I nodded and warped space around myself, landing back in my apartment in a haze of dizzy glee. Finally. Lucy’s face when he found out was going to be priceless. I was sure he would want to discuss with Mayari at length her plans for a revolution, but for now all I wanted to do was revel in not being crippled by the invisible forces that had held me down for so long.

Something moved in the corner of my eye and I whirled to face it, momentary triumph replaced by sudden misgiving. A plume of smoke, not quite large enough to set off the fire alarm, wafting up from the corner of the bed. It was rising from a small flat object. As I picked my way closer, I realised it was my phone. Exactly where I’d left it, but damaged; the screen shattered, cracks spiraling outward from a central smoking hole.

“What the -”

Something cool and hard clinked into place around my wrist. On reflex, I jerked my arm back, tearing shreds off my skin in the attempt as I was stopped cold. I made to retract the arm, changing its shape to slip free, and found too late that I couldn’t. I tried to heal the gash in my skin, and couldn’t do that, either.

“Hello, Loki,” said Shitface, hanging onto the other end of the golden cuff encircling my wrist. He had it looped loosely over his index finger like he was using it to drink tea with the Queen of England, yet his end of the chain refused to budge no matter how hard I pulled at it. “I’m looking forward to seeing how you plan to squirm your way out of this one. I see you’ve even made a start on the squirming already.”

Fuck.

"Have I ever told you," I began, in a sullen attempt to hide the encroaching feelings of doom, "that if I had to choose between you or a cowpat on the scale of attractiveness, the cowpat would win. By a significant margin."

"Beg for mercy," he instructed, "and I might not put in a request that you spend the rest of eternity as one."

I knew when I was beaten. "Alright," I said, holding up my hands. I didn't have to fake the notes of resignation entering my voice. "Please don't demote me. I'll grovel as much as you want in front of whoever you want. Sing your praises. Kiss your feet."

Disgust rippled over his features. "Ugh. I don't want you anywhere near my feet, or any other body part."

I let my eyes rest on the chain for a moment. "Then maybe you should have picked a longer leash."

Of course it had been too good to be true. I was an idiot for believing Tez might be able to out-see the greatest seer in the known universe. Well, I'd tried. “And this after I only just got them back,” I muttered. Insult to injury.

“Got what back?” he asked innocently, rubbing it in. Like he didn’t know.

“Oh, come on,” I grumbled. No point in playing dumb. I shook the chain attached to my arm, which stubbornly still refused to budge in his fingers. “This doesn’t just happen by chance. So, other than an opportunity to gloat, what does Shitface want?”

“First off, if you call me that one more time, I’m going to report you faster than you can say it, and it’ll all be over. We need to have a little chat.”

“Alright, Apollo,” I said, stressing the name, “You haven’t reported me yet, so I’ll play nice.”

He took the time to examine me as if I was someone’s prize chicken, pacing around the apartment with his golden doom chain. “I see you’re significantly more... manly than the last time we met. If you were planning to evade notice, you’re off to a poor start.”

“I wasn’t expecting an ambush in my own bedroom,” I growled. Abandoning my previous form had been one of the first things I'd done upon leaving the edict, and it had felt glorious, like having a shower for the first time after years of wandering in the desert. My current shape was tall (if there was one thing my time at Providence had taught me, it was that I’d had enough of the short jokes), handsome in the slightly bedraggled kind of way you saw on rock stars and overworked people, and had Eurasian features this time around. A whole decade lopped off the apparent age. Not bad for a form I hadn’t put much effort into; this one was worth using again. If I ever got the chance. I almost smiled, but a tug on the chain from Apollo put a quick stop to that.

“You really should have,” he observed. “Especially since you already saw me use this tactic once today. Not a quick learner, are we?”

All bluster, of course. If he wanted to find me, there were very few short-term places I’d be able to hide. All he had to do was look into the future. That was the problem with seers. “Why don’t you get to the point?”

He didn’t, of course, instead gesturing to the golden chain. “You may recognise this as belonging to my sister.”

Well, if he wanted to banter -

“Which one?” I drawled. “You have so many. It’s no wonder you never got enough love from your daddy.”

“Give it a rest,” he snapped. “You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are.”

“That’s because you’re the subject of the joke,” I elucidated. “That’s how jokes work. Maybe you missed that lesson as a child.”

“No, that’s how small-minded bullies work,” he retorted. “And at least I had lessons. What did you have, two fishbones and a pile of dirt?”

I laughed incredulously. “Me? A bully? Coming from you? Yahweh’s precious lapdog? I think you’re missing the power dynamic at play here. All I want is to be left alone to do as I please.”

