My vision slowly cleared, to reveal a smug, reddish face and a tiny pair of horns. They would have been almost cute, if I didn't find myself craning my neck to see them over a wall of bare chested, rippling muscle. Text flashed next to the creature's face, filled with words that I somehow recognized were not English, yet seemed to have no trouble reading regardless:

Brother of Belial XXXVII (Bob 37) Level: ~ Death ~ Race: Demon I brushed it off, in spite of myself. But the burning pain of my own pre-vomit burning inside my sinuses was giving me pause. And it was slowly beginning to dawn on me that I needed to be afraid. "Well hello there, Mim," the creature... Bob... said after seeing that my wits had begun to return to me. "It's nice to finally meet you in the flesh, so to speak." He held out his hand ambivalently, which I hesitantly took. "That's not my name." I quipped with that devastating wit I'm known for. Well at least, I would have, if my nosterals weren't on fire and if my eyes weren't still burning from the sudden explosion of light. The creature shrugged down at me, "It is now, Elf. I pray your journey was... pleasant?" Great, I thought, I'm getting small talk from a "Death" level demon named 'Bob'. Yep. This defiantly had to be a dream - I felt certain that no reality in existence could be quite as horrifically sarcastic as the inner workings of my own brain. And this was pretty freaking out there, even for me. "So... where am I?" He smiled. Or I guess it was a he. Do demons have gender? Well, the thing was named Bob and lacked any apparent breasts, so it seemed to be a safe enough assumption. Though I supposed that that likely came hand in hand with a forked penis and all the other horrific things lonely, midevil priests had come up with in their fevered isolation. "Why, you're in Fantasyland, little girl. A realm called 'Exulia' to be exact. Immortal and empowered with magic, just in accordance with the terms of our deal. You do remember our deal, after all?" "How could I forget. Though what the hell do you people need souls for anyway? And how do you expect to do anything with mine if I'm going to live for the rest of eternity?" It was, after all, a question that would haunt me well into my waking life if I didn't stop to ask it. Little non-sequitors like that were exactly the kind of thing that could drive a person mad some years down the line. Things really should always add up, after all. "Oh, you think we are using your soul to power some weapon of mega-death against the powers that be, yes? To bind into a golden coin and roll in eternally?" The creature smiled, almost kindly, if only the smile hadn't shown quite so many yellow, pointed teeth, "No, no. You see, while this is my realm, to manage and torment as it pleases me (and it does please me), it has problems of it's own. Just think of me like... your own personal infernal Valkyrie, carrying the hero off to fight the good fight for the rest of time on my behalf." I raised an eyebrow, "The good fight, huh?" He chuckled. The sound was like breaking glass, but not a light tittering and more an explosion of sound that made you want to duck and crawl under the nearest table. "Well, relatively. And what is morality if not retaliative, after all? No, there are things far worse than us in this universe. And if you manage to survive our trials with your sanity intact, you will see what I mean. Standing as one of the greatest champions of hell." I coughed. "I didn't see a sanity meter during character creation." "Oh, no. Sanity isn't measured as a part of the trial. Sanity is something absolutely intrinsic to your soul itself. Well... you'll see I suppose. You're still such a newborn in our world. Still, given your high 'Wisdom', I would give you a point zero zero one increased odds in making it through your trials. I knew I have chosen well. Hell, that almost doubles your chances, after all!" I shrugged and didn't speak. It was just too much and I found myself smirking at the pure ridiculousness of it all. Deep down, to have created all of this, I was apparently something of a twisted bitch. "All right... Bob. Well, lets get this show on the road, shall we? I suppose I don't have all night." The creature nodded, "I've brought you here in a dream yes, your implication is right. I really don't have time to wait for your assured pathetic death, and you did give me ownership of your soul, after all. So, you will have to wake up... eventually. But I think you have more time here than you expect. Time in dreams doesn't pass quite the same as time passes in the real world, I think you shall find. Still, you make a good point. Better to start the trial now before your little brain starts spinning in too too many little circles." And with that, the creature waved his hand and I saw a little "Soul Level 1!" appear in my vision. Flashing in with a too loud chorus of excited music, somehow set in the minor key. New spells! Hellfire (Witchcraft)(Wisdom) Cast: Incantation "As my soul burns; I shall share this torment; with everyone you