The red, red words above Baalbezath's head told Rich everything he needed to know.

BAALBEZATH – DAEMON SCOURGE 37

That was a solid nope. That was the nopiest nope that Rich had ever noped on.

So when the demon turned his way, and his face started to glow, Rich twisted to the side.

Just in time, too, as the demon... no, daemon, shouted “HELLFIRE!” and spat a gout of red-hot flames toward him... and above him.

For a second Rich thought he'd missed.

Then a hissing, groaning noise came from overhead, and Rich kept twisting to the side, rolling over and scrabbling, using his wings to push himself away. And just in time too, as a blob of liquid lava that had until recently been a stalactite crashed down behind him!

AGL+1

Rich shot a look back, saw that the blob of lava had fallen right in front of the passage he'd emerged from. No escape that way.

Another quick look around showed him that fortunately, there were other ways out. But the ones nearest to him were twisty, and he couldn't tell which ones were full on tunnels, and which ones were dead ends.

He thought of being stuck in a small dead end while the daemon breathed fire up his ass.

The idea didn't appeal.

Rich rose, ignoring the jangle of the silver hoop scraping the ground as he stood upright.

“WORM,” the daemon roared. “I KNOW NOT WHY YOUR ELDERS SENT YOU DOWN HERE TO DIE, BUT I SHALL NOT REJECT THE SACRIFICE SO OFFERED!” It raised its sword and paced forward, slowly and deliberately.

Maybe it was slow?

Rich tried to fly past it.

Then the sword was whistling his way, fast, too fast, and Rich knew he'd screwed up. He angled down, trying to dodge... and so the arc that would have cut him in half just struck him a glancing blow.

Even that was enough to stagger him, and he knew a big, big number was popping out of him right now but he didn't have time to see it. He hit the ground again, rolled, and jumped up, ignoring the bloody trail that he'd left in his wake.

He was next to Geebo, and that was what mattered. “Get on my back!”

“What? Master? You said... Geebo should not.”

“No time! Get on!” Rich snapped.

The daemon was turning. He walked slowly, comparatively to his size, but those muscled arms were fast, faster than they looked. The creature grinned widely, and licked his blood from the blade.

Then it frowned. It glanced from the blade to him. “ONLY ONE BLOOD? WHAT IS THIS? HOW ARE YOU CHEATING ME?”

Geebo still wasn't on his back.

“I didn't come here to cheat you. I didn't even know you were here!” Rich yelled. Then he glanced over at Geebo. “Come on!”

“WHAT? YOU DIDN'T KNOW? THIS ISN'T A CHALLENGE?” The daemon actually looked upset. It stuck its sword in the ground pointfirst, and leaned on the blade. “WHY ARE YOU HERE THEN?”

“I'm just trying to find a dark power to pledge to!” Rich said.

A pause.

Two heartbeats passed, as the daemon stared at him.

Then it laughed, loud and horrible and ugly, and its eyes shut tight.

CHA+1

Rich saw an opportunity. He kept his eyes on the daemon, but spoke out of the side of his muzzle to Geebo. “Fine, if you won't get on, go look at those caves over there! Find one that isn't a dead end. Then stand near it and we'll escape together.”

Geebo seemed to lose his confusion over that. He scrambled over to the edge of the arena, and cautiously started sidling around.

The daemon's laughter died, and it started to turn its head, but its yellow, slit-pupilled eyes snapped back to Rich as he dragged a claw along the stone.

“YOU THINK, AFTER ALL THAT YOUR KIND HAVE DONE, THAT CRON WILL TAKE YOU AS A SERVANT?”

“Who's Cron?” Rich asked, stalling.

The daemon boggled at him, eyes seeming to triple in size as his scarred lids peeled back. “CRON IS THE DESTROYER! HE SHALL KILL ALL WHO LIVE WITHIN THIS SHINING PRISON UNTIL THERE IS NO ONE LEFT TO STOP HIS DEPARTURE! AND YOU... YOU KNOW THE TASTE OF THE OUTER REALMS. YOU ARE CAUGHT HERE TOO... NOW HOW IS THAT?”

