《A Modern Man in a Cultivating World》18. Reflections
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Quan was cultivating in his hut when Asha entered. He had his eyes closed and his back to the door, but he felt her enter. She sat on one of the two chairs without saying a word. Her aura nearly overwhelmed Quan as it raged with fury he knew was directed at him.
Without opening his eyes, Quan said. "I have been very stupid lately. No, not lately. For quite a while, until stupid has become a habit."
Asha let the silence hang in the air. Her anger, not abated at all. "Continue." She demanded.
"I'm sure you're aware of what happened in the village if your aura is any indication. I came back here and started meditating. Thinking about today and how I so easily ignored your request not to fight."
"I thought about how I just accepted what the remnant said and never even considered getting advice. I was given a chance when I arrived in the world but did nothing for so long. I made excuses that don't hold up if I had done even a basic investigation into my options."
"I must look like the stupidest bastard in the world. So I've been asking myself why. Really considering it. Cause I swear, I'm not this stupid."
Asha decided to see where this was going before she unloaded her anger at him. She could see he was cultivating even as he talked. She studied what she saw, looking deeper at his method. Ki seemed to flow into his body and twist as it did. Elements were spun back out that felt wrong to her senses, rejected by whatever he was doing.
"I realized I have a fundamental conflict I've never resolved. It's always been there, but it's gotten worse since I formed my core. It's getting worse." Quan started again.
"I think this might be a problem unique to me. Since I quit holding back, my memories of my previous life, of Earth, have come back full force. No one warned me cultivation would give me perfect recall. Or at least I'm getting close.
"I was numb to my loss those first years here. In a half state that is hard to explain. Then time and memory fading had done their job. Now, I can suddenly recall my mother’s hugs in torturous detail. The sound of my father's truck pulling into the block after a day of work and how it made me feel. My younger brother and sisters playing in the house and growing up. My first sweet kiss as if it was a moment ago. Friends, so close they became brothers to my soul, that I will never see again or know the story of their lives. My old personality is reasserting itself with refreshed memories."
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Asha walked around to sit on the bed and see his face as he talked. Tears were slowly leaking as he talked.
"And it's not just the family. Earth. Can I talk about Earth for a bit?". Quan continued as if she'd agreed. "You can not possibly understand how different our worlds are. Remove cultivation, sure, which I imagine is so horrible to you that you see some wretched place. But it was glorious, not perfect, but amazing. You are thousands of years behind Earth in learning what can be done. We had electricity and engines. We had computers and cars. Planes that crossed the world in a day. Phones that you carried in your pocket and could talk to anyone else in the world in an instant if you wanted to.
"Pizza, dear god, we had pizza and bacon cheeseburgers and hot dogs. I would kill for a good slice of pizza. We had medicine that was available to everyone and healed the sick, and helped the poor. We learnt how the world worked and made ourselves its master. We rerouted rivers to generate power and water fields so we could grow great crops. It benefited the least to the greatest. Not just the lucky few born with a gift. Again we weren't perfect, but I like to think we were getting there.
"We had such art: paintings and sculpture. Music you can't imagine and great literature to enrich the soul. Movies to amaze or amuse or sometimes to cringe at how awful they were. We had Kate Beckinsale in tight leather fighting vampires. Games that reached around the world. You could sit in your living room and play against someone thousands of miles away, all in an instant.
"We had tales of cultivators too. But they were myths and legends we knew to be false. And we laughed at them from our modern vantage point. We had tales of other types of power too. Greek, African, eastern tales of ancient powers we had 'outgrown.'
Quan was silent a long moment before he continued. "And we were arrogant. That's the price for being the master of all. And what I'm struggling with. Our modern historians laughed at the accounts of ancient days and declared them impossible, and listed the reasons why primitive cultures couldn't live up to their claims.
"I carried that arrogance in my heart. I didn't listen to all I should have because my modern mind knew better than the silly people around me. When I met someone more advanced than even my people, I gave them every benefit of the doubt that I had never given anyone in this world.
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"That kid didn't goad me into a fight. I wanted to see if I was some magic chosen one from a story and couldn't lose. Fulfilling my arrogance about why I was brought here to this primitive world.
" I don't mean that as an insult, but it's the simple truth that something has held technology and science at a standstill here. You've had enough time that I cannot fathom how things haven't progressed without an effort to hold advancement back."
"Regardless, this is about me." Asha felt the force of his cultivation increase as Quan declared. "I will no longer allow the arrogance of my past to cloud my vision of the present. I will seek the wisdom of this world, and only then will I look for ways to marry it with the advancement of my own."
Asha could feel the moment his core condensed into a liquid center as she watched him declare his path. He grinned and said. "This shall be my ninja way," Quan didn't stop cultivating as his core liquified, but rather Asha felt it intensify until she felt his core condense once again.
Quan opened his eyes to look directly at Asha as his core turned solid.
“That is not possible,” Asha said, astonished. “Tell me you weren’t holding back again for some idiotic reason.”
“No, I wasn’t. Those cultivation pills from the offworlder have quite the kick to them, combined with my current conviction. It was enough to push me through two steps at once.” Quan answered.
He looked Asha and in the eyes and said, “I sincerely apologize to you. I have not been a worthy student. I will not disappoint you again.”
“I came in here ready to scream and threaten you. I was this close to dropping you as a student and possibly kicking you out of the sect.” Asha said angrily. “However, that was a baring of the soul like I never imagined.”
“Your conflict and erratic behaviour make a little more sense now.’ Asha said, “it doesn’t make it excusable, though. You were an adult and claim to be one inside that mind still. Prove it. Get your shit together. If you do something against my orders again, it will be the end of your time with me.”
“That said, we can talk about your world. I don’t know if that will help, but it’s probably better than bottling it all up inside. I didn’t understand half of what you said about the wonders you are missing, but I’d be interested in learning more. Even if it’s so that I can explain how we aren’t as primitive as you think!”
Quan laughed, “I think I’d like that. Maybe we can even find a way to recreate pizza here. Start our own restaurant empire!”
“It’s late. I’m going to go home and consider your words here before I say more.” Asha stood up, “is there anything else before I go?”
“Two questions that I probably shouldn’t even ask, but just to clarify.” Quan said.
“Go on,”
“Body cultivation is for the untalented?” Quan asked.
“That is the attitude I’m trying to fix. Foundation is key, body and core.” Asha replied.
“That’s what I thought.’ Quan nodded. “Qin said I should at least work on a movement art and that a war may be coming soon.”
“War is always coming, especially in the imaginations of young warriors. I am teaching you a movement art. It’s called running.”
Quan laughed, “I should have seen that answer too. Thank you. And once more, I am sorry for being a fool.”
“Good night Quan.” Asha left him to his room.
Relived that the confrontation had gone better than expected, he lay down to get some rest. As he closed his eyes, a message appeared in front of his eyes in dark green text like an old computer system.
Solid core detected.
Beginning analysis for installation compatibility of Cultivator Nano-Enhancement protocols….
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