Vespidian Arc 2, Me, Myself, and Neon Nurse Chapter 8

The next day I awoke late in the afternoon. A good stretch and a yawn made my eyes water. I never would have imagined the insanity that was about to unfold. Neon Nurse was just gazing at me from the observation window. She smiled, and we prepared to start up on the next battery of tests. On the way to the lab, though, something of a commotion was stirring at the main entrance. Limousines with the Russian flag had pulled up front, and my stomach churned. Something told me my reckoning had come for fleeing, and Molotov had finally decided to make good on her promise. Honestly, I am surprised she waited this long since she knew where I was this whole time. I can’t run from this any longer, so I readied myself for some sort of fight. Though I knew I would get wrecked.

The entrance way opened, and two columns of super-soldiers marched in, in complete synchronization. They stopped and turned, facing inward. There stood the monster that I feared. Molotov walked down the middle holding a giant stuffed Nicky Mouse doll. It was as big as she was. She wore a red dress and had a white mouse ear hat on her head, adorable despite making me shiver in terror. When she did not see me right away, she looked very displeased. I took a step back as she walked to the end of team Wolf. Maybe I was not ready to fight. She looks really scary. She glanced over the room looking for me, but I was hiding in the back. Heroes were running off to get suited, and the League Guards aimed at her with desperate faces. Molotov was chewing bubble gum and blew a bubble, popping it after a moment.

“Da. You people have something of mine. I have come to pick her up from daycare.” Said Molotov with her roving eyes.

The crowd parted around me, and we made eye contact. I scowled. “I won’t go back.”

She looked displeased. “Here I was all nice. Gave you a whole day off to recover from training. I went to get tickets for Nicky Mouse Land and guess who wasn’t there. Bad little wasp girl.”

“You went to Nicky Mouse Land?” I asked, looking over the stuffed doll. It was rather obvious, but I was not expecting her to actually go.

“Da. It was to be a reward for hard work, but you broke my trust and ran away. You took my kindness and threw it in blender, just like turnip. Now you must drink turnip shake that you made.”

“I don’t care. I won’t go with you!” I yelled at her.

“Don’t look at me like bad guy here. You would be dead if not for me. Who carried horribly volatile girl away from crash site? Me. Who took care of you and kept crazy scientist from dissecting you? Me. Yet here I am wanting to take you to place you will be accepted and I am bad guy?”

“You lied to me!”

“About?”

“You said you defected from Russia. But you are the head of KGB. You said that you were a former spy, but you still work for them.”

“Da. I was a spy, but then I clawed way up and got promotion. I don’t typically do fieldwork these days. As for Russia, little-known secret, well maybe not so much these days... I run Russia. I overthrew the government and installed myself as leader ten years ago. Soviet Union is my Suka.”

“What about Putin?”

“Da. Frontman. Bent him over table and took him to brown town.”

“Why didn’t you tell me straight up? What was that crap you were spewing about Communism being soul crushing and Capitalism being good.”

“It is. Communism is part of the glorious machine to crush the soul of people and make them obedient. Capitalism keeps the gears oiled. No money, it is hard to feed millions of peasants. I have combined the two into Crony Capitalism controlled by state.”

“Why would I go with you that sounds horrible!”

She blew another bubble and said. “Do you really think these people will protect you? Look at them. They hate you and despise you. This is no place for you. Come with me, and I will forgive this little field trip. Peasants might live in despair and squalor, but government lives in luxury.”

I glanced around and saw the apprehension in all of the people. I shook one of the guards. “Don’t just stand there do something!”

Neon Nurse jumped out from the crowd, she tripped but quickly got up out, keeping me behind her. “Don’t worry Vespidian I will protect you. This is bad though.”

“Da. They can’t touch me. Diplomatic Immunity. Should anything happen to me war with Russia will break out, and nukes will fly. You understand now? Come quietly. I promise not to hurt you anymore. My word is worth weight in plutonium.”

“How can I trust you?” I cried, no one was going to help me. I was at her mercy.

“Boris! Come here and show self off to bride.” She yelled, and a man walked up.

He wore a black business suit and white undershirt, with a red tie. Snappy black shoes that had been polished to a shine. He had a Rolex around his wrist and a bouquet of flowers under his thick arm. In his free hand, he had several strings leading to Nicky Mouse Land balloons. Boris had short-cut black hair and a grizzled, dominant chin. His starry eyes were gazing at me like I had never felt anyone look at me before. My hearts were beating quickly at this point, and the antenna twitched, drinking in his masculine scent. He held out the flowers, they were all red roses, and I uneasily took them. His face lit up with glee, and he struck a pose as though he was going to rip the sun from the sky.