have ever loved" Cooldown: 5 minutes (7 minutes base: -2 Minutes, Intelligence) 1-4 points of hellfire damage per level Nifhelm's Breath: (Witchcraft)(Wisdom) Cast: Incantation "As lost souls wander; I shall lead you; into the bowels of the frozen labyrinth." Cooldown: 1 Minute (3 Mintues base: -2 Minutes, Intelligence) Target becomes frozen (until melted) Belial's Hate (Witchcraft)(Wisdom) Cast: Incantation "By the Kith of the King of this world; by the shackles around my spirit; bequeath the power of your hate; upon us, your chosen champions." Party members must be touching. Cooldown: 1 Hour (3 Hours base: -2 Hours, Intelligence) Party gains bonuses to constitution, wisdom. strength, and an offensive spell boost for one day and night cycle. Eternal Pact (Witchcraft)(Wisdom)(Affinity) Cast: Incantation "By the pact between thee and me; return to us Eternity; as your servants and your bonded; Belial, listen and remember." Cooldown: 30 Seconds (50 seconds base, -20 seconds, Intelligence) Heal 2 HP per level (Base 1, +1 Affinity). Cures crippled debuffs. Restitution of the Damned (Witchcraft)(Wisdom)(Affinity) Cast: Action, spilling one's own blood upon the body of fallen creatures. Cooldown: 2 Days (4 Days Base: -2 Days, Intelligence) Up to 4 creatures resurrected over a 10 minute period at 50% health. New skills!

Witchcraft (Wisdom)(Intelligence)(Class Skill: Limit 1) Allows the successful casting of Witch Spells. Effects ability to discover additional spellcraft. Scavenging (Witchcraft)(Intelligence) Allows the gathering and identification of pieces of living beings. Components are used in Witchcraft spells, cooking recipes, and Alchemy recipes. Deception (Charisma)(Intelligence) The art of telling the truth, even when you aren't actually telling the truth. Insight (Deception)(Wisdom) You can't con a con. Well, you can. But it is certainly harder. Toughness (Vitality)(Wisdom) Current bonus: 2HP Per level of Toughness. Effects max Hitpoints and resistance to pain. Current HP: 11 [9(Base Vitality)+1(Toughness)+1((Vitality bonus -2; Wisdom Bonus +3)*Toughness)] New Traits! Dreamer (Requires: Living Soul) The damned have all eternity to learn. You, on the other hand, are on a much shorter deadline. Bob 37 is investing his own power into your growth. Effect: Skill growth 200% Fey (Requires: Fey race) Your Fey ancestry bestows upon the following attributes: Weakness to iron: Wounds from iron weapons take twice as long to heal and bypass any innate resistances. Ageless mind: Your spirit rejects age and decrepitude. Immunity to any and all debuffs from aging (magical or natural). Born Witch (Requires: single class available at avatar creation - 'Witch') While you lack prerequisites for any other class skill, this limitation comes with many benefits: Witches' Masquerade: May change your physical form to resemble that of another humanoid of approximate size and shape, specifically or generally, at will. This form is kept so long as the Witch is intending to maintain it. (Bob's warning: Shapechange may dissipate during sleep). Learning Affinity: Witchcraft, and all Witchcraft affiliated skills, grow at a rate of 200% (Additive with other bonuses). Restriction (Permanent): Unable to learn skills affiliated with any other Class Skill. By the time I had finished reading all of my new skills and abilities, I had quite forgotten that Bob was even there. After all, I am a gamer at heart. And a broken combination of experience boosters like I seemed to possess was more than enough to leave me drooling in a post orgasmic haze. I quickly started trying to fiddle with menus and, after some trial and error, I stumbled upon the right combination of thought and hand movement to get my basic skills to appear: Witchcraft 1 Scavenging 1 Deception 3 Insight 1 Toughness 1 It was both gratifying and... somewhat telling that 'Deception' happened to be my highest skill. Still, when all you have to survive off of are your skills, I supposed you just have to take what you can get. Based off the skill descriptions, it seemed apparent that all of my skills would climb especially quickly - with Witchcraft and Scavenging climbing between three and four times as fast as would normally be possible, depending on how the math worked in this... world. Or game. Or dream. Well, whatever it was, there was math. And I wasn't quite sure how it was being added together. It suddenly occurred to me that there was someone who I could ask, standing right there in front of me. I quickly waived the menus away and looked back up at Bob. He seemed to be patiently waiting, with a smirk plastered across his largeish, demonic features. With my eyes having adjusted automatically during the interum, I also noted that I was in a quiet forest glade. Branches and grass crackling underfoot and trees waving gently in a breeze that I could not feel. "So, Bob, do you mind if I call you Bob? I have a few questions for you if you're game." The creature nodded slowly, the smirk never leaving his face. Every second I looked at it, the urge to smack it right off built up to greater and greater heights in my brain. But... you know. Questions first. Especially when that smirk belonged to a creature whose level, apparently, was "Death". "'Dreamer' gives me 200% skill growth. I assume that means my skills will grow twice as fast (And I suppose I have you to thank for that, by the way. So, ya. Appreciated). 