I’ve been spending my time wisely.

Namely, I’ve been asking an unrelenting, constant barrage of questions at the universe.

Is my health statistic nineteen?

(buzzer.)

Is it twenty?

(buzzer.)

Is it twenty one?

(ding!)

All right, I think I’ve gotten the hang of this. By asking yes or no questions that are directly relative to the commands the universe has built into itself, it is possible to discover what exactly is on my status board, even if I can’t see it. The only drawback is that I can’t read any of the skills or perks that I might have, and going over the entire English vocabulary (provided it is, in fact, the English language I’m thinking in) isn’t an effective method at all to discover those abilities. Therefore, I’m reduced to figuring out what my ‘stats’ are, one at a time. Thus far the board in my head looks something like this:

Book

Health: 21

Agility: 0

Strength: 0

Intelligence: 75

Intuition: 0

Abilities/Mutations: Magic Eye

Overall, it isn’t really great. And I had to ask the universe, increasing the number one by one, about my intelligence for much longer than I rather would have.

Unfortunately, with that out of the way, I no longer have anything that I can increase or discover. I really want someone to find me, already.

[WARNING! SSS-rank Deus Ex Machina/SSS-rank Fourth Wall Breaker approaching! Rewinding and repairing… Failed due to insufficient resources! Computing alternate solutions… success rate eighty-six percent!]

(Hostile presence detected!)

What’s this? The universe is finally talking? It’s about time! I have some questi-

(Skill ‘Erase Aura’ acquired! Recommended path: use immediately!)

I get a skill for free? What about the skill currency?

(USE IMMEDIATELY!)

Fine, don’t get your galaxy in a twist!

I get a strange feeling as Erase Aura activates, as if I’m being erased along with my aura.

Someone picks me up, and my eye instinctively opens.

OW!

I haven’t seen anything for so long, light hurts!

Everything’s blurry!

“Huh.”

My eye freezes. Did someone just talk? I don’t have ears! How could I understand someone talking if I don’t have ears? Did he use telepathy? Or does my cover transmit sound?

“I could have sworn I detected some weird stuff coming from this book.”

I felt the sensation of being flipped over.

“Oh, it has an eye! I haven’t seen a book with an eye since Thaddeus’ Compendium went nuts. Hey book, can you understand what I’m saying?”

(DO NOT RESPOND.)

Yes! Yes, I can understand what you’re saying! Go away, universe, I need conversation! Deactivate Erase Aura already, and let me talk!

“...I guess not.”

He sets me down, my eye facing upwards.

No! Come back! Please come back, I just… want… to talk to somebody…

(Crisis averted!)

Shut up, universe, I’m starting to feel depressed.

(Skill retained!)

...Well, that is some consolation.

Wait!

I can see!

As my eye adjusts to the light (which is taking much longer than I want it to), I can make out some details. I’m next to a dark, wooden bookshelf stretching up… I can’t tell how far. It’s not that it’s ridiculously tall, but one eye means I have terrible depth perception, no matter how magic it is. It’s full of books, and I can see another equally tall bookshelf across from me, both of them loaded with books of every color and size. The ceiling is far above me and appears to be made of some kind of polished marble. It’s gorgeous architecture, due to the well-carved arches and evenly placed buttresses, so, that reassures my inner knowledge-seeker that my sense of art is well intact.

Hmmm… It seems that I retain the knowledge of historical architecture without really remembering the history itself. Whatever it is that’s keeping my memories suppressed is either an incredibly clever individual, or it’s fixing whatever mistakes it’s making through some previously unknown-

[Excess knowledge detected; deviating from desired timeline! Rewinding and repairing… Complete!]

[Experiencing emotional rise; identification, annoyance! Side note in case of secondary, similar situation: obtain less intelligent target.]

[Train of thought forcibly broken: proceeding!]

All right, since I can see now, I might as well find out if my board compares to the real thing.

Status!

...Are you KIDDING ME?!

I can see my status board all right. I can see the top corner of it out of my peripheral vision!

If I’m lying down, my eye can’t turn far enough to see the whole thing!

Dang it, I want to see my stats for myself!

Well, I can still see some information.

It’s not much, but…

Grimoire: Lvl 0

Zero? I developed a friggin’ eye, where are you getting at with zero?

Also, grimoire? Like a wizard’s spellbook? Can I cast spells?

All right, calm down. I’m a calm book.

...I’m certain no one’s ever thought that before. Unless books are the dominant race in this world, that is...

No, it’s unlikely. The person who approached earlier had hands, and I think I caught a fuzzy outline of a face.

Okay, okay. If I’m a grimoire in a world with stats, and I have stats of my own, it makes sense that I can perform spells for myself. How do I learn spells, though? Do I come up with my own?

Hmmm… No reason I shouldn’t try.

A fireball is the first thing that comes to mind. It’s a common enough spell in the video games I have a vague memory of, and if I remember correctly, this world does have some significant similarities with those.

Very well, now I just have to figure out how a fireball works…

Hey universe, is there a dominant and employable energy source in you? Like mana, or magicules, or spell points, or - you know, anything like that?

(ding!)

Finally, it’s being helpful.

Is it mana?

(ding!)

If mana is the prevalent energy here, and it’s used in spells, then it’s safe to assume that it can be manipulated into alternate forms of energy, or even used to temporarily create or alter already existing mass and energy into spells.

[Experiencing emotional rise! Identification: shock! Allocating bonus due to rapid understanding of mana theory.]

...Hey now, did my level just go up?

(ding!)

That wasn’t a question, but thanks for answering! Were any of my stats increased?

(buzzer.)

Darn it. Did I gain any skill currency at least?

(ding!)

