My self imposed baby training started immediately. Every day I would babble, scream, and cry to strengthen my vocal chords. I alone wouldn’t be much of a problem, but Lakka would also join in my solo to become a cacophony. As understanding of the language came to me, I learned that the servants had a special nickname for us, ‘Baby Banshees’. It was perfect. I’m sure if the two of us really tried we could shatter glass. Vocal training was going along swimmingly.

As for language training, I merely had to listen and watch. Though complete proficiency was impossible without being able to speak, read, or write. All things in due time. At one point I was in the care of my second mother in the library and had found a book that someone had carelessly dropped on the floor. Sadly, I couldn’t make heads or tails of the alphabet that they used. Me being in possession of a book had frightened my second mother something awful when she had turned her attention to me. But she had seemed very relieved when it wasn’t damaged. Come on lady, I’m not a barbarian after all. At least once she had taken the book from me she had sat me in her lap and began to read to me. This helped my comprehension somewhat, as I could match what she was saying with the words written on the pages.

I made happy babbling sounds to encourage her. From that point on, whenever I was in her care she would read to me. All according to plan.

Muscle was easy to work on. All I had to do was crawl around a ton. There would be times when I would just crawl around rooms as fast as I could. Breidda had once commented that I had been ‘Crawling with a purpose’. If only she knew how right she was. I was a man on a mission and neither hell nor high water could stop me. After a about two months, whenever someone was in charge of watching Lakka and I, and they weren’t paying much attention, I would attempt to stand and hold my balance. To the best of my knowledge, I had only been caught once. Breidda had very sharp eyes for an old woman. Though I had yet to see those red eyes of hers once again.

That would be one mystery I would crack eventually. I once joked around the idea that she was a demon in human skin, but didn’t think it possible. After all, demons didn’t exist. Right?

My baby teeth began coming in a few months into my training and I have to say, it was very uncomfortable. My brother Kelmon was the first to notice my discomfort. Like a blessed saint, the boy had later given me a large wooden spoon for me to gnaw on. As far as I was concerned, I had a blood debt to Kelmon that would be repaid in full. Though after about a month I stopped using the spoon for comfort. I would deal with further discomfort with my superior will. I just made sure to keep it nearby. Just in case.

At around seven months, my mother had begun trying to help me with walking, such as holding me up and moving backwards to get me to walk forwards. I made sure to fall down afterwords and continue to crawl. Sure, I would stand on occasion, but that was more to ease the minds of others. I was making progress! But at eight months I had had enough of waiting. I was under Mytti’s watch within her room when I felt that familiar rumble in my stomach indicating that I had to expel waste from my rear end. At that point, I was completely done with shitting myself. So I got up and began to walk out of the room to head to the nearest bathroom.

You could tell they were bathrooms by the scent of burning herbs to mask the smell of human waste.

Needless to say, my sister was ecstatic that I was walking on my own. She waved down a passing servant in the hallway to go and get everyone to see this glorious event. But I was on a mission and would not be swayed no matter who would show up. My trousers would never again be soiled under my watch. Brown would never be the new black. Destiny had come calling and its name was potty.

However, there were complications. My sister had been following me and noticed to where I was headed. She attempted to turn me away but I would not be denied. With the unknown agility of a box turtle, I avoided her attempts to make me move in a different direction. And by agility I mean I plowed past her arms. Don’t mess with box turtles lady. I then scrambled inside the bathroom and looked around. All around the edges of the room was a wooden box-looking bench that seemed to be built into the wall. Carved into the top of said bench were holes where you would sit and let loose. Without a second though, I marched towards glorious relief.

Mytti, at this point, would have no more of my foolishness and grabbed me as I was climbing up the box. I admit that I may have lost my cool, as she was currently standing between me and sweet release. Without a second thought, I unleashed as rank a fart as I could manage without actually shitting myself. That would defeat the purpose of this whole endeavor. It took her a second to realize that I was armed and extremely dangerous. She instantly placed me on the ground, dropped my drawers for me, and then lifted me to place atop the box. Though she held me there for support so that I wouldn’t crawl away.

Which I had no intention of doing.

