Volume 3, Chapter 12: The Things Left Unsaid

~To None Except I

Untold Self Reflection # 1

Now then, let me think back to the time when I first met Arina, the girl who made me ever the more curious about emotions. My companionship with her would propel me toward a feeling I never quite had before—

Or at least pretended and wanted to have.

Arina was a little over six months older than me—I was nine and a half years old, whereas she was a little over ten years of age.

During that time, my father and I had been staying in Lun City, a well-off city in the western region of Shail Kingdom. It was a trade city that specialized in seafood, pearls, and various other kinds.

We, my father and I, stayed in this city for six more months due to business. My father obtained more contracts and starting spreading his name among the western mercantile routes. He was a hard worker, my father, especially ever since my mother died giving birth to me.

Perhaps I was deceiving myself when I say I did not particularly care about the fact that I only had a single parent. And perhaps I was further deceiving myself when I say I was not curious about my mother.

It was a subject upon which I never particularly touched upon, even with my child-like curiosity that wanted to know everything. The only thing I truly knew of my mother was she was similar to me, appearance wise, that is. I also recognized the look father would sometime have when he would stare at me, and when he thought I was not looking.

At these times, he gave me a look of such piercing sadness that even I felt overwhelmed. Inadvertently, I would look up at the sky just to check if it was raining. It was at these times that I would verify whether the phrase, “the skies themselves were crying for my sorrow,” held any grain of truth to it.

It held no grain of truth. Never did the sky cry once.

Being the son of an increasingly famous merchant, I met a variety of people, all of whom stared at me with a dark wonder. Their stares felt as if two giant eyes were following me around. They were stares that wondered why this six to nine year old child always had a silent and withdrawn expression, never a smile on his face.

Sometimes, during these meetings, I would also be introduced to the children and family of the people of the other side, whom my father was contracting with.

The phrase, “the adults have to work, so you children go out and play,” came into mind, as these business partners sent their children to play somewhere else while they dealt with business.

I never truly felt a sense of belonging with these playmates. I merely watched from the sidelines, wondering why they would play such childish games. There was no point to any of it.

And why did they look at me with such strange expressions?

Distrust? Incongruity?

Perhaps there was just this natural sense in the children that told me that I was different from them, that I did not belong. Upon asking these young peers of mine, I learned that it was due to my cold, expressionless, blue eyes, and a strange vibe that I gave out, that only the young could sense.

I gave up trying to fit in after that. It was just merely not worth my time, spending time with children my age.

This secret decision I made to myself was soon revoked when I met Arina, a ten year old girl who was half a year older than me.

I could not lie to myself. There was just something about her that drew my attention.

Was it the look of strong solitude she had in her eyes when she played with her dolls all alone, as the sun gradually set for the night?

Perhaps, or perhaps not. I did not know enough.

I was curious, curious enough to even barge into her house.

This meeting with her changed my life and I felt the hands of time within me inexorably move. It was an unexplainable feeling.

Arina was the first child my own age who did not shy away from me. She was the one who acted naturally around me, the force of her personality allowing no other intrusions.

Perhaps that was what drew me to her, I would think in the deepest part of my mind.

In the six months I started following her along, we eventually became equals, though she was always the leader, the catalyst that would move the pair of us. I was merely following along.

When I turned ten years old, father and I left Lun city, his business finished. We never stayed in one place for a particularly long time, being traveling merchants. Perhaps in his own way, father was doing me a kindness, dragging me along on his travels as a merchant, meeting various people, and seeing different parts of lives. Or perhaps it was a disservice.

Looking back, I never said one word of farewell to Arina before I left the city. It was on that day that the sky cried, or perhaps merely rained.

I was not sorrowful, though, so I could only think the sky raining was merely a coincidence to my departure.

It was on this day that I became independent, distancing myself from my surroundings, watching the emotions and expressions of other people, in the hopes that I could one day emulate them.

For the first time in my life, I tried smiling as the raindrops from the skies battered themselves atop my hooded face. My smile was not seen under the shadows of my hood, and any noises were hidden as the constant rain battered itself upon my head, upon the neighing horses, upon the heads of my companions, including my father, and upon the muddy ground around us.

Not one grain of truth was found underneath the indifferent rain.

It was merely a facade.

I was still not admitting to myself of the simple truth that I was different.

Still, this admittance of truth came the very year I left Lun city at the age of ten. It was when a drunk guard from a caravan we were traveling with told me this:

“You have the coldest, blue eyes I have ever seen on a person. That, and you have the look of a noble bastard.”

