Clang, Clang… The sounds of tinkering spread through the gaps of the basement door, seeping into the house louder than ever before. The underground room was littered with odds and ends of all colors and shapes, all electronic in nature. By the workbench sat Jones, hammering away at a piece of metal, bending it into shape for an odd contraption as Watson watched silently. A janky, jerry rigged machine sat atop the workbench, a singular, copper-coiled piece of metal sticking out of the top.

“So…” Watson asked, staring annoyed at Jones’s craftsmanship. “Are you going to tell me what this is about?”

“Just gimmie a moment-” Jones mumbled, still hammering away. “There, that’s going to fit.”

“You’ve been at it since we arrived.” Watson sighed. “You said you’d tell me everything when we got back. I have no idea what you’re up to!”

“Ack, Jesus, Watson, have some goddamn patience-” Jones replied abrasively, as he forcibly jammed the metal into a crudely made slit on the janky box. “There we go- it fits!”

“You’ve been saying that for the last hour.” Watson exclaimed, frustrated.

“Yeah, an hour, that’s how long you’ve been an impatient shit for.” Jones replied, now facing Watson. “And now it’s over. Happy now?”

“Finally.” Watson snorted.

“Alright. So what do you want to hear?” Jones asked, as he picked his nose absentmindedly.

“Everything. What did that… Lizardman tell you?” Watson demanded, fidgeting nervously.

“Well… It isn’t as much as you’re expecting, honestly.” Jones claimed. “But definitely, some important bits and pieces.”

“And that would be?”

“Well…” Jones sighed. “It’s complicated, but here we go.”

“I’m listening.” Watson replied.

“First off, that lizardman- Craig, was it? I had him teach me how to disable the fuckers.” Jones stated. “It’s really interesting stuff. Their hides are real sturdy, but it depends on the species.”

“Species?” Watson mumbled.

“Yeah, species.” Jones affirmed. “They’re all different species of lizards, as it turns out. That Craig kid was a Skink, while the others were both Geckos. They’ve got a real strict hierarchy too- apparently, your species decides where you lie, although meritocracy does apply.”

“Um…” Watson fumbled. “What does that mean?”

“So some lizards are more powerful than others, basically. I don’t get how they measure it, but Skinks and Geckos are almost dead last, with only the Monitor lizards behind them.” Jones explained. “I guess it kinda does make sense- that Craig kid was a dumbass. Only other thing he remembered about the hierarchy are two other details.”

“Which would be…?” Watson questioned.

“First off- the Chameleons are top brass.” Jones claimed, cursing slightly under his breath. “That’s not a good sign, if that means what I’m guessing. But the other thing is even more interesting.”

“And what’s that?” Watson blinked in curiosity.

“They’re a matriarchy.” Jones snappily replied. “Women have most power in their society. Also, they’re apparently far bigger and stronger than males, which is scary as shit to think about.”

“Is it?” Watson asked. “I mean… I get what you mean, but… With better equipment?”

“Not happening. Remember when I said Skinks and Geckos are bottom-feeders?” Jones sighed. “Even they can shake off .22lr’s like nothing. Basilisk females? 7.62’s are needles for them.”

“Uh… What’s a 7.62?” Watson questioned, confused.

“It’s a real strong cartridge, basically. Big boom, big damage.” Jones answered. “Simply put, those fuckers are scary. Even the males can shake off SMG fire like nothing.”

“So… What are we supposed to do against them?” Watson asked, deflated by the information.

“Well, that’s the good thing I learned from Craig.” Jones replied with a grin. “One of three good things.

“So what’s that good news?”

“You can disable most males… Besides the high-ranking ones. They’ve got chips implanted, for the sake of subservience.” Jones answered, still smiling. “Kinda unwieldy, but a good shock to their nape should do the trick.”

“Oh.” Watson replied, still fidgeting. “But… How’re you going to get to that?”

“They’ve all got some weaknesses, I think. Like the Geckos with flashbangs.” Jones explained, his eyes gleaming. “It’s definitely possible. Kinda hard in groups, but yeah.”

“Is that- what you did to them?” Watson gulped.

“...Yeah. Well, I’ve tied up Craig and locked him up, since he could be useful.” Jones answered.

“So… What’re the two other good things?” Watson asked, changing the subject.

“The first one’s really useful. I got the registry for all enemies working in this area.” Jones grinned profusely. “I’ve learned some interesting stuff from there, but most importantly, there’s less of them than I thought.”

“How many are there exactly?”

