"Uh-oh," said Topher, "it looks like Jack just became a woman! With amnesia!"

"What?" The girl's voice betrayed a slight panic. "Who's talking? Where are you?"

Jeez, don't frighten her. "Miss? We're not sure what's going on." This is understandably a scary situation, but she might be… "Are you all right?" I asked. "You're not hurt or anything, are you?"

"I… no. Where am I?"

"Can you describe your surroundings? We can hear you, but can't see you."

There was a pause, probably so she could take a few deep breaths. "It's really dark, but there's light shining down on a podium. It has a book on it. That's it."

"Okay. We're all in the same situation, it seems." I said.

Kevin spoke up, "Can you tell us your name?"

"…Jenn," she said, after a pause.

"Okay, Jenn. I'm Kevin. The other two you've heard are Topher and Jack."

"Nice to meet you," said Topher.

"If only it were under better circumstances," I added. Why was she here? "Pleasantries aside, Jenn, the three of us are friends, and have been for a long time. Going by that, I find it odd that someone else ended up here that doesn't know us. Now, I don't recognize your voice, and I'm not familiar with any Jenns - not recently, at least. Do any of our names and voices sound familiar to you?"

"No," she said. "Not the names and voices together."

"Alright," I said. Maybe there's another connection. "That's fine. We're all from Toledo, Ohio, in the United States of America. What about you?"

"I'm from Ohio too!"

"Really? Whereabouts?" Topher asked.

"Cincinnati."

"Aww, that's okay. Nobody's perfect."

"Anyways," I said, "I guess that's enough for now. We may have to find some other things we have in common to see if we can figure out the reasons behind whatever caused this. In the meantime, open the book. What are the first words you come across?"

A couple seconds passed. "'Welcome to… Dungeonia'?"

"Yep, the same was in our books. Turn the page?"

"Um, it has my name and some words and numbers."

"Are the words strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom and charisma?"

"Yeah. What does this mean? Are the numbers rankings or something?"

"They're D&D attributes."

"…D&D?"

So part of the connection wasn't that we were all role players. "Dungeons and Dragons."

She was silent for several moments. "Oh, God, you've all kidnapped me, haven't you?" She sounded pained.

"What? No!" I was pretty indignant.

"Does it matter, Jenn?" Topher's words had a bit of bite to them. "Your best way of getting through this is playing along, regardless of who caused it."

"That's… probably true," she said, begrudgingly. "Doesn't mean I want to give whoever the satisfaction."

"Jenn?" Kevin sounded serious. "We all went to bed in an apartment in Toledo and wound up here. What happened to you before you got here? Where were you?"

"I went to bed in my apartment."

"And that's in Cinci, right?"

"Right."

"What time did you go to bed?"

"I don't know… about three in the morning?"

"Jack? How long have we been here?" Kevin asked.

"A little over an hour, I'd say. We spent twenty minutes convincing Topher to not take two-weapon fighting."

Topher joined. "We went to bed just before two. It takes a good three hours to get from Cincinnati to Toledo. By car, anyway. You think we've been, what, magically teleported somewhere?"

"Or maybe communicating over a long distance," said Kevin.

This was ridiculous. "Or we may have just been out of it for a while. This really doesn't tell us much other than the cause of this seems to favor I-75. Although…" A thought was brewing in my head. What if other people were taken? From other countries even? If whatever this was takes people over long distances, or allows communication over long distances, might there be language barriers? Or would whoever's responsible not take people from different cultures?

More info was needed. One thing to try: "Jenn, kannst du mich verstehen?"

"Um…what?" she said.

Guess not.

"I understood you," said Topher. "Or rather, 'Ich verstehe du.'"

"Dich," I corrected.

"No, you're a dick," he said.

"Let's move on," volunteered Kevin.

"Right," I agreed. "Jenn, we've been through each of our books and we can tell you they're designed to let you create a Dungeons and Dragons character." I expected to hear a groan from her, but none came. Good girl. "We think that, because we're able to talk to each other during this process, that we'll likewise be together once all of our characters are finished. If it turns out we've been transported to this Dungeonia, we're going to want to stick together for mutual sur-benefit." I almost said 'survival', but didn't want to scare her. I quickly pressed on. "Jenn, what do you know about Dungeons and Dragons? I'm guessing mostly hearsay, but don't hold back."

"Uhh…" she seemed to be searching for the right words. "Well, don't you go into the woods wearing costumes and fake swords and hit each other? Throw things at each other? Say 'lightning bolt' a lot?"

