Standing on top of a huge decorative gravestone was a small figure in a cheesy black cloak. The high pitched voice made it hard to guess at the gender and age. That could be a short woman or a pre-teen boy, or a cursed skeleton for all I know. What I did know was that I was fucked. At least a little bit. Easily thirty zombies turned to look at me as blood drained out of my face. My inner dialogue was beautiful. [Fucking fuck, you stupid, brainless, can’t pay attention miserable fuck!]. My outer dialogue was less so. “Fuck you asshole!”

I mean, it was already too late. They had seen me, and the intention of little dude was clear. I was definitely afraid, but I also remembered my experience with the zombie from yesterday. I could do that again, but on a larger scale. Thrusting out my hands, a ripple of earth magic tore from me, turning the ground around the zombies and six feet under into the siltiest, softest sand I could think of. As the small horde sank out of sight, another ripple of earth magic turned it back into solid stone. Quickly checking my batteries, I saw that I had used less than half of one of them, and it was refilling from my personal overflow.

“What the hell did you do that for?” the small figure screamed, pulling down the hood of the cloak, “Do you have any idea how long it took to raise and control all of them? Some of them have been dead for decades!” Definitely an adolescent boy, probably around 5’3, pimples, glasses, revenge of the nerds. I so did not have time for this. I looked around and saw that some of the nearby houses had some people looking out their windows, and some were even coming out with guns. The ranting kid’s voice grated on me in a way that made me consider some serious violence. A little voice in the back of my head also whispered that I honestly did not know if this kid had added to his zombie collection from just the graveyard, or if some innocent bystander was forcibly recruited. A bolt of black energy punching me in my chest plate rudely interrupted my thoughts. Looking down, I saw that the bone plate covering my battery holding vest was melting fast. I banished the plate and conjured a replacement, and then covered that stone and bonded the two.

“You just tried to fucking kill me?” I said, “Are you serious? That would have dissolved my chest!” It was hard coming to terms with a tiny teenager throwing some kind of death energy around. The second black bolt was thrown with no hesitation. Dodging that one, I conjured a stone wall in front of me, and then made it big, and then I made it thick. I pulled out my .45, thumbed off the safety and prepared to cross a boundary I hoped I would never meet. I mean, how do I do this without killing him, especially when he can throw things that dissolve bone? I haven’t even mastered a magical shield yet, or some kind of sleeping spell. Fuck. Thinking fast, I conjured up a handful of pebbles and threw the flashing light enchantment on them. I added a sound enchantment as well, instant flash-bang grenades. I threw them up and over the wall with one hand while gripping my gun in the other. The instant they landed and did their thing, I pivoted around the wall and pointed my gun at the kid. He was definitely disoriented. Drawing on my flesh magic to boost my body, I tackled that little fucker like a bull. The instant we hit the ground, I punched him and used my earth magic to sink him until only his head was above ground, then turned the earth to stone. Time to figure out exactly what was going on here.