The plane finished its descent and landed on the tarmac. Ilona had finally arrived. She had not rested much during the trip. Sleeping problems plagued her since she lost her eye, not to mention the migraines, and replaying the events of this winter over and over in her mind didn't help. She massaged the bridge of her nose, trying to clear her head. Maybe here she would manage to get out of her losing streak.

Ilona grabbed her things and headed for the doors, eager to get out. No point in staying in this tin can any longer, there weren't even first class seats! The other passengers were also getting ready, but most of them stopped to watch her pass. She knew why they were staring at her, and she nervously checked for her eye patch.

It was a very elegant accessory, of a beautiful burgundy red and edged with lace, which did not prevent her from hating it deeply. It was a constant reminder of her stupidity and weakness... How could Rafael ever forgive a failure like her?

A humid, stifling heat rushed into the plane as the doors opened. She was at Yogyakarta airport, on the island of Java, Indonesia. Her father had paid for the trip, too happy to see that she was getting her taste of life back, and even happier that she was getting away from Rafael. He was adamant that she shouldn't see him again since she had been injured at the funeral.

Not that it will prevent me from doing so.

She went down the stairs and got on the bus that was waiting for the passengers. How had she fallen so low? Since she had left Rafael everything had gone from bad to worse. First those frat students who were supposed to be so sexy and mature had turned out to be a bunch of junkies. Her best friend had gotten pregnant by one of them, and her parents had made her leave town. Then that other guy had cheated on her... On her! How had he dared?

That's what she gets for listening to her parents and the other girls. All telling her that Rafael wasn't good enough, that they weren't on the same social level, that she could find better... Bullshit! She didn't know anyone who was on his level, and now he could even do magic. She couldn't lose him, not for all the money in the world.

Ilona passed through customs, collected her luggage, and headed for the arrival area. One of her father's employees was to meet her there, Dani Ellman. He was in charge of tourism in her family's hotel chain in Indonesia. She didn't have to look long to spot the sign with her name on it. Dani was a man in his thirties, with brown skin, and a sparse mustache. He looked professional and casual at the same time, wearing black pants, a white shirt, and green sunglasses.

"Welcome to Java!" he called when he saw her.

His gaze passed over Ilona's face, who held back from checking once again for her eye patch. Fortunately, Tiffany had managed to heal the scar with her magic, she was infinitely indebted to her, but that also meant she couldn't hope that magic could give her eye back anymore.

And all this for nothing! She had wanted to help Rafael, but she had only been a burden to him. All because of her weakness. First the breakup, because she had not been able to resist the social pressure, then during the funeral, disrupting all his plans by selfishness. And finally during the trial... when she had not been able to find the strength to leave her room to testify against the priest.

A failure, I'm a failure...

"Miss Delacroix, are you alright?" asked Dani with a worried look.

Ilona came back to reality and realized that she had spaced out again. She turned to Dani with a frown, as if it were his fault.

"It's all right," she said harshly. "I want to go to the Merapi volcano, can you take me there?"

"Well, of course Miss Delacroix," Dani replied, "But wouldn't you rather visit Yogyakarta first? The city is known as the center of classical Javanese art, you can't leave without seeing a wayang kulit!"

"I don't care," Ilona said. She handed him his suitcases and headed for the exit. Dani hurried after her.

"So shopping in Kota Gede?" asked Dani, huffing. "I'm sure we can find you a nice piece of silver jewelry there."

Ilona turned around abruptly and Dani almost bumped into her. He was a head taller than her, not to mention older, yet he was the one who apologized.

Ilona lifted her chin to look him in the eye and said firmly, "I came for the volcano, is that a problem?"

"No problem miss. I'll go rent a jeep right away. You're in luck, there's no risk of eruption right now, and the lahar season is over."

Dani walked away in the direction of a rental agency without delay, dragging Ilona's two suitcases behind him. She stared at him sourly. He hadn't even looked at her, not like a man looks at a woman. All people could see now was her missing eye. Even her violin students had cancelled their lessons. They were afraid, or maybe it was the parents who didn't trust her anymore.

Rafael will never take me back, I'm a defective good.

It took Dani about fifteen minutes to make the reservation. As soon as they had the vehicle, they left for the village of Kaliadem, which was one of the closest to the Merapi volcano. She had done her homework, and hoped that her gamble would work as well as Jay's. If successful, she would at least be useful to the Association.

Once out of town, Dani asked:

"Why are you so interested in the Merapi volcano? The thrill of danger perhaps?"