"Not quite," I smiled.

"That's called 'LARP'ing, or 'Live Action Role Playing'," said Kevin.

"It's not usually associated with D&D, at least not by the people that play it," added Topher.

"Oh. Sorry?" she said, not quite certain if she'd offended us.

"Don't worry about it," I waved it off, though the wave was for the benefit of the darkness, I suppose. "D&D is usually played at a table, and almost never with costumes. They are often confused with one another, though. It's a common misconception, and we can't blame you for it - a lot of the people who LARP also play D&D."

"Right," she said, a bit excited, "it's all, like, escapism, isn't it?"

That struck a nerve. "All entertainment is a form of escapism." Calm down. She's excited, and that's good. "But you're right, D&D does tend to be more immersive, and as such tends to attract people that feel the need for that escape. However," I felt I just needed to add, "it's also an excellent creative outlet, and a wonderful exercise for your imagination. You're doing good. What else do you know?"

"Well, I heard it's a lot like 'Lord of the Rings'."

"That's right!" Have to sound energetic, hopefully keep her interest up. I probably just sounded like a dork there, though. "LotR, as it's referred to shorthand--"

"How is that shorthand? It's the exact same number of syllables," chimed in Topher.

I plowed through. "--has elves, dwarves, orcs, trolls, wizards - lots of stuff like that. LotR was a huge influence on D&D. When a fictional world has all that sort of magic and monsters, it's referred to as 'High Fantasy' - most D&D worlds take place in fictional high fantasy settings. How we doing? Think I should give up my day job and start a lecture series?"

"It's fine," she said. "The more I know the more prepared I'll be for whatever, right?"

"That's the spirit," said Topher. "With that in mind, you should know that I'm the good-looking one."

"Right, of course," Kevin had to be rolling his eyes. "Dibs on the smart one, then."

"Nope, that's me too."

"You can't be both."

"Trust me. I'm part 'good-looking one' and part 'smart one', together."

"Yeah, you're just a big piece of two, aren't you?"

Jenn broke it up. "So, back to the lecture…?"

I continued. "Okay, you have a general idea about D&D now. What do you suppose we do when we play? Besides make bad jokes and stroke our egos, that is."

"I have no idea."

I'm losing her. "I'll just sum up. In the game, players take on the roles of adventurers - people that look for adventure in the hope that they'll find wealth, power, justice, enlightenment, a cure for boredom, or what have you. What my friends and I think is going on, Jenn, is that we might be going into this Dungeonia world as the characters we create with these books. I know that sounds crazy…"

"It does sound crazy," she agreed, "but nothing about this whole thing seems sane."

"Too true," said Kevin. "We can't be certain, but we have reason to believe this isn't happening simply by mundane means."

"Still no tusks," offered Topher.

"There are arguments for both sides," I said, "but to err on the side of caution, we're going to take this creation process very seriously, just in case rationality takes a holiday. When you're ready, Jenn, give us a full read of your attributes."

"I…" she sounded hesitant. "That seems a bit personal…."

I rolled my eyes, but Topher was the first to say, "Jenn, we need to know this stuff to make the character as best as we can."

"If it helps," said Kevin, "in D&D, the terms for 'intelligence' and 'wisdom' aren't exactly what people usually define them as."

Jenn drawled out a confused "Okay…."

"Think of it like this," I was tapping my finger on the pedestal to help focus my thoughts, "'intelligence' refers to the character's ability to easily remember things and perhaps notice patterns or inconsistencies in a pattern when looking for them. You could have a genius professor who knows all about several subjects, but has a low intelligence because he's seemingly absent minded and forgets where he put his keys, or might search his desk ten times trying to find them only to see them on his eleventh try. While he might have what's considered to be a low intelligence by D&D standards, he's by no means stupid.

"'Wisdom', on the other hand, is more about how in tune a character is with their subconscious mind. This includes stuff like intuition or noticing your friend who you see everyday has changed her hair ever-so-slightly. You could have a modern day Buddha walking around, only to have her so preoccupied with her own thoughts that she stumbles into the men's room, not noticing the sign at the front or the line of urinals inside.

"And the opposite can be true in each case. You can have someone who can recite prior conversations verbatim, but not be able to make change for a twenty. Or someone who sees you and instantly knows even minor minutiae of how your day went, but doesn't have the common sense to keep a hand off a hot stove. Obviously these are all extreme cases; most people fall in the middle ground, and I'll admit that there's usually a correlation between having a high wisdom or intelligence by D&D standards and being considered intelligent and wise by society's standards - but certainly not always. What I'm saying is that these stats aren't going to tell us as much as you might think."

