this happening… I would have been stuck being a minor healer in a remote village without any real future of ever becoming anyone great. So, demons and spirits have always sorta been a part of my destiny, I guess.”
Essairyn’s eyes glittered at Izlende’s ambition and ability to use such an experience to her advantage. Instead of staying in her village, she decided to make use of the newfound potential and enrolled in the most prestigious magic school.
“Izra.” Essairyn suddenly grasped Izlende’s hand and stared at her seriously. “You’re so cool!” She jumped on the shocked girl who quickly recovered and returned the hug with equal enthusiasm.
“Hahaha, stop that!” Izlende giggled and squeezed the other girl’s cheeks. “I don’t really like to talk about it much; even though, everyone knows about it.” She sighed softly. “Tell one person and it somehow spreads everywhere. It took a long time before I was respected and not called a ‘lucky cheat’ because of what happened.”
Essairyn smiled sympathetically before cheerfully replying, “And look at you now. You proved them all wrong with your hard work! Student body president and leader of dangerous missions!”
Izlende chortled and smacked Essairyn playfully. “Dangerous? You know I only came here to get away for a bit, haha! I didn’t imagine I’d actually be risking my life in this mission!”
Essairyn shared her laughter and agreed, “That’s true, no one did. Though…” She paused and quietly added, “I suppose it was always at the back of our minds because of what happened to the previous knights, even if they were weaker in comparison to our group.”
Essairyn wished that their peaceful, good days were everyday, with none of these messy conspiracies and plots. Then again, perhaps it was due to bad times that made good times, no matter how small, all the more meaningful.
“Oh, by the way, Aispin had wanted to speak to you earlier. Did you guys get a chance to talk?” Izlende suddenly remembered that enigmatic guy’s words. Despite knowing him for two years now, she still felt he was a bit of a stranger. No matter what happened, what missions they had taken together, Izlende never felt like they had become close, only just enough to call each other a solid friend. She had a gut inkling that he was holding back a lot. But she wasn’t the type to force anything out of anyone. Rather, she opted for mutual trust.
Although, Izlende had a bad habit of being too open and accepting. Thankfully, Ennrion had been by her side since youth to rein her big heart and antics in before she got truly hurt. Sometimes, it was to the point that it infuriated her. Still, she loved that dumb idiot more than anything and missed having him by her side these past three weeks. Sighing inwardly to herself, she got up and headed toward the door.
“Well I’m going to take a nap now after getting no sleep and using up so much of my magic. Make sure to talk to him, okay? It looked like he had something important to say.”
After Essairyn replied she would, Izlende left to convene with the others. Mulling over what she said, Essairyn wondered what Aispin wanted to tell her. Is that why he came to find me earlier when I was with Darren? She glanced over at the sleeping fox before quietly getting off the bed and exiting the room.
It didn’t take long for Essairyn to track down Aispin. She discovered him leaning against a tree trunk with a cup of coffee just outside of town. It was the same direction from where she had wandered off to earlier in a fit of depression.
“Enjoying your drink outside?” She casually commented as she approached him.
Aispin smiled and took a small sip before replying. “Yes, something about being outside makes coffee taste better.”
“Mm, I approve. Being out among nature does that. Although, I prefer tea over coffee, so we can’t be friends.”
Aispin chuckled at her cheeky mouth. “That’s too bad then, I really wanted to be friends.”
His sincere straightforwardness caught Essairyn off guard. “Oh,” she uttered with a slight blush before catching herself from further embarrassment. “You wanted to talk about something?”
“Yes, I hope I didn’t bother you? I know you and Izra were treating Akari. Is she okay?”
“Yes, she’s all better now and is resting.”
Essairyn’s face was neutral almost to the point of blankness, making Aispin suppress a chuckle. This reaction confused Essairyn more, and her expression turned into one of puzzled concern.
“Haha, sorry, your face was too funny just now.”
“Funny?” Essairyn almost exclaimed in shock at the unexpected, random remark.
“Cute! I mean cute, hehe.” He closed one eye in apology, almost looking like he was winking.
Essairyn’s face was stony. Damn you, boy. You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you? Fooling with girlish hearts like mine as I try to stay cool on the outside. Stupidly… cute… giggle. Ugh, I make me sick.