I had never seen someone so happy before. I did not know Russians could be this happy. I thought their default was angry and sullen. He flexed. His clothes exploded from the strain of trying to contain his muscles. There he was, in nothing but a bright red speedo and tie both with a hammer and sickle on the front. He kinda looked like a Chippendale dancer. My eyes were glued to his bulging package. He put Panther to shame. What is this guy a moose?! His oiled muscles rippled and oozed. I shuddered. He looked like some sort of Adonis. How could such a hunky man exist? My legs almost went out on me, and the vents burst open. What the hell is this? Is she trying to lure me with sex... its working? No, damn it!

“This is Boris. Also known as the Soviet Love Hammer. I wanted to surprise you with him, but it seems you need to know what is at stake. He is the pinnacle of Russian bioengineering weapons program. He is only a Rank 7, but not only does he have Super Strength, but he also has Super Durability and Stamina. He slays premium pussy so hard, they bow-legged for months. The man breaks beds and pelvises on the regular if he is not careful. You come with me. This man is yours. He will do anything you tell him to unless it goes against me. He will be personal sex slave if that is what you wish for. Good deal, no?”

Speechless, I stared. Not gonna lie; I was really starting to consider it, but then Neon Nurse stepped in between us. “I won’t let you take her. You stay back you, you, you.... magnificent specimen!”

“Who is this?” Asked Molotov looking her over. “You been making friends, I see. You prepared to die for Vespidian?”

She glared. “I am! I won’t let you take her!”

Dr. Arbor reluctantly emerged, and the rage in Molotov’s eyes could light the world. “She does not want to go with you.”

Her teeth grit, and she screamed. “You double-crossing little bitch. I will rip your spine out and shove it up your ass. I saved her from you, and this is the thanks I get? Did you brainwash the poor girl or what?!”

Fire Chief took to her side and aided in my defense. “I will die to save her from your clutches.”

“What is this, some Saturday morning cartoon?” Fumed Molotov. “Where the hell do you people keep crawling out from? Is there a vent? There has to be a vent or something. There is always a damned vent you do-gooders crawl out of!”

“The evil of Kraken will not claim another victim!” Shouted Fire Chief.

Molotov sighed. “Do I look like some cliche Villain with twirly mustache to you people?”

“Who is man?” Shouted Boris. “Is he reason you refuse?”

He flexed his bulging muscles, and my knees knocked together. Fire Chief went in for a tackle and their hands locked. They pushed back and forth, but I could tell things were not going well. Fire Chief was being pushed back! The suit sparked and started to crumple before finally succumbing to the over powering force of Boris. Fire Chief ripped off his armor and flexed his own impressive biceps. I squealed. Is this that thing? The legendary sword fighting? What the hell are these guys peacocks? God damn it, it’s like an episode of Moon Sailors! Whatever is going on here, I like it. I think I can die happy now.

Take it off I want to see! I mean no, no, this is bad. Why is it so hard to think straight? I really shouldn’t be.... oh my. Boris leaned in, showing off his guns, and Fire Chief matched him. They were locked in a ferocious struggle for dominance! Wet glistening man-flesh everywhere! Stop it; I will vent again! They did not even slow down their grunts and started doing poses to outdo the other. Not the heart squat!

“Da. You pretty good, but I am butter!” The sheen coming off of Boris’s muscles blinded me for a moment. I could smell the sweat, it was driving me wild.

“Muscles too strong.” Groaned Fire Chief, and he got knocked back by the sheer presence of Boris’s muscles. Wait, what? He’s the good guy! He’s not supposed to lose!

“Mother always said. Don’t lose! You, I respect you. You put up a good fight.” Said Boris lending his hand to Fire Chief.

“She was not kidding about you being a Rank 7. Impressive.” Said Fire Chief taking the hand.

“Da. What Rank are you?”

“Rank 6 with my suit on. I am a Mecha Engineer, after all.”

“Not bad, not bad. Keep working on it.”

Fire Chief pulled out a magazine and handed it to Boris. “Could you sign this? I am a big fan.”

“Da. Of course, anything for fan.” Smiled Boris getting a pen from Molotov and signing the picture of himself. “Here you go. It was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Thank you. It is going right on my fridge.” Smiled Fire Chief.

What the hell! What do you mean you are his fan, then why fight him? Don’t turn traitor on me. You were my only hope. Damn you. Fire Chief, don’t go all gay on me. Think about your wife and stop this bromance! I know he is a sexy beast, but come on, show some restraint, will you? Don’t bond with my enemy. He wants to take me away, you know! When did this turn into homoerotic fantasy? Did I really want this to stop... well, maybe it won’t hurt to see a ,little bit more of this.

“Wait a minute, this is one of those weird fever dreams, isn’t it? There is no way hot dudes are man muscle fighting over me!” I shouted, making the room quiet down, and people started looking at me.