“I don't know. I really do need a dark power to... serve, though. Is he hiring?”

Geebo was around the daemon by now, moving slowly, but Rich couldn't spare him more than a side-eye. There was too much at stake, here. Too much depended on keeping this guy talking.

“I HAVE ENDURED THESE AGES TRAPPED BELOW WITH THE SWEET THOUGHTS OF BREAKING DRAGON BONES. I HAVE LULLED MYSELF TO SLEEP IMAGINING THE SCREAMS FROM DRAGON THROATS AS I KILL THEM SLOWLY. BUT...” The daemon studied him, and it grinned, foot-long yellowed teeth gleaming in the lava light. “I BELIEVE I WOULD PREFER TO HEAR THE SCREAMS OF YOUR ANCESTORS WHEN I ACCEPT YOUR PLEDGE TO CRON.”

And for a second he was tempted. He really was.

This daemon was badass, and his goals were totally metal. This was a chance to join team evil with a capital 'E'. Maybe get some quests to destroy towns, and battle champions, and be cool like that.

But...

When you got down to it, he didn't like being a villain. He'd tried to play that way before, and it got old. Griefing people was only fun if they deserved it, and you couldn't do the villain thing without mauling over a few innocents.

Besides, this guy was about as subtle and smart as a brick to the face, and Rich didn't like that. There was always somebody bigger, and if Cron was as dull as his servant, here, then Rich wouldn't have too many ways to deal with big threats outside of killing like crazy and hoping for the best.

No, this was a bad fit. He'd seek out a different power.

But he didn't let any of that show on his face. Instead he asked “Great! How do we do this?”

Behind the daemon, Geebo was pointing at a cave. Good, good. Almost there...

“WE SEAL THE PACT IN BLOOD, CHILD!” The daemon roared, and reached back almost lovingly to run his hand down the impaled blade. Black blood welled forth, hissing as it burned the stone where it dripped.

And Rich decided to push his luck.

“Does it have to be my blood?” he pointed at Geebo, who suddenly got very, very still and very, very pale.

The daemon looked to him. Then it looked to Geebo. Then it looked to him again, and laughed, long and low. “I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK! CRON CARES NOT FROM WHOM THE BLOOD FLOWS!”

CHA+1

“Done and done!” Rich said. “I'll just go kill him then.” He trotted towards the side of the daemon, forcing himself to ignore the towering behemoth as he passed, heading straight for Geebo. Just walking casually, walking without a care.

And to his utter surprise, it worked.

He was past, and not looking around, not looking behind him, and his nerve held...

...up until the point the daemon bellowed.

No words. Just a long howl, an angry howl, and Rich knew the jig was up.

He spread his wings and flew then, pumping them to gain speed, forgetting all else as he sped towards Geebo.

He knew what he had to do. He knew there was no room for error.

And a strange thought drifted through his mind, from no place he could name, I will not miss the grab again!

His claws snapped wide, his arms darted out as he passed the little draggit...

...and he snatched up Geebo and kept going down the cave that Geebo had pointed out.

DEX+1

“HELLFIRE!” The daemon roared behind him, and Rich...

Rich followed his instincts and his video game training, and did a goddamn barrel roll.

AGL+1

Your Dodge skill is now level 6!

A burning cone of flames spilled down the center of the cave.

But Rich was dancing around the edges, spinning madly as Geebo shrieked and hung on.

Then it was around the curve at the far end of the tunnel, and down... down into darkness.

“Dragonseye,” Rich whispered.

They were out and through, and Rich was laughing, laughing as the daemon's roars of rage vanished behind him.

He had to slow down in a hurry once words blocked his view. Still, as words went, they weren't so troublesome.

Congratulations, by using lies to talk your way through a highly dangerous situation life-and-death confrontation, you have unlocked the Grifter job!

You cannot become a Grifter at this time, all adventuring slots are full!

Seek out your guild to forget an existing job!

“Oh man,” Rich said, as he brought them to a stop, and landed. “That was awesome. Are you okay, Geebo?”

