Thankfully they didn’t have far to fall.

The orange exit portals had opened less than ten feet off the ground, still enough distance for all of them to end up sprawled in a pile, but not nearly enough to do anything but chip damage to their HP and moderate damage to their pride. Above them, the exit portals shrank down into singularities and vanished, plunging the five into total darkness.

Cayden incanted a few runic words, intending to provide them with a new light source in the dimly lit room. He felt the magic flow from him, then sputter and die as it attempted to manifest. He tried again to similar results. “Anyone got a torch?”

“I do… but…” Celia said, snapping her fingers a few times in quick succession. “I can’t seem to open my inventory.”

“Same problem,” Shifty announced.

“Wonderful. Reach out and get a hand on someone else’s shoulder. There is no telling what sort of hazards-“

A sharp cry of static and light interrupted Cayden’s words, causing him to nearly jump out of his skin. It was a television, an old 1960’s wood-framed antique displaying crackling distortion that dispelled some of the darkness in favor of an unhealthy blue glow.

They were in a small wood-frame cabin, perhaps twenty feet wide and fifteen feet across. It was old and decrepit, the beams above them creaking under the weight of a storm that was just whipping up outside. There was one door chained with heavy locks but no windows or other forms of egress. The walls were covered in writing, all written in what Cayden knew was definitely not red ink. The messages were incoherent rambling, things like “Had to do it.” “They will feel my power.” “The blood is the key” and so forth.

So they’d been transported to the cabin of a serial killer. Cool. Cool, cool.

“If a puppet on that TV asks me if I want to play a game, I’m using this card right now,” Shifty said without a hint of humor.

As if on cue, the TV crackled to life, the static resolving itself into a newscast. Local 4, news at nine.

“Our top story tonight continues to be the fate of the five missing hikers out on Mount Baldie. The group, including local boy, Cayden Caros, were expected back early last evening, but have yet to return. Inclement weather kept helicopters out of the sky and limited the ability of ground crews to conduct a proper search. For more on this, we have Sherriff Lain on the line.” Sheriff Lain, what can you tell us?”

“Unfortunately, not much Katie. We have been out here dawn till, dusk, but with the tornado warnings and heavy downpour, it is difficult to even reach the trail they supposedly set out on. We did request some aid from federal officers who are hunting Timothy Slayer in the area, but we haven’t heard back from them as of yet..”

“Timothy Slayer, for our viewers, is the man alleged to have killed seventy-two people in a series of brutal ax slayings across much of the state, is that correct? Also known as the 10:01 killer?”

“Yes, you are absolutely right. Because he kills at exactly 10:01 pm.”

“Fascinating. Well, we won’t keep you from your search Sheriff Lain.” Katie said, turning slightly in her seat as the camera changed to a different angle and a different news card came up. “In other news, Mayor Shortbread is leading in the polls, but many are asking, will the elderly ginger cat be able to capture that contentious third term?”

While the others continued to stare at the TV in utter bewilderment, Asch turned her attention to the room around her once again. A one-hour time limit, at least half a dozen visible padlocks throughout the room, cryptic messages on the walls.

“Okay, who here has done an escape room?” She asked sharply, drawing the group’s attention.

Shifty tentatively raised his hand, the only one of the four to do so. “Once. A birthday party, it was themed around being in a coma victi-“

“Didn’t ask for the details.” She snipped, waving her hand to get him to shut up. “We have until that broadcast timer reaches 10:01 to get out of here before we lose. And probably die. I need everyone to take a wall.”

Cayden stepped forward. “Okay, I am confused, what are we supposed to-“

“Take. A. Wall.” She ordered him in a voice that brooked no complaint. “I’ve done dozens of these. Just pick a side of the room and go over it with a fine-tooth comb. You’re looking for keys, hidden panels, weird props, that sort of thing. Use a one-finger rule, if you have to push on it with more than that you probably can’t open it or can’t open it yet.”

“Why don’t we just smash the door?” Michael asked.

“You’re welcome to try. But given that he can’t cast spells and none of us can go into our inventory, I’m guessing we’ve been involuntarily logged out for this challenge.”

