C35 Weird Trash Guy

You died!

-305 EXP

Time remaining: 9:59s

Eddie awoke among clouds. Quickly hopping to his feet, he started pacing backwards and forwards with worry. He hoped Frank got out, he hoped Akira took care of him. Eddie also worried about the time limit, they probably had two and a half days left before the quest failed if they didn’t. There was so much to worry about. “Ah, system, how long is left?”

Time remaining: 9:52s

Eddie was being impatient and started kicking the clouds out of frustration. “Stupid clouds. Why is everything so soft here! AHH!”

Eddie paced backwards and forwards, complaining, worrying and stressed out of his head. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the timer ticked down to zero and he respawned in his bed.

He hurriedly used his perk to be able to view what Frank was looking at. As it connected, the first thing he saw was Akira’s ass. A bit worried, Eddie connected completely and his body went limp.

“Akira,” Eddie said in a robotic tone. It was the strangest feeling in the world for Eddie. It felt like he was in a mech.

“Eddie?” Akira asked, looking back at Frank. “What are you doing in Frank’s body?”

“Is he ok? Any problems at all?”

“No, Eddie, how are you speaking through him?”

“I-It’s a skill. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure, Eddie. How long were you looking at my ass for?”

“You’re really going to ask me that now?!”

“Well, yeah.”

Eddie sighed as he switched off the perk, he could care less what Akira said, he was just happy that Frank was doing good. He picked himself up on the floor and headed out of his workshop and into the bar. He saw Denzel and the rest of those who had died. They all gave him a very depressing head nod.

“Are your golems alright?” Denzel asked, cup of goblins gunk in his hand.

“Yeah,” Eddie said, reaching into his inventory and pulling them out. “That boss was really something, huh.”

“Eh, we were running on luck anyway. Usually you’d need good info before a raid boss. You can learn its stages and attacks. Down here there’s none of that.”

Eddie nodded his understanding as he brought the cores back out and installed them inside. People were in awe of what he was doing and watched intently. Robo and Gabby eyes’ flickered back on and they seemed to be ok. He would definitely need to patch them all up before they did it again.

WARNING! You have been playing for 23 hours straight. You need to log off in the next 10 minutes or you will be forced out.

Eddie let off a loud groan. “I need to log off.”

“Alright, you need some help with stuff when you’re gone.”

“Could you tell Frank that I need all three of them in my workshop when I’m back?”

“Yeah, sure man.”

“Alright… God, that was really depressing,” Eddie commented.

“Oh it is, always,” Denzel explained. “That’s a part of gaming. It sucks when you lose but it feels even better when you win.”

“Yeah, I suppose so,” Eddie said, a bit more cheerful. “Alright, see you in a bit.”

Eddie logged out after that. The miles of endless trash turned into his large bedroom. He got off his queen sized bed and headed straight to the kitchen, he never knew gaming could make him so hungry all the damn time. He was about to fill up a mixing bowl with chocolate pillows but decided he needed to lose weight. Instead, he grabbed three cans of canned peaches and cracked them open. As he was about to sit down, he noticed a layer of dust on everything. He forgot that Akira was the one who kept everything spotless in his house and decided he needed to clean. He switched onto the gaming news channel on his TV as he cleared up.

It was the same nerdy guys foaming at the mouth about skills, spells and whatever was hot in the game. His ears perked up when he heard them talking about the trash dump again.

“So, in recent news of the event down in Arindought’s Trash Dump. There appears to be a gathering of players in a base there,” nerdy reporter #1 said.

“Yep. Mira, who’s been blowing up recently online, has said it's because of a player who we don’t know the name of. She just refers to him as the weird trash guy. Apparently, the person who’s been housing all these players is a golemancer. As you can see from some of these photos, these golems look really cool. There’s even one with six arms.”

Eddie turned around slowly as he was bending over the counter. Sure enough, there were pictures of Frank, Grabby and Robo. People had been taking selfies of them.

“There’s actually a video of one of these golems called Grabby.”

It then cut to when Eddie was testing it outside the bar. It showed grabby with his swords and shields and even when he was practising his grabby grab grab skill.

“Huh,” Eddie said, returning upright with his hands on his hips.

“As you can see, the person’s face isn’t clear but we will just refer to him now as the weird trash guy. Mira has also asked us not to pry since the man wants privacy.”

Nerdy reporter #2 started laughing. “Yeah, if I was called the weird trash guy I would want privacy too.”

Eddie opened his mouth in protest. “Fudge you.”

“Anyway, a guild called The Wanderers, have been accompanying him in a quest to start a settlement down there. They aren’t currently taking applications but thankfully Mira has shown us some of her footage that hasn’t been released yet.”