Molotov clapped her hands. “Nyet! This is real.”

Molotov slapped Boris on the leg and swished her hand like she was waving away some dust. “Alright, alright, break it up will you! We came here for a reason remember.”

“Da. Right. Where did I put it?” Said Boris rummaging around in his shredded clothes. He pulled a little case out and got on his knee in front of me. Wait a minute, this isn’t what I think it is, is it? He opened it, and there was a ring with a diamond as big as a jawbreaker on it. “Vespidian, will you marry me?”

I stared at him, then it, then Molotov. I vented again, shuddering. What are you trying to do to me here? I don’t even know you. I literally just met you twenty minutes ago. There was only one answer I could give. I am not crazy after all.

“Vespidian I am so happy!” Smiled Boris... wait, what?

“What are you talking about!?” I yelled at him.

“But you took ring.”

“No, I did not-” It was gone! Where did it go? Bottom Righty! Why are you wearing it already?! That is a bad hand. Stop it, don’t be fooled by his man muscles! I wrestled with the bottom right hand. How are you so strong? The grip on this thing! Let go we can’t take it. No. No that is a bad hand. Sub, I know that is you! It is a trap. Finally, I freed the ring and gave it back to him.

“No.” I said in a stern voice. “You seem like an amazing guy, but I am not ready for this yet. And besides, you are a Villain. It won’t work.”

His eyes opened wide. He was stunned beyond words. Boris had clearly been expecting me to say yes. I sighed, not even sure what the hell was going on anymore. Oh no, were those tears? Did I just shatter this man’s heart and crush his soul? I am starting to feel really bad for him. It kinda feels like a Russian bride who got delivered in a crate and then got rejected by the one who ordered her. Oh dear god... That is exactly what this is! I am a terrible person.

Yes, you are.

“You hate me?” Asked Molotov glancing over at me.

“I don’t know anymore.” I weakly said.

“I will not force you to come. Make choice, stay here with them or come with Boris and me back to Russia.” Said Molotov crossing her arms.

It took a long time to avert my eyes from Boris. I mean, the guy looked like a beast in the sack. The Giga Chad, rich, famous, powerful, sexy. Literally, all the things to crave from a partner. The kind that broke the bed and left you shaking. It is pretty damned hard to turn that down. God damn it! He keeps giving me the googly eyes.

Is he actually attracted to this body?

I stared back at Neon Nurse and Fire Chief... he was rubbing his face on that damned picture! Traitor! Dr. Arbor had slunk away somewhere, likely too scared of Molotov. Would it be better to stay or go? I don’t know. I won’t fall for her seductions. I don’t care if it is some greased-up sex god she is toting around. I am not going back with her. These Villains are up to no good. If I went to Russian, there is no telling what would happen to me. I would probably be dissected in a lab or forced into some genetic breeding program. Part of me really wanted that last part, if it was Boris, but I shook it off.

“I will stay here,” I answered, and she looked sad.

“Da. I thought as much. You are free now, Vespidian. I won’t chase you; I won’t hurt you. As going away present here have this.” She stepped over and handed me the Nicky Mouse doll and the balloons. “It is not much, but you can have it. I really do hope this works out for you. If you ever change your mind. Come to Russia and find me in Moscow.”

“Wait, really?” I asked, dumbfounded, taking her gifts. This seemed too good to be true. There must be something amiss. This must be a clever ruse, but what is her angle?

“Da. I let you have the option to escape to see what you would do in the wild. You deserve better than I could give you. I admit my fault with that Dr. Arbor fiasco. Whatever you do, do not trust her. Boris here broke out of his cage when he saw pictures of you. I had to ship him over in crate to avoid suspicion. He literally went wild. He really wanted to meet you. I helped him set up date for Nicky Mouse Land. We had the whole day planned, spent all night arguing over what would be most romantic. We thought you would come back after a harsh dose of reality and good measure of food pelting, but you did not.

“First, it was going to be a water log ride after that, taking the pirate ship across the lagoon and riding the Yeti Mountain. Break for lunch at pizza place. Then we would go to haunted house, and you would scream like little girl, and he would hold you and tell you everything was ok. Things would have gotten lovey-dovey from there, and you would have been on crazy army helmet ride getting closer and closer. Then we watched the fireworks over the fairy castle in the hot air balloon. Night would have ended in sweet romantic dinner and being carried off to bed. Followed by passionate pussy wrecking all night long. But things did not go as planned. I ended up being his date when you ran off. Nicky Mouse Land was not the happiest place in the world. Not even pity sex cheered him up. He cried the whole time. There, there Boris.” She pat him on the arm, and he had tears streaming down from his sparkling eyes.

