Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

“Roll river roll, carry me home, home to the land where the long shadows grow. Deep in the mountains, under wine red skies. I’ll be there with my love, just my love and I.”

-from “Madelle”, Terlin folk song

The last few days aboard the Iron Dreams passed in a frenzy. For Yan, it was spent working her bridge shifts, getting in a last bit of hangout time with her cousins and other family, and cleaning out her room. Sylva continued to work in the greenhouses and tag along after Yan when they weren't both working. Yan felt a little bad that she was spending relatively little time with just Sylva, but she wasn't sure when she would be seeing her family again.

Her room was another obstacle. She wasn't sure if she should leave it as it was or clean it entirely, since she probably wouldn't ever be spending extended time in it again. Eventually she settled on leaving relatively unimportant things behind: most of her ship's uniforms, some old school notebooks, all her photos off the walls, sleeping bag, et cetera. She packed them all into labeled boxes and left them in the room. If for some reason somebody needed the space, they could have it, but Yan somewhat doubted that anyone would need it. The Iron Dreams was big, after all, and her housing was in a relatively undesirable spot.

Finally, the day did come when the Iron Dreams returned to Byforest Station. The whole ship was a hive of activity. Cargo containers were being unloaded and transferred to various buyers, shuttles were coming and going from the Iron Dreams to let crew have some shore time on the station, and various passengers who had hitched or paid for rides were coming and going. On top of that, there was the standard contingent of people negotiating new contracts for the Dreams, both on the ship and on the station.

Yan and Sylva, as they hauled their luggage around with them on the large station shuttle, did nothing to stand out from this crowd. The station shuttle brought them to Byforest, and from there they were able to use their notes of transport and a bit of money to get a ride on a freighter bound for Emerri that would take them the rest of the way.

Their journey from the Iron Dreams back to Emerri took over a day, from the Dreams to Byforest to the freighter to Emerri, but the time felt like nothing to Yan. She was accustomed to making this journey, so even negotiating to hitch a ride was familiar for her. Sylva, however, was incredibly stressed about the whole thing, and had to let Yan do most of the talking. Yan didn't particularly mind, and she suspected the stress was not so much from the travel as it was from the prospect of them both beginning their apprenticeships as soon as they got back on planet. She didn't bring it up, though.

The elevator ride that would take them from the freighter down to the surface of the planet was generally unremarkable, aside from the elevator's cargo section taking a long time to load, and the passenger section being a bit emptier than Yan had usually seen it. The best thing about the elevator ride was always looking out the window at the planet below and watching it come slowly into clearer and clearer detail.

There was a part of Yan that was more than a little bit jealous of the elevator operators: it seemed like they would get to experience the best of both space life and planet life. When she expressed as much to Sylva, Sylva pointed out how tedious it must be to just monitor one big thing that just goes up and down on the same track, all day every day. Yan pointed out that there was at least a great view.

The elevator ride ended in the mountains on the other side of the continent from Imperial Center. From the elevator, the pair had to take a bus to the nearest airport, which was about thirty kilometers away.

Flying to their respective destinations would be the last leg of their journey, and also where Yan and Sylva would part ways. Sylva was going south, to Dexal, which was where her family lived. She would then have to take all of her belongings and move into the housing provided for her apprenticeship, which would be in the city of Landis, much further east. Yan would be flying northwest, to Yora, Imperial Center.

The airport was a shiny glass building, about two stories tall, but quite imposing and wide, with large arches above all of the doorways. Yan and Sylva entered, dragging their luggage behind them. As she always did after spending extended time on the Iron Dreams, Yan found the constant gravity to be quite the inconvenience. Yan and Sylva both could have levitated their luggage, but they knew it was polite not to do so, and really not to call attention to themselves as sensitives more than they already were by wearing their uniforms.

They were able to pass through security, though not without some event. Sylva went through without a hitch, but as Yan's passport was scanned, the security officer had to usher his manager over to confirm something. Yan suspected that her passport suddenly had some extra privileges associated with it due to her upcoming apprenticeship, because she was quickly ushered through security without even a cursory search.

The whole affair put a seed of unpleasantness in her stomach. For one, it was scary to think that high ranking officials could just slip through security without being, well, secured. She also was intimidated by the thought that First Sandreas would have put this privilege on her so immediately, and trustingly. It only added to the sense of dread that she was feeling about the entire apprenticeship.

