This Isn’t My World, And It Pisses Me Off

Chapter 23

“I made a friend!” Ikari smiled widely, his mouth open in a stupid grin. He knew how ridiculous he looked right now, and found it hilarious.

“He-Hello.” Amethyst raised her hand awkwardly. Ikari considered embarrassment a good revenge for trying to kill him. He wondered if that’s how all of his future encounters with death might end up.

“Hello.” Both Amelia and Madyline responded unsurely. They considered the situation odd at best and downright dangerous at worst. However, this was Ikari they were looking at. Ikari being constricted by a Lamia and seemingly having no issue holding her up.

“Oh, by the way, Amelia.” He spoke, walking over to the secretary, whose eyes widened as he approached with the Lamia.

“Y-Yes, Demon King Sir?” She asked.

Ikari was physically unable to flinch while still wrapped up by Amethyst, but he did flinch emotionally. “I found some ore down in a cave where I found her.” He nodded his head up to Amethyst. “Do you think you could find out what kind it is?”

“Uh, yes. I am able to do that. I was a secretary in Bergwick but I also had to check the quality of the goods being sent out of our town.” She nodded to Ikari. “Do you have it with you?”

“Uh, no. Sorry. I didn’t have a pickaxe and also was unable to move for a while.” He smirked as Amethyst tightened her coils slightly in embarrassment.

“What do you mean unable to move?” Madyline asked, approaching Ikari while still gripping her mace, eying the Lamia carefully.

“Oh Amethyst tried to kill me.” He said casually, with a smile. Both the human females' heads snapped to the Lamia’s, who was busy trying to hide behind her hands and blushing madly.

“I’m sorry! He basically invaded my home! And then he took pity on me because I couldn’t kill him and brought me with him.” She said in a vaguely whiny tone.

Madyline sighed and let her mace fall a bit. “Why am I not surprised that’s what you would do.” She asked Ikari, who simply grinned in response.

“It’s getting quite late, I don’t think going back into the cave now would be the best idea.” Amelia said, looking east and seeing the setting sun.

“Wait. What direction is that?” Ikari asked, squinting his eyes as he looked out to the sunset.

“East.” The three females said all at the same time.

“The sun sets in the east!?” He asked. The girls all nodded once in confirmation. “That, that’s gonna…” Ikari blinked several times, before his brain rebooted.

“Out of all the things I have experienced after being thrown into a different world, that is the thing that fucks me up the most.” With that said, he turned on his heel and began marching back to the castle, muttering to himself about east and west and rotations.

The others wondered why he was so confused about it. Madyline just figured it was because he hadn’t seen a sunrise or sunset while he had been in this world. “You know there’s two moons as well, right?” She asked.

Needless to say the outburst that he responded with confirmed that he did not know there were two moons.

“WHY?! How does that work for werewolves?!” Ikari began to complain, unable to throw his hands up in anger as Amethyst was still coiled around him. He rested his chin on her tail and grumbled under his breath at this world's design.

He could still see the red bar indicating his health slowly going down. Right now there was about a centimetre of it missing.

He wondered how long this poison would take to kill him. He wasn’t joking when he said a year, it might even take longer. “I think I have a potion of Cure Poison.” He murmured. “But is that a cure all? Or does it only work on certain poisons.”

Ikari continued muttering to himself, while Amethyst twisted herself away from him so that her upper body was next to the two other women. “Does he do this often?” She asked, gesturing to the strange noises.

“Yes.” Madyline said with a small laugh. “Ikari is rather strange in some regards. But he has a good heart and is remarkably intelligent.” The sun continued to set as the group made their way back to the castle.

“I’m gonna have to ask Amber or Jade if Beezlebub had a potion making place. I’m not sure how to make them without the Alchemist Station.” Ikari continued to speak aloud.

“You could ask Olga.” Amelia piped up, causing Ikari’s neck to turn round in the coils to look at her. “She ran an Apothecary in Larune. She would know how to create them.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea.” He nodded, increasing his pace slightly. The other two girls immediately attempted to keep pace. The difference was easily noticeable, as neither girl possessed the world breaking enchantments that Ikari had on his person.

Luckily, as it was so easily noticed, Ikari slowed down. “Actually, I think I might have a Cure Poison potion in my bag.” He glanced back to Madyline, who swung his bag around immediately upon it being addressed.

She held her hand over the black abyss, and the neck of a bottle came into her grasp. “Here you are, Ikari.” She held the potion out to him.

Ikari looked downward, seeing his hands pinned to his side by Amethyst’s tail. He looked back up to the lamia. “Would you mind? Please?”

The purple scaled lamia gave a slight roll of her eyes, but reached down and took the potion from Madyline. Before giving it to Ikari, she held it in her own hands and squinted at it. A small brown screen appeared in front of her eyes.

“This doesn’t seem that impressive.” She murmured. Ikari frowned in confusion, craning his neck to see the screen.

The description simply read “Cures Poison”. Ikari made a small noise of disappointment. “Look, that’s not one of my best ok. It doesn’t show the numbers.”

“Honestly I can’t even understand most of the numbers.” Madyline said, shaking her head slightly as Amethyst gave Ikari the potion. Someone else probably would have considered the gesture romantic, but the fact it was Amethyst that caused the poison took away from it.

