“Bllrtthththp!”

I really have gone crazy.

What the hell is going on?

For the record, that disgusting noise could be loosely translated into a high-pitched screech that would normally be coming from my mouth.

Except I don’t have a mouth. I don’t think I even have lungs. Or eyes.

Despite my best efforts to understand just what the actual fuck is going on, they’ve been repeatedly thwarted by my situation and environment.

To summarize, I’m either having the most realistic nightmare I’ve ever known, or something has gone horribly wrong.

The only thing preventing me from going completely crazy is the fact I can still move. ‘Move’ being the operative word here. I was basically rolling. Like some kind of ball.

A squishy ball.

I feel gross. Did I finally snap, like for real? I thought such a mental breakdown would’ve been a bit more gradual or have a trigger.

And it sure didn’t help that a light bubbling noise was emitted whenever I tried to speak.

“Pllthpthp…”

How was I even seeing right now? This made no sense.

I surveyed my surroundings—some kind of mossy cave. Pretty dark.

That raised the question of how I could see without eyes and considering the lack of light. Everything seemed to take on an odd, bluish hue. Things up close were more bright and white, whereas things further away were simply the dark black you would expect from … well, darkness.

It reminded me slightly of those night-vision goggles, except not-green.

Alright, I need to calm down a bit. Calm down and try to make sense of this.

I’m relatively certain I’m not dreaming at this point. There’s no technology I’m aware of that would cause something this realistic, so VR is off the table. In addition, for someone to sneak into my apartment and move me here without alerting myself or others would take resources and personnel that would be completely wasted on myself. Even if that were the case, it doesn’t explain my current bodily state, nor the surroundings.

That message from earlier, I believe it read “You are now a Level 1 Tiny Slime. Please enjoy an exciting, heart-pounding adventure.” Assuming whatever sent that is sentient, that leads me to reflect on my earlier words from last night. I’d wished for something along the lines of something truly exciting that would cause my heart to beat faster.

Current options are either I’ve been abducted by some sort of bizarre higher power, or I can still fall back on the crazy-dreaming option. The latter is slowly becoming less viable. My brain would be unable to come up with this situation in such detail, and I would have to wake eventually.

What was that saying again?

‘Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.’

Hm.

So somewhat-safely assuming it was the former, which is still an incredibly large stretch, what does that say about my current situation? Is this temporary? Why me of all people? Why this place?

I would normally protest such a situation, but given the fact I’m here and don’t appear to have any way to return home, I suppose it’s in my best interests to survey the surroundings and gather more information. There was a chance I was in danger.

That being said …

As I looked around my current confines, I was met with a small cave with very little in the way of details. The air seemed humid, there were numerous stalactites and stalagmites throughout the cave with many of them meeting and forming rough columns. The ground was moist and I heard a light, periodic dripping noise. It would appear I was the only one in this cavern. At least, I certainly hope that was the case.

While I wouldn’t mind some company to get information from, I can only assume given my current form interaction would go poorly. If I flipped the roles around, the best I could expect would be to be taken in like some sort of pet, whereas at worst I might be stepped on or beaten. I mentally cataloged the chances of the former as extremely low.

No, human interaction was off the table right now. I needed to form a plan on my own.

Given what little I knew about caves, I wasn’t particularly fond of meeting any non-humanoids either. I knew caves typically had things like bats, small mammals, bugs and spiders. While I wasn’t particularly squeamish, I had no idea if I would be attacked by such things. Getting mauled by a rabid raccoon wasn’t on my to-do list either.

That strange message said I was now a ‘Level 1 Tiny Slime’. If I take that at face value, and that is a very large leap of faith, then that means I’ve somehow been turned into some sort of … monster, I guess you’d say?

Nonono, that should be impossible, right? But I can’t think of any alternate options. A ‘Slime’? Like in D&D or a myriad of other games?

This is worrisome. I wish things were a bit less realistic so I could chalk this up to a fantastic delusion.

“Hllppffpp…”

I miss my computer desk. I wish I could lay my head on it and smack my forehead against it a few times. That might even jump-start a viable idea in my brain. This is seriously stressing me out.

I quietly walked—or rather, I rolled around the cave to better take in my surroundings. Everything was various shades of blue with my current eyesight, but I could more or less make out where I was.

If I had to estimate, this cavern was roughly 15 by 40 feet. It was difficult to measure, however, considering everything seemed much larger to my current state. How big was I anyway? If I had to estimate, roughly 10 inches in diameter and about 5 inches tall, but I really wasn’t confident in that fact.

This is frustrating. What the heck am I supposed to do? There’s a hole in the cavern that appears to lead outward, and the only other thing of note is a shallow pond in here. It appears to be water, though I can’t tell for certain. Likely a safe assumption at least.

I rolled over towards the water, attempting to peer into it deeper. It appeared shallow, only a foot or so deep. It wasn’t very large, but still took up some of the cavern’s limited space. Did it lead out somewhere? I didn’t see any light. If there were any crevices in the wall, I couldn’t make them out.

