Dario paled at the sight of the figure emerging from the cave.

“Shit.”

The nude creature was twelve feet tall with a huge body made out of an even distribution of fat and muscle. In its hand was a scary-looking club seemingly made out of a fallen tree. Its large head turned towards him and stared him down with beady yellow eyes. Fortunately, it didn’t have the signature green skin of a troll, instead being a pale yellow.

Dario quickly surmised that the creature in front of him was an ogre, and while not as scary as trolls, they were just as formidable. He knew that he was in a delicate situation the moment the ogre appeared, and he quickly tampered down the urge to metaphorically shit his pants. There was simply no time to panic, and he forcefully ignored the primal fear permeating his body. He had to handle things as calmly as possible from here on out.

From what he knew of their kind, they were apparently capable of speech and communicating with others, so he’d try that avenue first before doing anything rash. Ogres were supposed to be volatile, but fairly dumb, so he could possibly use that to his advantage. He just hoped that the stories he’d been told as a kid were accurate if he wanted to have any hope of surviving.

He slowly and steadily stood up with his hands in front of him in a placating manner.

“Easy there buddy,” he said in a soothing tone of voice, treating it like any other stray animal he’d find in The Slums. “I’m not looking for a fight or anything, I just got lost and ended up here. I’m just gonna leave and go on my way, okay?” He began taking backward steps, never taking his eyes off the hulking figure.

“You.” The ogre grunted, pointing its club towards him. “You food?” the clearly male ogre asked.

“No, no, not at all,” Dario denied, having paused in his step as soon as he heard the ogre’s deep voice. “I’m not food. In fact, I taste bad — very, very bad.”

“What you, if not food then?” the ogre questioned as it started taking steps towards him.

“I’m a friend! A really good friend!” he hurriedly replied.

He was very tempted to take off running as fast as he could, but he didn’t really know how quick an ogre could move, and this part of the forest was difficult to maneuver around. He had a feeling that the beast was fully capable of plowing through everything while he struggled in retreat. He simply didn’t want to risk it just yet.

“Me not see you before. You not friend.” The ogre stopped in its tracks despite its accusation, evidently curious about the smaller creature in front of him.

“I can be a friend,” Dario said with a nervous smile. “I have lots of friends, and they all say that I’m the bestest friend a friend could have. Do you have a best friend?”

“Best friend?” it asked with a tilt of its head. “Me no have friend. Me alone.” The ogre seemed almost sad in its reply. “Me always alone.”

“Well, you’re not alone anymore friend, I’m here now,” Dario replied, a bead of sweat dripping down his forehead. He had absolutely no idea where he was going with the conversation. All he knew was that he didn’t want to be eaten.

“You friend?” The ogre raised its eyebrows, looking comically surprised for a creature so intimidating. “You not food?”

“Exactly,” Dario said as he placed a hand to his chest. “Me friend, me not food.” He held his breath in anticipation and hoped for the best.

There was a brief pause as the burly creature stared at him with an unreadable expression. The purple-eyed teen tensed up, feeling worried that it would suddenly rush him. Fortunately, there was no sudden attack and it seemed to have come to a decision after a moment of contemplation.

“Okay,” it said with a smile and a satisfied nod. “You friend. You stay with me now, yes?”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“You. Staay. With meee,” the ogre repeated slowly, looking at him like he was a dim-witted animal. “You and me friend now. We together always, never alone, yes?”

“Uhh.” Dario stuttered as he frantically looked for a way to dissuade the brute. “Friends don’t stick together all the time pal, we all need our space.” As the ogre furrowed its brow in annoyance, Dario came up with an idea. It was harebrained, but it was better than nothing at such short notice. “Um... rather than a friend, I think what you’re looking for — and what you need — is a mate.”

“Mate?” the heavily built humanoid asked, ears perking up in intrigue.

“Yes, I think what you really need is a female ogre. An ogress, I think they’re called.” Dario straightened his posture and tried to smile as confidently as possible. It was time to use his minor talent of advertising females to thirsty males — something he'd learned from his old post at Haven. “It just so happens that I know of an ogress nearby who is looking for a big strong ogre like you to claim her.”

