《A Guide to Becoming a Pirate Queen》Chapter 0 - Knowing When to Walk Away

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Thea

“Well, imp? Are you in or are you out?”

I chewed on my unlit cigar as I built up the nerve for what I knew I had to do next. We had planned for this.

Okay, Esme had planned for this. Which is probably why it was a really dumb plan that involved lying to a bunch of powerful demons. Of course, it wasn't like I could have come up with anything better.

“If you don't have anything, maybe you should just walk away.” The demon grinned at me. “Come back when you’re ready to play with the big boys.”

Malvoch was trying to goad me, but it was a bluff. I knew he didn’t have shit. Nobody at the table had a decent hand. I had made sure of it.

I sighed before willing a fist sized amethyst into existence. The gem had an impossible depth and inside swam a playful pink light.

“I trust you gentlemen know what this is?” I held the stone up, and purposefully caused it to illuminate my face. I locked eyes with each of the seven demons.

The ones who had already folded were clearly disappointed, but the few who remained looked back in greed. All except for Malvoch.

He just smirked at me. It’d take more than the soulstone of a greater succubus to surprise the self-proclaimed greatest spymaster in all the hells. What an ass.

“Not one of mine, I presume?” Malvoch leaned forward to tap the ash off of his cigar.

The question lingered while I lit my own cigar. The cigar was noxious. Truly vile, but it was necessary.

The concoction of gross herbs and spices would dull the senses of everybody in the room. As well as disrupt the casino’s magical sensors. Plus, it made me look like a total badass.

I threw the soulstone onto the growing pile of treasure in the center of the table. I accidentally inhaled a little too much of the smoke as I leaned forward to reach it.

My eyes started watering as I tried to hold back a coughing fit.

“No,” I coughed out. “She’s not one of yours. But she is powerful, and still around somewhere on the lower planes.”

That seemed to satisfy the greater demon, because he leaned back into his chair and took another look at his cards before he tossed a small vial of luminescent silver-blue liquid on the pile.

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I recognized it immediately. An elixir of lesser immortality. It was exactly what Esme had said he’d put up, and she was right.

“Good,” Malvoch said. “I’d hate to have this wonderful evening ruined because I had to teach some imp what happens when she messes with the prince’s own.”

I grinned a challenge back at him from around my cigar.

It was an idle threat. Fucking with Malvoch would absolutely mean a fate worse than death, but not even he was stupid enough to start a fight in Vurdex’s casino.

Besides, killing somebody in a brawl wasn’t his style. I mean, he could absolutely do it. The man was three meters of pure muscle. He could fold me in half with both hands tied behind his back.

He was just way more likely to come up with some overly complicated, eighty-step plan that somehow ended in you accidentally killing all of your loved ones before getting sent to some terrible prison for the rest of eternity where the only food they served was cabbage and your least favorite brand of vodka.

Malvoch was fucking terrifying, but he wouldn’t stab me right here. Well, he probably wouldn’t stab me. You can never really be sure when demons are involved.

The round of betting finished with a few more people adding to the pot, but I was only half paying attention. The elixir was what I came for, and it was already in play.

I kept my eyes locked on Malvoch’s. I had a jack and ten, which gave me an ace-high straight. He didn’t have shit.

My grin never faltered as I blew more smoke into the hazy casino.

That must have been the final straw, because the spymaster slammed a fist onto the table.

“Enough of this game! Reveal the last card.”

I nearly jumped out of my skin and a few of the less powerful demons at the table cowered at the outburst.

The dealer turned over a card, revealing another ace.

“Looks like your luck has run out, imp.” Malvoch sneered at me as he flipped over a king and an ace. “Full house, aces over kings. Guess I win.”

A chorus of groans and chuckles rang out as demons around the table tossed their cards into the middle of the play area.

I leaned forward, heart beating out of my chest as I revealed a pair of aces. “Not-so-fast, Malvoch. Four of a kind beats a full house.”

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Malvoch just stared at the cards, dumbfounded. The room was silent.

I didn’t let any of the worry show on my face as I quickly scooped up my winnings from the table into my pocket dimension. Starting with Esme’s soulstone and the elixir of lesser immortality.

“Can’t win them all! Better luck next time!” I shouted back as I quickly made my way out of the curtained off area.

The sound of the casino floor hit me all at once. Slot machines paid out winnings and losers groaned in disappointment as they lost their life savings in games of chance all around me.

I was grinning ear-to-ear with the high that only came from barely overcoming a life or death situation.

I made it nearly halfway across the main floor before I felt a boney hand grip my shoulder.

I froze in place. The temperature in the room dropped and I could see my breath coming out as a white mist. It felt as though death herself had paid me a visit.

“Miss Salinthea, a moment of your time, please.”

It wasn’t death, but it may as well have been. I tried to swallow the bitter taste of fear as I turned to face the lich.

Vurdex was wearing a neatly tailored suit that, by some miracle, looked good on him despite his skeletal frame.

“O-of course Mr. Vurdex. What can I do for you?”

The entire casino had gone quiet. I could feel a veritable sea of faces staring at me.

“Miss Salinthea, my staff informed me that something had triggered a spell sensor at one of the VIP tables. I came to investigate it, and thankfully, arrived in time to see the end of your game.”

“Oh, is that it?” I relaxed. We had prepared for this. “As you can see, I’m just an imp. Sure, I’m a devil, but not a powerful one. I can’t carry all of my wealth on me, it wouldn’t be safe! So I use a dimensional pocket to store my more valuable items. What you detected was me accessing that in order to place a bet.”

I looked towards Vurdex with my most innocent, toothy grin. I put my all into looking small and unimposing. Something that was far easier than I would have otherwise liked.

“A spell like that would have registered on our sensors and, under such conditions, wouldn’t be a concern. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what I required clarification on.” The surrounding air froze, and I heard a glass shatter nearby. “Instead, I was wondering how it was possible that Mr. Malvoch could have an ace and you, Miss Salinthea, could have two aces while there are a further two aces already on the table.”

I froze, and my grin became forced as I did my best to maintain an air of innocence.

“You must understand, of course, that this would require the deck to have five aces instead of the standard four.”

“Hey! That’s right! The imp cheated, she must have!”

The accusation came from a short demon that was standing back by the curtained off VIP area. I could see Malvoch standing next to them with his arms crossed. He was wearing the most sadistic grin I have ever had the displeasure of seeing.

“Now wait just a moment,” my thoughts raced for a plausible explanation, or failing that, an escape route that wouldn’t get me killed. “I can explain all of this…”

Vurdex interrupted me by holding up a familiar pair of cards between two fingers.

“Oh, of that I’m certain.” A blue jet of flame raced across the surface of the aces and revealed an undamaged jack and ten. “In fact, it’s an excellent explanation, isn’t it, Miss Salinthea? You cheated.”

“That’s bullshit!” I put my all into the accusation. “I don’t know what kind of place you’re running here, Vurdex, but I am not-”

A brilliant flash of light blinded me as a set of sterile white walls replaced the dimly lit casino. The cigar smoke disappeared and the sharp copper tinge of mortal blood filled the air.

“-a cheater,” I finished the tirade with none of the indignation and took in my new surroundings.

I was standing in the center of two arcane formations. I recognized them immediately as a summoning and binding circle.

On the far side of the room stood three mortals and between us, bound and gagged, was a dark-skinned elven woman wearing a rough-looking sweat suit. She stared up at me with wide blue eyes.

“Who the fuck are you guys?”

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