Moments later there was a flood of attention as my entire family, Breidda, and even some of the servants had come to see me walk. Much to their surprise, they only found me about to take a dump. Mytti then rapidly explained everything that had happened over the past few moments. Luckily, Mytti had finished the story as I had finished relieving myself. Though I now had a problem. What did I wipe my ass with? As I looked around frantically, my mother walked towards me, relieving Mytti of Daen duty. Then proceeded to wipe my bottom with a piece of what seemed to be sheep’s wool.

Old fashioned home with old fashioned solutions to old fashioned problems. Shame my dignity took a hit, but at least I never had to soil myself again. From that moment on, I was claimed to be some sort of child genius. I kind of felt insulted at that, I’m a genius for pooping? As if. Wait till I could speak, then I’d be able to sing The Intergalactic Laxative to them. Then they’d know genius.

After my mother had so graciously cleaned my bottom, I then pulled up my trousers and walked passed the onlooking crowd. With no plumbing I had to find some water to wash my hands. Best I could think of where to find it was either the kitchen or the garden. I doubt these people would appreciate me washing my hands in their dish-cleaning water so I decided to head downstairs to go outside. Needless to say, I had a horde of followers, curious to see what I would do next. As I reached the stairs, I faced a dilemma. Either I could slowly crawl down them to reach the front door to get outside, which would take a ton of time. Or I could sit on my butt and roller coaster that shit.

There really wasn’t a choice to begin with.

Worried gasps sounded from behind me as I left them in the dust and wiped off my butt. I looked back to see the group following me. However, Jeral looked interested at what I had just done and stood behind as the rest followed me. As I made it outside I could hear him whooping as he thumped his way down. Good kid, he’d learn many things from hanging around me. Once outside I quickly found a gardener tending to some flowers with a bucket next to him to water them with. I quickly dunked my hands in and scrubbed them clean.

People looked curious after I had washed my hands. I’m sure they understood about washing hands, I just didn’t know how often they would do such a thing. I had to teach these people about germs and microbes and other baddies asap. I got knowledge and I aimed to use it for the betterment of all. And maybe I wanted to impress them a bit. Though I had already accomplished that task quite handily.

The excitement died down as I started to play outside, chasing bugs and crawling around in the dirt. Though from that point on everyone kept a close eye on me, obviously wondering when I’d do the next amazing thing. Its tough being a child genius. In an effort to get some of the interest off from me, I decided that I would help Lakka. Also because I wanted to. So I wasn’t just being selfish.

It was another two months until she began to walk around with decent proficiency for a child. Then she became very adventurous and explored every inch of any room she could get into. At that point I started to lay low, as I was content letting my use of the bathroom be the extent of my genius. Doing too much too quickly would just make people expect too much from me.

Over the next couple months things were pretty calm. My knowledge of the language continued to expand further. By cross referencing books with words I knew, I figured out very bare-bones understanding of the alphabet. In total, the alphabet consisted of thirty-seven letters, some with accents over them to determine the sound that letter made. I silently thanked whatever gods this world worships that it wasn’t like Japanese. No language should have that many characters to memorize.

Thanks to all my time and effort spent in the library with my second mother, I could read any book. Though, very slowly. Much needed information was quickly at hand as I delved into book after book. Such as that each year was divided into twelve months like my past life’s one was. However, each month consisted of forty days. How my father was the Count of the town of Haddan’s Willows, named so for the vast amount of willow trees growing around the massive lake a few miles west of town. Our town resided within the borders of the Ahlgim Dominion, an empire that rose to prominence some four hundred years ago. Currently they controlled just over a third of the total landmass of the continent.

Fortunately the book made mention of other countries Unfortunately the information was very sparse. Mostly, the book just rambled on about the greatness of our nation and a recounting of past Emperors and their accomplishments. It was at this point I could deny it no longer. Either this was some weird alternate-past-history version of Earth or it was a completely different world. Both were equally plausible, as the universe is vast. Pretty much any possibility could be true if you search enough. Heck, theres a planet out there that rains glass. Anything is possible. Plus theres also that multi-verse theory going on. Either way, this wasn’t the Earth I knew. A fun thought to think about, but one of not much worth at this point. Not like I could go home either way. For better or for worse, this was my home now and I would make the best of it.