You no doubt remember me vaguely saying this phrase in one of my discourse. These words struck a chord within me. But truth be told, I did not feel any surprise at this revelation. I suppose in some small part of my mind, I knew that I was different.

I was merely not admitting to myself as a small child that I was different from the others my age.

The deepest, darkest secret I buried inside my mind:

Why was I born this way? Why couldn't I be normal? Why? Father? Mother?

Thus, I decided a vow on the day that I realized I had a dampened emotional mind. I would bury everything under my fake facades. I would bury everything underneath a shell of indifference. I would live for the sake of survival. I would not be bogged down by regrets or pain, and a love that I could not even feel.

It was the least I could do for myself until the day I die.

Then everything changed.

My reincarnation into a dragon was a life-changing portent.

Upon retrospection, in these seven years I have lived as a dragon, I have changed, my many meetings and my many bindings inexorably changing me.

Elisa Ballard, Ryia Altard, Milli Gobumi, Princess Amara, Lizil, Alice Silver, Veena, Lady Calina Serle, Gustav Serle, Kizam Vulcram, Efari, Eden, Kiara, Aqua, and many others whom I would meet in the future changing me slowly.

The binding of the Lesser Fire Elemental, however, has changed me the most. It has increased the intensity of my dampened emotions to the point that my past self would have been surprised at my present self, who is much more expressive toward close friends, and even closer bond-mates.

And last but not least, Navra Bloodseeker, the catalyst of all my changes.

~To None Except Rhea and I

Untold Self Reflection #2

Rhea of the Wanderers, a scarred desert nomad woman who was twice my age and held captive as a slave. I had met her at the age of fourteen in my past human life after an incident which almost took my life.

She had stayed with me for a greater part of two years of my life and was a teacher and a close friend to me. I was attracted to her, but not to the point of love, an emotion which I could never truly feel.

Her story was a sad one.

She belonged to the Wanderers tribe located in the Malakar Desert, near to the furthest east of Shail Kingdom. She was a strong woman with a scarred body as harsh as the desert sun. Yet none of this affected her determination.

There was a fire of intelligence in her eyes which were the color of desert sand. She was not a beautiful woman, perhaps closer to being handsome than beautiful. In a way, I felt a kinship with her also.

Her outer appearance served as a mirror to my inner appearance. We were strangely opposites.

Her whole Wanderers Tribe had abandoned the Malakar Desert due to the onset of a wave of monsters, sand dwellers known as the Skaros. With leathery reptilian skin, they were lizards that dwell among the sands.

I do not know much about the Skaros, only that this race of monsters drove the Wanderers Tribe out of the Malakar Desert, forcing the desert nomads to flee west. Thus, a journey that lasted years began, until only Rhea was the survivor left out of her whole family. It was near Death's doorstop that she was captured by traveling slavers.

The rest of her story is easy to imagine, yet hard to swallow.

The pain of being a slave, a natural acclimation toward pain, a bending of your will. Harsh trials awaited her, yet she bore through them with clenched teeth and determination, her will to survive strong blazing in her heart.

Perhaps that was what attracted her to the slightly wavering fourteen year old that was me. Her strong heart and her determination.

But alas, I never did get to tell her what I felt about her, even though she had told me that she loved me during the two years we were together.

It was a strange curiosity. Why would she love someone like me?

It was a deep-lingering question inside the furthest, darkest reaches of my mind, never to be shown and revealed.

Why? Why?

Death is such a bother with impeccable and regretful timing.

Hah.

~To None Except Arina and I

Untold Self Reflection #3:

Arina.

In the more than six months I had known her as a nine and a half year old child, we were together almost every single day.

I followed her around with my blank and unsmiling face.

“You should smile sometime,” she would say to me while we were walking along the streets of the markets that would have the smell of fish and crowds

“I do not know how to,” I would always reply.

On another day, when we were getting into brawls with other kids her age, she would say with a bright laugh and a bruise on her cheek, “Come on, Alan. Don't tell me that's all you got?”

I would reply, “A childish brawl.”

“Yet you still joined,” Arina would retort.

Thus, the days passed as Arina dragged me along, and I followed willfully along. I would never admit it to myself, but even if she had not forcefully dragged me along, I would have still followed her.

She was a beacon, a strong fire which I chased after, a wonder for me at how she could be so intense.

I was different from her.

