He was a middle-aged hispanic man, slightly overweight but not portly. Red-pink streaks over his face and arms indicated he had not had an easy time with his goblin. He was puffing slightly, and held his hatchet unsteadily. He looked up at Kyle and the rest of the party, paused, then dropped his hatchet. “I surrender.”

“Good,” said Mia. “Now we’re assimilating you. Welcome to the group. Have a party invite.” She tapped a few invisible buttons, and the new man’s eyes focused on a place in front of him. He hesitantly poked at the air, and suddenly a new HP bar appeared under the others: Jacob, level 0, un-classed, 8% HP. This guy had barely survived.

“I’m surprised that worked,” Jacob said. “I thought my crystal was broken.”

“Really?” Kyle asked. “Why would you think that?’

“The buttons don’t work when I press them.”

“Can I see?” asked Mia, walking over. Kyle wasn’t sure how that would help. As far as he knew, everybody’s menus were invisible to everybody else.

“Sure.” Jacob pressed the crystal with his right hand, then, leaving the crystal held down, he started rapidly poking a spot of air with his left hand.

“See, I see these buttons. and they chime when I press them. But I can’t press them. I mean… I guess I can, because sometimes I can barely see buttons from a different menu, but only for a brief-”

“Oh my god,” Mia said. “You tap the crystal to open the menu. Don’t hold it down.”

“Wait, really? Because the man in the robe said to press it.”

“Press means press and release.” Mia said, as though it were obvious. To Kyle, of course, it was, but that might just be his gaming literacy speaking.

“Oh.” Jacob tapped the crystal, then poked in the air. ‘Oh, there we go. Man, I wish I had seen that earlier. I bet there’s something in the help menu about how to kill goblins.

“Surprisingly little.” Kyle said.

“Well dang.” Jacob said, slowly exploring his menu.

“What’s your deal? What’re you doing here?” Mia asked accusingly.

“I’m not sure. I’m new.”

“We all are,” Mason interjected from the side.

Mia rolled her eyes. “I mean, why did you join this thing? What made you think you should even be in this competition?”

Jacob ran his fingers through his hair, eyes still focused on his menus. “I’ve got a son. He’s really into E-sports, you know? So when this competition came out, I figured he was going to want to watch it. So I looked into the tournament, and found that they were asking for a variety of skill levels. Like, you didn’t have to be a teenage hotshot. You could join even if you were just a normal guy, you know?”

“You wouldn’t win,” said Mia. Her expression was growing dark.

“Well yeah, but that wasn’t the point,” Jacob said. “I just wanted to be a hero for my son. If I lasted even five minutes in this competition, I’d have been able to say, ‘Look, son, there’s your dad! He’s playing too!’ I just wanted to be a part of his world, you know? I wanted to show him that I cared enough about his interests to participate.”

“So you joined an international E-sports competition,” Mia said harshly. “Just because you could.”

“I tried,” Jacob said. “I mean, I didn’t think I’d get in. But then… they said I was approved. And they led me into a room. And then, I don’t know what-”

“You’re trapped here. For about a year.” Mia said. “And I’m ticked. You shouldn’t be here.” Mia said, jabbing her finger towards Jacob.

“A year? But… I have a family I need to-”

“Yeah, well we aren’t thrilled about it either,” Mia said angrily. “Have you even played games before?”

“Uh… Some,” Jacob said. He looked completely overwhelmed by Mia’s informational assault. “I… I grew up in high school with those old Playstation games. Think I even got the Playstation Three.”

“No, I mean real games,” Mia said. “HTC Evolution? Gamejack? Ever heard of those?”

“Well yes, but I’ve never used them. I have a VR console I use for virtual hangouts with family. But I work in retail to support my wife and kids. I don’t have a lot of time to-”

“Could somebody tell me why would they accept this guy into the competition? Because I’m pissed.” Mia started walking towards Jacob, who was slowly backing up. “I thought this would be a legit pre-release tournament, not some variety show. I mean, what’ve we got in this group? A book-worm, a jock, and some guy’s dad, for crying out loud. Is this what they intended?” Mia was almost shouting now. “Like, is each of these little pods supposed to be a group with three dumb-ass newbs and a one serious contender that has to shepherd them to victory? Am I the only one here with-”

In one swift motion, Mason strode towards Mia and grabbed her axe hand, lifting her off the ground.

Unable to use the axe to defend herself, Mia kicked her feet, but Mason’s HP didn’t decrease. The blows were just not powerful enough to register as an attack. Mia looked at Mason. Her eyes had some degree of fear, but also the intelligent look of somebody rapidly adjusting to a change of paradigm. Mason started walking towards one of the walls of the room, Mia still dangling.

“Yes, you’re right,” Mason said. “These are starting pods. Each pod has a single serious contender and three walk-ins.”

Mia tapped her left wrist, still free, against her hip, activating the crystal, then quickly poked buttons. A goblin sword shimmered into existence by her free hand, and Mia grabbed it from the air. No sooner than she did, Mason grabbed Mia’s left hand, fingers digging into the flesh of her forearm. He pinned the hand against a wall, and locked eyes with Mia.

“What you need to realize,” Mason said, “Is that you are not the serious contender. You’re one of the walk-ins. This isn’t a normal game. Physical coordination, fitness, reflexes, and prior combat training are just as important as being genre-savvy.” Mia’s eyes darted, looking for a way out. Her breathing sped up.

“There were fifty contenders chosen per region,” Mason continued. “Ten professional E-sports gamers. Ten traditional athletes. Ten university professors, each from a different field. Ten streamers. Ten other celebrities designed to attract views and publicity. VirtuaVerse sought them all out and offered them contracts. Another hundred-fifty walk-ins per region were chosen. You were not one of the ten gamers. You might be good at games, but you were a walk-in.”

Mia was still not beaten. She lifted both legs and planted her feet on Mason’s stomach, then, with her back braced against the wall, started pushing Mason back with both legs. Mason adjusted his stance to avoid falling over backwards, but kept Mia’s arms pinned.

“I am a professional linebacker. They asked me to be in this contest. I’ve also had eight years martial arts training. Before that, I grew up in the city. I got in all kinds of fights. You can call us all idiots because we don’t catch onto the interface as well as you do, but I could crush you just as easy as I crushed that goblin. Unarmed. You’d wake up 24 hours later, alone in this dungeon, with no party.”

He lowered Mia, who brought her feet under her again, then shoved Mia away to the side. She tried to retain her balance but failed and fell rear-first on the stone floor.

“I don’t want that, though,” Mason continued as Mia scrambled to her feet. “I think we each have something to add, here. You obviously catch on to systems fast. This guy has a thing for esoterica from help files, and that’s gonna help. Even ‘Dad’ here probably has some sort of useful skill, or they wouldn’t have let him in. You’ve got to understand, this is not your show, Mia. If it’s anybody’s show, it’s mine. But I don’t think it needs to come to that. ”

“So let’s try this again. Mia, you’ve had experience with MMOs. You’ve used consoles we haven’t. I’m just the dumb party fighter. What’re we gonna do to win this thing so we can get back to our families?”

Mia looked angry and confused. Kyle mentally cheered.

Mia pulled herself to her feet. “Well first,” she said, “we need to stop fighting ourselves. If this sort of thing happened on the battlefield, we’d have all died as some rando sniped us or whatever.” Her goblin sword dematerialized as she put it in her inventory.

“Great,” said Mason. “I completely agree. Let’s cut the bullying.”

Mia rolled her eyes. “Next, we should figure out how to get out of this hole.”