Ilona shook her head. He was probably worried that she was acting recklessly, but her excuse was ready. She thought of Leonard and then answered:

"I'm considering writing a thesis on local beliefs. It is said that the Merapi is the burial ground of the Mataram kingdom's ancestors, and the home of their protective spirits. I find that absolutely fascinating!"

"Really? I know a dukun in Yogyakarta who thinks that people shouldn't go near the volcano right now because the spirits are restless. Of course this is just superstition—"

"A dukun?"

"A traditional healer, to be honest he's pretty good at healing with plants. Would you be interested in meeting him?"

"Perhaps," Ilona said without committing herself. If Tiffany hadn't managed to give her eye back with her blood magic, it certainly wasn't a quack doctor who would succeed.

Dani didn't insist. He seemed to have finally understood that she didn't feel like talking, and the rest of the journey was made in silence. Ilona was dying of heat. She was not used to the climate, and she was sweating profusely despite the lightness of her white outfit. She should have taken the time to go to the hotel to take a nice cold shower. Too late now.

The village of Kaliadem was not very far, but there was no highway to get there, so the trip took an hour in total. Ilona spent most of her time daydreaming, watching the scenery go by with her valid eye. It could have been a nice trip in other circumstances, if Rafael had come with her for example. As it is, the beauty of the place left her completely indifferent.

Once arrived she put on her walking shoes, grabbed her backpack, and took out the map she had prepared. Nervously, she traced in the air the rune she had been practicing for the last few weeks. An hour and a half of hiking and she would be there. Everything would be fine. If Jay had made it, there was no reason for her to fail.

Except for the jinx I've been dealing with for the past year.

Crap, I have to stop thinking about it and move forward.

"What will you do?" asked Dani, "Don't you want to see the bunker?"

"No, it's a tourist trap. I'm going to hike the path to Sri Manganti."

Dani sighed as he looked at her. "I'm in dress shoes, it's not suitable for this."

"You don't have to come," Ilona said.

"Of course I have to," he replied. "You're the boss's daughter. If there's any trouble I can kiss my job goodbye."

Ilona ignored him and started down the path. It wasn't her problem. Dani rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, then followed her with resignation. They walked at a good pace, without stopping to admire the vegetation around. It was beautiful though. Rice fields and papaya plantations lined at the beginning of the path, and then they entered a lush forest dominated by verdant lava flows.

Ilona was just focused on her goal, on her success. Her father often said that there was always time to enjoy life later, once you had acquired the means to do so, and she had lived by this principle. To be honest, she didn't know how to do otherwise. That's why she had always felt a mixture of contempt and jealousy towards Jay.

She just kept going without stopping, not even taking a break to drink. It felt good to have a goal again, it was the first one she had pursued in several months. The hike went by faster than she expected. She was not tired when she reached the great rock of Sri Manganti, but stimulated by the walk.

"Leave me alone for a while," she asked Dani.

He stepped aside and Ilona prepared the offerings for the homemade ceremony. These people had worshipped the spirit of the volcano since the dawn of time, there were even legends about it. All she had to do was reenact the ceremony to attract the spirit's interest, and bond with it using the rune. Easy peasy.

Ilona had planned everything to make the ritual as close as possible to a real labuhan ndalem. She took out of her bag a replica of the traditional golden parasol, and solemnly placed it against the large rock. Then she added a bottle of expensive perfume, the silver necklace she had received for her communion, and some of her favorite honey candies.

She bowed humbly, then waited. Surely there was an incantation in the traditional ceremony, probably also some singing and drumming, but she knew nothing of that. So she just waited, and tried to be as open as possible to welcoming a spirit into her.

Why didn't she feel anything? Rafael had done it, Jay and Tiffany had done it too! She was on the volcano, she was re-enacting the traditional ceremony in the very place where the locals had been performing it for hundreds of years, and nothing. Why was this happening to her?

She traced the rune in the air several times, but she still felt nothing. No feedback. That's what she feared. The spirit must have decided she wasn't good enough for it, and why would it think otherwise? Children and family friends were easy to fool, but once you scratched the surface, it was easy to see that she was just fake. Too shallow to really know herself, and too insecure to assume what she wanted out of life.

And now what?

Her preparation was for naught, all that was left for her to do was to join Dani, and go back to where she came from. Crash at the hotel. Perhaps go on some of Dani's suggested tours the next day, just to say she hadn't come all this way for nothing. Ilona's hand nervously caressed her eye patch. Still here. Somehow, it was more disheartening than reassuring.