The same month that I had gained my understanding of the alphabet, which would be October, was Jeral and Mytti’s seventh birthday. Apparently the two were twins and I had misjudged Jeral to be younger than he was. Oops. They had a fun party with an amazing looking cake. Which I got to partake in, thanks to my loving mother. Bless her soul. They both received some very nice clothing as a gift. A frilly red dress for Mytti turned out to be her favorite of the bunch. Whereas Jeral favored his new black vest. My father had recently purchased an expensive piece of musical equipment just for the occasion as well. He signaled us to follow him into the sitting room, barely able to contain his smirk.

Our sitting room now contained a piano. I must have been drooling at the sight of it, as my mother wiped my mouth with her handkerchief. I never thought that pianos would exist at this point in time in this world. I couldn’t wait to get my paws on that thing. In my past life I had learned to play Piano Man on one, these people were in for a treat. I could become this world’s Billy Joel! I just needed a harmonica for the full experience.

My second mother sat with grace at the piano and began to play us some music. Always the refined noblewoman.

Kelmon’s eleventh birthday came next month, which involved more cake, more music, and more presents. His most cherished one was a sword. One where the metal had an almost invisible blue tint to it. The hilt had a red leather handle, a rectangular cross guard, and a triangular pommel. Father said something about it being a blue-steel sword, which made many gasp. If such a statement made such a reaction, it was definitely important. I’d have to look into it later in the library if I could find a book on metals or forging swords.

Father then announced that Kelmon would begin training with the blade in the town’s barracks almost everyday before being sent to the Empire’s Officer Academy when he turned sixteen.

As if that was not enough, Father then raised his voice and ordered someone to enter the room we all were in. A very strong-looking man entered that had more than a fair amount of scars along his arms. His head was shaved short, his eyes fixated on everyone, as if judging them. After a moment he bowed to my father and said that he received instructions to train Kelmon in the sword starting tomorrow. The man, Grashel Hyind, was a veteran of many campaigns my father explained, and came well recommended from friends in the military. Grashel then assured us that he would do his best as an instructor and that he would train Kelmon to be a force to be reckoned with.

The big man then joined us at the table, accepting food and drink and answering various questions sent his way. As conversation lulled, he asked if he could inspect my brother’s sword. With a nod from my father, Kelmon gingerly handed it over to his new teacher. Grashel looking over that sword was the only time I had seen him smile that whole day.

The final day of December there was a celebration for bringing in the new year. Many got drunk during the festivities and had to retire early. Grashel was given a room in our residence, in addition to payment, as a thanks for training Kelmon. Since he was around for the festivities, he took part in the celebration. I watched him down drink after drink without showing any signs of drunkenness. The man was more beast than man.

January rolled around and so came Lakka’s birthday a whole week before mine. However, it wasn’t until February that Lakka spoke her first word. I myself had deigned to wait until she had started speaking before I did so that I wouldn’t, once again, be the genius child. I spoke my first word a week after she did.

Over the coming months we would speak more and more. Lakka’s mother would teach us new words in the library which I took to more quickly than Lakka. After a lesson Myril would then read to us. Stories about the Empire. Stories about Heroes and Heroines. Even stories that I was sure were merely fairy tales. Such stories continued until we turned three years old. At that point we were instructed on our letters so we would be able to read and write. This was just one of the perks of being born an upper-class aristocrat. Many people were illiterate in this world. Shortly after language lessons began we also started instruction on numbers.

This relieved me greatly, as no matter multi-verse or distant world, one is still one. Thing is, what they were teaching was very simple. Counting one to ten, using items as examples, and so on. If we had a chalkboard I’d one up Breidda, who was teaching us, by doing some long division. Maybe even calculate the area of a circle for shits and giggles.

After beginning our lessons in letters and reading, my second mother started reading different books to us. Books about dangerous beasts that roamed the wilds. This one piqued my interest, as I had never stumbled upon a book like that before. Must have been on a top shelf, damn grown people able to reach high places. One day the small would rise up and overthrow our vertically blessed others! However, my thoughts of revolution were quickly squashed when she began reading about the biggest monster around, Dragons.

“Are Dragons real?” I asked simply as she described them living in high mountains, away from civilization.