“Anyway, you don’t have to be so nervous around me. It’s nothing bad, I swear! This day’s been pretty awful, but I hope that despite it you’ll…” When his words trailed off, Aispin paused and restarted the subject in a different way as if dissatisfied with his approach.
“What do you think of H.T.?”
Essairyn scrutinized his somber expression before carefully responding, “Their goal sounds courageous and benevolent, but their violent means are not justified.”
“I thought you might say that.” Aispin half-smiled with slightly creased brows. Feeling the awkward atmosphere that he had created, he took a deep breath.
“You see, I’ve been trying to discover H.T.’s whereabouts for a long time. I guess you can say that I was one of the first to know about them. I… lost my younger sister to them.” He gripped the handle of his coffee cup tighter, almost making the knuckles white.
“I couldn’t save her from that demon. But I know she’s still alive. I’m not really sure why I think that. Maybe it’s just my heart wishing for that to be true. Regardless, I’ve been chasing H.T. to find the truth and expose their hypocrisy.” His cup shook in an accompanying gesture of his resolution, almost making the coffee spill. Essairyn reflexively grabbed it and upon realization of his touch, quickly retracted her fingers.
“Sorry, I’m being a little too emotional right now, huh?” Aispin gave an apologetic smile and looked up at the treetops, narrowing his hazy eyes. “She’s my only family. And we’re the only survivors from our village. If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll make that bastard and those demons or humans or whatever they are pay for what they’ve done.” A murderous glint flashed in his dark blue eyes.
“That’s where you come in.” He gazed at her earnestly. “The others have to go back to the Academy, but I’ve been assigned a running mission that encompasses the H.T. case while they’re only here as a one-off. Can you join me in following H.T.? W-wait!” He held up a hand when he saw Essairyn open her mouth to speak.
"Don’t say anything yet! Just think about it, and let me know later, okay? I know it’s a lot to ask of you, especially since this is the first time you’ve experienced…such horrifying events, so–”
Essairyn touched Aispin’s wrist reassuringly. Surprised, he peered into her lavender orbs, wondering what she meant by the gesture as she retracted her hand. “I’ll help you,” she confidently replied.
“W-what?” Confused, Aispin didn’t whether she meant she would join his mission or help some other way. But his heart sped up a little from her fervent gaze.
“I’ll help you find your sister.”
“Ah— this—” Placing a hand on his forehead, he couldn’t help laughing derisively at himself.
At this reaction, Essairyn didn’t know how to respond. Before she could ask if she had said something wrong, Aispin suddenly embraced her. Shocked, she became as stiff as a board while countless thoughts spun incoherently inside her mind. They further accelerated when he plopped his head on her shoulder. Too close–!! Her eyes seemed to swirl in a daze of bewilderment.
Unbeknownst of the girl’s internal breakdown, Aispin clutched her tighter. How long had he waited to hear words like those? Everyone had found his reason for chasing after H.T. to be silly if they didn’t first think that chasing after them was stupid. After all, before today, they had never caused any manifest problems. And they were too secretive of an organization to be investigated by the Knights. The Order had bigger concerns to deal with than a mere boy’s revenge.
Even after today, they might argue that she was already dead as others had previously said. It had been almost five years now. Still, he would never give up as not only was she his only family, she was his only link to his past. His memories from his hometown since the day that H.T. massacred everyone in it was foggy. He felt that this emptiness inside him and desire to regain what he lost would be solved along with his questions if he met the leader of the organization.
But, if he tried accomplishing this through the Knights, he would be held back by formal procedures and priorities issued over his personal case. That’s why Aispin had requested a field study of H.T. as an elective. It would count as one of his senior mission requirements in the Academy program.
Thus, to finally find someone that didn’t question nor mock him, but accepted his reason and sincerely agreed to help him, Aispin momentarily lost himself. Hugging her, he surprisingly felt more at peace. This sensation slowly woke him up to the realization that he had just intruded upon the girl’s personal space.
“I’m sorry! It just meant a lot to me that I overreacted like that, I—!”
A tinkling giggle halted whatever else was about to spew from his mouth in apology.