“Only about seven, excluding the guys from the factory. The police chief, two ‘Jenny’ units, two ‘Joyce’ units, a ‘Wilson’ unit, and another Gecko.” Jones replied, reading aloud from a conveniently-placed piece of paper. “I dunno what they mean by ‘unit’... But yeah. Not much.”

“I see. I guess that’s a relief.” Watson said, his shoulders slacking.

“Yeah. I’m guessing they don’t have too much manpower… I wonder why that is… Is it logistics? No, that can’t be…” Jones mumbled, trailing off.

“Jones?” Watson asked, tapping Jones’s shoulder. “Uh, what’s the third thing?”

“Oh… Yeah, the third thing.” Jones snapped back into reality, but looked even more excited. “It’s the best thing I could’ve imagined, really.”

“Is that so?” Watson asked, gleaming in excitement.

“Yeah, it’s insane.” Jones beamed. “They’ve got the internet!”

“Oh?” Watson replied, still excited. “That’s a good thing, right?”

“Of course it is! The best thing to happen to mankind, really, and the connection isn’t too shabby, either, I’m told…” Jones exclaimed. He muttered meaningless jargon to himself. “Must be better than Comcast, at least… Shit, can I cash in on bitcoins before someone makes that here…?”

“So… What do you do with that internet?” Watson asked, rubbing his head. “I mean, you told me about the U tube or Anonymoose and all that, but I don’t really get it.”

“Well, it isn’t really the internet.” Jones admitted, reeling back a bit. “More like an intranet. They don’t have websites, either, but apparently they’ve got something like IRC and MUD’s, so…”

“Uh, those being?” Watson asked, confused by the terminology.

“Basically, they can talk to each other over the wire.” Jones simplified.

“Is that better than a telephone?” Watson questioned, unimpressed.

“Of course it is, you buffoon!” Jones shouted angrily.

“If- you say so.” Watson flinched.

“You just don’t get it.” Jones sighed, disappointed by his companion. “Anyways, I kinda need your help for that.”

“With what?” Watson asked, leaning towards Jones.

“I’ve been working hard to make this router-thing, but…” Jones said, tapping gently at his contraption.

“But?”

“I need a computer.”

Watson whimpered silently as he watched Jones gleefully unbox a hearty, large box with an HP stamp firmly printed on it. Jones had been giddy like a child on christmas eve- Watson had acted exactly the same when his grandparents bought him socks every year. Jones whistled some tune whilst plugging in wires and cables, resorting to the manual only one or two times in the process.

“Beautiful, magnificent!” Jones yelled, rubbing the crummy eggshell-white LCD. “But huh, this is pretty outdated… Especially compared to that fancy-ass setup they had in that control room. Watson, is this really the best one you could find?”

“Yes.” Watson said, staring at Jones with an evil eye. “Yes, that is. I spent half the money I was saving up for my new Cadillac on that thing, you know?”

“Why are you still stuck on that shitty car brand? Whatever. You’ll see the light eventually.” Jones dismissed. He turned back to the computer. “So consumer tech’s a decade behind the shit they use, huh?”

“Well, I’m so sorry that’s not good enough for you.” Watson replied sarcastically.

“Thanks.” Jones muttered.

Focusing his attentions to the computer, he began preparing for a connection between the janky box and the computer, bringing forth a modified LAN-cable.

“Where’d you get that, anyways? And how’d you know how to modify that radio?” Watson asked.

“Craig gave it to me. Took some coercing, really. Apparently it’s like the fight club thing. Not supposed to talk about it.” Jones replied, still focused on the task at hand. “There.”

“Does it work?” Watson glanced at the amateurish setup and exhaled, expecting no good results.

“Wait. I need to install this CD first…” Jones muttered as he finalized the process. “...and done.”

“So…” Watson mumbled, staring intently at the monitor. “How does this work?”

“Give me a moment. LizardBBS 5.0… Huh, a username? What do I use?” Jones asked, leaning back.

“What’s a username?”

“Like an alias. It’s what they’ll call you.” Jones answered nonchalantly. “What about… Yeah, let’s go with something simple. Watson1990.”

“Isn’t that my name and birthyear?” Watson asked as he curiously eyed the monitor.

“Yeah. Nobody’s dumb enough to use their actual name online, so they’ll never guess this.” Jones answered with a smirk.

He then clicked the login button.

LizardBBS was a very colorful place. There were as many channels as there were users, all dedicated to diverse interests for people to partake in. This ranged from the normal, like the very popular LizardMUD, to the fascinating, like LizardFiles, to the perverse, the fetish boards. Besides the popular pornographic boards- /vore/, /scales/, and /oviposition/, there was a single, most notorious board- /random/.

