This Isn’t My World, And It Pisses Me Off

Chapter 21

Mostly, as it turned out, meant dignity.

Ikari promised himself he wouldn’t kill anyone. And that prevented the easier solution to defeating an army.

However, with this promise in place, it gave Ikari a challenge. And led to what one could call creative solutions to dealing with problems.

Which is how Ikari now had a ridiculous amount of armour, swords, robes, bows, arrows and whatever else the soldiers carried on them laid in a pile outside of the massive wooden trees that now formed the border of the demon lands.

Ikari had gone as fast as he could, and taken apart the army at the very seems. He removed every piece of armour, leaving the soldiers in nothing but their undergarments. Along with a swift kick in the nuts to every soldier.

It went slowly at first, as Ikari had difficulty taking the armour off. Before realising he could just cut it off at the straps and fix it later.

From an outsiders perspective, it probably looked like he had dashed through the entire battlefield with his sword drawn, cutting off the armour of his enemies with ease.

From his own perspective, he had tried for a minute in his time, so probably a second from someone else's view, given up and started to try and cut it with his sword.

The problem was his sword was meant for slashing and stabbing. Not slowly cutting through a few leather straps. Once he got one done, he moved onto the next. And the next. And the next.

Ikari had been right earlier. There was thousands of shoulders. Three thousand four hundred and twenty five to be exact. And he dismantled the armour of every. Single. One.

He would have gone mad if not for the kick he gave each and every soldier. He had to make sure to not kill them, and not use his enchantment of strength. He didn’t want to kill them. Just send their nuts up into themselves and have them go through puberty again until they dropped back down.

He had finally thrown everything into a nice neat-

A nice-

A pile. It was a pile.

Then, he remembered what the women had said about staying in the Demon Lands, and grabbed them too.

It was three quick trips. He had no problem using his strength enchant here. He picked up two with one arm each, and ran to the walls. He set them down next to Jade, Amber and Emerald. He blinked. He’d have to check if their names were jewels as well.

He had finally gotten Madyline back to the wall, and was about to end his speed, when he had a brilliant idea.

He took out his phone once more, set the camera to record, pointed it at the army, and stopped his enchantments.

It was like a wave. Spreading out from where he had found the girls, as every member of the army clutched their groin and fell to their knees. It was a visual he would treasure forever and replay at every opportunity.

The only person that didn’t fall to their knees in pain, was Baron Von Bastard. Ikari didn’t remember his actual name, but it worked well enough for him.

He was in the centre of the soldiers, trusting that they would shield him, probably with their bodies if necessary. Instead, they fell to the ground thanks to the one weakness all men shared.

Ikari blinked. He should make a quadrillion armour rating cup while he thought of it. Couldn’t have something similar happen to him. Though, he was fairly certain he had made sure of that.

He was the only one in this world who thought of abusing the mechanics given to him. And he could assume this world has existed far longer than he had. And yet, no one had even considered it. He stole all the alchemy supplies from the castle, so even if another Hero came through, they wouldn’t be able to.

“Aaaaah!” Oh right. Baron Von Bastard.

“I warned you.” He spoke, loud enough for the Baron to hear even without a sonorous crystal. “You’re not fighting a Hero.”

He stood, jabbing an arm at him and shouting. “YOU HAVE ACTED DIRECTLY AGAINST LARUNE! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!” It was an arm he was point at him, because he was missing the hand.

Madyline finally realised the joke Ikari was trying to make, and felt a bit ill.

“You acted against me and my Kingdom first!” Ikari responded with an angry wave of his hand. “The only reason you are still alive is because I’m not going to kill anyone.” That was apparently the wrong thing to say to the Baron, as he grew a maniacal look.

“You refuse to kill! You are a Hero still, and a weak willed one at that!” He laughed madly, but faded when he saw Ikari smile.

“I, refuse to kill.” Ikari repeated. “I make no such promises for my lovely acquaintances.” He took a small step to the side, gesturing to Jade and Amber. The furred warrior growled ferociously, taking one of the arrows from the bouquet and hurling it towards the Baron.

It missed, on purpose, but it served it’s message. Von Bastard took about three steps back, and ran. Blubbering and screaming all the while pushing soldiers out of his way. The soldiers were still barely recovering, but seeing their apparent leader running away screaming caused them to follow suit.