The draggit looked up at him and nodded. “Geebo is fine.” But the little creature's eyes were wild behind his spectacles.

“What's wrong? Still scared? Yeah, okay, he was scary. There's no shame in it.”

“No,” Geebo said, then pulled himself up. “Little Great One? May Geebo speak freely? May he say something that might be upsetting?”

“Sure. Sure, that's no problem. I'm just glad you're alive,” Rich told him.

A tremor ran through Geebo's face, and he took his spectacles off, slipped them into a pouch on his harness. “You act strangely. Very strangely. Sometimes you act like Geebo knows most dragons act. Other times? You are... friendly. You called Geebo friend. No dragon would call a draggit that.”

“Ah. When did I act like... like a dragon would? When was that?”

“Three times. Once in the bag as we fled the players. Before, at the gate that did zappy things. And then again after you said you wished to rest at the waterfall, but then got up and broke down the gate.”

Rich rubbed his muzzle. This confirms it. The game is making me act in-character while I'm logged out. Or like it thinks a baby dragon should, anyway.

Now how the heck do I explain it to Geebo?

He remembered how the draggit had gone all stupid when he talked about realspace stuff with LivingDeadGrrl.

How did you tell a program that he was just part of a game?

There were movies about that, and it usually didn't end too well. Some of them were horror movies. He didn't think that would be the case here, the idea of the draggit going crazy and possessing drones to kill him in the real world was ludicrous.

Still, maybe he could do this without flipping Geebo's NPC-dialogue switch. He just had to approach it gently, and remember that Geebo held dragons in awe.

“Geebo?” Rich asked, finally, “in what ways don't I act like a dragon?”

“You let Geebo ride you, then later said that no true dragon would do such a thing. You ran from the daemon without trying to fight. You show kindness and concern for Geebo. You helped the village full of human-things without demanding anything in return.” Geebo was looking angry, now. “And it is working! You are not coming at things like a dragon should, and you are very much living and growing powerful? Why? Why is it working?”

“Okay,” Rich said, nodding. “In what ways DO I act like a dragon?”

“When you fight, you fight bravely. There are times when you remember that your place is above all other things in this world. You never show weakness, or anything that might be confused for that.” Geebo blinked. “You is dragon. But you act... you act like not a... is like there is two of you!”

Rich nodded. This would make his job easier. “There are two of us,” he said. “We just share the same body.”

Geebo stared at him, then sighed. “Is a relief. Is good. Is... yes, that is all. Two dragons, one body.”

“You've heard of this before?”

“No, only in the mad... maaaaaaddd— uh, muddled accounts of insa— accounts in a sane tone!” Geebo finished, in a hurry.

“Geebo,” Rich prompted, “I'm not insane.”

“Geebo never said you were, Little Great One? Hahaha! Would be horrible insult! Would be instant eating of servant who said that!”

Oh, those neck frills were waving in panic.

“Of course not,” Rich told him. “Maybe especially don't say anything that could be confused with that to me when I'm the other guy?”

“Of course!” Geebo said, then put his spectacles back on. “Is a relief, really. Simple explanation.” Then his frills drooped again. “Except Geebo is left with a problem. You grant him liberties a proper dragon's servant should not have. And Geebo cannot always tell who is in you at any given time. You ah, see Geebo's problem...”

Rich nodded. “I'm trying to fix it, but until I do... yeah, I can see your problem. Um... how about this?” He tapped the silver hoop around his neck. “While I'm wearing this, I'm the reasonable one. When it's off, I'm the other guy. That'll work until I sell this or trade it or something.”

Geebo nodded, grinning widely. “Yes, Little Great One!”

“Call me Rutger.”

Geebo gasped. “Ah... that's a bit much, please. Maybe one step at a time, Little Great One?”

“Ha, yeah, okay.” A thought struck him, as he glanced back. They hadn't heard any signs of pursuit. “Do you think we're safe?”

“Probably. Geebo thinks that place was made to hold the daemon. Strong magic keeping him in, otherwise he would have left ages ago.”