“You must think I’m an idiot,” he declared, stuffing his free hand in his blazer pocket. “The last thing you want is to be left alone. You can’t resist meddling in anything that isn’t your business and making things worse for everyone.”

I scowled at him. “Your thick brain isn’t capable of understanding.”

“I already know what you’re going to say, Loki. That Providence is responsible for all the ills of the modern world. That the only chance of fixing anything is to act. But in practice, all you do is run around wreaking havoc in the company like a tantruming child who didn’t get their way. Of course Providence can’t make a difference when it’s being constantly hindered by troublemakers. Instead of fixing the world, all its valuable time is wasted on the gargantuan task of keeping a bunch of immortal lunatics in line.”

A light went on in my head. “Are we talking about Providence here, or you? Because I’m just a tiny speck in the grand scheme of things. I don’t think anyone higher than a department head cares I exist.” Which wasn’t exactly true, but close enough.

“Because I stop the news from reaching them,” he said. “Do you think I get some kind of sick kick out of seeing staff get demoted? It’s barbaric. You and your ilk should be grateful I’m the one who has to deal with you, because you wouldn’t have lasted a month otherwise. Frankly, I’m the only reason you’re still here.”

Maybe there was hope yet. “Does this mean you’re not going to demote me?”

“Well,” he said, “That depends on you. I can either turn you over to the CIO at the end of this conversation, or… you can work with me. Although I can’t believe I’m saying that,” he added in a mutter.

“You mean work for you.”

“No,” he said. “That is way more trouble than it’s worth. I mean work together as -” he paused, clearly having some difficulty getting the word out, “- equals.”

My mouth opened on autopilot, ready to deliver a comeback, but the words died on my lips. It wasn’t much of a choice. My brow furrowed as I tried to puzzle him out. It didn’t do to give too many cards away with seers, but curiosity was getting the better of me. “You know I’m going to betray you, right? There is no timeline in which I’m not going to stab you in the back the moment I get the chance.”

To my surprise, my adversary smiled. “There are more than enough. Also,” he said, looking more than a little smug, “There are plenty more where you never betray me because, quite honestly, you never get the chance. Just so you know. Step out of line and we can always take you down one of those.”

“I’m sure my life has been forever enriched by this revelation,” I said, rolling my eyes. “So let’s say I agree to work for you.”

“With me.”

“Whatever,” I uttered, rubbing my wrist. “Let’s say I do. Why?”

Rather than answering the question directly, he located a clear spot on the floor and sat down, forcing me to trail after him in an undignified manner so that my hand didn’t get ripped to shreds. As it happened, I didn’t recognise the cuff from Sister Whoever, but it was clearly some kind of divine artifact and I was willing to bet he could have let the slack out a bit if he’d wanted to. “Do you know,” he said, “In all this time, we’ve been too busy lunging for each other’s throats to ever just sit down and talk to each other. It occurred to me that might have been a mistake.”

He was talking about the interrogation. “Is that what you’re calling it? A pleasant chat?”

“I wouldn’t say pleasant, since you were doing your best to be obnoxious the whole time, but yes. Once we got past the –“ he sighed, “- very tedious insults phase, we started getting somewhere. We’re not completely different, you and I. Some of your points even make a certain kind of sense.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

“Here's the deal,” he announced. “I’ve had it with cleaning up everyone’s constant messes. I’m overworked. I never get a break - you have no idea how good you have it on Helpdesk. And this isn’t what I wanted to do with my life. My staff try their best, but there aren’t enough seers to go round and two-thirds of the people I’ve got doing the legwork would rather blow up every problem they encounter than follow protocol.”

That’s what you got for mixing warrior gods and protocol, I thought. You didn’t try and make them file paperwork or conduct complex negotiations; you filled them with mead and pointed them at the nearest enemy. It wasn’t rocket science.

“I keep telling Vishnu how to fix problems permanently and it’s like bashing my head against a brick wall,” the seer continued. “No, it’s all about reputation and media scandals.”

“It is all about that,” I interrupted. “You do know Providence isn’t really about solving the world’s problems. It’s about keeping us under control. Hell, it’s written in the company’s official values statement.”

“You haven’t read the official values statement. And you sound like a conspiracy theorist.”

“We work for an all-powerful company secretly controlling the world; I don’t know what else you were expecting. And you’re trying to change someone whose entire function is preserving the status quo.”

“Well, I should be able to,” he snapped. “The whole point of divining the future is to change it. For a long time I really thought I could make something good of it, but it looks like Providence will always be a corrupt cesspit.”

“Ha. Face it, Shi – Apollo,” I amended, spreading my arms, “you’re outclassed.”