It was when Akira had asked Eddie to chat up the raid boss only an hour ago. Thankfully, she had blurred his face and his voice wasn’t that recognisable. The nerdy reporters started belly laughing when she rejected him. “Yep, folks, this isn’t CG. The weird trash guy is actually trying to chat up the raid boss. To be honest, I don’t blame him.”

“Neither do I,” the other agreed. “Hopefully, in the coming days, when the patch gets released, we should be able to get more quality footage of this guy and his golems.”

“I think the fudge not,” Eddie cursed. Why did he have to be known as the ‘weird trash guy’? Well, he was a little weird, and he did kind of like trash; he came to a realization. “Oh god, I am the weird trash guy.”

Eddie was praying that none of his old friends from the army recognised him and he prayed even more that his father wouldn’t see it. Eddie thought about applying for some more mechanic jobs to get away from it all but the game was just far too enticing. He was making money, he just hadn’t cashed it out yet.

Eddie sat back down at the dinner table and slurped on the peaches. They were good but nothing compared to the food he ate down in the trash dump. He changed the TV to go on over to the internet and searched up ‘trash dump game’. Again, there were articles that had been posted only a few seconds ago. They were all describing the weird trash guy and showing pictures of the golems and so fourth. It would only be a matter of time before his face was leaked.

With everything going on, and with attention circling around him, Eddie felt a bit odd. He was never a popular person and he definitely wasn’t famous by any stretch of his imagination. He couldn’t help feeling a little smug about everything. Though he was not at all ready to start his own streaming channel like Mira, he kinda wanted his golems to be pushed out there more.

“Ah, they’ll get enough attention soon,” Eddie said to himself.

He browsed the thousands of comments on dozens of forum posts all talking about him and especially the scene that the reporters just showed.

‘New Sub-Forum: WEIRD TRASH GUY WHO BUILDS COOL GOLEMS

TotesAmazballs: ‘This guy is hilarious. Why doesn’t he make videos on everything? I'd love to see how he makes his golems xD’

N3cKBEARD: ‘Nah, the guy’s nuts. Yeah, he makes golems whatever, but c’mon. The guy’s freaking weird.’

TotesAmazballs: ‘We’d all be weird if we got stuck in a trash dump. At least he’s making light of his situation.’

N3cKBEARD: ‘Anyone can make golems, it’s not that hard.’

SkinnyPenisFanBOY: ‘LOLOLOLOL. The guy who names himself neckbeard can make golems xdxdxdxd’

N3cKBEARD has left the chat.

SkinnyPenisFanBOY: ‘XD’

TotesAmazballs: ‘Screw that guy. Dude, golems are so hard to make. I wish he could show us tutorials or something.’

SkinnyPenisFanBOY: ‘Nah, I doubt you could teach that kinda stuff. He could probably sell his golems to some rich Silver Knight or something.’

TotesAmazballs: ‘If he sold them to silver knights I’d lose all respect for him. He seems like a funny guy, just a bit weird.’

SkinnyPenisFanBOY: ‘Good point. Screw P2W. I do wanna see some more golems.’’

“Oh, thanks… SkinngPenisFanBOY? Ohh, it’s those tools. Eh, who cares.” Eddie was surprised to see so many people in favour of him. He was really blowing up and no one knew who he was.

Eddie kept scrolling and he wasn’t even half done when the timer ticked down. He really wished he could read them all. They kept talking about the cool ideas they had for golems and he was getting more inspiration for them. Some talked about flying golems that Eddie hadn’t even considered yet and even some more non-human golems. He couldn’t make any more golems for the time being since he needed to first finish the quest.

Eddie took a quick three minute shower and hopped back in bed. He slid the VR helmet and was whisked away back into Chronicles Of Fantasy.

When he spawned into the bar, he noticed Akira was drawing on a chalkboard with the entire guild sitting down and taking notes.

“Uh, hi?”

“Oh, hey, Eddie,” Akira said. “We’re making a strategy for the boss this time.”

“Alright, I need to fix my golems. I’ll be back in a minute.”

She gave him a nod and he headed on back to his workshop. As he was about to enter the trash compacted cave, he heard some loud shouts going on in the market. Intrigued, he headed over there. He noticed a large crowd, yet again around Rose’s stall. The people were clutching onto silver coins shouting obscenities.

“Bite its head off!”

“Yeah! Kill it!”

Eddie hurried over and weaved his way into the crowd. What he saw next, shocked him. It was a cock fight, not in the traditional sense however; a trash panda versus a tiny golem. It was very small and looked like a teddy bear. It was made only from scraps of metal and Rose had a cheeky smile plastered on her face.