If she was an intense fire, I was a cold, barren cave.

I did not tell her these words of mine, but she still somehow knew with those eyes of her.

“You only need a good fire going, Alan.”

Then the fateful day happened when she tried to save a poor man from a dark alleyway. There were no city guards patrolling this section here at the time of the day, and the bodyguard who always followed me in the shadows was nowhere to be seen.

Arina, the fire blazing inside her, yelled at the larger man to stop beating the poor man in the dark alleyway.

She aimed a kick at his groin, but it was a mistake.

The large man instantly grabbed her arm and she could no longer do anything back, despite her above average physical prowess as a child.

By that time, I was already running toward her.

The only thing that saved me was the victimized man suddenly finding his backbone. The small man charged at the larger man's back, knocking him off-balance.

With a sneer and anger on his face, the large man quickly regained his balance and drew his knife, and instantly stabbed the smaller man in his chest. He had done all of this while still holding Arina's arm with one large meaty hand.

I knew that this was the only chance I would find the large man with his guard down. I punched at his groin, giving me a few seconds during which the large man keeled over.

Then I jabbed my fingers into his eyes without hesitation.

Time slowed to a crawl. The man bellowed as he dropped his knife, his arms swinging wildly around in the narrow alleyway.

I took the knife he dropped and stabbed at his stomach, leaving the hilt of the small knife jammed inside. Arina, who had been shouting for some time now, turned quiet upon seeing the blood on my hands.

Thus, it was on this day that I took a human life and rationally escaped while destroying any evidence such as the blood on my clothes.

And a few days afterward, I left the city without saying one word of farewell to Arina, whom I had sworn a secret with.

I do not know why I never did say farewell to Arina. Perhaps it was out of some small guilt, or perhaps it was out of some mixed emotions, which I could not tell. Or perhaps it was due to the tiny fire she had started inside the cold, barren cave.

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A growl resounded from the very depths of her throat. It was a growl which was closer to that of a beast than that of a human. It was a growl that came from the Black Serpent of the East, the Devourer of Dragons.

“Dragon,” said the chained, dirt-covered female that looked entirely like a human. Her hair was black, and her eyes were pools of darkness. And her voice—it was a voice full of enmity, an ancient hatred that cut through your very heart, running a jagged tear through it.

“I will kill you, if it is the last thing I do,” she said, continuing in the words of a time-forgotten language, so decrepit and old that it dated back to when the Gods first walked the world. The language was so ancient and time-forgotten that even my dragon's gift for languages and communication took a while to understand the words.

Uraza, the Black Serpent of the East, ignored everything and everyone else in the room. She only had eyes for Navra, the target of her resentment.

“Ah, how I have missed your words and voice which cut to my very bones,” Navra replied with a small smile as he walked up to the chained female. He moved a hand toward her dirt-covered face, gently caressing her right cheek.

The look of hatred in her eyes turned even more intense at his slight touch. But Uraza could do nothing to remove his hand. She could barely speak, let alone move. Her whole body, from neck to feet, were bounded by black chains, each link of the chain marked by a blood-red, softly-glowing seal. And as if that wasn't enough, even upon her body were multiple blood-red seals drawn.

Navra only chuckled upon seeing her hateful expression. There was even a slight hint of affection in his chuckle, though I could not tell whether it was genuine or fake.

No, I was too busy suppressing the cold shivers. It felt as if my whole body, and all of my instincts were screaming at me to flee from the predator chained a small distance in front of me. Chained though she was, I could feel my dragon body responding to her presence, the presence of the Devourer of Dragons. Or it could be that my body was only recognizing its mother.

A long stretch of moment passed by as Uraza glared at Navra with eternal hatred before she finally noticed my presence, her dark eyes swiveling toward me ever so slowly. “You,” she said in a voice that was hatred given sound. “Abomination. I will kill you.”

Navra suddenly let out a loud laughter that resounded throughout the underground place. “Why would you kill him? This abomination, at least the body, is our son.” Turning his head a little, Navra's calculating eyes of deep, dark brown met my own pair of red eye and green eye. “How would you like to take a bite of your mother, Verath.”

Only silence met his question, and a small in-drawn gasp of surprise from Aqua beside me.

Mother. The word brought up memories of my human life.

“Would it not be the greatest irony? The Devourer of Dragons devoured by a dragon? Ah, such amusement. I cannot even imagine the result of that.”

“I will kill you if it is the last thing I do!”