“And tell Otto if he tries to fuck with my Kingdom again, I’m going to use his throne as a toilet seat!” He yelled after them, borrowing an arrow from Jade and hurling it towards a ballista. The weapon shattered, the effect causing the soldiers to speed up in running away.

The three who had lived within Larune’s walls were somewhat disappointed in their army. They then realised it wasn’t their army anymore.

“So, I did get you all back.” Ikari told Tara, leaning on his sword like a cane. He hoped they didn’t hold the fact they were taken by the previous Demon King against him.

“You did.” The muscular woman nodded, impressed. A small worried expression appeared on her face. “...you’re not gonna make us part of your harem are you?”

Ikari’s grip on the sword loosened as he slipped and fell to the ground in shock. “No!” He exclaimed from the dirt, jumping up and dusting himself off immediately. Not that it was necessary, with his self-cleaning enchantment.

It was an odd reaction to the answer. They all looked relieved, but also, surprised. “I don’t want a damn harem.” Ikari continued, making sure they didn’t think it was because he found them attractive or something. “It’s so fucking cliche for this genre.”

“I don't know what that last bit means.” Tara responded, the others nodding. “But, alright. I’m glad you don’t want a harem. And not just cause we aren’t your type or something.” The farmer smirked as she said it, watching Ikari, the Demon King, blush.

“Actually,” Madyline said suddenly, and Ikari had a feeling he was in trouble. “Ikari finds muscular women quite attractive. There was a blacksmith in Larune tha-” The Maid did not get to say anymore, as Ikari had placed a hand over her mouth, his face a burning red.

He gulped, and turned to look at the group before him. Every female, that included Amber, Jade and Emerald, were looking at him with a glint in their eyes. “Apparently girls in this world love gossip just as much as the old one.”

---

“And she just threw the hammer at him?” Jade asked Madyline, a feline grin wide on her face. Madyline nodded, a smile over taking her own expression.

“Yes. It hit him square in the nose and he fell over.” She told her. The Neko laughed loudly, as did the rest of the group. Ikari had stayed behind, to spare himself the embarrassment of being teased due to a single interaction he had with a girl.

“And that was the first time they met.” Amber questioned. When Madyline nodded she continued. “What of the second?”

“Well, the second time, she kissed him.” She said, her smile becoming a little bit sly that she knew this and the others didn’t.

“WHAAAAT??” They all echoed, even the reserved Amber.

“Why did she kiss him?” Emerald asked. The Dryad was the newest member of the group, Madyline not even knowing she existed when she left the Demon Lands.

The maid giggled as she recounted the events that had led up to the incident. She felt comfortable talking to them, even if some of them would be considered ‘Monsters’ back in Larune. Then again, she would be considered a traitor, so it evened out.

They continued talking, the topic changing from Ikari to Larune in general, to Weizen, to farming, to mining and everything in between. They didn’t even notice they had gotten back to the castle until a huge group of demons and monsters ran up to them.

“Where is the Demon King?” “What was the horn?” “Is the humans staying with us?”

The questions came rapidly, but it was Amber who waved a hand and silenced them all. She had been the commander of their troops, and thus was given the respect she deserved. “The Demon King is following us. He stayed behind for, his own reasons.”

“The horn was a human war horn. An army was marching upon us.” She nodded to the group of ogres and goblins that had been with them during the discovery. They had planted the seeds as instructed, and then ran back to the main castle area under the instruction not to tell anyone.

There was an immediate worried mumbling. “The Demon King-” She was going to continue, but Jade jumped in.

“Ikari made them all run away like little bitches!” She exclaimed with a laugh. The words were much crasser than what any of the others would have liked, but it got the mood up. Those before them jumped and hooted in joy.

“As for the last question…” Amber continued, not answering herself but rather turning to Madyline. The maid looked surprised, glancing back to the older girls, but seeing them nod in approval.

“U-Um.” She swallowed at the silence. The monsters and demons awaiting her words. Madyline shook her head, angry at herself. They weren’t monsters. “Yes. We will be staying here for the foreseeable future. We will do our best to not cause you any trouble.”

She bowed to them, a habit she was taught while training to be a maid. The other women, unsure of what to do, copied her actions. Amber was pleased at the action, but Jade rolled her eyes at the formality.