“Good enough. So...” he took the ring off. “Think you can use your Merchant trick to tell me what this does?”

“Of course! Geebo is happy to help!” The draggit took it, adjusting a bit to do so. It was large enough he had to stretch his arms out to hold the thing. “Merchant's Eye.”

“Oh, and do you have any leftover meat? I'm starving,” Rich confessed. His hunger in the real world was probably affecting this.

Geebo did, and Rich chowed down on dead darkspawn meat while the draggit studied the hoop. Finally Geebo rendered his verdict.

“It is broken. Once it was connected to a daemon, but no longer. Now it is seeking a path to connect to a daemon master again, but it cannot do so unless it is mended and enchanted anew.”

“Great. A potentially cursed and troublesome artifact. Ah... maybe I can use this to link up to a dark power?” Those naked women along the side were really, really intriguing. If this game had anything like succubi, he'd happily sign on to whatever dark power governed those. Hell, he could kill a few weeks just summoning daemons and shooting his own fantasy porn. Maybe months or years.

“No, sorry Master,” Geebo said, handing it back. “Whatever link this had is gone now.”

“Damn it.” Rich sighed. Well sooner or later maybe he'd get lucky. Sort of. In a way that didn't involve scaly dragon fetishes. “Is the ring at least worth something?”

“Oh yes! Very fine silver, but more than that is convertible to components. Just need an Enchanter.”

“Maybe we'll find one down below,” Rich said, and stretched his legs. Geebo gathered up the bones of his feast, as Rich led the way down the passage. “Sooner or later we'll find a dark power I like. Just have to do it before the griefers break in.”

That was the concern. He was still on a timer, even if there wasn't any pressure right now. Once they got down here, his chances of making his primary job useful dropped. A lot.

Oddly enough, the further down they went, the colder it got. The warm ground cooled, down to the point he could feel it seeping into his scales as he went. The smoky scent vanished, replaced by dry, cold air that tickled his nose, and puffed into vapor when he exhaled.

Geebo had it worse than he did, and the little draggit tucked in close to him for warmth, shivering. Rich folded a wing over him, and Geebo didn't object.

It wasn't until they were walking through a long gallery of white-limed stalagmites, that he felt a pulse of warmth. For a second he thought Geebo had tugged on his chest scales, but no... no, the heat was constant.

The silvery ring was glowing, slightly, and warm to the touch on one side.

“Huh,” Rich said, and walked a bit to the right. The warmth got warmer. “This is doing something. Geebo?”

“Trying to connect with another daemon, probably,” Geebo said.

“I wonder why it didn't do that with the guy upstairs... no, wait, it was stupid hot in there. Lava and all. I wouldn't have noticed if it was getting hotter.”

“If you say so, Little Great One.”

“So...” Rich shot a look at the frosty wall in front of him. Then at a narrow hole, roughly about half his size, about halfway up the wall. “Want to go up there and have a look for me?”

Half a minute of scrambling later, Geebo confirmed that the tunnel went back a ways, and got bigger as it went. Rich sighed, tucked his wings and legs in as close to himself as he could, and tried to scramble through.

It took work, swearing, and a few minutes to manage, but he did. Then it was back along the cold path, Geebo falling back to his side as yellow '1's rose up from the draggit's head every few minutes.

We'll have to keep this short, Rich decided.

And just as he was about to give up, blue light broke the darkness ahead. Crawling with more caution, he saw what appeared to be holes in the passageway, leading down.

“Let me go first,” he decided, and stuck his head carefully, carefully out over the nearest one.

He'd seen any number of epic sights, up to this point. So he shouldn't have been surprised by what lay below.

And yet, it was somehow grander than everything else to date.

A vast hall lay below, covered in clear ice. Broken pieces of unknown artifacts lay strewn in and about something that Rich took for the corpse of a giant, at the first glance.

And it was a giant. It had two legs, two arms, and a head, but it was metal, ripped and gouged black iron with blue glowing runes smoldering along every inch of it. Steam puffed up from holes in the ice, as water bubbled and roiled...