LizardSquad : So, what are you retards up to this evening?

M3M3L0RD : Nothin

H0n0kA_LUV : Just anime

Snakefucker : Nothing

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : bangin ur mums lol

Donut : Stuck on guard duty

JoX2_Diamond : Oh look, it’s the 12 year old again.

Snakefucker : Surprised the kid didnt get chopped yet for being retarded tbh

H0n0kA_LUV : Send screenshots to the higher ups lol

H0n0kA_LUV : watch him get fucked for talkin shit to the leaders

M3M3L0RD : Were gonna get chopped too then dumbass

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : fuk u losers lol. lemme bet you fags suck human dick

LizardSquad : Hey, guys, did you know your password gets censored if you type it out here?

LizardSquad : Like, here’s mine: ******

Snakefucker : Oh really

Snakefucker : *****

M3M3L0RD : *******

Donut : Does it really work?

Donut : ******

JoX2_Diamond : ***********

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : hunt3r2

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : wtf it didnt work

H0n0kA_LUV : Shows up as ******* to me

Donut : Yeah

Snakefucker : ******* it says

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : oh lol

Watson1990 joined. Please say hi!

M3M3L0RD : Oh look, a newfag

Donut : Is it another 12 year old

Snakefucker : Fuck off newfag

Watson1990 : Thanks

Watson1990 : Only 7 people?

LizardSquad : Pretty normal size on /random/

LizardSquad : Go hang out in /scales/ if you want more peeps

Watson1990 : I was there

Watson1990 : Was a buncha people writing fanfics

Donut : It is a lewd board fam

JoX2_Diamond : So, H0n0kA, what anime u watchin

M3M3L0RD : Howd u get onto the net newbie

H0n0kA_LUV : Rewatching Sunshine fam

Watson1990 : Some kid called craig gave me his shit

Donut : Oh my god

Donut : Lol is that Cr4iG_420’s friend?

Snakefucker : Oh lol

Snakefucker : He’s a fag

JoX2_Diamond : Hows sunshine

JoX2_Diamond : I watched the first one, it was k

LizardSquad : Lol, you actually know that Craig kid?

Watson1990 : Kinda I guess

Watson1990 : Weirdass dude tbh

Watson1990 : He was into humans or something last I heard

M3M3L0RD : Oh god, one of those xenophiles

Donut : Lol I told you guys

H0n0kA_LUV : Sunshine’s great dude

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : fuk u guys, craig was the only cool guy here

H0n0kA_LUV : It’s a masterpiece in storytelling, the art’s just fantastic and the music is comparable only the the best artists of the century

Snakefucker : How old is craig

Snakefucker : No way is he older than 12

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : he told me he drives a porsche

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : and his tail is like 10 feet long

Donut : Yeah and Im secretly the God-Mother. More likely than his story tbh

JoX2_Diamond : Is it better than the first one

LizardSquad : We’ve been taking bets.

Watson1990 : Uh, idk honestly

Watson1990 : He’s an adult tho

H0n0kA_LUV : No. Nothing can beat my goddess Honoka

Donut : You also into apes H0n0kA?

Snakefucker : Shit

LizardSquad : Lol. Pay up faggots.

M3M3L0RD : Goddamn.

H0n0kA_LUV : 2d is different dude

H0n0kA_LUV : A 2d love exceeds race, gender and everything else

Watson1990 : So what do you fags do on here

H0n0kA_LUV : It’s the most pure form of love there is

Watson1990 : You talk and shit?

LizardSquad : Pretty much.

M3M3L0RD : Yeh.

H0n0kA_LUV : Besides I don’t want to even touch Honoka

Snakefucker : Not doing anything rn tho

LizardSquad : Yeah. Just chilling rn.

H0n0kA_LUV : I have no right to even look at her directly

JoX2_Diamond : Dear Great-Mother, H0n0kA

Donut : Wew

M3M3L0RD : Well besides those fags talking about anime

H0n0kA_LUV : I would legit die of the arthritis of love if I got to hold her hands

Watson1990 : Well that's good

Donut : You into anime Watson

Donut : Hopefully not like that guy

Watson1990 : I actually watched what he was talkin about

Watson1990 : Maki was better tbh

Watson1990 : But not really

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : lol what a losr

H0n0kA_LUV : Oh fuck you faggot

M3M3L0RD : Confirmed hit on the wasp’s nest

LizardSquad : Lol.