“That’s okay! I was a little surprised, but I understand. You love and miss your sister very much, don’t you?”
Aispin bashfully turned his gaze away from Essairyn’s sweetly sunny smile. It was now his turn to be excruciatingly embarrassed. “Yes, I do… thank you…”
Under the shelter of the trees, the two chatted comfortably as Aispin opened up and shared memories about his former life and hometown. Whenever he talked about his sister, his countenance would take on a sweet expression, one which Essairyn etched into her heart. After laying down some loose plans for tracking down H.T., the two then headed back to the inn. On the way, they met two familiar people.
“Leœss, is that you?” Essairyn called out to the guy’s back as he conversed with Darren.
Hearing his name, Leœss turned around, and upon spotting her, waved. Drawing closer to them, she asked, “Is your home okay, Leo? And your siblings?”
“Thankfully, they’re uninjured, but the farm was partially ransacked. We’re not sure if it’s H.T.’s doing or some random demons nearby that took advantage of the confusion.” Leœss roughly ruffled his hair in annoyance.
“Once I fix up the farm, I’m going to request the Knights to start a pursuit mission against H.T. Hopefully, they’ll agree after what’s happened, but I’m not sure…” He sighed and dropped his hand from his head.
“You want to follow them?” Aispin nearly jumped at Leœss’s words. “Then maybe you can join us—Essairyn and I are going after them with the clues they left behind. She said Lyam told her to go northwest for answers. So, we’ll head in that direction. It’s risky, but it’s the only solid information that we have at this point.”
“Wait—” Darren cut in before Leœss could reply to Aispin. The sandy-haired boy directed a sharp gaze at Essairyn. “You just decided to go after H.T.? Why didn’t you tell me?”
The forlorn look on Darren’s face stung Essairyn. She immediately knew that he was referring to when she previously made headstrong decisions on her own. Darren had thought that after what they had been through together, they’d stick together and discuss with one another. Clearly, he had thought too soon. Old tendencies died hard. Darren continued without letting Essairyn explain; although, the latter didn’t know what to say back anyway.
“You had been thinking of this since the battle ended or from the very start? Or, did he convince you to come?” Darren shot a sharp look at Aispin, making the black-haired boy almost flinch and wonder why the usually easygoing guy was acting this way. “What’s your reason for going after H.T. and dragging along Essairyn?”
Unable to take his misplaced accusatory undertone, Essairyn stepped between them and finally found her tongue. “I was the one agreed to go with Aispin to find his sister that H.T. captured. He didn’t—”
“Essairyn! After today you’re still set on putting yourself in danger again?! I thought that we had come to an agreement earlier that—”
“Agreement?!” Essairyn’s voice unconsciously rose a little to match Darren’s. “I thought you understood me earlier! Didn’t you say to fight against H.T.? That this is a different world, and we can’t act like we did back on Earth? We’re in this together, you said!” By this point, her face was only two feet away from Darren’s, as if challenging his nonsensical stance.
“Exactly! Together! We’d talk about it together! But—!” Darren slackened the muscles around his gritted teeth in order to calm himself. “…I don’t want to see you get hurt again. It’s like…you’re throwing yourself into the fire. We don’t have to change ourselves that quickly for the sake of adjusting to this world. Are you really going to let it control you like that?”
His eyes gleamed with pitifully hidden desperation. He knew Essairyn could be brashly spontaneous, but Darren also knew that she was sensible and also more sensitive than she allowed herself to appear to others. In his gut, he had a wrenching notion that she would eventually and slowly destroy herself without even realizing it if she continued to act in this manner. Adventuring was risky enough, but it was foolhardy to willingly put herself in harm’s way to this extent. This Farinheld mission had only proved that his initial apprehension was correct.
Essairyn opened her mouth to speak, but no sentences that felt right came out. She closed it and her eyes to wind herself down and think more equably. She didn’t want to start another heated argument nor say any hurtful words. Contrary to what she had hoped, the two of them couldn’t be in accord for as long as she had thought after their last disagreement.
