Chapter 26: Adrift In The River Of Life

I’m running through the forest and I can feel my rifle in my hands. I hear another spray of gunfire rake the trees next to me. I roll over a fallen tree trunk, taking cover behind it and I wait for the next spray. The enemy's bullets slam into the tree trunk, splintering the wood. When the spray ended I raised my rifle and saw the enemy. Those Russians with their glowing green eyes and glowing green rifles. I take aim and down one of them before downing the other. My shots land on target and the two bodies drop, their black blood spraying onto the grass.

I take a look around and see that the coast looks to be clear. Only two pursuers so far. I need to move before more show up. I need to get to the location, if not I’ll… I’ll what? I don’t remember...

Well it doesn’t matter, I have my mission. So I grunt as I drag myself to my feet, I check my remaining ammunition. Two magazines, a frag grenade and a smoke grenade left. Can’t believe I agreed to this stupid mission, if they haven’t told me… told me what again?

Then I hear a loud explosion as the ground shakes. I look behind me and I see another explosion blow another tree into splinters. I can see the explosions creeping towards me, it’s bloody artillery strike. I turn and begin bolting through the forest, I know where I need to go and I need to get her out before the two of us get blasted into mince.

Then I see the clearing, I burst through the tree line and I see her. She’s standing by a lake in the clearing. Her hair is gold sparkling in the sun, she turns and I see her eyes like emeralds shining. Her ears long and extending upwards in points and her small pink lips parted slightly in surprise. She is wearing a green and white dress that flowed over her slender figure like waves of water. She opens her mouth to speak and I see an explosion right in front of me. I feel the force and I’m thrown back…

I sit up from the bed panting, drenched in sweat. The first thing I see is Styx smiling at me as he hovered in front of me.

Had a good night's sleep?

Styx asked, his voice had so much sarcasm it was practically dripping onto the sheets below. I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him. This dream is different than my usual variety of nightmares. The past ones were all past events and when I tried to recall them when I woke up the memories are always hazy. But this time when I think back to that girl’s face I think I could draw a portrait if I had drawing skills beyond stick figures.

That girl had long ears, like an elf… alv… was that forest in Alvuan?

What the hell was that dream? If I had to bet… it would have something to do with this ball of darkness in front of me.

“What the hell was that dream?” I ask as I glare Styx.

A preview of what is to come

Don’t worry there won’t be any artillery strikes

Mortal minds are so malleable

You put a little something in and you never know what will show up

“A preview?” I ask as I narrow my eyes.

Yes a preview

If you would like to see the full product

Please insert two more souls into the machine

Styx said with a laugh. I’m not getting anything out of this piece of shit. He’s playing games with me, he’s not going to tell me anything else.

“I’m a little short on souls at the moment.” I say dryly as I get out of bed. I watch as Styx’s smile widens as it vanishes in a puff of black smoke.

As I sit up, I notice my scar barely hurts. Must be all that tension from that dream. I can thank him for that at least, made my morning less painful. I get dressed and leave my room to find it still dark out. I look at the clock and it says 5am. Well looks like I’m up early…

Might as well give my abilities a full review, it’s been awhile since I did a full proper check. I’ve checked the more recent changes but I haven’t actually sat down and fully seen the changes. Well to be fair until now I haven’t leveled up ten times at once. So I guess this is as good a time as any.

I bring up my display and I look at the screen.

One thing I realised is that the stat allocation is not by choice. You just get the stats based on what you were doing when you were getting exp. I’ve been doing alot of fighting so I got twenty points of Dexterity. I’ve also nearly killed myself twice so I guess that’s why I got ten tenacity. The other stats all went up by five, considering the rest of the stuff I have been doing is quite balanced, a few speeches, some planning, some close quarters fighting. So I guess the rest are quite spread out. Except Faith of course, well I do get the complete negation of that stat from my [Dark Champion] skill class. Luckily no stats have been allocated into it, as I get two stats per level and from what I can see I got 50 stat points from 25 levels. Which means none of them went into Faith.

As for skill classes nothing’s changed, I guess new skill classes aren’t that easy to obtain. As for the abilities I got upgrades to [Rapid Fire], [Skittering Headsman] and [Evasion]. Well it’s easy enough to understand why, I simply used those the most. I barely used [Stunning Grenade] so it makes sense that I wouldn’t get any upgrades to it.