“Is that even possible?” Michael asked, fishing into a pocket for his obsidian mirror. He tapped at the screen a few times, then frowned. “I’ve got the uh… east.. I’ve got this wall.”

The group fanned out, each moving to take a quarter of the room while Asch stood in the center and took stock of what she could see. There were a bunch of obvious props, some fletched arrows above an empty fireplace, pointing in various directions. The mounted animal heads to the left of the door were each positioned above a clock whose minute hands they could manipulate. A chessboard in the corner, a metal plate in front of a mirror. She tapped a boot on the floor and grinned. Trap door, that would be good to know for later.

“I’ve got a key,” Shifty called after a minute of searching.

“I’ll do you one better,” Cayden said, waving a lightbulb in their direction before inserting it into a nearby lamp. “Let there be light!”

“I’ve got two locked boxes,” Michael added.

“Everything goes right there.” Asch pointed to a relatively empty part of the room. “Check your keys against any boxes we get. If you get anything that looks like letters or numbers let me know and we can try them on combination locks if we find any. Anything we use goes in the far corner.”

“What if we have to use it again?” Celia asked.

Asch shrugged. “Then we pick it up from the far corner. Most places don’t use the same things twice.”

“You realize this is us trapped in an actual cabin we need to escape from, not an escape room.” Michael chided.

“You think the person who came up with this doesn’t follow the usual rules?” She shot back.

Michael opened his mouth to respond, then, having considered her words, shut it.

They worked with the sort of frantic haste that only the looming threat of an ax murderer could provoke, each moving back and forth across their assigned sector, plucking out hidden keys and curious items. After a few minutes, Asch had them rotate clockwise, each area receiving a fresh set of eyes to be certain nothing obvious had gone unnoticed.

When all was said and done nearly fifteen minutes had passed and after opening the boxes and solving some simple word puzzles, their haul was complete. They had a small horde of chess pieces, novelty bear statuettes as well as a notebook filled with the same sort of insane ramblings that covered the walls.

“…things really started to turn around after that second debate performance. I know many people had written the Mayor off, but the captivating closing statement really started to change minds in the third district.”

“Can we shut that off?” Michael asked.

Cayden shook his head. “Knobs don’t do anything. I could unplug it.”

“Leave it on.” Asch insisted. “It isn’t likely, but they might let a hint drop.

“I just really need to see how this election ends. Who is the cat even running against?”

The group of them stopped in the midst of trying keys in locks to give Shifty a positively withering look.

“What next?” Celia asked, turning back to the task at hand.

“Anyone who knows anything about chess?” Asch nodded to Cayden and Michael as they raised their hands. “Try and figure out what to do with all of these. Call if you need help. Celia, you’re with me on these bears. Shifty-“

“Creepy murder book?”

“Creepy murder book.”

There were twelve bears in total, each slightly smaller than Celia’s fist. They were cheaply painted ceramic, the sort of gift shop trinket you’d see at a zoo, or in some out-of-the-way novelty shop, no one ever visited. They shared features such as fur color and general shape, but each was distinct in its size and the way it was dressed. When they were all arranged next to one another the pattern was clear. It was all the same bear, growing up, then growing old.

“You know, if they hadn’t told us he was an ax murderer with the last name Slayer, I think these statues would be a pretty good indication something isn’t right with this guy.”

“A little bit creepy. Yeah.” Asch admitted. “They’ve got magnets in their feet so I think we have to line them up on this metal plate under the mirror. According to a-“

Crack!

The sharp sound from above was accompanied by a brief loss of power, the lamp and the TV dying out to leave them in darkness.

Crack! Crack!

A high-pitched scream followed the third startling noise, the power flickering back to life just in time for the party to see Shifty pressed back into a corner, the carnivalist’s skin white as a ghost beneath dark leathers. “Celia, could you keep it down.”

“Oh don’t even try to pass this off.” The girl shot back. “Read your creepy murder book, you big baby.”