Well, perhaps this is a good time to ‘test the waters’, so to speak. I can try to determine if this is really water, if there are any small organisms in it, and if I’m able to ingest it somehow. I would assume despite my current form I still need sustenance of some sort. I don’t feel thirsty, but …

I dipped my ‘foot’ into the water slowly, barely letting it touch me. Nothing particular happened, other than a refreshing feeling slowly seeping into my body.

I was barely making contact with the water, but it seemed safe enough. I rolled into it a bit more so that I was two inches deep. The rock at the bottom was semi-smooth, but I wasn’t having any traction issues despite my lack of feet. It seemed I wouldn’t be at risk of slipping.

This water felt really good though. Like, really good. Was that normal?

I let myself relax a bit. Moving around was slowly becoming second nature, but the fact I no longer had to breathe was still concerning.

“Pyuuppp…”

I wanted to exhale a sigh in relaxation, but instead just made more of those weird bubbling noises. This was oddly satisfying.

It felt like the water was slowly seeping into myself. Was that a bad thing? I wasn’t … drinking it was I? I can’t really tell.

After what felt like 10 minutes went by, I was snapped out of my reverie.

Level up!

Tiny Slime Lvl.1 → Lvl.2

Strength - 2 → 3

Vitality - 4 → 5

That blinking light appeared in my peripheral vision again. It was almost blinding considering my dark surroundings. When I directed my attention towards it that mental note popped up yet again, spouting off some bizarre script.

Level up? What is this, a game? I wanted to protest how silly this was but had no one to direct my grievances towards.

A game, huh? Hmm. I suppose I could treat it as such. Did I get thrown into a game or some strange alternate reality? That poses a myriad of questions, but my primary concern is how to quantify these numbers. Are there more of them?

If it were a game, like one of those role-playing ones, I could equate this message to character parameters. Was there a way to access that information, or were these messages temporary and one-sided?

Most games had things like a Status Menu or—

Status Menu Name : n/a Race : Tiny Slime Level : 2 HP : 13/13 (+0.81/hour) Stamina : 10/10 MP : 6/6 (+0.2/hour) Strength : 3 Vitality : 5 Intelligence : 3 Wisdom : 2 Dexterity : 1 Luck : 30

Ah. What kind of bullshit is this?

I flinched and it disappeared.

Status Menu.

Status Menu Name : n/a Race : Tiny Slime Level : 2 HP : 13/13 (+0.81/hour) Stamina : 10/10 MP : 6/6 (+0.2/hour) Strength : 3 Vitality : 5 Intelligence : 3 Wisdom : 2 Dexterity : 1 Luck : 30

There it is again. Seriously? I just have to think the words and the information will pop up in my head? I’m seriously questioning this ‘game design’.

Moreover, what do those numbers mean? I don’t get it. Despite having ‘30 Luck’, I’m certainly not feeling very lucky.

Ahh, whatever. I’m just going to keep enjoying my little bath. This feels really nice and I need to plan what I should do next. Just because I don’t feel hungry doesn’t mean that won’t change.

I let my body stop tensing up, going back to a more ‘relaxed’ posture. Relaxed apparently just mean I got flatter, similar to a pancake.

At least I don’t need to worry about things like sore shoulders or PMS cramps anymore. Well, I traded that upside for the fact I’m stuck in a fucking cave of all things. And I don’t know if there are things that want to eat me here.

So what happens if I get eaten? Do I just wake up? This feels a bit too real, so I’m actually afraid to try it.

Besides, do I even want to wake up? Go back to work, spend another 35 years doing office work, retire at 65? That kind of thing?

… No. No, I really don’t.

I suppose I could’ve just taken half a year off. I had the money saved up. Go on vacation, try to rediscover myself. What would come after that though? Just go back to the daily, consumerism-powered grind?

Hnn, I really don’t know. I guess after a while I just turned those thoughts off. Funny how it takes something like this weird scenario for me to really reflect on things.

Skill unlocked!

Meditation Lvl.1 Acquired!

Oh? What’s this? A skill?

Huh. This really does feel like a game. Can’t say I was a huge fan of the genre, but I always did like messing with and crunching numbers.

Logically speaking, if I’ve supposedly unlocked a Skill there must be a cause for doing so. Examining what led up to it and the name of the Skill itself, I would assume my relaxation and tranquil thoughts are somehow related. But what does Meditation do?

Meditation Lvl.1 - Passive/Conditional

Increases the rate of recovery for HP, MP and a select few similar resources. Must maintain a relaxed state to activate. Damage or other trauma will deactivate.

Current bonus to recovery → +120%

Hm. Well, that’s interesting.

If I concentrate on a Skill’s name and combine that thought with an inquiry, it seems I can get an overview of what it does.

That raises another question. How do I keep track of what Skills I have? Is there a list of Skills somewhere t—

Skill List Amorphous Lvl.1 Devour Lvl.1 Meditation Lvl.1 Slime Bullet Lvl.1 Magic Sensory Lvl.1

That’s awfully convenient.

