I've never been someone particularly attached to my own life, but despite that, even I can safely say that dying sucks.

I wish I could claim to have died heroically, having sacrificed myself to save a helpless child from the evil truck of doom. However, that's not the truth of the matter.

No, my death was much, much less dignified. I died while at work from a sudden heart attack, and because I worked as an ocean biologist... Well, my colleagues weren't exactly in the best situation to help me.

It's sad, really. I never had sex, never found myself a boyfriend... Hell, I never even went on a date. My family and I weren't even that close, considering they all thought of me as a huge disappointment.

So, I'm proud to say that when I randomly found out that I could still, well, feel alive, my first thoughts were:

'Why the hell am I alive? Is this reincarnation? But I'm not a Buddhist!'

I was so sure of my own death because it hadn't been an instantaneous thing. I'd had to sit there as my own faculties fled from my control, as the blood going to my brain and organs stopped, as everything slowly shut down... Yeah, I was going to get nightmares from this, wasn't I?

Rest in peace my lovely peaceful sleep. You will be dearly missed.

Oh, yes. The whole being reborn thing. I should probably do something about that!

... Or not. I'm tired. Like, I can't seem to even... think... anym... o...r...

Good news! I'm back from the land of the dead to give the living a new haircut!

Just kidding, I can't cut hair to save my own skin. Which should be obvious considering the whole me being dead thing.

Anyways, good news! After a very, very long time of fading in and out of conscious thought, I can now almost feel as though I'm an actual living creature again, and not just in a coma.

Anyways, I've had time to think about it. I'm enclosed in something hard, and I'm pretty sure it's not the belly of a human, because I sure as hell can't feel any kind of appendages that might resemble a pair of legs... or arms.

So, either I'm some freaky mutated monster, which would be cool, or I'm in an egg. Gross.

So, I wait. And wait. And wait.

And then I wait some more.

Ain't this a bunch of bloody fun.

Ah. There it is. The little mental alarm bells going off in whatever head my soul/spirit/whatever possesses. Thank you kind instincts for the reminder, now... Push you shitty maggot, push like you mean it!

... I didn't make it. Rip. Okay, try again. This time, a small crack appears on the section I'm working on, and after a couple of minutes, I finally break the damn thing.

Aaaand I immediately regret it. My eyesight sucks, but even with it I can tell that this is definitely an egg, and that I definitely look like a snake. How can I tell? Well, I can feel my own body, and I definitely feel neither arms nor legs.

I can't even blink, and there's water rushing into my eyes. Around me, there are at least several hundred other eggs, and we're all locked in a cave. Also, we're underwater!

I'm beginning to feel as though staying dead might just have been the better option.

As if to mock me, a small screen hovers into existence in front of my eyes.

Congratulations for breaking out of your cage! Stay strong, little one, for the trials ahead will be hard!

For being the first to successfully hatch, you have gained 3 extra status points!

Intelligence scanning...

Sentient intelligence found. Status Screen unlocked.

[Nameless] [Newborn Snakeling]

Age - 0 years

Level - 1

Constitution - 1

Strength - 1

Dexterity - 2

Intelligence - 1 (?)

Wisdom - 1

[Special] Poison - 4

Skills - (Bite Lv. 1), (Swim Lv. 1)

Yup. I'm fucking pathetic, and apparently, I'm also an idiot. Yay me.

I should probably panic now.

...

Why am I so calm? Ever since I died, during those last few moments, I know I was panicking. But, now...

I can't feel anything.

Monsters don't have emotions.

Oh. Thank you, cursed screen of hell, torture, and everything that is, was, and ever will be evil.

I ignore the damned thing for the time being as I examine my surroundings in more detail, and I am suddenly made painfully aware of the dull gnawing in my stomach.

I hesitate for a moment. I remember reading from somewhere that reptilian newborns eat their shells at birth, but... I don't think snakes did...

Oh well. I awkwardly (clumsy as hell) waddle my way over to the small piece of my shall that I pushed away while leaving my egg. Feeling giddy, I bite the thing.

It tastes exactly as I expected. Like shit.

I promptly let go. Ew. Feeling like a teenager choosing to ignore their vegetables, I woman up and swallow the thing hole. It tastes like shit, but it fills my stomach, at least.

Now, my instincts are screaming at me to get out of the cave as soon as possible. However, I do not think I can do that in good faith.

I am a small, weak, helpless little snake. A fucking herring can probably kill me, if I judged my size correctly.

However... It's a good thing there are literally thousands of experience points lying all around me.

I never claimed to be a good person... Err, snake. Because if I did, it was a lie. Sorry.