“So you say, my dear, yet here you are, still bound up and locked in this place for centuries of countless years. I admire your tenacity.”

“I live only to one day break free and kill you, red dragon.”

“I look forward to it,” Navra said, caressing her right cheek with a soft brush of the back of his hand.

He moved away from Uraza, walking for a few feet to stand before us. “I trust you both will keep this a secret?”

The tone of his voice was casual, yet there was no mistaking the underlying threat. Aqua instantly flew behind me, her small body shivering in fear.

“Who would we tell?”

Navra only stared at us in response. “Let us go back.”

All the while, Uraza's murderous eyes were trained upon us and if glares could have killed, no doubt, all of us would have already died more than a thousand deaths.

With not even a warning, the three of us were back in Navra's chambers, Aqua and I standing before Navra who was sitting on the black throne.

I could not predict as to what Navra was feeling at the moment. There was only an impassive smile that told nothing. Inside my mind was a question that I dare not ask—

What happened to the other two Great Beasts. Were they dead, or were they trapped in prisons fashioned from Navra's magic? And if the other two Great Beasts were female, could there be hidden children?

The image of Navra jokingly saying that he had other children flashed into my mind, but I dare not bring it up. The force of the mood in the chambers silenced me, allowing none to speak.

From his throne, Navra started speaking. “You will go train for six months with Elder Kronos, along with Kiara and Eden. Then all three of you will participate in the Inter-clan Tournament of Dominance that is held every two decades, where the dragons of your generation will participate. You will learn from Elder Kronos the language of the Ancients and hone your earth and fire magic. As for blood magic, you will have to train that by yourself, since none except you can use it.”

“What will you be doing then?” I asked. The Eldest, after all, was my broodkeeper, and was suppose to be the one training me.

A slight curve of his lips—a mysterious smile. “I have unfinished business in Nilfloria. You could say it is a duty I must attend to as the Astlan Dragon King.”

From what Navra had told me, Nilfloria was a realm that was connected to this world. As for what Nilfloria was, I had not the slightest bit of clue. “What will you be doing there?” I said.

“You need not know, young Verath. This world is full of secrets, secrets that should not be known...yet.”

Secrets...There were already far too many secrets, their whispers like a soft and dangerous caress, ever so out of reach.

“Ah right, I almost forgot. Elder Kronos will be waiting for you at the Amphitheater tomorrow afternoon. Also, the winners of the Inter-clan Tournament will participate in another tournament where they will fight the children from the other Greater Races. Do not disappoint me, Verath, for I have made a small bet with the leaders of the Greater Races.”

Saying that, Navra disappeared from his throne in the blink of an eye, teleporting to some god-forsaken, unknown place.

I thought to myself.

The Greater Races...In all the historical texts and from the scholars I have met as a merchant, there were only vague mentions of dragons and a small allusion to powerful races, their description never given. Records of them were obscure.

“I am beginning to think you are an unfortunate dragon,” Aqua spoke up with a grave voice, breaking the silence of the chambers. The voice did not match her usual, cheerful self.

“So do I. So do I...”

Those were the words I could only use as a reply to her grave comment.

“It's alright, though! You have me to take care of you!” Aqua said with a cheer, her seriousness quickly transformed into lightheartedness.

I showed a small smile toward Aqua. It was a genuine smile, so quick to form and so quick to disappear, as to be almost unnoticeable.

Aqua stopped beating her wings for a moment, dropping more than one foot toward the ground, before she finally realized her surprise. Her face became flushed, turning slightly red. “No way. Did you just smile?” she said in a wondrous voice.

“No,” I only replied with an indifferent voice.

“Hehe,” Aqua said, slightly giggling to herself. “Hehe. Stop being so shy.”

I ignored the small Asrai then, slowly walking toward the exit entrance, a black gate which could only be opened by dragon fire.

Behind me, I could hear Aqua still laughing to herself, no doubt a smile hidden by one hand on her mouth.

Perhaps it was due to the series of revelations and unfortunate incidents I had gone through.

Perhaps it was due to the cheerful infectiousness of Aqua.

Perhaps it was due to the new bond I had with a Lesser Fire Elemental.

Perhaps it was due to the memories brought up from seeing the chained female.

Or perhaps it was some other entirely new thing.

It did not matter.

I was a deceiver, a liar, and as always, I would continue walking my own path.

As a child, as an adult, as a human, as a dragon.

Volume 3 (Chapter 13)