...but more water poured in from the waterfalls along the side of the cavern, and the ice was replenished, freezing itself and renewing the glass-like layer.

The thing had a half-crushed head. Two eyes like domes with a pointy blade between them, looking like a giant fly's head made of bronze. One of the domes was shattered, revealing gears or pistons or something like circuitry inside. And now that Rich focused, he could see more interior workings in the rents of its armor.

“It's a mecha!” he gasped.

And it was.

It was a sinister-looking mecha, all spikes and edges and alien curves and angles, but a mecha nonetheless. Rich loved mecha! One of his favorite shows, golem overdrive, was all about fantasy mecha fighting dragons and big monsters.

Of course he was a dragon in here, and that mecha looked really, really big. But still...

The hoop was hot against his neck, pointing straight down at the thing. “Hey Geebo?” he asked. “Can you look in here and make any sense of those runes?”

“Can read some of it,” Geebo said, and with a surprised twitch Rich realized that the draggit had moved up to peer down the hole next to him. “That piece there says 'Blasphemy Engine six eight four four.' Other line there says 'Burn the heavens, slay the gods.' Line across its chest says 'Cast in the name of Nephzed, ye guilty.' Then there are many curses upon names Geebo doesn't recognize.”

“This is another daemon thing. This is... this has to be an artifact of a dark power,” Rich said. “I could use this. Maybe attach the hoop to it and get my own mecha!” Rich felt his pulse race.

This daemonic power was probably all about crafting, and magitech, and awesome stuff like that. And that was wicked freaking cool!

Except...

Except Rich had that No Thumbs skill.

It was clear to him that his racial choice was not meant to craft. Maybe if he worked at it, or found some way to compensate...

...no. No, it just wouldn't work with his build. Which was a damn shame, because this was the sweetest option he'd seen so far.

“Fuck,” Rich decided. “Okay, we should go. Let's head back before you freeze—”

Defaulting to localgod.exe

Searching...

Searching...

Running Intervention.god

Incoming Message>>Weeky

>>Hihi! You filed a trouble ticket? 8).

A vast groan echoed up from the ice, and Rich stared as the immense mecha, the great fallen engine shifted.

“What the hell?” Rich shifted to look at Geebo. “That's like a football field full of solid ice, maybe two or three! How is it—”

>>Oh wow, there's some interference near you. It ah, smells really bad. Hang on, let me try to clear it. ^_^

The blue light coming from below pulsed and flickered... then came back, twice as strong.

CRACK. CRUNCH. CRACKLE.

The ice above the thing's head shattered, shards flying everywhere, and vapor puffing up.

And with a sick realization, he knew that this thing built to hunt gods had detected the administrator who was roleplaying a god.

INT+1

To: Weeky>>Stop that, please! You're making it mad!

>>Oh no! I'm sorry, is this a bad time? o.o

“Yes!” Rich yelled, as the ice around the remaining dome eye boiled away, and it shifted to look at him. “Geebo let's go!” He abandoned the viewing hole, and fled.

>>I can't stop talking to you until the ticket is closed! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... QQ

“Then close the ticket!” Rich howled.

>>I have to help you first. What's the nature of your problem? It says you're not leaving the world properly?

A flash of blue, so blue it was almost white. A heat behind him, so close that he felt the tip of his tail blaze with pain.

And then the crack of stone from above, as the beam continued up into the mountain.

A crack followed by a fading rumble. “Run faster!” Rich howled, and hoped Geebo was behind him. The silver ring bounced and jounced on his chest as he went, its warmth almost mocking against the coldness of the air.

“That doesn't matter now,” Rich said. “Look, I'll figure it out... I'm going to die because you showed up! That thing hates gods! You aggroed it!”

>>Um... what? Aaaaaahhh, this is so frustrating! Look, let me bend the rules a bit. I'll close your ticket, and that'll free me up to act a bit. I can do that since I evidently caused this, does that sound fair to you? -_-;,

“Fine, whatever!” Rich yelled back.

