《Inalienable Rights: The Azodii Necktie Negotiation》Chapter 7

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"The Planet Azodii is located in the Ilona Quadrant, just inside the Zaprath Belt," Lord Farkvold said.

We were in an unmarked room, standing on opposite sides of a small table. An image floated above the surface: a 3-D rendering of the Planet Azodii, frosted and white, rotating gently in space.

The yellow fur creature, always at the Lord High Councilman's heels, stood in the corner of the room, operating the floating screen from a tablet in small fur-covered hands.

"It's one of two planets in the Odii System. The Azodii are hearty people: hard-working, intelligent, but a bit too… independent-minded. They are ruled by an aging King, Azodii-Bal."

The globe morphed into a slouching blue-skinned creature, seated in a throne encircled by icicles. The King's mouth hung open, the silver crown on his large and wrinkled forehead tilted to one side like it was about to slide off.

"However," Lord Farkvold continued. "King Azodii-Bal is a ceremonial figure, ruler in name only. The actual seat of power is an elected Premier, who presides over a Tribune of District Representatives."

'Constitutional monarchy' I thought. Like England.

"For the past ninety years, Azodii has been engaged in an off-and-on war with their sister planet, Bob."

I stopped scribbling notes in my steno pad. "I'm sorry, your Lordship. The Planet… Bob?"

"Yes, Planet Bob is the other planet in the system," an image of two planets appeared above the table. Lord Farkvold extended a sinewy finger and pointed to three small dots that hovered in space between the two globes. "The two planets have been in conflict over mining rights on the Qwazler Moons. The Moons contain moderate deposits of Voyt Jelly."

I didn't want to ask, but I felt like I had to: "And, what is Voyt Jelly?"

"Protein sludge. The liquefied remains of ancient Moon animals that died and decayed, built up underground. It can be mined and pumped, and processed into an inexpensive food product," Lord Farkvold seemed to wince. "If you're offered any, I suggest you politely refuse."

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I looked at the list on my steno pad. KING AZODII-BAL. ELECTED PREMIER. PLANET BOB. On the next line, I wrote VOYT JELLY.

"It's not a terribly interesting planet," Farkvold nodded to the fur creature in the corner, and the display flickered off. "They do have a robust military system, courtesy of the ongoing war. That, combined with the fact that they have no real resources other than Voyt Jelly, always made them unappealing to the Slatt Territories. We never wished to acquire Azodii by force because, simply put, it wasn't worth the trouble."

"So, what changed? Why the interest in Azodii now?"

"It would appear, Mr. Marshall," Farkvold said slowly. "That Azodii is interested in us."

"They want to join the Slatt Territories?"

"They have… expressed an openness to the idea."

"Really? With respect, your Lordship, what would be the advantage for them? Oh," I answered my own question almost immediately. "I see. Planet Bob."

"Yes," Farkvold said. "King Bob of Bob is a relentless warmonger, adamant that there will never be peace with Azodii in his lifetime. But King Bob also knows that he cannot declare war on the empire of Slatt!"

"And do you think this is a wise acquisition?"

Lord Farkvold's dead eyes opened wide, I could tell that he sensed insolence in my question and took offense. I forgot how thin-skinned Machiavellian tyrants can be.

"You Lordship," I said, backpedaling and clarifying, because at the end of the day Farkvold can have me executed. "My job as your attorney is to ensure that all business agreements favor and protect the interests of the Slatt Territories. Let me rephrase my question: what does Slatt have to gain by acquiring Azodii as a new territory? It sounds like Azodii has the potential to drain military resources, and it has little to offer, except –"

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"Except edible sludge, yes." Farkvold interrupted. "That is a fair point, Marshall of Earth. One that we considered when Premier Oato of Azodii sent the initial diplomatic invitation. But you must understand: the primary purpose of the Slatt Empire is not capital or wealth. It's expansion."

Farkvold nodded again at the yellow fur creature, who picked up two large leather-bound folios from a side table and struggled to carry them toward us.

"Like the universe itself, the Slatt Territories must continue to expand," Farkvold bent toward me, the black orbs staring into my soul. "In order to grow in power, we must grow in size."

The shaggy alien let out a squeak as it dropped the books onto the table.

"Acquisition of the Planet Azodii means that we are closer than ever to pushing our Territorial borders out beyond the Zaprath Belt," Farkvold said. "True, the planet does not offer much, but it is in a favorable location. It could be a base of operations for future Slatt endeavors. Plus, I'm not opposed to backing an enemy of Planet Bob. I've always found the Bob to be… unpleasant."

I wasn't sure if Lord Farkvold meant that he disliked King Bob of Bob, or if the creatures on the Planet Bob were also called Bob and he was talking about them. It was a rabbit-hole of semantics that I didn't wish to go down, so I didn't ask.

"Once Azodii joins the Slatt Territories, the war with Planet Bob ends." Farkvold pushed the folios toward me. "Here is the standard Treaty for Acquisition. As is customary, the Planet Azodii will retain its local system of government, which will continue to oversee day-to-day operations of the Planet."

I picked up the first folio. It was heavier than I expected; I would need some time to read the contract thoroughly.

"As a new Territory of Slatt," Farkvold continued. "The Planet Azodii will make arrangements for the construction of a Slatt Base on the Northern Continent. There will be limited occupation of the major Azodii cities as well. In return, Azodii may rely on unconditional military support from the Slatt Guard for matters of planetary defense."

I ran my hand across the smooth leather covers of the folios, embossed with the Crest of Slatt. Farkvold pointed to a small scroll, clipped to the front of one of the contracts.

"We have… some flexibility with our terms," Farkvold said. "Which is why we are relying on you and Mr. Todd to strike the most favorable deal possible. The scroll contains our confidential parameters – make sure you stay within those boundaries."

"Understood."

"These are duplicate copies," Lord Farkvold gestured to the folios. "One for King Azodii-Bal, the other for us. Both copies must be signed by the Premier."

"I'm not used to legal documents that look like this," I said. "I mean, these are nice."

"The Treaty is bound in Warrior leather," Lord Farkvold gazed into the distance, his voice deeper and softer. "Words, enclosed between the skin of fallen soldiers of Slatt, become sacred and unbreakable. Like the spilled blood of Slatt martyrs…"

"So," I said after a pause, thumbing through the wordy agreement. "It's okay to make handwritten changes to this?"

"Yes," Lord Farkvold said. "That's fine."

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