The fire went out of him a bit. “I am,” he agreed, straightening his shoulders the way people did sometimes when they needed to convince themselves they were making the right decision. “You’re right. And that’s why I’m here. I want to join your rebellion.”

I blinked. “I’m sorry, what?” My mind went blank for a few seconds as it tried to process what had just happened and came up wanting.

“You heard me the first time,” he said. "You didn't really think I wouldn't find out about it, did you?"

This was not how this interaction was supposed to go. “Uh,” I said eloquently, “several problems here. One, I don’t have a rebellion. Two, I don’t see us agreeing on a common goal. And three, I just don’t like you.”

“Mutual. You’re a pain in the neck, I’ll give you that. I know you think this is some kind of trap, and it isn’t. At this point it would be a little redundant.” He held up the hand holding the chain and wiggled it at me. “And ’like’ doesn’t have to come into it. I’m a professional, and this is a transaction. One you can’t afford to turn down,” he reminded me.

He had me there. We both knew I wasn’t going to say no. “I suppose I’ve had worse.”

“This is a good deal for both of us,” he said, his expression softening a fraction. “And especially good for you. Neither of us want me to be wasting my time running around after you. As long as you don’t do anything catastrophic, I’ll leave you alone. I might even be able to help, as long as our interests align.”

What was up with everyone suddenly offering me their help? When it had been just Yun-Qi, it had been little more than a curiosity. Mayari had been unexpected, but not out of character – she’d always been a distant ally. But Apollo, of all people. His reasons were surprisingly believable, and as the god of truth, among other things, I’d heard unconfirmed rumours he couldn’t tell a lie. But now was when he should have been pressing his advantage, not having some kind of identity crisis.

Any lingering doubt this could be a coincidence was rapidly melting away. My best guess was that someone, or something, was trying to push me into instigating a revolution whether I liked it or not. Someone or something very devious. And if that was the case, the question that followed was: Why not just ask? I had Ragnarok still dogging my reputation, after all, and my attitude towards Providence was common knowledge. Why the secrecy? And why now? If I had a hidden ally out there somewhere, I wanted to know.

I needed more information. My earlier conversation with Durga came to mind. Situations like this didn’t spontaneously occur out of a vacuum. Someone, somewhere, was bound to know something. I just needed to figure out who that was. And that was doable.

“Alright,” I consented. “Assuming there ever is a rebellion, you can have a place in it, against my better judgment.”

“Good,” he said. “You’ve made the right choice.”

Except it wasn’t really a choice. Not where seers were concerned. And especially not this particular one.

Thankfully, he didn’t seem keen on extending the suffering once he’d gotten what he wanted. “Well, time to let you go and do what you do best.”

With a loud crack, the golden chain split into two pieces and retracted into their separate halves. The cuff on my forearm shrank and tightened, becoming a thin golden bangle shaped comfortably to the contours of my wrist, a solid oval loop with no exit. The end Apollo held sprang back into his fingers with a similar velocity to that of a recoiling measuring tape, spinning and condensing around his finger and thumb with the impact in a flash of gold. He lifted it to the tip of his ear, and when he took his fingers away, a small golden earring was left behind.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Additional insurance,” he said. “Maybe I’ll remove it if you behave yourself. Or perhaps not.” The ring glinted on his ear, poking through tufts of blonde hair. “We’re not friends.”

Testing a theory, I attempted once more to heal my wrist, and was gratified to see the injuries vanish. I shifted my forearm into a malleable cephalopod limb, and was dismayed to see the bangle shift with it against my will, a ring of gold-coloured flesh I couldn’t simply dislodge. When I tried to shift it back, I found I was once again stuck, unable to change, my powers useless.

“I see you’ve taken some inspiration from the case of Sun Wukong,” I muttered.

“You’re beholden to me now,” Apollo confirmed, smirking. “Go ahead, you can change back.”

I did so, cycling through a few other options for good measure. No matter what form it took, my right arm or its equivalent was always marked with the same distinctive gold band. For a shapeshifter, having a tell was a serious liability, and this was a major one. One of the reasons I was the best was that I didn’t have any at all. Until now.

Reverting my arm back to a human appendage, I used it to give him the finger accompanied by my stoniest glower.

“Classy as always,” he tutted, unfazed. “I’ll be in touch shortly. Oh, and take this.” He pulled something dark out of his pocket, tossing it in my direction. A company phone, identical in appearance to the one he’d destroyed. “This one’s untraceable. I’m not your babysitter anymore. If you’re going to go and be stupid, it’s on you.”

He vanished unceremoniously, a weight in the room lifting as he did.