The girls went back to arranging bears in ascending order of age, while on the other end of the room Cayden was in the midst of a heated debate with Michael over the correct interpretation of the instructions inscribed around the edge of the chessboard.

“You’re overcomplicating it,” Cayden explained. “We don’t need to go through the motions, we just need to put them in their final position.”

“You don’t know that. Besides, it’ll take like, a minute more.”

“Yeah, no time pressure or anything.” Cayden scowled.

“Wait!” Shifty declared amidst an epiphany. “Time. There is a schedule in the front… yeah!”

The others barely spared him a glance as he began checking the phrases written in blood against those written in the book. Every so often he would walk over to the stuffed deer heads and move the hands on one of the clocks beneath them. “You know I think I’ve got this right, but it isn’t doing anything.”

“I’ll come and take a look in just a seco-“ Asch’s words were cut short by a startled scream of alarm as the mirror in front of her shattered and a gloved hand reached out from the darkness. It caught her by the throat, but couldn’t maintain the grip as she slipped away. It flailed a few times, then retreated as Celia bludgeoned it with a nearby stool.

“In just a second.” She finished, rubbing at her throat. She approached the statues cautiously placing the last one in position, accompanied by an audible click. For a few heartbeats nothing happened, then the interior of the fireplace began to raise with a rough noise of stone grinding upon stone, revealing a passage through into a dark adjoining room.

“Not it,” Celia murmured.

“I can do it,” Cayden said, peering inside.

“Not a chance.” Michael shook his head. “Something in there gets you, then we’re done. Lose one of us and we might still have a chance.”

“So you’re going then?” Asch inquired. “Awful brave of you.”

“…not it?”

“Oh for… I’ll go. Show you who is a big baby.” Shifty pushed the book into Asch’s hand. “Schedule matches up to some of the phrases on the wall. I think I did it right, but clearly, I missed something. You figure it out.”

“I want to help him with this.” She said, handing the book off to Celia. “You figure it out.”

With big, lumbering steps that were at odds with his usual fluid movements, Shifty moved to the fireplace and took to his hands and knees with an audible groan. After a long enough time spent in Babel, it felt strange to be reduced to the ‘real’ him, joint pain and all. “Any chance we can move that light in here with me?”

“Cord on both the TV and the lamp are way too short,” Asch said, apologetically. “I think I have an idea though. Once you’re fully inside, stand up but don’t move unless I tell you. I think I have to guide you through it.

“You need to castle first.” Michael insisted, resuming his previous argument with Cayden.

“And where does it say that.”

“Right here.”

“Those are two separate moves!”

“We’re going to die,” Asch muttered to herself. She spared a glance to the television. 10:32. They’d already blown through half their time “Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, just really dark. Had to go under a curtain so there is now precisely zero li- Argh!”

“Shifty?”

“Son of a-“

“Shifty!” Asch repeated.

“What!?” He shouted back, before realizing how he must sound. “I stubbed my damn toe on something.”

“Please be more careful.” She replied. “Games can kill, and there is no guarantee that you aren’t in the middle of a figurative, or even literal minefield.”

His reply came muffled from within the secret chamber. “Not it.”

“Nice try. You’re going to want to start by going left.”

Asch spent the next several minutes guiding him step by step through the maze on the other side of the wall. Distances were hard to convey, but with a bit of trial and error, and the loss of one of Shifty’s boots to whatever razor-sharp creature tore it out of his hands, they were able to keep him safe on the beaten path.

“I think I’m at the end.” Shifty’s voice was distant and distorted. “There is some stonework in front of me, and… I think this is a pedestal. There is something on it.” The distant clink of metal falling onto stone rang out distinctly. “And now on the floor.”

“What!? You try picking things up in the dark. I’ll get it. You just get ready to guide me out.”

As Shifty fumbled with the key, Celia drew near and tapped Asch on the arm for her attention. “I think he got it right. The number of each phrase matches up to a specific point on his schedule, which should tell us what time to set the clocks to. It just isn’t working.”

“Did you double-check? Maybe there are some hidden on the ceiling or the floor?”

“Or in there?” Celia asked.