I hoped the pause she took was so she could consider this, and not her waking up from a nap. "And what about charisma?" she asked.

"Uhh, honestly, I've always been a bit foggy on how best to describe it." Dang, I'd been on a roll and now I come up short. "Which is kind of ironic, as my book says I have it in spades."

"Well, you do talk a good lecture," Jenn said, "and you have really nice voice."

"Oh, I - thanks." I could feel my cheeks blush.

"…but Kevin's voice is better. Deeper." I was pretty sure she was smiling.

"And where does that leave me?" asked Topher, feigning atrocious grievance.

"You're the good-looking and smart one, aren't you?"

Topher laughed. "Damn, guys. She's got me pegged."

"Back to charisma," Kevin's voice sounded more resonant than usual. Heh. "Jenn, I don't really remember what the books say, but it's along the lines of strength of personality, emotional awareness, and… personal magnetism, maybe?"

"That… kind of sounds right, I guess." I scratched my chin. "Though I wouldn't say those are qualities I really have." Shrugging, I took a shot. "I guess that means these stats are just a crap shoot with no real bearing on who we actually are. In which case, Jenn, what they say doesn't matter. So feel free to give us those numbers."

She didn't say anything. Was she hiding something?

I resigned. "Can you at least let us know what your best stat is? Going from there, we might be able to make some choices without knowing all of them."

"And just for edification," said Topher, "the stats range from 3 to 18, with 10 or 11 being considered 'average'."

"The higher the number, the better," added Kevin.

She took a second. "It says my wisdom is 17."

My jaw clenched. Of course her wisdom is high. She's got the stat to be a healer, so I could've been a sorcerer. I angrily stomped my foot. Always next level, I guess.

"Really? Wisdom is great!" Topher sounded happy. We've known each other long enough that he could guess I'd have gone sorcerer if logic hadn't guided me elsewhere. "That gives you two options, and they both fit in well with our party, and both are better than bard!" That jerk. "Either druid or cleric."

There was also monk, but a better healer would probably be wiser. "Both use what's called 'divine magic' and can heal," said Kevin. "Clerics usually worship a deity to get their powers, and druids are one with nature, deriving power from it."

"…a druid sounds cool, I guess," she said.

"Druid it is, then," Kevin replied.

"Hang on, we can't be hasty." I jumped back into the conversation. "Jenn, we're mostly concerned with safety, as we don't know what we're getting into. Now, druids are good, but they don't have much in the way of armor. To make sure you don't get hit often as a druid, you'd need a good dexterity - at least a 14, I'd say. Also important to know is how your constitution is, as well as your strength. Constitution will make sure you can take a hit and keep going - if it's low, we can keep you to the back, out of harm's way. Your strength score will give us an idea of what weapons you can use, and if it's low, a good dexterity works just as well. If both are low, we can plan accordingly, no big deal."

She didn't say anything for a few seconds. But suddenly, "Tell me about the other one, then?"

'Then'? She must not have a dexterity of 14. Time to sell it. "Cleric? When compared to other classes, clerics are always the best healers. They don't just mend wounds, though. With their magic, they're able to smite enemies, protect allies, enhance abilities, and many other things. Outside of magic they can be quite varied, as many of their qualities depend on what aspect of whatever ideal they try to exemplify. Some preserve life, others prepare for war, still others pursue knowledge. Certain clerics can use all kinds of armor or weapons, while others are more limited, again depending on their ideals. And finally, clerics are aces-in-the-hole when it comes to fighting undead."

"Undead?" Her voice had a slight break in it. "You mean zombies?"

I smiled. "Not just zombies. In D&D, there are also animated skeletons, sentient shadows, ghosts, vampires, and stuff mainstream hasn't even heard of."

"And not the wussy 'actually-nice-but-just-misunderstood' vampires popular culture tries to make them," added Kevin.

"Right," said Topher, "they're the 'eat-your-face-off-and-lick-the-sinews-because-centuries-of-debauchery-have-desensitized-them-to-normal-sexual-pleasures' vampires."

Silence suddenly dominated the conversation.

"…That was," Jenn hesitated, "really specific."

"Yes it was," agreed Topher. "And you know what? I blame our DM."

