《Give me my lily pad back.》ch3. Bert and Ern
Advertisement
Mibbet was very quickly learning her new body was very confusing indeed, she tried crawling towards town, but for some reason her front legs were now a lot shorter than her back ones. Which made crawling slow, tiring, and extremely annoying. Then came the hopping. Because her front legs are so much shorter every single leap pitched her forward, over her front legs, and facedown into the mud.
Then there was the words in her head, they’d rapidly become very unamused sounding as time went on, and were now screaming at her like a hungry screech owl in front of lunch.
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING YOU MINDLESS BUFFOON” it screeched “I CAN’T BELIEVE MY BEAUTIFUL BODY IS BEING CONTROLLED BY A STUPID BLOODY AMPHIBIAN.” Soon though like a rather low stamina hurricane it started to wear itself out, and settled for planting image after image of humans walking into her brain. Mibbet was somewhat confused by the relevance of walking like a two legs though. She was a frog, and had never really being of the bipedal persuasion.
Then again she was at this point out of options, so she planted those 2 ridiculous, unwebbed feet on the ground, and with careful precision, and a tremendous effort to ignore the passive aggressive screechy voice sighing in her head started to straighten up, taking her front leg....... oh apparently they were called arms, off the ground. Lasting a full twenty seconds before kissing dirt once again.
This rigmarole went on for several hours, as the green dress they were wearing turned muckier, and muckier, before eventually Mibbet managed, to stand, and even with some practice walk with a grace and elegance she was almost proud of. That done , and after a quick soak in the pond, which according to the voice was “to make you halfway presentable”they looked towards the village in the distance and started to walk.
Advertisement
**********************************************************************
Bert was a bandit, and a proud one at that, from a long line of pickpockets, vagabonds, rogues, and general ne’er do wells. Five generations his family had plied their trade. As such he considered himself fairly skilled at the art of choosing a target. As a result when he saw a very soggy looking noble heading up the path, with neither guard, nor escort his response was a no brainer. (Which was fortunate as Bert and his roommate Ernie were somewhat short in this department, though Bert considered himself a true Moriarty).
“Look lively Ern” he chuckled. “It seems we ‘ave ourselves a customer”
Ernie picked up a rusty sword, while Bert shouldered his trusty family hatchet.
“Are you sure Bert?” Ernie replied, “They’re dressed like a noble, and nobles mean trouble.
“are you stupid Ern, look at the state of em, they’re staggering about so much they’ve clearly ‘ad a few too many, no maids, no guards, no nothing. ‘Ow could any self respecting bandit let such an easy mark go? Now come on, we’ve got work to do, and they aint gonna rob themselves now are they?”
So in what was quite probably the worst move of their entire banditting career Bert and Ernie sallied forth.
“Now now now, what ‘ave we ‘ere?” Bert gloated getting in the way of the staggering noble, while Ernie cut round behind, to cut off escape, as if this one seemed to be in any state to run. “A pretty young noble out all alone, oh dearie me, as an upstanding citizen I find myself duty bound to ensure ‘er protection. For a fee of course.” He leered.
“I fear for ‘er out all alone like this who knows what could ‘appen.”
This was the moment when Bert and Ern LEARNED.
Advertisement
**********************************************************************
the Princess was livid. How dare these peasants? She was Princess Rosalind Van Harmsworth, and they had the nerve to actually threaten her? The world turned red in her eyes as she shoved her new companion to one side and took the reins.
Unlike Mibbet however she was very used to these legs. Years of compulsory ballet training left her with a kick like a whole herd of irate mules in steel toed boots who had just heard somebody insulting their mothers. So she jumped forward bringing her leg up with a Grand Battement that should have ceased at a 110 degree angle. Yet somehow slammed into the obstacle hard enough to reach 130 degrees.
Berts eyes crossed at the sudden, and entirely unexpected intrusion into his pelvic regions, he made the SECOND biggest mistake of his career. He let go of the hatchet.
Usually to lift a hatchet this size would require extensive training, but apparently in a pinch sheer fury would suffice. She picked up the hatchet, and turned her full enraged gaze towards the bandits, who were now pondering a very rapid career change.
Thus on this day the first recorded case of a princess robbing bandits came to pass, before the rage wore off, and Mibbet found herself back in control watching the pair flee into the distance.
Many years later the pair would look back on their bandit days with a smile. But no regrets as apparently their crystal ball broadcasts turned out to be a far more profitable career.
Advertisement
- In Serial10 Chapters
Bleached Nightmare
500 years into the future, technological progress has stagnated. Wracked by a series of problems like climate change, lack of resources and the innate human lust for war, the geopolitical landscape of planet Earth is radically different, and quality of life is far from what it was in the past. While technical development and research into realistically feasible space travel has made leaps and bounds, this has come at the cost of a world that is reeling from centuries of technical stagnation in other aspects of life. The establishment of a mining colony on Mars has led to the discovery of a new, rare material called sarinium; though it is extremely tensile and durable, it has a very low melting point. The discovery of this metal leads to large mechanical infantry- dubbed 'Spirit Striders', they are six to ten meters tall and as famed for the pride they provide a nation as they are a lethally mobile heavy weapons platform. The story follows the character of Marilin, who must both figure the enigma that is her past, and what this means for her allegiances in the future. Despite her genetically physical frailty, she seeks to gain power through a vessel that will channel her wish to change the world- the Spirit Strider. --- I hope you all enjoy my work. This is a story that I began writing over four years ago in my beginning years of high school, and have cast aside unfinished in the past two years. Though it is not up to my current standards, I hope you all may find some enjoyment in it. Happy reading.
8 184 - In Serial13 Chapters
Inter-dimensional House Travel
A man of Justice, that was what he tried to become, not by trying to become a police officer or a law man. but by trying his best to help other people. but nothing has ever happened to his expectations and he hated it. maybe he could be a better person after he went back home, just maybe. but that was just something that would never come to be.
8 104 - In Serial15 Chapters
T.E.N.T.A.C.L.E.
A high-school freshman navigates a twisted reality where people fight monsters to level up. Is he trapped in a game? As the mystery unravels, the characters grow stronger and realize that all is not what it seems.
8 78 - In Serial9 Chapters
Return of the Fallen Angel: Book 1
The continuation of Kita's adventures. She meets new friends, explores new areas, and continues her fight against the Red Legion. The original manuscript for several books in the sequel series to the Ascension series.
8 93 - In Serial321 Chapters
TF Amethyst
A new and undeveloped world with abundant natural resources, and efforts to exploit it using modern technology, knowledge, and military capabilities. *****
8 216 - In Serial24 Chapters
Being Nigerian In A Foreign Country.
These are the tales of a Nigerian girl living in England . . . If you are from Nigeria, or from another country in Africa, and you live in a different country i.e. (in Europe or The Americas) then please take a seat. Maybe grab some popcorn and a drink because you're about to enter a relatable zone. I'm certain you will relate to 99% of what you're about to read.
8 180