You Monster.

How was I supposed to know?

No... don’t cry, you, handsome creature! You are breaking my heartbreak here. Don’t bring up a sob story like that. This guy was oozing sex pheromones! I should have stayed. God damn it, why! We can do that again, right? It is not too late, is it? No! I can’t get dickmatized. This is all a clever trap! No one could love this body. I slapped myself three times to clear my head.

Bottom righty had to be restrained. It kept clawing at the air, trying to get a hold of his delicious man-flesh. That could only mean Sub wanted to have a ride on his soviet love rocket. Damn it! Sub this is hard enough without you sabotaging me. Do you want to end up in a sex dungeon or something?! We will have a long discussion about this later!

“Just go,” I said with a shaky voice.

“Damn.” Scoffed Molotov. “She resisted sexiest man in world. All hope is lost. Will need sexiest woman in world.”

“No!” Screamed Boris running towards me. Oh god, he is at half-mast! He jumped up in the air like a swan with the lights behind him. I might have wet myself. He did not get very far before Molotov tackled him and dragged him back.

“Damn it! Boris, stop it. Sexy wasp lady isn’t into you!”

“But I love her. I want to make sweet, sweet love and make beautiful children! I want to read her stories by fireplace!” He cried, holding onto her leg.

“Shut up! You are embarrassing us in front of the Americans! I get you, sexy supermodels, for plane ride back home.”

Boris wailed as though the world was ending and fell to the floor crying. “Noooo! I want Vespidian! Vespidian, I love you with whole heart! Why? Where am I not good enough? I has triple doctorate degree in quantum physics and make three hundred million dollar a year! I own small island by Cuba and have been on the cover of Sexiest Man in World last three years! No one has ever gotten me as hard as you! I dream about pounding your tight wasp ass!”

“Just go you sexy bastard!” I yelled with tears in my eyes and turned to run away before I changed my mind.

Molotov yelled at me. “If you ever need help, come to Moscow we will be waiting! I has feeling we will see one another very soon. Boris, stop it. The Americans are watching!”

She dragged him off by the ear, kicking and screaming. Team Wolf filed out, and the limos that brought them opened then shut. All to the sounds of Boris crying.

I heard Molotov yelling in the car. “Shit! No wonder she resisted. I forgot to turn on funky music! I had Raining Men queued up and everything. Boris, we will get her next time!”

It was heart-wrenching watching that poor sweet man. He was pressed against the window, waving. God, he had a nice ass. I am already regretting it. The more that I think about it, the more I questioned myself. How in the hell did I turn that down?! What is wrong with me? There will never be a man that into me again. The guy was fucking loaded. He was like the perfect mate. I would never have to work a day in my life and could literally just lay around on a beach all day! Damn my pride, I should have made the leap into those arms.

This is that part in the movies where I am supposed to go chasing after him, right? Nope, not me. I am more stubborn than a tick, and they hurt me. She said she had my back and let me be dissected. I won’t forgive that easily. I know how to hold a grudge, unfortunately. I know Dr. Arbor is crazy, so it is to be expected from her.

One thing that still bothers me is that she could have easily forced me to go with her. Is she just toying with me? I don’t understand. If I am so special, why would she let me just walk away? Seems rather strange considering how much time and effort she put into training me and keeping me alive. Could it be that I really am not that special? Well, that is a downer? What am I thinking? It is good to not be in the eye of some crazy person. Even when I get away scot-free, she leaves a shadow over my head. Well, maybe not, though. I mean, she could have just taken me, and there was not a damned thing anyone could have done about it, yet she did not. Was I not her real objective this whole time? What the hell is she plotting? Who knows... something tells me this is far from over. At any rate, maybe now I can get my life back on track.

“Hey, this is real, right?” I asked Neon Nurse, who sat next to me.

“Very much so.” Neon Nurse looked longingly out the window. “You should have gone. I would have gone with you, we could have done things together, you know. I think we should have your head looked at. You might be crazy.”

I hit her, and she toppled over. “I am not crazy. I am just scornful and vindictive. I took a lot of shit from Molotov, and it is not that easy to just sweep under the rug.”

She smiled. “That was quite the specimen. I would have enjoyed studying that. I wonder if he could be cybernetically augmented?”

“That is a good question.”

“Well, since you are staying. I suppose I should formally welcome you to the team! Congratulations, let’s have lots of fun together.”

“I am not into women.”

“You say that, yet you just turned down the sexiest man in the world.”

You turned down the hunkasaurus rex.

“Don’t remind me.” I scowled.

“Don’t feel too down. We will be the best of friends.” Smiled Neon Nurse, “I will go cook some meat for you to cheer you up.”

“Thanks,” I said absent-mindedly. Today was a weird fucking day.