"—What I was saying, Jenn," best to gloss over what a DM was and how I gave Topher that example, "is that clerics just have to hold up a holy symbol, and it scares the unliving daylights out of undead. And if the cleric's powerful enough? It destroys them outright. No mess, no fuss, just dust."

"Okay," she said. "I think cleric sounds best."

I hadn't even gone in depth about druids. Guess my comment on the dexterity she'd need put her off them. "All right, Jenn. First, can I ask what your strength and constitution are? Feel free to ball park them, if you like."

"They're both at 14," she responded without any pause.

Wow, her strength is just a point below what mine was. "That's great, you'll be a good front line fighter." If my gut was right, I had to do this carefully. "…Can I ask what your dexterity is?"

She didn't say anything. "That bad, huh?" I said, quietly.

"Did you guys say 3 was the lowest?" Her voice was meek.

"Topher did, yes."

"It's pretty low, then."

Why did this make her so… afraid? Vulnerable? She didn't mind telling us her other physical stats, so she's probably not worried about her body image, like I imagine most girls would be.

Man, I hope that means she's hot.

"Jenn, that's perfectly fine. You have nothing to feel bad about. I have a terrible constitution. If I sneezed twice in a row, it would kill me," I lied. With the racial modifiers to my stats, my constitution was respectably average. "It just means that we're going to make sure you can wear heavy armor, so your dexterity won't have any bearing on how hard you are to hit. Sound good?"

"Sure," she said.

"Now, before we continue, could you tell us your intelligence and charisma?"

"Intelligence 16, charisma 14." She sounded matter-of-fact.

"Wow, those are good stats all around!" I was somewhat impressed. "I suppose it wouldn't surprise you to know that you're wiser and smarter than I am?"

"With stats like that, she's probably wiser and smarter than every guy she meets," said Topher.

"Indeed," added Kevin.

"It's no big deal, guys," said Jenn. "Being smart is no substitute for knowing how to think."

"Heh. Already showing off your wisdom," I said. "But, going by that, I'd say that smart people are considered smart because they can quickly learn how they need to think."

"Aww, and you said you weren't wise," she chuckled.

"No, I said I wasn't as wise as you."

"Are we ready to move on?" asked Kevin. "Our first official choice is race."

"…Race?"

"Well, I suppose 'species' might be a better way to put it?"

"Doesn't matter in the end," I said. "Jenn, remember how I said high fantasy could have elves, dwarves and the like? In D&D, characters can be one of those races."

Her voice came back apprehensive. "…I could just be human though, right? I don't have to be one of those others, do I?"

"Of course. Being human is always an option, and if we were playing this around a table at our apartment, I'd want you to choose based off what you want to be. As this could be serious, though, I'm going to recommend half-elf."

"And what does 'half-elf' mean?"

"It means your character has both human and elven ancestors. Aesthetically, you'll be human with slightly pointed ears. Functionally, you'll have a couple more skill proficiencies - which we haven't gone into, but generally, the more the better - you'll be able to resist certain magic more easily, and you'll get a couple more attribute points, which we can put to good effect by raising your strength, which will let you wear heavier armor, and wisdom, which will make your magic more powerful. Sound good?"

"You know," she sounded resigned, which was not good, "you seem to have a good handle on this, so just tell me what to pick and let's get this over with."

I was too pushy. Can't have her losing interest now. "I'm sorry, Jenn. I know I'm shotgunning a lot of information at you. I know I'm making recommendations and then listing reasons that you have no reasonable way of arguing against. I know you probably had a rough day and this is the last thing you want to be doing when you'd rather be in bed. But I need you to stay focused. I don't want you to get stuck with anything that makes you uncomfortable, or that you don't like." Nothing's worse than the player who doesn't want to be there. "So let's go back a bit. We kind of railroaded you into cleric, but you do have other options. Would you like to hear them?"

She took a second. "No," she breathed. "You said clerics are the best 'healers', right? I'm guessing that's important in this game."

"It is," I said, "but we can make do if you want to choose something different."

"Jack's class lets him do some healing," offered Kevin.

"Jack's class lets him do some of everything," edited Topher, "just, not very well."

Jerk.

"No, I'm happy enough with cleric," she said. "If I don't know anything about the other classes, I won't know what I'm missing."

"Ignorance is bliss," said Topher.

Kevin laughed. "Not exactly words to live by."