"Are you done?" asked Dani when he saw her return.

"Yes, let's go back."

He didn't add anything, he must have understood from the look on her face that things hadn't gone as she had planned. Or maybe the last few hours had made him think that she was asocial, and to be honest, she kind of was now.

But as they walked back down the path along the slope of the volcano, Ilona noticed an area of scorched earth where the vegetation had curiously not returned. She had not seen it on the way up, too concentrated on her objective. She slowed down her pace. A bunch of young men had gathered there, chatting and laughing. They were all barefoot.

"What's this?" she asked.

"The old site of the Pelemsari village," Dani answered, "It was destroyed by an eruption a few years ago, and rebuilt further south."

Ilona looked more closely. The young men were rubbing each other with a powdery mixture from a large jar. They also had a coconut soaking in another one nearby. What could they be up to? It must have been hell to get those jars all the way up. She approached.

"Don't go there, Miss Delacroix," Dani said, "it could be dangerous."

She had already lost an eye, and she didn't see how these young men could make things any worse. What they were doing didn't look dangerous... She was only a few feet away now. The air reeked of kerosene. One of them bent down to take the coconut out of the jar, and he lit it with a lighter. The flames rose to a height of half a meter.

Okay, there is that.

They were still talking and laughing in a language she didn't understand, and soon, they began to play soccer with the flaming coconut. Four against four, with a goalie on each side. This was crazy. What were they trying to achieve by doing this?

That said, it looked like fun. They were just… happy, living in the moment. How long had it been since this happened to her? When she was a little girl, she knew how to have fun like that too. Perhaps she had become narrow-minded?

Screw this, I'm going in.

She untied her shoes and sent them flying, same thing with her socks. Dani looked at her disapprovingly, but he didn't say anything as if he knew it would only strengthen her resolve. Screw him too, the expectations, her father's worries, and the need to be perfect at all times. From now on, she was going to enjoy life!

She ran onto the field and stole the flaming coconut from a stunned player. No one had expected her to get there. She laughed and hit the ball towards the goal, scoring a point. Everyone looked at her in amazement. They talked to each other for a while in Javanese or something, and then they started playing again, leaving her free to do whatever she wanted on the field.

She continued to run around, trying to catch the flaming coconut, playing with one team or the other. The young men were shouting every time she made a good move. It was a hell of a sport!

At that moment, there were two players fighting for the ball in the middle of the field. Ilona saw an opening and ran into it, but she wasn't the only one trying. A young man ran in front of her and they collided, rolling on the ground. She got up laughing, more scared than hurt.

At least that's what she thought. She heard Dani yell something, and she looked down to see that her pants had caught fire. Her laughter died in her throat and she looked around distraught.

Fortunately the young Javanese were quick-witted and knew exactly what to do. Before she could even feel the burn, they had covered her with the powdery mixture they had used earlier. It smelt like salt and spices. She didn't know what it was, but it had to be effective, because the fire died down soon after.

That's when she felt it, a kind of spiritual gaze upon her. She couldn't say how she knew there was something, or where the sensation came from, but it was there. Her body responded, something in her inner core reached for the spirit, and she heard its thoughts. Swirls of heat carrying meaning without using words.

Long time since I've seen a heart burning with so much pain.

Ilona did not try to answer, she raised her hand and began to trace the shamanic rune. Her body felt like it was on fire, but it didn't matter. The swirls of heat penetrated inside her core, and rushed into her mind. On the outside, she vaguely felt that the earth had begun to shake. She did not stop despite all the disruptions. She was focused on her goal, as always.

Something shifted in her as she completed the magical gesture, and the raging fire sluggishly settled along her meridians. She felt as if she had been born again, as if she had a whole new self brimming with power. With a gesture she could annihilate all her enemies. With one breath she could ravage the earth. Her eye patch fell to the ground, and she did not bother to pick it up.

"Miss Delacroix!" yelled Dani. "Run, run as fast as possible!"

Ilona looked up. A cloud of gray smoke had appeared over the mouth of the volcano, and a shower of burning ash was falling on them, covering the whole area in a black layer and a sulfuric smell. She ran with the others, racing down the path towards Kaliadem. Her feet were still bare, and by her side Dani was swearing because of his dress shoes.

That didn't stop her from smiling like a madwoman, she hadn't had a blast like this in a long time. And she had a spirit now, she could proudly return to her man. Ilona jumped over a glowing rock that had just fallen in front of her, and sped up again, but her mind was elsewhere.

I wonder what Rafe is doing.