“Ogress wants Gronk?”

“Gronk? Is that your name?” he asked. At the ogres affirmative grunt, Dario continued, “Okay Gronk, like I said, what you really want is a mate, not me.”

“Where mate?” Gronk asked eagerly.

“Over that way.” Dario pointed vaguely to a direction away from where he had come from and away from where the slime had gone. “If you head in that direction, you’ll eventually see her. And let me tell you, she’s a beauty.” Dario winked conspiringly. “She won’t wait forever though, so you best be going right away.”

“Show me,” Gronk commanded, lumbering closer towards him. “Bring me to mate.”

“Wait, hold up! Friends need their own personal space remember?” Dario reprimanded, inwardly panicking. Surprisingly, the towering beast stopped a few meters in front of him. “You don’t really need me to show you, Gronk. All you need to do is walk in that direction and you’ll be humping an ogress’ fat behind in no time. You want that, right?”

“Me like big butt,” Gronk agreed.

“Right... So, I’ll just leave you to it and be on my way then.” Dario turned and started walking away at a fairly sedate pace. He didn’t want to startle Gronk with any sudden movements after all. It was a moot point, however, as the ogre simply followed him. “Gronk, why are you following me?” he turned to ask, body fully tensed.

“Me no want meet ogress alone. Me scared she no like me,” Gronk mumbled, looking strangely forlorn.

What the...? Was he nervous about talking to a female? This couldn’t be happening right now, there was just no way. “Gronk you’ll be fine. Just go over there and show her how big and strong you are and she’ll be yours.”

“No.” The ogre shook his head. “If you friend, you show me, you help me.” Gronk stared at him intently. “You friend or not?”

Dario stilled at the unspoken threat.

He’d thought that things were going well and that he would be able to make his escape without forcing a confrontation, but now he wasn’t so sure. He would have to go along for now and hope for a better opportunity. On the bright side, how cool would it be to tell others that he was able to trick an ogre into thinking it was going on a date? That would be priceless.

“Fine, Gronk, if you really need a wingman then I’m your guy.”

“You not birdy,” Gronk observed with a confused expression. “You no have wings.”

“Nevermind that.” Dario rolled his eyes, trying his best to appear calm and friendly. “We’ll get you a hot piece of ogress ass soon enough. Just follow me, but keep your distance though. Remember what I said about what friends need?”

Gronk walked uncomfortably close to him and scrunched his forehead in thought. “Person space?”

“That’s close enough.”

Dario travelled with his unlikely companion for about twenty minutes in the direction he’d pointed earlier. At some point, he swerved and began walking towards where he thought the slime went. He figured that he might as well kill two birds with one stone.

During their walk, he became more relaxed as he chatted with Gronk. He learned more about the ogre than expected and found out that he had been abandoned in his section of the forest at a young age, living there alone ever since. He felt somewhat bad since he was tricking the oaf into something he was probably looking forward to, but they still had the potential to be enemies, so cautious he remained.

Gronk had stuck close to him the entire time despite his complaints of personal space. Up close and personal, he was acquainted with the terrible hygiene present in someone who never showered or cleaned themself. It was a testament to his fortitude that he was able to stand being in such close proximity, especially with his slightly enhanced sense of smell.

It was hard for him to escape when Gronk refused to leave his side. Throughout their jaunt, he'd been on the constant lookout for any kind of cave or flat open area that he could use as part of his story. How was he supposed to point out where an ogress would live if there were only trees in sight?

He was beginning to think that he would just have to make a run for it. On multiple occasions, he had looked around for avenues of getting away that would prevent the much bigger humanoid from catching up to him, but there wasn’t much.

He looked up at the ogre next to him and noticed the annoyed agitation on his face. Ogres were supposedly very volatile creatures, so he was afraid that he was stretching its patience. Perhaps he needed to make his getaway sooner than he thought.

“Hey Gronk,” Dario said. “Do you really want to see this ogress still? I think she may have gone off and moved somewhere else. I’m sure it was around here, but I don’t see her home anywhere.”

“No ogress?” Gronk questioned with his brows furrowed.