“Let's just assume no, because if there are we have bigger problems on our hands,” Asch muttered. Behind her, Cayden and Michael were bickering again. “What is your damn problem, boys?”

Michael’s head turned her way, eyes narrowed. “First off, if you call me-“

“The instructions don’t make any sense.” Cayden cut him off to explain. “You’re supposed to put black in checkmate, but there isn’t a move that lets you do so in one.

“Because you keep trying to rush through the setup and the pieces are in the wrong place!” Michael protested.

“You don’t have to run it through, you can just look at the final note for where each piece is-“

“It's right here,” Celia commented, moving a white pawn behind an adjacent black one. The move put the king in check, and the moment she removed the offending black pawn, they heard another ‘click’, a panel sliding out from beneath the board. “It’s an en passant checkmate.”

“A what?”

The blonde responded with a roll of her eyes. “I found a flashlight.”

“Well, that would have been useful!” Shifty grumbled, halfway out of the fireplace.

“Wait. Nope. A blacklight. Cayden, kill the lights?”

With the lamp extinguished, the sheer number of hidden messages throughout the room was made abundantly clear. For every blood-smeared phrase, there were twice as many that glowed under the ultraviolet light, all of them in the runic language.

“Cayden, please tell me you can still read those without your ability.”

His pale face glowed under the blacklight. “I mean… some of them? I could probably translate given enough time.”

“And we are just minutes away from the poll closing…” came Kelly’s intrusive voice from the TV, as though mocking them directly.

“What phrases do you need.” Cayden inquired with sudden urgency.

Celia began to read them off from the book, while Asch pointed the blacklight here and there at Cayden’s instruction. “That one.” He said, then pointed to another, “Wait, does it say you will suffer, or all will suffer. Okay, so not that one.”

Minute by minute he found the phrases he knew and excluded the ones that he didn’t. In the end, he managed six of the eight needed, which would have been a problem if Asch wasn’t an expert.

“Just brute force the last one.” When Michael stared at her dumbly, she rolled her eyes and elaborated. “If the other three clocks are right then you can just spin the minute hand on that one until the time is right.”

“Oh? Oh!” Michael nodded, thinking her a genius as he followed her instructions.

Nothing, nothing, then click.

Crack!

“Oh come on!” Shifty shouted, stomping his feet as lightning crashed outside and the spark machine set into the ceiling startled them all with its sudden fury.

“Something opened,” Cayden said, glancing around. “I heard a click, so what opened.”

Asch smiled and tapped her foot on that hollow spot on the floor, a bit of flooring that now hosted a comically oversized keyhole. “Shifty, you want to do the honors.”

“If it means I get to be the first one out of here, then yes, yes I will.” The older man replied, tugging an equally absurdly sized key from its place in his bandoleer. He knelt beside the lock, brushed it clean of a collection of dust, then inserted the heavy gold-plated key.

Everyone held their breath as he turned the key, then exhaled in frustration as nothing happened.

“Other way,” Celia suggested.

This time the lock turned with an incredibly satisfying ‘clunk’. Two handles emerged from either side of the lock, and with a heave of effort Cayden and Michael pulled the hatch open to reveal a ladder leading down.

“I’m not big on scary tunnels. Have I mentioned that?” Celia asked.

Before she or anyone else could protest further, they heard the weight of a body slam against the door. The chains holding it in place strained, the wood itself bowing inward under the pressure.

“Rescue?” Shifty asked with mock sincerity. The metallic thud of an ax biting into wood put paid to that speculation rather quickly. “Everyone into the hole.”

Down they went, Cayden leading the way, Shifty taking up the rear. He lingered a few seconds longer than his allies, not to watch the ax that had already torn a considerable chunk out of the door. But for closure.

“With that, we can project that Mayor Shortbread’s gambit has succeeded and she has been elected to a third term as mayor, defeating two skinks in a trench coat by a convincing ten-point margin. Now it will be up to the courts to determine whether the word ‘person’ in the term-limits statute applies to a feline, or whether a snap election is in our future. More on this at the top of the hour.”