'Born Witch' also gives an additive 200% though. Does that mean the skills in question will grow at a rate of 300% or 400%, do you know?" "Yes, I do know." Bob quipped. Fucking demon. "All right, Dad." I quipped too. Fucker. "Please, enlighten me with your knowledge." The grin widened, widening also the dominant urge of my body; namely, to smack it so far the Apollo Lander would have been pressed to find it. "Very well, since you asked so nicely, I suppose I shall explain. The rate of skill growth for those skills that are boosted by both attributes will be 400% - so long as both skills are in effect." It didn't occur to me to question whether his answer was true. For, while demons are known to be the kings of lies, it is also folk knowledge that their words can never be actually untrue - only... intentionally misleading. And while I may have been something of a newb to the whole 'living in a fantasy world' thing, it seemed a safe enough assumption in this case. The next question burning on my mind, as it would anyone's I suppose, was, "I know this is supposed to be eternal, but like, can I die here?" The creature shook his head. "Well... yes and no. You can die, but you will eventually be able to fight your way back. All dissolution of your avatar will do is leave your spirit drifting in the outer reaches of this hellscape. Soon enough, you will find yourself reforming your avatar and will... eventually... be able to fight your way through the veil back into this world." I raised an eyebrow, "Eventually?" Again, he nodded. "It usually doesn't take much longer than a few months. Though I very much doubt that you will find the experience... pleasant." Coming from the likes of him, I had a feeling that that was going to be the understatement of the century. I quietly made a little note-to-self. 'Don't die.' If only I had known the truth at the time, I have a feeling I would have curled up in a ball and never left that quiet grove I was standing in. But, sometimes ignorance is the savior of the ignorant. And even now, I find myself somewhat grateful to the beast for failing to convey the true horrors that awaited me. "Well," I shrugged. Finding myself anxious to get started - to see how much I could raise these skills before morning, and curious as to whether I could pick up a couple of new ones too. Gamers, I suppose, are nothing if not completely predictable. "Where do I go from here? And is there a way to contact you if I should have some questions later?" Like getting stuck in terrain, I thought sarcastically. It's always a good idea to know how to contact tech support. "Oh dearie, you have but to say my name, and profess your undying loyalty to me. As owner of your cute little soul. You shall find, I think, that I am never far away. Never far away at all..." Ok. So Bob was going to be a creepy old basterd. Noted. "But as to where to go from here, there is a town due west. A good place, I think you shall find, to pick up some gear and get to know some of the locals. And as a bonus for your purchase, I'll even throw in some advice. The residents here are human, with predictably human tendencies. I wouldn't show those pointy ears of yours within fifty miles of the place if I were you. You know, unless you're still curious about the afterlife." He continued standing there. Staring at me. Yep, defiantly a creepy fuck. Just to be sure I wasn't missing something though, I asked one more question - "So... is there anything else you think I should ask, or anything else that would be worth knowing?" "Yes," the demon replied. ARGHHH. "Please then, do enlighten me..." He shook his head. His smirk evolving into a leer as he blinked at my request. "No. Experience is a better teacher, after all. Go. Have your adventure. That was.... what you wanted, after all. Wasn't it?" He had a point, I supposed, but even still, I was done. And more than done. With a small huff, I turned and walked away into the forest, heading east. I focused my will on the image of myself in a mirror, on my human shape with my dull brown hair and my dull brown eyes. And I held the intent, until my fingers felt my ears begin to round, flattening into the dull oblong circle that I had always seen during my dull human life. I was in a fantasy world, with fantasy creatures - demons and elves, presumably with unicorns and dragons and faeries too. And yet, once again, I had to hide my light, the magical blood, that even now I could almost feel pumping away in my veins. It would have been downright depressing, in fact, if not for the deep understanding that even now, this very second, I was performing magic. This was the Witches' Masquerade. And I... at long last... was the motherfucking witch.