Ikari took a gulp, and did not feel the poison leave. He realised he must have to drink the entire thing. As he drank he began to think about why he needed to drink the whole thing, when his Alchemy buff was so high.

“Maybe it’s because it’s one that doesn’t have any additional percentages to help. I’m going to have to seriously find out the difference between all the different classes of potions.” He swallowed the last of the potion and let out a strangled groan.

“Uh. It tastes like cough medicine. And not the good kind.” He shook his head, trying to get rid of the taste. Amethyst looked back to Madyline and Amelia in confusion. They both shrugged, the words sounding just as foreign to them as they did to the Lamia.

“Replenish.” The Lamia looked down to see the bottle refilling itself with a pink liquid. “Glad that worked.” Ikari spoke as Amethyst leaned down to give the potion back to Madyline. “Was afraid I’d have to milk you or something.”

The words caused the two human women to freeze in their tracks in horror. Amethyst, meanwhile, looked down to her chest in confusion. “What are you talking about? You can’t milk me. I’m a reptile.” She placed a hand against her flat scaled chest.

“Well, yeah. Duh.” Ikari agreed, vaguely confused. “I meant in the way you’d milk a snake. I’d have you bite a piece of leather or something and collect your venom. Then try to make an anti-venom. Somehow.” He paused.

“I just realised I don’t know how to do that.” He stopped walking for a moment at the realisation. “Thank God for broken magic items.” He gave a small chuckle and continued walking. Madyline and Amelia seemed to snap out of their stupor once they realised Ikari hadn’t considered sexually assaulting their new companion.

“I’m annoyed at myself for even thinking that.” Madyline murmured to herself, the muttering only picked up by Amelia.

“Why? It was a fair reaction to the term.” She asked quietly.

“Because everything I know about Ikari would tell me he would never do that.” The maid responded, gripping her mace tightly. “Ikari is a kind soul and- oh.” She remembered something they had discussed earlier when in captivity.

“He- Ikari!” Madyline jogged up slightly to catch up with the Demon King. Ikari ignored the slip, knowing she still had to get used to calling him by name. “Um, I know this may be an invasive question, but what is your highest Virtue?”

Amelia gave a soft gasp, as if she was scandalised. “Madyline.” She hissed. “You can’t just ask someone that!”

“She can’t?” Amethyst and Ikari said at the same time. They glanced at each other in confusion, then back to the humans. “I don’t mind. It’s just another stat right?” He questioned.

“Well…” Madyline looked down at her feet and twisted her mace in her hands awkwardly. Amelia noticed this and stepped forward slightly, patting Madyline on the shoulder.

“Virtues are considered by most to be very, personal information.” She searched for the right words. “Because it shows a persons true nature. At least, that’s what everyone within Larune’s Kingdom is taught.”

“Oh.” Ikari thought for a moment. It made sense, in a way. “So, you’re only meant to show your Virtues to people you trust?” He asked.

“Yes, essentially.” Amelia nodded.

Ikari took this in. “Show Virtues.” He said, as the screen appeared before him. Both Madyline and Amelia gasped, but their eyes couldn’t help but roam over the stats in front of them.

“Is that the same for you?” He asked Amethyst, who was also glancing at the Virtue Scale, granted with not as much interest as the other two.

The Lamia shrugged. “I mean, maybe? When you live in the Demon Lands you just assume everyone has low virtues. So for us it’s more of a ‘Here are my Sins and Virtues so you know I’m not a jerk’.” Amethyst closed her eyes for a moment, and a similar screen popped up in front of her.

“Oh.” Ikari looked over her Virtues. They seemed to be more rounded out than his own, save for her Diligence. “Someone’s lazy.” He joked. Amethyst responded with a huff of air through her nose.

“Well someone’s got a temper.” She nodded to his Temperance and Patience. Ikari recalled how his Sin of Wrath literally broke the scale, and was inclined to agree.

“Hey I’m getting better.” With that he tried to close the screen, before remembering his arms were pinned to the side by Amethysts tail. “Uh. Close Screen? Close. Stop. Exit Screen.” He tried a few different variations, but nothing seemed to work.

“God damn it. I was so comfortable.” He cursed and wiggled his arm up and out, reaching out and closing the screen in front of him. He was now left with one arm lying on top of the many coils of Amethysts. “Might as well let me go now. We’re getting closer and I don’t know how well some of the others would react to seeing this.”

“Yeah, you have a point.” She closed her own Virtues screen, which had caught the attention of Amelia and Madyline. They immediately looked embarrassed at having looked at it, but Amethyst didn’t seem to mind.

She unfurled herself from Ikari, her tail unwinding far back behind the group, as she stretched her limbs and tail with a sigh of relief. “Was getting cramped from holding on.” She continued to follow the trio, her tail pushing her forward as it slithered along the ground.

Ikari had one eye on the tail, watching the motions it made to push her forward. “That’s cool.” He thought to himself, returning his eyes to the front. He smiled as he saw the top of the castle begin to come into view over the hill they were cresting.

“Well, Amethyst.” He said with a smirk as they reached the top of the hill, and the castle and lands before could be seen by all in the setting Sun.

“Welcome to the New Demon Kingdom.”