《The Last Science [SE]》B3: Chapter 3 — Setting the Stage [pt. 2]
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Jonathan fidgeted on the couch. He was still unused to a setting like this, and he hated the feeling of being exposed. Theater was one thing, but it was his choice, and he was usually portraying a character—not himself, not like this. Worse, he knew he needed to talk to someone about what was happening, since he couldn't speak to anyone close. Not yet. Not even Nell.
"It's our ninth session, Jonathan," said Julie Mendosza patiently. She had a clipboard in front of her, but Jonathan could see even from a distance the top page was totally blank. Julie was giving him her full attention, without any distractions. He appreciated that. "Do you know that nearly thirty-five percent of people don't come back after their first?"
"I didn't."
"It takes a lot of courage to admit you need help the first time, but the second time is still difficult," she said. "You said something huge occurred unrelated to your parents, and that you need a new session because you're worried about what might happen next. Particularly when you're already going through such a massive change in your life, it's important to have a space where you can express your feelings without any risk of judgment. "
Jonathan shook his head. "I don't think there's risk."
Julie frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Well… they'd never kick me out. No matter what I said or did. They love me. We're just not that kind of family."
"I don't mean a physical risk," said Julie. "Whether or not it comes to mind, you may have a lot of emotional risk."
"It's not like they're going to shout at me or anything," said Jonathan with a shrug. "Even if I told them what's really going on. If we got through this summer, we can get through anything."
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"It can be more subtle than that." Julie glanced down at a note she'd taken on their previous visits. "You expressed a lot of similar thoughts back when your parent came out to you, and I think you're still processing that change in your life."
"I mean… would you be over it?" Jonathan shook his head. "I just didn't get it. I still don't."
"Well, speaking as one cisgender person to another, I don't think we can," said Julie. "It's something you can't truly understand unless you're actually experiencing it yourself." She took a sip from her water before continuing. "One of your parents went through a huge change, and the other's still figuring out what it means, exactly."
"...Yeah. We're both as typical as it comes, straight white people. Well, Jewish, but still…" said Jonathan. "She still hasn't told anybody on her side of the family. I think she's afraid of how they'll react."
"Were they particularly attached to Victor?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. But… I think—I mean I'm not totally sure, Mom's the only one who's really Jewish in our family—I think they aren't the kind who are okay with that sort of thing."
"And she's afraid of getting ostracized herself by her community, because of the person she married," said Julie, nodding. "What about your friends?"
"I told them," said Jonathan with a shrug. "I kinda had to, since they come over often enough. They're all pretty cool about it. Way more than I was."
"Do you think you reacted poorly?"
"I mean… I refused to call her mom for a long time…" Jonathan sighed. "I still mess up a lot, and sometimes I worry that it's on purpose, but like, not that I know it is. I know her name's really Annabelle, and that Mom's weirded out that her name is so similar, and that they aren't on good terms yet, but… yeah, I just have a lot of trouble seeing her as… you know, her."
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"You still see your father," said Julie.
"Yeah." Jonathan shrugged. "I'm trying. I don't want to hurt him—err, her, and I know she's got it really bad from Mom. I just feel like I should be doing something."
"It's not your responsibility to fix the situation," said Julie. "Your mother has to figure out their new relationship in the same way that you do. All you can do is support and love them both, and if they decide to reconcile or they decide they have to remain separated, you might have to accept that decision."
"I just hate all of it," said Jonathan. "Is that selfish?"
"It's not selfish to want your life to be a bit easier," said Julie. "I think you're handling this better than many families, and that means a lot. I'm sure Annabelle appreciates it too. She's going through one of the most difficult experiences in her life, and something she's probably been suppressing for a long time."
"Thanks… That's… that's not really why I came here today though."
Julie nodded. "It's still good to explore anything giving you anxiety, even if it's not on your agenda. If it comes to the surface, it was clearly bothering you to some degree."
"Right." Jonathan glanced at the door nervously, then at the window. He'd already built up the anticipation and tension to this moment so many times in his head that it was almost a letdown by now. Still, there was enough fear trickling through his body to prompt yet another paranoid check of his surroundings.
"My office is soundproofed," said Julie, "and nobody else is in this building. You can say whatever you want."
"...Well, in a few seconds, you're gonna realize why those might mean nothing," said Jonathan.
"Do you believe you're in danger, Jonathan?" asked Julie seriously. She leaned forward slightly.
Jonathan shook his head. "Nah. It's more… I should just show you. The rest kinda explains itself."
"...What do you mean?"
He held up his hand, and in his palm, a tiny flame burst into life. "Well… I can do magic. For real."
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