Excellent! Are there any spells I can purchase with it?

(ding!)

...One of them wouldn’t happen to be a fireball, would it?

(ding!)

Great! Buy it, already!

Do I have it yet?

(ding!)

I should try it out! It’d be great to test my theory about mana… and cast…

I’m in a library.

Full of very flammable books.

Please tell me I have more skill currency.

(buzzer.)

Dang it, I wanted a different skill! Can I get a refund?

(buzzer.)

Come on, I missed out on a conversation for you! Surely I deserve some compensation?

(...)

Please?

(buzzer.)

I really don’t like you at all.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Come on, give me a skill. You did it earlier, right?

(buzzer.)

Why not? It’d be - whoa!

I can see a young girl walking near me. She’s coming over -

I just got picked up!

“Father, look at this book! It has an eye! May I buy it?”

Once again, how the heck can I hear anything?

“But Father, it might be a rare book!”

She flips me open.

...Should I feel embarrassed or excited? I haven’t really been in this situation before. Also, since my cover is now facing the ground, the only thing I can see is a well-sewn pink dress with white frills. It’s covering her shoes.

“And there’s a spell in it! Father, it’s a grimoire!”

Dang straight, I’m a grimoire! Be in awe of my grimoire-ness!

“I know it’s in bad condition. That’s why I want it!”

Huh? Bad condition? Also, why can’t I hear the other end of this conversation?

Ohhh, I get it now! I can only hear someone if they’re holding me.

That’s a weirdly specific rule. Why did you design me like this, universe?

She closes the cover, allowing me to get a better look at her. She has a kind face (currently wearing a stubborn expression), but her skin is rather pale. I get the feeling she doesn’t spend much time outside. Her blue eyes are outlined by short blond hair that isn’t especially cut well, contrasting the rich-girl dress. Her lips are pressed into a thin line at the moment with mild annoyance.

She’s honestly rather cute.

“Father, you promised me that if I could find a grimoire, I could fix it up and keep it! You’re always telling me that I should be able to defend myself.”

Another hand, a much larger one, grabs onto my spine and holds me in the air.

“...only said that you should learn magic for protection. I didn’t say you could buy a book which is almost certainly cursed.”

The man I’m looking at is quite a bit taller than (Lola?) and a lot more intimidating. He’s got sharp features and brown, excellently maintained hair. A pair of circular glasses with gold frames is set on a ridged nose, allowing me to see a pair of calculating brown eyes. He’s wearing a neatly ironed crimson suit, a white undershirt, and a burgundy tie.

How the heck is this guy that lovely little girl’s parent?

“Yes, I could, but - oh, fine, why not.”

It annoys me that I can only ever hear one part of the conversation.

He raises a hand and points at me, and his finger lights up with magic. I observe quite carefully, making sure I know exactly what I’m seeing.

Red tendrils cover his index finger, and his glasses are suddenly rimmed with the mana. His eyes narrow as he looks at me, and he leans a little closer.

As I’m getting nervous, the spell dissipates and he sighs.

“No, it’s not cursed. I’ve just never seen a book with an eye before.”

Of course, you haven’t. I’m the only one!

...and that Compendium the earlier guy was talking about.

Finally, his concerned expression softens, and he says, “Fine. You can buy it. But I expect to see you practicing with it daily.”

Yes! Now I can see other things than the roof I’ve been staring at!

Lola tackles him with a hug, her arms reaching up to around his shoulders, and that’s when I see the love he has for her in his eyes. Smiling gently, he hugs her back, then hands me over.

“Oh, Father, the front of the book is a little damp.”

No, it’s not! Y- your front is damp!

Why are there tear ducts built into this eye?!

She tucks me under her arm, being careful to let my eye stick out. Why thank you, kind Lola! Now I can see what else of this place there is!

...holy crap.

This place is huge!

I thought I was in a fancy bookstore, but I can see mahogany bookshelves as far as the eye can see!

As with the aisle I was in, I'm sure this colossal library is lined with books on every topic I can think of. Despite the fact that I can’t read any of the symbols depicted on the signs hanging above me, I can still appreciate the history, the philosophy, the mathematics… I feel like I should be salivating from the sheer knowledge on display.

Ooh, helpful. I used to salivate. I’ll keep that in mind for later.

I also get the opportunity to see more of the fashion worn by the denizens of this world. I see a variety of frills and suits, and even a monocle or two. It’s a pleasant piece of information, though it’s likely I’m just in a more expensive part of town.

How did I even end up in a library anyway? As unlikely as it sounds, I can only assume that I began my existence here. How, though?

Somehow, we end up at a short counter, where Lola places me eye-up. I can see her father having a short conversation with the lovely librarian, whereupon she picks me up.

“...can’t say I remember this book. It’s clearly a grimoire, yes, but why would we buy one in such bad condition? It looks like it’s been cut repeatedly.”

Why does everyone keep saying I’m in bad condition? And who would cut a book?

My eye swivels in its small socket, looking back and forth from the librarian to Lola, and I’m distracted.

Oh my gosh, that’s adorable.

Lola isn’t quite tall enough to reach the top of the counter, so she’s standing on tiptoe, arms crossed on the surface, her chin pushed down and them, with a stubborn expression of certainty. Her mouth is moving, but I don’t know what she’s saying until she takes me out of the librarian’s hands. She’s smiling now.

“...you so much! I’ll take good care of it!”

Ahem. I’m fairly sure I’m a ‘him’. Although ‘it’ is likely a better noun… darn it, how do I classify a book with a gender? I’m just going to have to face the fact that I’m an object now.

Hugging me tightly, my eye just barely pokes out above her arms as she walks out of the library, and takes me to civilization...