"But it'll work here," I said. "If you're happy with cleric, then we're happy for you. Now, there are some ideas that I had that would factor into what race you might want to choose. Would you like to hear them?" She did. I went on to explain that she'd need one more point in strength to wear the best armor without penalty, and then I explained which races were left that could give her that extra point (she quickly dismissed Mountain Dwarf when she found out she might be four feet tall with a better than even chance of having a beard). I then told her that one more point in wisdom would noticeably improve her magic, detailing which races I could remember that would allow that (she noted that only human and half-elf fit into both lists). Finally, I said that we should get as much as we can out of every choice, and explained why her largely even-numbered stats wouldn't benefit as much from a human's racial modifiers, and what exactly a half-elf would get that would be helpful to her and the group. She finally decided that half-elf did seem to be the best choice, and she thanked me for my incessant lecturing.

"Great," I said. "Then just select half-elf and turn the page."

"Oh, I'm still on the page with my stats," she said. "Just give me one—whoa,—wait,—Ahh!"

"Jenn? Are you all right? What happened?"

It took a while before she responded. "I'm fine…." Jenn said it with an exasperation that suggested she'd said that a thousand times before. "I tried to catch this feather that came out of the book, but I missed and kind of… fell trying to get it."

Best not to dwell on that. "The feather is a quill," I said. "Use it to check the box for 'Half-Elf'."

"…Done," she said.

"On the next page, mark the box for cleric."

"…Done," she repeated.

"Did it give you a choice for domain?"

"No. Is it on the next page?"

"Probably. Now, not all domains allow the cleric to use heavy armor initially, so we need to make sure you get one that does. Off the top of my head, those domains are 'War', 'Life', and… 'Tempest'? Does that sound right, guys?"

"Yeah," agreed Topher.

"'Nature' gives it, as well," Kevin definitively added.

"Why would the nature domain give clerics the ability to wear heavy armor?" Topher said, pointedly.

"I don't know," snapped Kevin, "game balance, maybe? Do you have a cell phone to call the game designers and ask? And why don't these books have detailed descriptions in them?"

"That's a good point," I said. We'd gone through our books without needing the descriptions for most of our choices, as we were fairly familiar with them. "Maybe it's, like, some sort of test?"

"What, Wizards of the Coast kidnaps players and tests their knowledge by forcing them to make characters without sourcebooks?" Topher joked. "I doubt 'Wot-C' has the imagination, but I wouldn't have put it past FASA back in the day…."

"Guys?" Jenn interrupted. "Sorry, but there doesn't seem to be a choice for 'War' or 'Tempest'. I think you might be confused by something."

That seemed odd. It wasn't that long ago when I read the—

"Jenn, listen to me," the voice was Kevin's, but he sounded dreadfully serious. "Are there blank spaces on the list of domains?"

"Yeah, a few of them - 'Nature' just disappeared!"

"Select the box for 'Life' domain, now," he ordered.

"Done," she said. "What was that all about?"

"Hang on, I'm flipping back in my book," he said. I tried flipping mine back, only to find all the previous pages had gone missing - only my character's summation and my signature remained.

Confused, I turned to the next page of my book - it was blank, as were all the others beyond it.

"Oh… shit," swore Kevin.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "All my pages disappeared. I think it's because I already signed."

"On the class list," said Kevin, "let's see… 'Barbarian' is missing, 'Bard' is missing, 'Druid' is missing, 'Fighter' is missing, 'Ranger' is missing, and 'Sorcerer' is missing."

"Umm… okay?" I said.

Topher spoke up. "'Rogue' is missing on my list."

"Noted. On the race list," continued Kevin, "Only the core races and Forest Gnome are still there. Wait, gnome just disappeared entirely."

"So you think whoever's running this might be limiting our choices?" said Topher. "Maybe trying to move the process along?"

"Essentially," said Kevin, "but what concerns me is how they're doing it."

He wasn't just worried. He had a theory. "What are you thinking?" I asked.

"All right." Kevin exhaled, probably gathering his thoughts. "Topher, when you selected half-orc, it disappeared from our lists, right?"

"Um, I'll take your word on it," said Topher.

"Right, you wouldn't have known. Well, it did. Likewise, half-elf is no longer on our lists either, now that Jenn has taken it."

No one responded. He continued.

"Jenn, when the word 'Nature' disappeared from your book, did it just sort of… fade out, but very quickly?"

"That's, yeah, a good way to put it."

I thought I saw where he was going, but decided to let him finish.

"The same thing happened when Topher selected half-orc, and it appeared just as suddenly when he deselected it. Now, it's possible whoever's causing this is just randomly choosing things to take away, but," his voice got quiet, almost conspiratorial, "what if there are other people, other groups, stuck in the same situation?"