H0n0kA_LUV : Don’t even bring up that fucking trash whore

Donut : We going back to doing nothing now

Snakefucker : Still for fuck off newfag tbh but yeah

Watson1990 : Well if we aint doing anything

Watson1990 : You guys hear anything interesting lately?

Watson1990 : Heard some gas station got blown up or something

LizardSquad : Oh yeah, I got briefed on that.

M3M3L0RD : Lol, someone blew up a gas station?

Donut : Yeh that was in Nevada wasnt it

Donut : The higher ups werent pleased about that

Donut : Heard a drone controller got ‘demoted’ for negligence

Snakefucker : Lol, that’s pretty funny

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : was me tbh

M3M3L0RD : We kicking the kid sometime or what

LizardSquad : He got demoted ‘cause he didn’t record footage.

LizardSquad : So we don’t know who did it.

Snakefucker : What a dumbass

Snakefucker : Wanna go piss on his grave?

Donut : It was a demotion, nothing else :^)

Donut : Kinda stupid we dont know who it was

LizardSquad : Well it was an old unit…

M3M3L0RD : You figure it was one of those assholes

Snakefucker : Who

LizardSquad : You mean those resistance faggots?

Snakefucker : Lol, those guys?

Watson1990 : Resistance?

M3M3L0RD : You don’t know?

LizardSquad : A pack of especially brainded apes making my job legit frustrating.

LizardSquad : Buncha ingrates really. They don’t get shit done.

Snakefucker : You sound pretty pissed lol

LizardSquad : Well you're not the asshole who has to clean up their shit.

Watson1990 : Tell me more.

Watson stared in awe- for somehow, he was looking at degeneracy manifest. Jones had been typing away at his keyboard in his ‘friend’s basement for the last two days, only getting up to empty his piss bottles and occasionally use the toilet. Piles and piles of emptied hot pocket boxes were piling up, high into the skies- that being the blue, moldy ceiling. Someway, somehow, a somewhat respectable person had turned into a fat slob within minutes.

Was this the power of the internet?

In a way, this was seriously impressive. He estimated that going at the current pace, Jones would die of heart attack within one or two months. This being America, obviously not a record. But he didn’t want that to happen, as much as Jones had slighted him for… Well… The entire period of their acquaintanceship.

He lightly tapped Jones on the shoulder.

With a gasp, Jones leaped forward, performing his most acrobatic act in the last 72 hours.

“Holy shit!” Jones yelled, as he turned back, panting in shock.

“Um, Jones?” Watson muttered, stepping back. “You… Ok?”

“The hell, Watson?” Jones responded, glaring at his opponent. “You startled the shit outta me.”

“You’ve been sitting there for the last six hours.” Watson said. “Your… Bottles… Are full, and you peed inside my school albums box.”

“Well, it’s full of trash, so I thought it’s a recycling box.” Jones answered with an annoyed tone. “Sorry.”

“I had copies, so it’s… Fine, but are you sure this is healthy?” Watson asked in kind. “I don’t even know what you’re doing on that thing. It looks to me like you’re just… Chatting with people.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing, idiot. It’s called ‘networking’.” Jones snapped.

“O...k. It’s always either that, or you’re… Playing that… Game? You called it dirt.” Watson claimed, looking weirdly at Jones.

“MUD. I’ve been grinding my Lizardman Barbarian. It’s a true multiplayer experience, and is exactly as good as actual human contact.” Jones proclaimed proudly.

“Well, but they aren’t human, are they?” Watson asked, his eyes rolling. “Look, I usually don’t meddle with your things, Jones, but you should take a break.”

“Yeah, thanks, mom, but I’m busy working, you see?” Jones replied, tapping his foot in annoyance. “Seriously, just leave me alone.”

“You know what, Jones? I think I should plug this out.” Watson said, motioning towards the power outlet.

“You wouldn’t fucking dare.” Jones said. He stood up in anger and began staring him down.

“He-Hey. Look, it’s my house, and… You’re really worrying me. You’ve been sleeping in a bed of pizza boxes, for christ’s sake!” Watson mumbled, averting his gaze.

“Hmph.” Jones puffed. “Alright, fine. I’ll get off the computer.”

“Really?” Watson asked. “You will?”

“I’m waiting for a boss respawn, anyways.” Jones claimed, yawning. “Just don’t turn off the computer.”

“No idea what that means, but sure.” Watson exhaled in relief. “Tell me about the stuff you found out later, by the way.”