The trash panda went to attack the little golem but was ultimately sliced completely in half by a blade. The players and NPCs started cursing even more, saying it was unfair.

“Pay up now!” Rose shouted and the reluctant people handed her their betting coin. The crowd soon dispersed afterwards/

“Rose, what the fudge?”

“What? I was making some money.”

“This is-” Eddie then realised her outlook on life was different to his. “Nevermind. You made a golem?”

The little teddy bear golem, with sharpened, blood-stained, blades for arms, waddled over to him. “Hey there, little guy,” Eddie said with a smile.

“I’m not little,” the golem declared with a British accent. It sounded very immature and young; almost comical.

Eddie nodded, approving. She had made a working golem with vibration crystals and also sensor crystals.

“He’s cute, don’t you think?” Rose asked, picking him up like a baby and showing Eddie.

“Let go of me, Rose,” the golem complained.

“No, Bobby, you have to be nice in front of Eddie. He helped me make you after all.”

“Oh,” Bobby said. “You’re Eddie?”

“Hey, little fella, you’re a piece of artwork. Great job, Rose… About this fighting thing, could you do it behind your stall?”

Rose nodded a yes. “Yeah, sure. I should have asked you beforehand.”

“It’s alright, I’m really impressed you made a golem so quickly by yourself. I see you took a lot of inspiration from Frank,” Eddie pointed out. The bladed arms and facial features were almost a direct copy but Eddie didn’t have a problem with that. In fact; he encouraged it.

“Yep, I wanted the same accent but just made him smaller.”

“Huh,” Eddie mused, hands on hips. “Alright, I need to go repair my own, wanna come?”

Rose nodded eagerly and tightened her grip on the little Bobby.

The two headed back into his workshop and Eddie introduced his golems to Bobby.

“Hello there, little Sir, I’m Frank” Frank said, bending down and extending a finger out.

“I’m not little,” Bobby repeated, shaking Frank’s finger.

“Of course not,” Frank said. “You’re a big man.”

“Woof!”

“G’day, mate.”

It took a good hour for them to patch up the golems; they had taken quite a beating. Frank explained his journey back with Akira and a few others. Eddie was just happy that he was alright. After that, Rose left with Bobby in her arms, still cuddled like a baby.

“She’s quite the character, Sir,” Frank stated.

“I know, she made a golem with limited tools and materials. She’ll definitely be of use later on.”

“Precisely, Sir.”

“Alright, mate,” Grabby interrupted. “I’m gonna head back to the bar now. Anything else you want me for?”

“I think you’re good. I’ll join ya. Frank, you coming?” Eddie asked as he took off his leather chestpiece; oh, how it felt so free and dirty.

“I need to check up on Jimmy and the NPCs. I shall see if you’re there after, Sir.”

“Alright,” Eddie said with a yawn, it had been a tiresome day. “Take Robo with you, if you see any problems in his body then tell me.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Eddie left with Grabby and headed for the bar.

“That was some good fighting there today, Grabby.”

“Thanks, mate,” Grabby said- a man golem of not many words. Eddie could swear it was limited to ‘mate, alright and g’day’. Eddie kind of liked that Grabby didn’t say much, Frank always had a lot to say. So for someone to just absorb information and say the odd ‘alright’, it was nice.

They arrived at the bar and found most of the guild were relaxing and drinking. The mood was somewhat dull but with a sense of hopefulness to the next day. They had been planning the strategy and were now talking about it. As he sat down, a cup of goblin’s gunk was already waiting for him. Grabby moved around to the bar and started taking orders.

“Hey, Eddie,” Denzel said.

“Hey,” Eddie replied. As he was about to take a sip, someone approached him.

“Hi, sorry, big fan, do you mind if I take a photo with you?” a hot woman asked him. She was about an eight out of ten. A brunette, fairly tall with a striking body. She was also level 23. Immediately, like a hawk on its prey, Akira pinged what was going on. She didn’t intervene, just watched.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I’m not a fan of photos,” Eddie replied honestly.

“It’s just for my vlog down here, can I pay you?” she asked.

“I don’t need money, but thanks anyway.”

“Can I get your number then?” she asked.

Eddie gulped. Was… Was someone coming onto him? While he was dirty, shirtless and with an abnormally shaped belly. Only one woman in the entire world had asked for his number before.

“I… I-I’m gay,” Eddie blurted out.

“Really? I thought the Guild Master of the Wanderers was your ex-girlfriend?”