“Oh yes,” She responded, “Though they are few, they are sighted frequently. Emperor Pothumos Ahlgim’s palace even has on display the bones of a great dragon from a long time ago. I’m sure we’ll take you there one day when you both are older.”

Dragons were real. I wanted to pump my fist in the air and whoop and holler. Though I settled for wide-eyed awe. Who wouldn’t want to see a dragon? Even if it was a dead one.

She then went back to talking about the dangerous beasts of our world. Werewolves, Vampires, Beastmen of all kinds, great creatures of the sea and plenty of others. One of those others she talked about in-depth was that of the undead and the evil warlocks that controlled them. Though she went on to talk about how not all magic users were evil, such as our father. But those that delved into black magic were considered outlawed in all lands. She rambled on and on about something else, but I wasn’t paying attention.

Magic was real! And our father was a mage! After our lesson I asked…okay, demanded, if we could see our father do a bit of magic. Myril thought for a bit before nodding and leading us to Father’s private study. Once there, she explained that we would like to see his gifts. He smirked, held up his hand, and instantly a small globe of flame floated just above his hand. With a gesture the flame then dissipated into the air.

“That’s all for now.” He stated, smiling at our awe. “By the grace of the Gods, perhaps even one of you will show a gift for magic.”

Magic was real! Lakka and I both squealed in excitement. “We could be mages!” we shouted, holding hands and hopping around. “We could be mages!”

After we had turned four we were brought into town by our parents. Escorted by guards of course. But boy was it unsanitary. Horses crapped in the middle of the road in which people walked and not one person cleaned it up. Smoke from smithies clogged the air and the stench of a large amount of people who hadn’t bathed in weeks was so thick you could taste it. It was medieval in every way. Every god-awful, unsanitary, smelly, crowded way. We had to travel through most of town to get to our destination, the market. There, people yelled in an attempt to get people to buy their fruits, vegetables, meats and other assorted goods. I had been to a bazaar before once on vacation in my previous life. But this put that one to shame.

We browsed many different stalls, and at one point I had gotten myself separated from my mother. Knowing what to do in a situation like this, I approached the nearest food stall and told the owner that I was waiting for my family to find me. I also explained that it’d be best to wait at a stall so I wasn’t lost in the crowd. The man nodded and proceeded to hawk his wares to everyone passing by, as well as stating that he had a lost child waiting here. Thankful for the man’s help, I aided him in hawking his wares. He seemed surprised at first, but quickly was approached by more than a few customers thanks to the ‘little shopkeeper’.

After a few minutes my family approached my stall and found me helping the man sell his produce. After announcing themselves, they thanked the man profusely. He immediately recognized my father and mothers. With a series of rapid bows, he proclaimed that it was no trouble at all and he was happy to serve the Faltelo family. Though the man initially refused a reward for keeping me safe, my mother forced him to accept a small bag of coins. The man looked inside, his face paled and he immediately bowed and gave us a bunch of fruit for free. He even gave me an apple!

Apples rock, thanks dude. I immediately bit into it, enjoying the flavor. I had to wipe the juice flowing from my mouth with the back of my arm as I lacked a handkerchief myself. I then asked my mother if I could help the nice man some other time, to which my mother didn’t know how to respond. The man however, said it would be more than fine if I came back, he’d even pay me in produce for my help. Four years old and I already had a job lined up in sales. If this kept up, I’d become a baron by ten.

After we left the city I had to say that the most impressive building in town, in my opinion, was the church. It was a massive structure that looked almost like one from earth. But with one main difference. In the place of a cross was the figure of a five-pointed star. I asked my mother what it was and she answered that that was the Church of the Five. In this country people worshiped five gods. In brief, there was Lenzero, God of Courage. Zaras, Goddess of Intelligence. Bentillio, God of Honor. Holve, God of Strength. And finally, Opell, Goddess of Wisdom.

A strange pantheon, but I could see what whoever thought them up was going for. Each God or Goddess represented a favored attribute in humanity. I’d definitely have to read up on them sometime later, as learning the land’s folklore would be a help integrating to their society. Plus I always have enjoyed a good story.

Before I knew it, it was time for Lakka’s fifth birthday. Or what my family called Judgment Day. The day when a child would be tested for magical aptitude. I’m not sure who was more excited, me or her.