“But, still where is Demon King?” Jade glanced up, seeing it was actually Iron who had asked the question. The four armed ogre looking a lot more colourful since she had last seen him. Covered in splotches of yellow and green and blue.

The Neko shrugged. “Said he needed to pick some stuff up.” She wasn’t sure what the King meant, not that she would call him a King to his face. She thought of him as one for certain. He killed Beezlebub. Beat her.

But if he was called a King he wouldn’t be impressed. Jade could just tell he’d be annoyed by the title. “Oh, there he is.” She heard Madyline speak, and turned to look at the maid. She was looking skyward.

Confused, but curious, Jade looked up. Just in time to see Ikari slam down onto the ground, landing in a crouched position while in either hand he carried a massive wooden bowl. Jade’s eyes widened as she realised they were the buckets of the catapults.

Inside them was all of the armour, swords and robes that he had stolen from the army. And he had no flight as far as she knew, which meant he had used another catapult to fling himself towards the Kingdom.

Her eyes widened and her tail bristled as he stood from his crouched position, having left his hoodie among the armour. That left him in what looked like a plain white tunic, that appeared a little tight on him with the sudden change his body must have gone through in coming to this world.

His back muscles flexed and bunched up as he lifted the buckets up high in celebration for those before them. Jade bit her lip.

Ping!

Jade reacted immediately, her furred finger slamming through the X to close the notification before anyone could notice it. They all seemed to be distracted by Ikari as he handed out pieces of armour to the crowd.

She let out a sigh of relief, before hearing a cough and freezing. She moved like a glacier, turning to the sound of the noise.

Amber and Emerald were smirking at her.

“Not. A word.” She warned them, her face becoming red as she turned back to watch Ikari, who hadn’t noticed the notification pop up. She sighed and chewed her lip.

She liked strong guys. Who could blame her. And seeing someone juggling what was easily two tons without an issue?

If she wasn’t careful she’d have some more notifications popping up. “Oh, Jade.” Her green eyes blinked and she looked towards Ikari. He was holding a sword out to her, one that appeared to have faint runes. “This was the coolest looking one I could find. Figured it might help make up for your other sword.”

The Demon King smiled at her, bright white teeth shining. A noticeable difference to the slimy yellow fangs of Beezlebub. “It’s a start.” Jade grinned, taking the sword, flipping it round and catching it by the handle.

It was well balanced, designed for an average male human, but with her own strength she could wield it without a problem. She gave it a test swing, and a small flame followed the trail the sword cut. “Guess it’s enchanted.”

“Hah. I can make a better enchantment than that.” Ikari gave a small chuckle, before shaking his head. He turned his attention to the five women that had agreed to stay with them. “So, I hope you don’t have any problems living here.”

The five quickly glanced around, seeing the barren stretches and barely functional houses. “It’s… homely.” Sofia said neutrally.

“Yeah that’s thanks to the asshole before me.” He told them. “But, I want to make it better. Do, any of you have any skills in carpentry by any chance?”

“You’re not cutting down my trees!” Emerald called from a short distance away. Ikari flinched, before nodding to himself and rubbing his head.

“Right. Plus, fire. Bad idea.” He shook his head. “Well, ignoring that, do you think you have any skills that might help?” He asked.

“I’m a farmer.” Tara informed him. “I know how to plant and sow seeds. That’s usually the most important thing for any place.”

Her words caused Ikari to blink and pinch the bridge of his nose. “You’re right. You are very right. That is much more important than a wall.” He would definitely need some food for his new subjects. And boy was it weird to think of them like that.

“Is the land here ripe for growing?” He asked Amber. She sucked in air through her teeth, and gave a half hearted smile. “Right. Desolate demon lands.” He rolled his eyes, before turning to Emerald.

“What?” The Dryad asked, noticing his gaze.

“Are you able to make dirt fertile?” He asked.

Emerald gave a small laugh. “With this,” She began, flexing her hand that wore the ring Ikari had given her. “You bet I can.”

“Right. Uh, Tara, can you go with Emerald please? And Amber, can you show them where the most dirt is?” Despite the odd request, Amber nodded and gestured for the two to follow.

That left Ikari with the rest of the group.

“Now. What to do with all of you.”