“Yeah- well, you know what? Lemme just give you the run-down now.” Jones said, stretching his arms out.

“Oh, sure.”

“Basically, there’s a resistance group.” Jones explained. “A group of humans, going against the system. The lizardmen don’t know their size, and are having some trouble tracking them down.”

“That’s… Excellent news?” Watson asked.

“Is that a question or a statement? It’s a good thing, yes, but we need to know if we can trust them.” Jones began shuffling upstairs. “I’m going to shower and sleep.”

“Yeah, go ahead…” Watson mumbled, lost in thought.

As Watson watched Jones sleepily stumble up the stairs, dragging the faint odor of Redbull behind him, smearing the railing with the cheesy yellow dust of Cheetos, he turned his attention to the computer. What once was a workbench had been converted into a garbage mound, stacks of instant noodles and packs of crisps covering the hardwood.

The computer emitted a pale blue glow, and on the screen was an array of ASCII characters, only a couple sets making sense to Watson. Level, HP, MP… What could they mean? Besides that, tucked neatly into the background was the chat client Jones had been busy with. He clicked on it, curiously glancing at the scrolling chatlogs.

Then, a sudden bleep caught his eye.

Suddenly, a symbol of a letter popped up in the corner. Watson quickly clicked, wanting to know what that meant.

PM. A window said. What did that mean?

Message from xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx.

An odd choice in names, Watson thought. But he’d been taught not to judge other cultures just based on names and appearances. Maybe that meant something really nice in Lizard-ish?

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Hey.

That line scrolled past.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : You there, Watson1990?

Watson blinked, understanding that he was being addressed. Fumbling about, he figured out how to reply. He henpecked letter for letter as fast as he could.

Watson1990: Yes s I ‘ m herE.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Uh, you alright?

Watson1990: I’ m fine th anks for askingg. How a bout you??

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Is this someone else?

Watson panicked and typed as fast as he could.

Watson1990 : fkvjxkgDjkcNo.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : It is, isn’t it?

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : You know what? That’s better.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : I need you to listen.

Bewildered, Watson henpecked with more speed and precision.

Watson1990 : Why?

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : I have an important suggestion for you…

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : I’m an undercover agent.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Supposed to monitor idiots on chatgroups.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Make sure they don’t act funny.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Those idiots aren’t better than humans, I swear.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : They really think the higher-ups don’t know about LizardBBS…

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Listen, I know you’re a human.

Watson’s eyes grew wide as he processed the implications of this message.

Watson1990 : N o I’ mm noot. wh At make s you say thhat?

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : You aren’t fooling me.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : You didn’t know some things you should…

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : But knew other things you shouldn’t.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Besides, I looked up where that Craig kid was working.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : And I found you, Watson, born in 1990, working there.

Watson cursed silently under his breath, knowing that he’d be forgiven this one time.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Usually, you realize we’d have you beheaded by now, right?

Watson bit on his fingernails as he nervously waited for a reply.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : But I have an offer…

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Look, I want a promotion.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : And if I hand over the rebels on a silver platter…

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Good chances, don’t you think?

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : But I’m no Chameleon. I can’t blend in.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : That’s where you come in.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : You’re human, so they’ll accept you, probably.

Awed by the proposition, he pecked furiously.

Watson1990 : Whaht? I can ‘t do thatt!!!

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Well, I do know where you live…

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Listen to the whole offer first.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : If you give me what I want?

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : You’ll live a good life. A normal one, I guarantee you.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : You don’t? Well… Let’s just say you may get a visit.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : I mean, do you really want to do this?

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : You understand?

Watson gulped. He considered that question, pondering about the events of the last two weeks. His normal life...?

Watson1990 : I undersstand.

Watson1990 : What d o you want me to do??

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : I’ll send you a tracker, nothing obvious.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : It’s going to be a pen.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Simple to use. If you turn it slightly and click…

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : It’ll send the location to me.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : You find them, you give me their location.

Watson stared at the monitor and resolved himself.

Watson1990 : o K.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Good, you’re a smart human.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Nice to meet one of those.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Was the guy using this computer before you Watson?

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : What’s your name?

Watson took a while to answer, especially pondering upon Jones’s advice- not to use real names, right? Aliases… What wouldn’t they expect?

Watson1990 : Jones. It ‘s Jones.

It was really only fair.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Alright, Jones. Delete this chatlog now.

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Wouldn’t want your partner to find out, right?

xXx_uR_mUm5_slit_xXx : Good luck.