“Nah, I’m sorry sweetheart,” Grabby interrupted. “Eddie plays for the other team, came out yesterday.”

“Oh, such a shame,” she said, pushing her hair over her shoulders. “Here’s my number anyway.” She wrote it down on a piece of paper and it absolutely stunk of perfume.

Eddie just smiled awkwardly until she had left the bar. He looked at Denzel and he was holding in a belly laugh- even Grabby was loving it.

“Dude, you’re the most awkward person in the world,” Denzel said, trying his best not to laugh.

“What did you expect me to say? ‘Sure, baby.’”

When Eddie was about to look at the piece of paper, Akira suddenly appeared and snatched it out of his hands. She then stood still, made eye contact with him and ate the entire thing. Not a word was spoken and she stormed out after that.

“Oh, she’s pissed,” Denzel commented.

“I didn’t do anything?” Eddie complained. “W-wasdashaaah.”

Mira sat down next to him and wiggled his cheek. “Aw, you looked so cute getting all flustered. She was hot.”

Eddie sighed as he pushed away her hand. It still appeared that Akira didn’t want him speaking to anyone but at the same time was still ‘madly in love’ with Brody. “Ugh, why are you all so confusing?”

“We’re actually quite simple,” Mira countered.

“Yeah, simple like a nine-side rubik's cube,” Denzel joked.

Mira rolled her eyes. “She’ll come around, Eddie. Just leave her some bait, that was a perfect example.”

“Is that like the- there’s plenty more fish in the sea thing?” he questioned. “You know that Akira is-”

“No, Eddie,” Mira said. “Me and Akira are good friends. Don’t tell her I told you this, but as soon as you two met down here, that’s the only thing she talks about.”

“Really?” Eddie questioned, perking up a bit. “But what about Brody and-”

“Brody’s no one,” Mira interrupted. “I mean, who else could attract Akira while shirtless and dirty in a bar. If she’s not in it for the looks then she definitely still likes you.”

Eddie was about to thank Mira for the wisdom but then realised it was more of an insult. “Whatever… Am I really a four?”

Mira screwed up her face as her head bounced either side. “Pushing five on a good day.”

“Solid four,” Viktor said, appearing next to him.

“Nice to see you’re still here and not fighting the Mexican cartel on the Russian border in the name of the motherland,” Eddie commented.

Viktor suddenly looked confused and fear swelled up in his face. “What do you mean? Why are Mexicans coming to Russia, Mexico is nowhere near Russia. Is there something I should know about?”

Eddie didn’t want to explain the joke, it was pretty bad anyway.

“Did you just..? Troll me, Eddie?”

“Troll?”

“It means to make jokes about someone,” Mira explained.

“Yeah, Viktor, I just trolled you,” Eddie said, confidently.

“Eh, I preferred it when you were a noob,” Viktor scoffed.

“I’m not a noob anymore?” Eddie stated. “This is great.”

“Well… You still don’t have any armour of your own, you have no weapon mastery skills and you’re still wearing the starter gear trousers. But you’re definitely improving,” Mira comforted. “I’d say for your first time gaming you’re doing pretty well.”

“Have you never really played any games before?” Denzel asked.

Eddie shook his head. “No, not really. Board games but nothing ever digital.”

“Mobile?”

Eddie shook his head again.

“Jeez, Eddie,” Denzel said. “Everyone plays games. My mum’s been playing Candy Crush Saga for the past 45 years.”

“I just never really got into it, I love it now. But I do want to get out of here eventually.”

“Meh,” Mira said. “It’s pretty fun down here. Everything looks copy and pasted up there with kings, queens and Silver Knights. At least this place has got character.”

“Ha, character- yeah, it does.”

“Oh,” Mira said. “You’ve gone viral by the way.”

“I know,” Eddie replied. “I can’t believe Akira made me do that.”

“It’s great!” she exclaimed. “The video on my page already has a million views, they love you.”

“Yeah, but I’m known as the ‘weird trash guy’. I hope you didn’t have anything to do with that?”

Mira hid behind her drink as she drank it. “Urm… No.”

“Hmm, right, right. It was almost like those hosts on that TV show said that you’re the one who called me the weird trash guy,” Eddie joked.

Mira cleared her throat. “There may have been some miscommunication between us.”

Eddie started laughing. “Out of all the things you could have called me: Golemacer, Cool Guy, even Trashmancer. You called me the weird trash guy.”

“It’s kinda funny,” Denzel chimed in.

“Agreed,” Viktor said.

“I WANT PANCAKES AND IKEA CURTAINS FOR MY BAR MITZVAH!”

“Great, weird trash guy it is.”