《Cultivine》Vines 12
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They were now on a pirate ship.
Yep, it’s one of those story arcs where the cast are stuck on a boat that is sailing to some other location. Everyone hates these story arcs because it grinds the pace to a halt and forces at least three chapters of contrived character interaction scenes that serve mostly as obligatory introspection points or development to the awful romance subplots or, worse, more worldbuilding exposition, but in this story, the pirate ship scene would be so much better than anything else in generic fantasy.
You know why?
Because it was all three of those things wrapped up into one!
Here we are, with a scene that is not only a contrived character interaction scene, not only worldbuilding exposition, but unnecessary romantic development too!
I hope you’re really excited:
In the lower decks of the ship, sailing for two weeks from Alabaster and on its way to Chicken Coop, Xi Guo Lee and Nan Gua mopped the floor together for some reason that we will never be privy to.
“Mopping is fun,” said Xi Guo Lee. “Mopping, moppity, mopping. Don’t you like—“
“I love you,” said Nan Gua. She threw her mop aside, and stepped so close to Xi Guo Lee that her mask was nearly touching his face. “I’ve fallen so hard for you that I feel like a meteor.”
“Did you write that one down to prepare it or something?”
“No, it was off the top of my head.”
“I thought so.”
Xi Guo Lee set his mop aside, reluctantly, and placed one arm around Nan Gua’s hip, and one arm around the back of her head. “Well, I’d like to say that it’s very sweet of you to say that you love me,” he said. “Even if it feels like I’ve known you for about five minutes and don’t know even a single personality trait of you except that you are good at fighting. Even if I’m not particularly smitten with you yet.”
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“Let’s make love,” Nan Gua said.
“You’ll reveal your full self to me that quickly?” Xi Guo Lee asked.
“All except the mask. I’ll leave the mask on.”
“You know, you totally took it off in front of me the first time I saw you. I know what your face looks like.”
“It’s about honor and respect. I cannot show you my mask, even in the most dire of circumstances. Even if we make love, even up until the day we walk down the altar together to be married, I will not show you my face. This mask is all that you will see.”
“You know, I was married once,” Xi Guo Lee said. “In a past life, before I was reincarnated here on Wuweizi. I was married to a woman named Tabitha Xi who I plucked from the year 1998 and brought to the cyber-present and helped train to become a warrior. She eventually became the Mayor of Atlanta until she was assassinated by the notorious Azarinth Anti-Healer.”
“I don’t know what any of that means.”
“That’s okay. I don’t know what any of that Vinist stuff means either.”
“Well, we’re a vine-based race of people. We came from the vines and now we are sentient beings, just like humans and elves and goblins and beavers.”
“A vine-based people group... It seems hard to imagine.”
Nan Gua grabbed his arm and let him feel the ropey plant-like texture of her palm. “Well, it’s real. I’m a vine, and you can swing on me all you want.”
“It’s just hard to imagine how a vine could evolve anthropomorphic features. Certainly the Babylon Sisters didn’t design you, so who did? Was it just natural? I’m so fascinated.
“I have no idea about any of that worldbuilding stuff, but I want to know if I have your permission to strip you and perform sexual acts.”
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Xi Guo Lee turned his head and looked directly into the camera, or rather to the readers themselves. “Well, you heard the lady. What’ll it be? R-18 chapter, or leaving this woman jilted and probably pretty bitter for the rest of the trip? I’m of two minds about it myself, so I’ll let you decide.”
“Who are you talking to?”
“The readers.”
“Oh! Are they responding? Do they support our decision to become an official couple?”
“I think they’re pretty ambivalent about it, but I imagine some of them will want to read about us getting it on.”
“Oh, kinky.”
“You’re into that?” he asked. “Them... watching?”
“As long as it gets us the Patreon bucks.”
“Yeah, fair enough.”
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