“Maybe, maybe not. I think we should split up to cover more ground. You head that way, and I’ll go… this way.” He pointed in the complete opposite direction. “Does that sound fair?”

“You said ogress this way.” Gronk grunted as he started rhythmically stomping the ground. “She here or not here, but she not here. Why ogress not here?” the ogre asked with a tone of warning.

“Like I said, she probably moved somewhere else. The ogress isn’t here so we should go our separate ways in order to search a larger area,” he bluffed.

“No ogress…” Gronk muttered. He began shaking his head and clenching his club.

Dario started getting worried. “Gronk? Are you listening pal? I said we should split up to have a better chance of finding her.”

“No ogress…” the ogre repeated in an angry tone of voice, seemingly focused on those two words and nothing else. Gronk looked at Dario as if he was seeing him for the first time. “No ogress…” Slowly, his yellow beady eyes narrowed in sudden understanding. “Friend lie… You lie...”

“Now wait a second! I never lied to you Gronk,” Dario lied. “I’m sure if we split up we can find her more easily!”

“You lie!” The hulking ogre accused, looking enraged.

“Gronk, listen—”

“FRIEND LIE!” With a roar of rage, Gronk swung his club in an upward strike.

Having been tense the entire time, Dario was prepared for the sudden attack and immediately raised his shield to block. Gronk’s strength was too great, however, and he ended up flying several meters away before slamming onto the base of a tree. The groaning young man slowly stood up and glanced at the ogre stomping towards him.

“Me feel hurt,” Gronk rumbled before pointing his club towards him. “Now me make YOU hurt!”

Welp, it was time for his signature move.

“Gronk, the ogress is over there, right behind you!” Dario yelled, pointing behind Gronk with his eyes comically wide.

As soon as the giant oaf turned around, Dario started sprinting towards a crop of trees he’d recently been eyeing. It was his best chance of escape and possibly the only thing that might slow the angered beast down.

“There no ogress there—” Gronk paused when he turned back and noticed his human companion making a run for it. “YOU LIE AGAIN!” he roared furiously. “YOU DIE NOW!”

Dario ignored the bellows of rage behind him and continued running. He didn’t know where he was going, but all he knew was that he had to get away. He could only hope that the trees would slow him down.

As he ran for his life, he quickly glanced back just to see how far ahead he was. He almost regretted doing so as the sight of an angry ogre tearing through trees like paper only served to make him feel despair.

Before he knew it, Gronk had caught up to him, being only a couple meters behind. In desperation, Dario threw his shield backwards, aiming for the pursuing ogre’s face. However, the attempt failed as Gronk managed to block it with his club, knocking it right back to its owner.

In a stroke of luck, the shield landed on his back where it automatically reattached itself. This was just in time for Gronk’s second swing. The blow struck his shielded back and he was once more catapulted to a nearby tree. Slumping against the trunk and spitting up blood, Dario glared at the approaching Gronk with a look of anger and determination.

Screw it... it was do or die at this point. Gotta be proactive, not reactive.

“Alright big guy, no more running away. It’s on now.” Moving forward, he bent low on all fours and pulled on his Assimilator Energy.

Gronk raised his club above his head and roared, “DIE!”

Before he could slam the wooden weapon down, Dario dashed forward towards the open space between the ogre’s legs. As he passed under Gronk, he performed an uppercut straight to his hanging testicles, emerging on the other side behind the giant.

When Gronk bent over to cry out in pain, Dario immediately jumped on his back, climbing upwards with shield in hand. He latched onto the larger humanoid’s neck and started slashing its eye sockets with the edge of his shield.

“RARGH!!” Blinded and furious, Gronk began flailing around in an attempt to dislodge him. Dario was relentless and maneuvered around the hits, simply enduring the ones he couldn’t avoid. Frustrated, Gronk started running as fast as he could through the forest, trying to slam Dario against anything he could find.

Their struggle lasted for almost a minute in which they moved the battlefield much farther from where they started. Both combatants were injured and savagely upping their attempts to kill each other. In their scuffle, they failed to notice the rapidly approaching danger.

It all came to a head when they both suddenly found themselves in a perilous freefall.