As for new skills I got [Interdictor] and [The Scarlet Harvest]. One thing though, [The Scarlet Harvest] only works with one handed pistols, which means the new weapons won’t work with it. Maybe I’ll get new skills for it as I use them.

I bring up the display for the new weapons again and I peer at the weapons available.

☠ ═╬═════════════════════════════════════════════════╬═ ☠

Weapon: Simuna’s Regards

Class: Rifle

Fire Type: Bolt Action

Damage: 1000

Magazine: 5

Recharge Time: 10 seconds

Equip Bonus: [Kinetic Shatter]

+ 20% [Global Resistance Penetration]

+ 50% [Damage Dealt]

Weapon: Thousand Cuts

Class: Submachine Gun

Fire Type: Fully Automatic

Damage: 80

Magazine: 30

Recharge Time: 5 seconds

Equip Bonus: [Screaming Suppression]

Shots that land within 1 metre of the target inflicts [Fear I]

Weapon: Trench Sweeper

Class: Shotgun

Fire Type: Pump Action / Slam Fire

Damage: 40 x 20

Magazine: 8

Recharge Time: 7 seconds

Equip Bonus: [Grievous Wounds]

+ 10% [Damage Dealt] to [Flesh]

Shots cause [Blighted Wounds]

[Blighted Wounds] causes - 30% [Healing] on affected wounds

☠ ═╬═════════════════════════════════════════════════╬═ ☠

So it seems there are three weapon types, a close range shotgun, a medium range SMG and long range rifle. I don’t think I need a close range weapon like a shotgun, I doubt I would usually be locked in close combat. Besides a shotgun is a dangerous weapon, the spray of buckshot makes anyone in the cone of fire vulnerable to friendly fire. Even if I ended in extreme close range, I rather use a knife and a pistol, it offers more tactical options. The equip bonus though seemed pretty good, the ability to do damage and reduce the healing on the inflicted wounds seems like it would come in handy.

For the SMG, an automatic weapon would most definitely be useful. I could use it to hose down the demons. Plus an SMG is also reasonably effective in close quarters combat. With it’s short barrel length I might even be able to fire it with one hand in emergencies. I would be randomly spraying in the general direction of the enemy but still, it might be possible. I wasn’t that sure about the suppression ability, I mean the [Fear] effect was good but… do demons even feel fear? Or were they just mindless drones? But still an automatic weapon would still be useful to thin the hordes of demons that we would be facing.

Finally there’s the rifle, this one I’m the most interested in. That rifle has 1000 damage, which is a significant upgrade to my pistol which only has 300 damages. This difference is further compounded by my [Damage Deal] buffs. As it stands with Van Hel’s Danse Macabre my effective damage is 630 damage thanks to the total 110% [Damage Dealt] increase. With this rifle my total damage increased is 150% which will bring the 1000 damage to 2500 damage. My [Gunner] skill class combined with [Kinetic Shatter] gives me 50% [Global Resistance Penetration].

A shot from this rifle will go through almost anything, I bet it’ll rip that demon’s barrier to shreds. I’m most definitely taking this one, all the other fancy effects are well and good but no one can do anything to me if they're dead.

After all the best defence against an opponent is to kill the opponent, offense is the best defence. Raw fire power may seem dumb and stupid, but if it’s stupid and it works, then it’s not stupid.

Then I hear a door open and I turn to see Charlotte open the door to her room. I look over and see that it’s now 6am, she’s up earlier than usual. Judging by her body language she didn’t exactly have a good night’s sleep.

“You’re up early.” I say as Charlotte walks over to me and takes a seat on my right.

“Didn’t sleep well…” Charlotte mumbled as she leaned her head on my shoulder.

“Bad dream?” I ask.

“Yeah…” Charlotte said with a sigh.

“It gets better, don’t worry.” I say as I wrap my arm around her shoulder.

“I hope so…” Charlotte said sleepily.

“There’s still about two hours until the rest wake up. You could take a nap.” I say as I gently rub her shoulder.

“Your shoulder is too hard.” Charlotte mumurred in reply.

“I have an idea.” I say as I lean to the side against the armrest.