Well, since I have time I may as well check these other four skills.

Amorphous Lvl.1 - Passive

Body is highly malleable and resistant to blunt trauma. Higher levels will increase bodily control and provide a small bonus to blunt impact resistance. Devour Lvl.1 - Active - 0 MP - Unique Skill

Unique racial skill possessed by few individuals. Allows the user to absorb properties and abilities from other objects and entities.

Slime Bullet Lvl.1 - Active - 3 MP

Basic skill possessed by the Slime race. Shoots a glob of mass at target location or enemy. Higher levels of proficiency will increase accuracy, velocity, and general ability use. Magic Sensory Lvl.1 - Passive

Ability to see ambient Mana in individuals and the environment.

I suppose that really cements things. So I’m a slime now, huh?

When I wished for an exciting change, this wasn’t quite what I had in mind.

“Pllplplp…”

Hnn. Whatever.

Still, this was an … interesting turn of events. Most people would likely be panicking right now, but that would be largely counterproductive. I need to gather information, and if I’m not mistaken these ‘level-ups’ would be helpful in some currently unmeasurable way. Better to have than have-not.

Right-o. Well. I suppose this is where I start my adventure, yes? I’ll just have to pray that there isn’t a grizzly bear as soon as I squeeze through that cavern exit. I would complain about game balance in this strange world, but I’ve given up on things making sense or not.

Before I go, I should test one or two things first. This Slime Bullet Skill. Exactly how does it work?

Hmm... Hmhmhm? Slime Bullet, Slime Bullet. Something tells me I should be able to shoot a small portion of my mass towards a target. Is this instinct? I still feel a bit awkward though. Let’s try again at a wall. If there’s magic in this game-world-thing, I imagine I should be able to replenish body mass. Or is the mass magically made and independent of my current body? Well, I’d like to test if I can reabsorb the matter so I may as well answer both questions in one go.

Here goes nothing.

—Slime Bullet!

*PLLOOP!*

A weird sucking sensation followed by a ripple was felt on the side of my body I’d aimed at, followed by a light gust of air and a splat.

I’m somehow skeptical of what use this could possibly have if I encounter a hostile person.

Perhaps I can just squirt it in their eyes and run away. Er, roll away. Yes.

The most glaring problem was I had little confidence in hitting a moving target. I guess it might hurt if I hit a weak point. Probably about as much as if I'd punched someone with my fist, maybe? Ah, but it's limited in use. How vexing.

I examined my Status and discovered my MP was missing the mentioned 3 points. Which meant I had 3 points left.

I went towards the wall and was actually able to reabsorb the slime I’d expelled. Unfortunately, I couldn’t quite tell if I’d lost, maintained or gained mass. The amount really was rather small, even considering my size.

A shame I don’t have a scale or way to test via water displacement.

Well, if I’m reabsorbing the mass I should at least be able to maintain size. I shot another glob towards the same spot on the wall, roughly 4 feet away. I found that my aim was a bit off, but more or less on point.

Something strange happened after the second time. My mind felt a bit cloudy and lethargic.

I decided to reabsorb the mass and then relax in my little puddle of water again. I’m not sure how much time went by, but when I began feeling better I noted my MP had recovered to 2 points. Even assuming I’d entered a meditative state, doesn’t that mean a few hours had gone by?

It would seem I got all tuckered out and took a nap. Slimes get tired. Go figure.

I’d also somehow managed to roll underwater and was more or less submerged. I guess this means that I can’t drown. I felt awfully bloated for some reason. I’m assuming I was absorbing some of the water.

I still didn’t feel hungry. If anything, I felt incredibly satiated. Could I survive off water alone? That would be highly efficient and welcome. I’ve never heard of such an organism, and I highly doubt it possible for obvious scientific reasons.

This water is oddly ‘delicious’ though. I wonder if something is in it?

Well, before I head out I may as well wait for the ‘MP’ to ‘regen’.

Heh. All these game terms. When’s the last time I really played an MMO or anything?

I guess the last time was probably with him, huh? … Ah, what an annoying memory.

Forget it, forget it. Now isn’t the time for reminiscing. My survival is at stake here. Need to evaluate and execute.

For now, I may as well rest up. As long as I don’t get hungry and no one invades this cavern, I should be safe. I’ll just treat this as my little ‘home base’ of sorts. It’s like a conventional ‘starter town’, except … without the NPCs. Or well, anything really.

That said, I think it’s time for a nap. Maybe I can level up again somehow, or unlock another skill.

I closed my eyes, willing myself into a relaxed state.

Several faces kept popping into my mind, then fading away a moment later.

Mom … I wonder, what happened after you died? If I’m not dreaming and there is some sort of higher power, does that mean you’re in ‘Heaven’ now? It’d be nice to know.

Ah, whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll just treat this whole experience as a bizarre vacation.

I’ll worry about things more after I wake up.

Just a quick nap, then I’ll …