Seems I had seen where it was going. "So you think that everyone stuck here is choosing from the same 'pool' of races? And that there's some limiter to the number of any particular class that can be taken?"

"Basically, yes," he said. "But that 'limiter', as you put it - I think it depends on how many 'types' of a class there are."

"'Types'?" said Topher.

"Yeah," Kevin said, looking for words. "Like, the cleric class has, what, seven domains to choose from? So there's seven different 'types' of cleric, like there's three different 'types' of fighter…."

"Eldritch Knight, Champion, and…" Topher took a second, "Battle Master or something?"

"Give the man a peanut," said Kevin. "After the first three chose fighter, it must have disappeared from everyone else's books. The same for every class."

"If that's the case," my fingers were to my brow, staving off a stress headache, "why do you suppose it's been set up like that?"

"Off the top of my head?" I could tell Kevin was shrugging. "Some sort of… battle royale, maybe?"

That was a chilling thought.

"Survival of the fittest?" said Topher. "What, see who makes the best race/class combination?"

"…And with a name like 'Dungeonia'," I said, "we might just be stuck in some sort of dungeon with a bunch of these other groups, all either trying to 'gank' each other or trying to reach some sort of goal first."

"Or both," said Kevin.

"Again, if that's the case," my lips curled up into a pained smile, "let's be glad we decided to prioritize defense, eh?"

"Of course, it's also possible we're the only ones here, and whoever's causing this just has all of the options on a dart board and he's picking them off one by one." Topher seemed flippant, though his tone quickly changed. "But, regardless of what situation we're actually in, we should just concentrate on making the best characters we can."

"Sounds good to me," said Jenn. "As much fun as it is to listen to your minds work, I'd rather get out of this dark… whatever this is. 'Room' sounds too contained."

"All right," I said. "Our choices from here on out shouldn't be affected by whatever's happening, so let's take our time if we need to. Jenn, when you're ready, turn the page and let's discuss backgrounds."

We gave her a brief run-down on how skills work, which equipment would be best, and what leveling up is and how it improves a character. She seemed attentive. Some of her choices allowed Kevin and Topher to make changes to their characters, to better benefit the team. We spent a little less then an hour, I'd say, before they were all ready to sign.

"There's no going back," I warned. "My quill turned to dust as soon as I signed. Ready to go down the rabbit hole?"

"Dude…" Topher said, pointing out the cliche."Alice in Wonderland? Really?"

"I'm sure we'll be fine," said Jenn. "The sooner we get this over with, the better."

"Sign together on count of three, then?" asked Topher. It was agreed upon. "All right. One… two… three."

I inhaled some air, and held it. A couple seconds ticked by. Then a couple more. I exhaled, tapping my foot rhythmically.

"Umm," said Kevin. "I'm done."

"Me too," replied Topher. "Jenn?"

"Sorry, sorry," she said. "I… just dropped my quill. It's fine."

God, I hope that low dexterity of hers doesn't kill us.

"I'm signing, I'm signing… there, it's d—"

White. That's all I can say about it - white. Well, maybe one qualifier: bright. It encompassed my whole world, a stark contrast to the darkness I found myself earlier. I shut my eyes, raised my arms to shield them, but for no effect - the white burned through my arms, through my eyelids, through my eyes, through my very being. I started breathing heavier, but the white filled my lungs. I tried to scream, but the white choked my voice. There was so much white, it made sound. I know that makes no sense, but that's what was happening. What's worse, the only way I could describe it is that it was the sound that white makes.

My thoughts were split between figuring out if I had been hit point blank by a nuke and deciding if this was where the term 'white noise' came from, when it went away. Air filled my lungs - warm, clean, outdoor air, with a faint hint of pine. The sound of dozens of conversations carried by a slight breeze could be heard - most pleasant, some heated.

I lowered my arms and opened my eyes. I was staring at a medieval hamlet. There was a dry dirt road, hugged by various market stalls and old-world buildings. People were milling about, buying goods, visiting friends, debating current events. Most were human, but I definitely saw some shorter people, some burly with thick beards, others scrawny, with faces too old to be children's. Just past the village was a forest of evergreen, fading away into a mountain. All this was under a bright, though ever-so-slightly purple, sky.

I mumbled, awestruck: "I've a feeling we're not in Ohio anymore…."

"Dude," the voice was Topher's, "just… don't."