I pull her up so she’s lying with her back against my chest. I feel her head rest against my collar bone and I wrap my arms around her waist. Charlotte let out a sigh of contentment as she shifted on her side and curled up on top of me. I placed one hand on her head and the other around her back.

“This feels nice…” Charlotte murmured.

“Feeling sleepy yet?” I ask softly.

“Mhmm.” Charlotte replied softly, as her breathing began to slow.

Soon she was fast asleep, as I looked down at her sleeping face I couldn’t help but smile. As I looked away from her, I turned to see the display showing the weapons on my left. Well I could always do this later…

I sat there gently holding Charlotte as the sun began to rise. Around 8 am Jacob’s door opened and he paused as he got a good look at the two of us. He raised an eyebrow as he took in the sight of Charlotte lying on top of me.

“So… nice to see you’re comfortable…” Jacob said with a smirk.

At those words I felt Charlotte stir as her body shifted. I looked down and saw her open her eyes and she looked up at me. She sat up and looked around and noticed Jacob standing there with that smirk on his face. Charlotte immediately sat up straight and I could see a blush starting to form on her face.

“Oh don’t stop on my account.” Jacob said with a laugh.

“Well now me and Ivan just need to find someone and we can go on a triple date.” Jacob said with a smile.

As he said so I heard Ivan’s door knob turn. When the door opened, I didn't see Ivan, instead I saw Volva standing in the doorway with a slightly embarrassed look on her face. She quietly lowered her head and shuffled out of the room. Then from the open door emerged Ivan, he was wearing a tank top and I could see red lines running along the sides of his arms. Not only that, there was a mouth shaped bruise on his neck.

Ivan paused as he looked around at all of us who were staring at him slack jawed.

“What?” Ivan asked, looking around confused.

“Ok just me then... “ Jacob said as he looked away.

“Had a nice night?” I ask tentatively.

“Yes, a bit tiring though. Breakfast should be here soon, I could use some food.” Ivan said nonchalantly as he took a seat on the couch opposite me.

“How come we didn’t see her enter the room last night?” I ask curiously.

“She came into my room suddenly in the middle of the night. She said she was scared and had a nightmare about the last fight. So we talked for a bit then next I knew we were kissing.” Ivan replied calmly as he reached across the table for the jug of water.

“Then our clothes were off and then I put…” Ivan continued.

“Ok ok ok, I’m going to stop you right there.” I say cutting him off, I was curious but not THAT curious…

“Do you not know how coitus works?” Ivan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I know how it works, I just don’t want to hear all the details.” I reply dryly.

“I don’t think I ever heard anyone using the word coitus…” Jacob added.

“I’m surprised you went along with it just like that. I thought you were just oblivious to it.” Charlotte said, sounding a little unnerved by Ivan’s calmness.

“I’m not an idiot, I was aware, but given all that has happened to those three. I didn’t want to press the issue, I decided to let her take the first step when she was ready. So I just passively waited for her.” Ivan replied with a scowl.

“That’s very courteous of you…” Charlotte said, taken aback.

“So I take it she’s quite feisty in bed. She definitely left her mark on you.” Jacob said as he pointed at the bruise on his neck.

“I asked her about that, she told me the Lupus females do this to mark their partners and males allow it as a show of trust. The Lupus have sharp teeth, I know from experience, so letting your partner bite you on your neck is a show of trust as they can mark you or tear your throat out. For the females it’s a way to show the world that you are taken.” Ivan explained as he gingerly touched the bruise.

“Hurts though, she drew blood when she did it.” Ivan said with a wince as he touched the bruise. On closer inspection I realised that there were four small puncture wounds on the bruise.

“I could heal it if it hurts.” Charlotte offered.

“I think that would defeat the whole marking as taken thing.” Jacob replied.

“Yes, I think it’s best if you left it as is. Volva told me that when the mark fades, the females usually re mark their partners.” Ivan said.

“I’m surprised she knows so much about her own culture. I didn’t think she would be taught her own culture’s customs in a slave ring.” I say.

“Volva said some traditions are passed down across the generations in… that place.” Ivan said with a scowl.

“This is apparently one of their most sacred ones, apparently Lupus sticks to one partner for life. So this mark is important.” Ivan said as he gently touched the mark.