“This is my decision, Darren. I’m not going just because fate dangled some—” damn shit storm “—thing in front of my face to deal with.” Essairyn inwardly wiped her sweaty brow for almost saying something that would escalate the situation. “You’re probably right that I should just ignore this. But I don’t want to hide anymore, Darren. This might be stupid, but—” She clenched her fists remembering the slain bodies, grotesque demons, and sheer scorn spewing from Kajarn’s scarlet-tinged eyes.
“I’m stupid, okay! Whatever!” She vociferated suddenly while momentarily squeezing her eyes. “I just can’t let them have their way! What happens if we just ignore them? Then what peaceful lives will we have in the end anyway? Shit.” Her curse was accompanied by a click of the tongue and walking away from Darren.
Now, her heart and mind was heavy and muddled. She couldn’t tell them that despite being a little traumatized by the Farinheld attack, she also wanted to feel that adrenaline rush through her being again. Even though they had ultimately lost this time, her zealous spirit couldn’t take that as the final verdict. It wasn’t revenge, simply a foolish desire to get even because she felt robbed of her expectation to excel. Yes, her silly competitive streak with herself and this world—she was subconsciously daring herself to become the fictitious heroine made in the image of herself. Who could ever admit that unabashedly in front of others? Even she found it to be ridiculous. But by latching onto this lofty, crazy notion, she could separate herself from the weak-willed person of the past. She was now Essairyn; she had to be—
“Aispin.” She turned her head around and gestured for him to follow her. Not quite sure what to make of the situation that escalated beyond his expectation, Aispin blinked in a transitory daze before awkwardly accompanying her inside the inn.
The second reason. Also stupid, she declared in her heart. Essairyn wanted to get to know Aispin more. A crush? No, she wouldn’t admit that to herself quite yet. But she didn’t want to let go of this fluttery feeling she had whenever she was with him. It was something she hadn’t felt in a long time. Like her heart had thawed, Essairyn desired to open up again.
Until entering this world, her stone cold heart was always giving excuses, protecting and propelling her to focus instead on those weighty responsibilities that surely had to be her joy in life. Unknowingly, perhaps knowingly, she had only been kidding herself while slowly sinking and becoming a robot enslaved to monetary survival and societal expectations.
Essairyn laughed to herself and clutched her chest. What am I? An empty, unfeeling void? It’s like I’m learning everything again, how to feel again. So strange… Why am I like this? Haha… Another identity crisis, puberty? How silly. The girl tossed aside these sentiments as inane, not wanting to deal with it or make sense of this human personification of ambivalence that was herself.
“Essairyn,” Aispin began carefully. “If you don’t want to… if it’s better that you don’t…”
“It’s okay. I just—” Stopping short, she was unable to continue. It was like the words had died, and Essairyn was too tired to try to find replacements. Instead, she slumped down onto a chair in the inn lobby and propped up her forehead with her hands and elbows on her thighs.
At this sight, Aispin didn’t know what to do or how to approach the defeated looking girl. Understanding any person was a difficult task if words and feelings were kept inside, much less for the opposite gender. With a soft sigh, he padded over and kneeled down in front of Essairyn. Taking her hands gently, he looked into her now surprised lavender eyes.
“Sairyn, you—”
The inn’s front door opened abruptly and Darren stood resolute in the doorway. Seeing Aispin and Essairyn together in that pose, he reflexively halted his steps forward. They blinked blankly at him, and Darren almost turned around to excuse himself back out the door.
“Uh! That, Essairyn.” He rubbed his temples, attempting to get rid of the awkwardness he felt about this subject and their argument. “It’s fine. I don’t have any right to dictate what you do either. I… also want to come with you.”
“Huh?” Essairyn shot up from her seat. “You don’t have to just because I—”
“No, I want to do this too. Not because it doesn’t feel right to not go with you as another traveler, but because I also want to learn the truth. After speaking with Leœss, I’m convinced. He wants to join you guys. And I don’t see how, as long as we’re careful, that it would be…a bad idea to stop H.T.”
“Darren…” Essairyn bit the corner of her lower lip. “Thank you…”
He smiled gently at the sincere yet restrained emotion across her face. “Yeah… might as well get used to it; you’re stuck with me yet again.” Darren cracked a joke, making Essairyn break out into a laugh while beaming merrily.
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