Sylva watched the whole thing with curiosity, and Yan was grateful when she chose not to comment and instead asked if she wanted to get lunch before her flight. Yan agreed, and they both purchased some expensive airport fast food (Yan chose a sandwich, Sylva chose a salad), and sat down on some benches to eat it. Sylva's flight would be boarding in about an hour and a half, Yan's wouldn't start for another two after that, so she was in for a long wait. They ate and chatted about mindless things for most of the time, both of them trying desperately to avoid the subject at hand.

Finally, it came time for Sylva to head to her departure gate. Yan trailed behind her, not wanting to part ways until the last possible moment. The pair stood in front of the boarding area. There were about twenty other people sitting down or milling about as the plane was prepared for flight. Sylva's plane would be a small one.

Yan looked down at Sylva, and Sylva looked up at Yan.

"This really is the end of an era, isn't it?" Yan asked. She was trying to keep her cool, but her voice was cracking in her throat.

"You say that every time something moderately dramatic happens," Sylva said. "It'll be fine. We'll still get to see each other." Sylva, likewise, was putting on as best of an illusion of calmness as she could.

"I know, but it won't be the same," Yan said. At this, she scrunched up her face, and tried not to cry. "I'm going to miss you!"

Yan started crying.

"Oh, God," Sylva said. "Please don't cry, Yan." Sylva dropped her luggage on the ground and wrapped herself around Yan's midsection. Since Yan was significantly taller, Sylva only came up to Yan's chin height. "And here I thought I'd be the one crying. You big softie."

This loving action only served to make Yan cry harder.

Sylva reached up with one hand and put it on Yan's cheek, gently stroking her face with her thumb.

"Everything's going to be ok, I promise promise promise," Sylva said. They stood like that for a moment, awkwardly in the middle of the airport. Most people seemed to be ignoring them, and the part of Yan’s brain that was capable of registering such things was grateful for that.

Yan grabbed Sylva's other hand. "Sylva..." Yan said. Her tears had slowed down a little bit, but her face was burning hot and she still had the lump in her throat that made it hard to talk.

Sylva looked up into Yan's eyes, and stood on her tiptoes. The hand that was on Yan's face snaked around to the back of her neck to try to pull the taller woman's head down. "Give me a kiss for the road?" Sylva whispered.

Yan sniffled but leaned down willingly. It was an awkward first kiss for the two of them, since Yan was still crying a little, and they were in the middle an airport, and Sylva was wobbly on her tiptoes, but it was sweet regardless. They broke apart a moment later when the flight attendant on the loudspeaker announced that boarding was beginning.

"Didn't know if you would actually go for that," Sylva said, her face red now. "I love you, Yan."

Yan responded by hugging Sylva tightly, again.

"You will keep me updated with how your apprenticeship is going, right?" Sylva asked, hugging back. "I don't want to have to worry about you."

"I will, I promise," Yan said, still sniffling. "I don't want you to go."

"Yeah. Me neither." Sylva put on a stiff face and extracted herself from Yan's vicelike grip. "I'll come visit you first vacation I get."

"Ok." Yan let go, however unwillingly.

"I've gotta go get on my plane," Sylva said reluctantly.

Yan nodded and sniffled. "We can call each other, right?"

"Of course," Sylva sounded choked up. "I'll message you tomorrow, or as soon as we're both off airplanes and awake."

"Go get on the plane," Yan said, watching the line of passengers head out the door to the plane.

Sylva nodded. "Bye, Yan."

"Have a good flight," Yan responded.

"You too." Sylva retrieved her luggage from the floor where it had been dropped. She turned to go, dragging it behind her, but looking back over her shoulder every few steps as she headed towards the door. Yan waved at her. Sylva waved back with her free hand, then vanished out the door.

Yan wiped at her face with her sleeve, coming away with plenty of tears and more than a little snot. How undignified. She did her best to regulate her breathing, then gathered her luggage and went to find a spot to watch Sylva's plane take off. It would be a while before her own flight, so she had at least that luxury of time.

After a long time stationed watching in front of one large window, Yan saw the small aircraft carrying Sylva travel faster and faster down the runway and into the sky. She felt, rather than saw, Sylva's presence, her near constant companion, fade into the distance. Fresh tears welled up in Yan's eyes, but she did her best to keep them at bay.

Yan watched planes take off until she had to go to her own flight, alternating between praying, meditating, and feeling generally distressed about the future. Whenever one of those activities became too overwhelming, she switched to the next. Meditation failed to soothe her as it normally did, prayer only made her sad, and thinking about the future brought on too many questions that prayer and meditation had no easy answers for.

Eventually, she boarded her own flight, and, feeling secure in the sky, fell asleep for almost the entirety of her own long journey.