>>Closing the ticket now... >.>

>>Okay! There we go. Let's see what we... huh. That's an old thing. A Blasphemy Engine? Oh nasty, now I see why it sensed my channel. :P

“Still not helping!” Rich screamed. There was a rising whine from behind him. A glance back showed the floor of the tunnel gone, just gone. And more worrisome, cracks were spreading out from the big hole in the ceiling. Cracks and creaks and groans from above, as disturbed stone and earth shifted...

>>Relax! Look back front, would you please?

Rich whipped his neck around, almost slamming his head into the side of the tunnel, horns scraping as he went. The entry was ahead...

...but the hole was still as small as he remembered. The passage narrowed, and he slowed, skidded to a halt. “Geebo, get out first!” he demanded.

“But... Master!”

“Go! You can uh, you can pull me out from the other side!” He could respawn if it came down to it. Geebo couldn't.

The draggit scrambled, and Rich watched him go for a second. Then he squirmed, beginning the long process of worming himself through the narrow parts. It took seconds, precious seconds, and the cracking and creaking behind him was being supplemented with the pattering of falling stones. Small ones, to start. But he knew heavier ones would be down soon.

>>Oh. Oh dear. o.o

“What?” Rich snarled.

>>I'm sorry. The math is against you. Given the angle of the blast and the type of rock around you... no. I'm sorry. QQ

Rich sagged, going limp for a second. His stupid silver hoop banged against the ground.

And that sparked anger in him. He'd found one thing, one piece of treasure in this stupid dungeon, and he'd be damned if it got buried by this fucking stroke of bad luck! He grabbed it off his neck and threw it through the hole. “Geebo! Hold on to this for me!”

No sooner had he done that, then new words flashed across his vision.

You are now a level 4 High Dragon Hatchling!

CON+25

PER+25

STR+25

WILL+25

Armor+15

Cool+15

Mental Fortitude+15

Energy surged through Rich, and he felt his muscles surge, felt his body expand...

...and then he was firmly wedged in the narrow cavern.

“Oh come on!” he howled.

And then the mountain fell on him.

YOU HAVE DIED FROM

MASSIVE CRUSHING DAMAGE

Rich found himself back in the gray space, and yelled “Shit! Shit shit shit! No!”

Then he cringed, as his own words flashed in front of him.

RUTGER: Shit! Shit shit shit! No!

And mocking voices replied.

L2PLAY: Noob!

CUCKOO: Aw, did it hurt? Poor widdle baby.

VAJDESTROYER: The screams of the weak are like music to my ears. Whine some more, I thirst for your tears.

Even a lone friendly voice didn't soothe Rich's seething temper.

ARISTATTLER: Sorry kid. Was hoping you wouldn't be back here any time soon.

Biting his tongue, knowing that he had to leave before he did something stupid, Rich logged out...

...and promptly found himself sitting in a jail cell.

RUTGER'S CHARACTER SHEET

Spoiler: Spoiler

Name: Rutger Royal

Age: 1 Day

Jobs:

Cultist 1, High Dragon Hatchling 4

Attributes Pools Defenses

Strength: 156 Constitution: 153 Hit Points: 309 Armor: 75

Intelligence: 38 Wisdom: 35 Sanity: 73 Mental Fortitude: 75

Dexterity: 14 Agility: 35 Stamina: 49 Endurance: 0

Charisma: 35 Willpower: 151 Moxie: 186 Cool: 75

Perception: 151 Luck: 32 Fortune: 183 Fate: 4

General Skills

Brawling – Level 13

Dodge – Level 6

Fly – Level 10

Ride – Level 1

Stealth – Level 2

Swim – Level 1

High Dragon Hatchling Skills

Burninate – Level 6

Chomp – Level 5

Draconic Tongue – Level N/A

Dragonseye – Level 15

Limited Equipment – Level N/A

No Thumbs – Level N/A

Scaly Wings – Level N/A

Slow to Age – Level N/A

Cultist Skills

Unlocked Jobs

Conjuror, Grifter

Gear: