You’ve poisoned the Watering Hole!

I stared at the message again, blankly. Naturally, when I leave the house, chaos ensues. Sigh. This is why introverts aren’t allowed outside.

Can I just get the room with the padded walls back, please? That was a comfortable one.

…

Kidding.

I don’t want that room back.

…

Kidding.

Sighing, I soaked in the sun.

It was warm.

Actually, it was way more comfortable than I was expecting. It was so nice, in fact, that I felt like sunbathing while I awaited Rex wasn’t a bad idea. Oh, but how was he going to deal with the poisoned watering hole?

Hmm…

I guessed I’d figure it out when it happened.

Besides, poop couldn’t be that bad for the water, right? At most, the things drinking from it get a little sick, maybe throw up a bit, right?

Right?

Well I certainly wasn’t going to be drinking from it any time soon. The thought of that was disgusting. Honestly, I was surprised I was able to drink from that river and this pond with so little care.

Oi.

Where did those decapitated heads that the Chaotic Monarch left behind go?

I was looking around while resting on a particularly warm rock when I realized that they were missing. Where once had been a neat little line of them, not even a drop of blood remained.

Had Rexcelsis returned to claim his prizes?

Did I miss him!?!

I found myself wondering what level of thought that particular dinosaur was capable of. What went through his head? And, why did he save me from those xaptors? Maybe they’d been a convenient meal, but… I felt like there was more to it than that.

I needed answers. And only Rexcelsis could explain Rexcelsis.

He can talk, I resolved. He can definitely talk. No dinosaur that can fire “Nonparticulate Death Rays” can’t talk.

There was definitely going to be a way to communicate with that giant, and I was going to figure it out.

But for now… A nice stretch in the sun. Ahhh.

I dozed in the nice, warm sun for a while, letting my thoughts drift. I thought about home. About my friends, and about my family, that I hadn’t seen often.

Most people have regrets when their family members die, like “The last thing I said to her…” or “I never told him…”.

I think I was pretty good about all that. The few times I spoke to my family (it wasn’t personal, it was just that I didn’t make contact a lot), I always made sure they knew how I felt about them.

After all, you never know when the last time you’ll ever talk to somebody is.

I think the last conversation I had with one of my friends was while I awaited that promised fairy game. Sigh. That game looked really good…

Well, I’d been talking to this guy I met over a popular MMO, and we’d really hit it off as internet buddies. His username was SchlongLord. A weird one, to be sure, but I got over it when I found out his war cry was something along the lines of “Who wants a piece of the Schlong?!?”

I’d instantly suggested a better one. And he’d taken it immediately. That’s when we’d become e-besties.

Oh, you want to know what my suggestion was? I guess I can tell you. You could call it my stroke of genius, after all.

He’d become pretty famous online for the call, too, and you might just recognize it. He’d charge into battle, his black longsword and white shortsword shining gloriously, and scream “You won’t be alive for Schlong!”

Anyway, the conversation had been something akin to this:

“Hey, Schlong, do you ever wonder why we find these games so fulfilling?”

“Nah.”

“We can’t even do as much as if they were real, yet we find ourselves so easily pulled into them, and their endless grind.” Sometimes, talking to SchlongLord was nice because he could absorb everything you said, and just be a good listener.

“Yeah.” Sometimes, it was annoying.

“Don’t you wonder about that, ever?” I asked, slightly irritated at the experience of talking to the wall that was my friend.

“Nah.”

“Well,” I responded. “Why do you think it is?”

He didn’t answer for a moment. Either beating some meatmen into the ground with his swords, or maybe actually using his head for once. Not, uh... not what I meant. Eventually, I got an answer, as he crunched chips into the microphone.

“Maybe ‘cause we wish we could live ‘em. Like, be the main character in a cool story, or somethin’. Doesn’t life feel to you like everybody’s a side character?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s kinda true. But, not like we can do anything about it, huh?”

SchlongLord chuckled, and I could tell he was about to try to show me how big of a man he could be.

“I’m quite content with this life. I’d never ask for more. But, if the opportunity arose, I wouldn’t deny it.”

I sat in the call for a while, silent except for the clicking of my mouse as I slayed simple monsters with my new character. In an unusual turn of character, he broke the silence.

“Would you?”

Crash! Crash!

The sounds of a titan’s footsteps broke me out of my reverie, and I opened my half-lidded eyes to look for Rexcelsis. Had he returned to the watering hole?

I got my answer as I stared at the massive monster before me, and habitually observed it without realizing.

Karavos, Ghindo’s Menace [Lvl ???]

Nope. Definitely not Rexcelsis.

In fact, this creature, Karavos, stood far taller than Rex, about the size of that famous monolith Cleopatra’s Needle, without the forward lean of a theropod’s body. He stood like a bear might, resting on his haunchs but with his arms hanging forward in that “could go to all-fours” pose. A massive white beard of feathers hung from his flat face, down his long neck, and wrinkles across his skin gave me the impression of a bald guru, as he stared into the distance as though pondering the meaning of life.

Hey, what did I know? Maybe he was.

Three long claws, each the size of a small tree, tipped his hands. They were razor sharp, and each one looked like they could bore a well into the ground with an effortless stab. With a single scoop, he dropped the level of the pond significantly, bringing it to his face to drink.

Ah, no… I…

I couldn’t bring myself to warn him of the contamination. Lordy he was big.

I’d estimate this guy to have been around the 70-foot mark. Not as big as the Vronterasaurs, but he’d probably murder them with little effort.

Shhhhlluuuurppop!

Ew. He legitimately drank the mixture. Some of the water ran down his feathery beard, and he reached for a second handful of the liquid.

Scoosh!

The pond dropped again, and the titan brought it to his face once more.

I couldn’t bring myself to watch this anymore, and dashed away into the woods.

That guy was actually drinking poop! Ha! That’s simultaneously the funniest and grossest thing I’ve seen since I’ve gotten here!