I was warm, cozy, and in the perfect mood to sleep another few minutes. There were even the soft sounds of an ocean to help lull me back to sleep. The only problem was, I don’t live near an ocean. 

I blearily squinted at the hot Sun and sat up, raising a hand to block the light. I was on a beach. 

This probably shouldn’t need saying but that’s not where I normally wake up. I’m not exactly some party animal who might get caught up in wild shenanigans that dump me onto a deserted beach either. 

That’s right. I was at the company retreat last night. Did I drink too much and wander off? Crowds always made me uneasy and I had a tendency to pull a ninja when I get sauced. That’s my fun little term for “slinking away like a coward and not saying goodbye to anyone”. 

The only problem with that theory was that there were no signs like weaving footprints to guide me back the way I came. Maybe the wind blew them away.

I stood up, patting my khaki shorts and obnoxiously loud Tommy-Bahama collared shirt in a futile attempt to rid them of sand. The sparkling water stretched out to the horizon. It was painfully bright so I squinted away to my right. 

The beach ended abruptly in a jumble of boulders. The waves practically exploded upwards when they struck the rocks. The water swirled in confusing maelstroms as it drained away until the next wave struck. 

“Probably not that way,” I muttered to myself and looked left. 

The beach stretched out into the distance until it disappeared behind a thick inland jungle. I sighed. 

This wasn’t the first time I had blacked out only to wander halfway across town. There was no telling how far I would have to walk, and then I would have to deal with the knowing looks as I made half-assed excuses. 

I told them I’m a lightweight but they just keep pushing drinks on me. I swear it’s like they just want to see me make a fool of myself.

Hours of walking later, the soft and pleasantly warm sand had become unbearable. Every step was a little bit harder and took me only half as far as it normally would have. The rising sun had also heated it to the point that I was forced to walk down near the water. 

It was actually a bit nicer. Besides the benefit of having cool water periodically wash over my ankles, the sand was harder packed and easier to walk on. 

I proudly congratulated myself on my discovery and happily continued on my way. That was until a crab the size of a dustbin lid tumbled out of the ocean on one of the waves right in front of me.

“Kaka-cha” It bubbled as it’s spiny legs grasped at the air. It righted itself and scuttled around to face me. It had an ugly angular face and it worked its, mouth-parts, in the most unsettling way. Black orbs on the ends of stalks stared back at me.

I stepped back. 

It scuttled a little closer.

We repeated this a couple of times and then I turned and ran away from the water. The crab didn’t chase me and I stopped a little over 20 feet away. The crab scuttled reluctantly back into the surf and I decided to keep a little further away from the water.

A few minutes later I was practically hopping on my burning feet and had to periodically run back to the water to wet them. I was starting to get pissed. How freaking far did I wander? Why the hell did the company have to have a retreat where there were jumbo-sized king crabs?

It wasn’t until the sun passed it’s peak and started setting again that I started to get worried. Did I set out in the wrong direction at the start? Was I just walking further away from the resort? I hadn’t eaten anything since the night before and even then it was just cocktail party snacks, not a real meal. I was starting to get seriously hungry. The inside of my mouth had been dry for hours and the sand made it gritty. 

My respectable sunburn for a pasty tech-support ghoul had turned into a stinging welt that covered every inch of exposed skin. Could I actually die out here? I shook my head. No way I was going to end up as some crabs dinner. 

There was nothing but to keep moving. If a search party seriously came looking for me, they could catch up on four-wheelers in the space of an hour. It was more likely that I was nearly there. I always second-guessed myself, thinking I was lost just before I arrived at my destination.

I kept putting one sore foot in front of the other. 

The sun was fat. The squashed orange disc slowly dimmed to red as the sky turned a glorious shade of magenta. Okay, no, I don’t know what color magenta is but I don’t know the name for that color suffusing the western half of the sky either. I can tell you it was majestic though.

The ocean was a shimmering mirror, reflecting the sunset almost like an impressionistic painting come to life. I just wanted to see some water that wasn’t filled with salt. 

The soft curve of the beach continued, and judging by the position of the sun, I had nearly walked in a complete circle. That meant a couple of bad things. 

One: The retreat wasn’t held on an island so I was back to not knowing where I was.

Two: If I had walked nearly all the way around the island, there was very little chance that I would find any signs of habitation in the last little bit of unexplored beach. There might be some people further inland but I hadn’t seen any inroads or even streams. Just the dense jungle that started as soon as the beach ended. 

When I saw a jumble of boulders, orange-tinted mist periodically bursting into the air above them, I sank to my knees. That was it. I was on a desert island. There was no one here. I had no food, no water, no shelter, and now I was exhausted and burnt from walking through the sun all day in light tourist-wear. 

I felt a sob coming on and reflexively suppressed it until I realized there was no one to hide it from. That set off the waterworks. I didn’t think there was any water left in me. I was wrong. 

It was a good thing the ship that floated serenely between me and the rocks was so big, otherwise, I might have missed it. 

I quickly wiped my eyes, getting more sand into them. I sprang up and ran towards the ship waving my arms and shouting like an idiot. My colorful shirt was more than enough to get their attention on its own.

I was close enough to see the way they gawked, then pointed, then laughed. I could also see them continue sailing off into the sunset. Then another ship followed them and I got the bright idea to look where they were coming from. 

A ramshackle town held together as much by tangled seaweed as nails stood back in the space between two hills. Light spilled from rare windows and the more common gaps in walls. The precarious-looking shacks were huddled around a small harbor consisting of a single dock. The pile of rocks I had seen this morning was its breakwater.

I gritted my teeth and started walking towards the buildings. They should have water at least. Then I could figure out where the hell I was and how to get home. I stopped when my view was suddenly blocked by a small message.

---

You have walked around Outset Island.

+1 ENDURANCE

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What the hell? Wait, don’t tell me. Waking up in a strange place with large wildlife, wooden ships, ramshackle towns, notifications, and stat points?

“Hell yeah! Transported to another world! Fuck you, Janice! You can take that 930-H report and shove it! Fame and adventure, HERE I COME!”

I treated the passing crews to a bizarre set of early 90’s dance staples. It would be the first tale in the history of the great hero!