“Well I’m happy for you, both of you.” Charlotte said warmly.

“Thanks… it’s nice… to have someone.” Ivan said thoughtfully.

“Sounds like a hell of a commitment. If that mark means she’s choosing you for life, wouldn’t that mean the two of you are basically married?.” Jacob said as he gazed at the mark.

“Seems a bit quick for a single night.” I say as I furrow my brows.

“I don’t mind. My father told me the way you can tell if you truly care for someone is to think what you would do for that person. If you can’t find something you wouldn’t do for them then it means the feelings are real.” Ivan said.

“That just means you haven’t thought about it hard enough…” I reply softly. Anyone can have dreams when they feel safe and happy. They only wake up when their joy turns to ashes in their mouth. Dreams don’t mean anything when there’s a spiteful god rolling a pair of dice to decide your life...

“Katsuro…” Charlotte chided from the side.

“Right... sorry.” I reply, the truest tests are the cruelest one. Few are ever tested in such a way, fewer pass.

“Perhaps, but my father told me all who breathe are just souls adrift in the river of life, trying not to drown. We do not know where the currents take us, all we can do is paddle as best we can as the current drags us along. We do what we can in the moment, it will have to be enough.” Ivan said.

“And if it’s not?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“If you put in your best effort, then what else are you going to do?” Ivan replied.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Jacob said with a shrug from the side.

“We do our best Katsuro, as for the rest, all we can do is leave it to god.” Charlotte said gently as she took my hand.

“Yeah I guess.” I reply as I give her hand a squeeze.

“We just swim as hard as we can. It will have to be enough, ok?” Charlotte asked.

“Ok.” I say with a weak smile.

I’m not sure why I’m like this all of a sudden, maybe I’m just afraid of commitment. Maybe I’m afraid of connection because I know what it's like when that connection is severed. The deepest wounds in the heart are not caused by a blow by someone or something. They are made by tearing someone out of it.

If I’m honest I realise I lose a few dozen IQ points when I’m with Charlotte. I know what attachment brings, it makes you a less effective soldier. The best soldiers are biological robots, as merciless as they are efficient. Attachment may make a normal person fight harder but in truth that’s just the fear of loss overcoming human weakness. The best soldiers are not really human, they are cold and efficient. I know this but I know this is something I can’t become, it’s not a matter of willingness. I just can’t do it… at least not completely. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I got people killed because I got weighed down by the more sentimental parts of my being.

Then I feel Charlotte wrap her arm around mine and I turn to see her looking at me with her brows furrowed.

“You ok? You’re staring into space again.” Charlotte said.

“I’m fine, just thinking about some things.” I say with a small smile.

“Hey, it’s going to be ok. Nothing will happen to me.” Charlotte said as she held my arm a little tighter.

“You don’t know that.” I say softly.

“No, but I have faith in you. I know you will get all of us through this.” Charlotte said.

“I wish I could believe that…” I reply softly as I feel the familiar knot of anxiety appear in my stomach.

“I told you right? If you can’t believe it, I’ll believe for you.” Charlotte said gently.

“Thanks Charlotte, your faith means a lot.” I say as I grip her hand.

“Faith is a gift, one you have yet to receive. I hope one day I can help you find the faith that belongs to you.” Charlotte said as she squeezed my hand.

“I hope so too.” I say softly as I lower my head slightly, as doubt flashes in my mind.

Then I feel Charlotte’s forehead touch mine, I shift my eyes upwards and I see her kind sapphire eyes staring at me with a warmth I did not think possible in a gaze.

“If you dare to hope, that’s a start right?” Charlotte said softly.

“Right…” I murmur as I shut my eyes and feel the sensation of her skin on mine.

Then I hear Styx’s voice in my head, his sarcastic voice echoing in my mind.

An empty heart and a blinding light

Tearing at a shattered mind

“Shut up...” I wearily in my head, but I know he won’t stop…

I'll tell myself it's fine to be alone

Just to find somewhere that feels like home

This feeling like I’m dreaming

The more I’m swimming, the more I'm drowning

“SHUT UP!” I shout in my head, but still Styx continues with his twisted poetry. The verses like blades piercing me.

Ripped from a world of silver

Hurled to a world so bitter…