《Isekai Dungeoncrawl - Am Ende mit meinem Latein》10. Inter arma
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“Out of the bloody question!” the usually harmless Erky Timbers was red with anger. “If you summon a skeleton, I will turn it!”
“Look, friend,” Beldrak said in a calm tone. “I don't like undead either. But this whistle can only be used this way. It is a valuable asset, and we shouldn't discard it based on personal sensibilities.”
I am all for discarding valuable assets for personal sensibilities though, as long as those sensibilities are mine. Lucky that I am not very scrupulous nowadays... And wasn't that the truth? I lied to the kobolds, my allies, and planned to betray them. This new persona of mine, Arnold, was not the Publius Decius Mus I knew. And what's even worse, I liked being Arnold. I enjoyed misleading the kobolds, taking advantage of Erky's good nature, and if the goblins negotiated with me, I would have tried to double-cross them without a second thought. Even though kobolds and goblins were just talking beasts, I should have valued my own given word more.
On the other hand... Lies and deception were indispensable facts of life. My father once told a story about my grandfather, that happened shortly before he died in the battle of Sentinum. I was only five years old at the time, so I did not remember the events of that year well, even though I lived through them.
“He and his friend Fabius Rullianus fought together in many campaigns, as you know,” started my father. “So, in the fifth consulship of Quintus Fabius, he asked the Centuriate Assembly again to elect your grandfather as the other consul. The centuries complied, and my father became consul for the fourth time.”
“Rullianus was the commander of the Etrurian theatre in the year before, and he wanted to get his old post back. But the law is to decide the commanders of each theatre by lot. The party of plebeian nobles, who were the main supporters of my father wanted the law to be observed to the letter. They were saying patricians should not behave like they were above the law, and that if the senate gave the Etrurian theatre to Rullianus, that would make a mockery of the Roman People. Quintus Fabius was having none of that obviously, and said that if he was already entrusted to conduct the war, he should be given a free hand.”
“So your grandfather was in a predicament. On one side was the plebeian party that made him a consul the first time, and later helped him to become the first plebeian pontifex. On the other side was his friend, who made him a consul three times by asking the centuries to elect him as his colleague. Obviously, Rullianus' request was the more reasonable one.”
“Then what did grandfather do?”
“He lied and schemed, of course. He went to Quintus Fabius, and together they cooked up a plan. They tore at each other in a vicious debate in the senate, Rullianus stating that he would only lead the war if he were granted the campaign against Etruria, while my father maintained the opinion that laws should be observed no matter what. Then, when all of the plebeian senators rallied behind him, he suddenly added: 'But, you know, since the Roman People make all the laws, why not ask the Assembly about it?' “
“The plebeian party could hardly retract its support from that, and when a certain patrician consular raised his voice,” that was probably Appius Claudius, the censor, I remembered thinking, “Rullianus squashed him like a fly. The question was relayed to the Assembly at once. Just so happened, that most of the clients and close allies of Quintus Fabius Maximus Rullianus and Publius Decius Mus were passing the time on the Forum that very day, and they absolved the consuls from observing the law this time.”
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“So, to sum the whole thing up, your grandfather lied to his main supporters, and said he would make their proposal his own. Then, he played an act before the senate, quarrelling with his friend. And at last, he swindled out a favourable result from the Assembly through trickery and foul play.” The way my father put the whole story, painted my grandfather in a bad light.
“So grandfather was not a good man?”
“Oh, he was a good man, alright. I hope I was half the father he was, and I somewhat lack in comparison as a politician or a general as well. The point of the story is, that to stay alive, you have to lie, cheat and put up an act sometimes. We were faced with the combined might of Etruria, Samnium and the Senones that year, and if there had been any bad blood between the consuls, or if Fabius' authority was undermined, we could have lost the war.”
“Grandfather did die though that year,” I pointed out.
“Sometimes even lies and trickery aren't enough,” my father grinned. Then his voice turned serious. “Yes, he died at Sentinum. But I lived, Rullianus lived, and you lived too. He did save the people he cared about the most.”
“But you also always say that lies poison your reputation. That treachery leads you to inevitable doom,” I protested.
“That's why you have to use them sparingly,” my father grinned again.
“Undead are an abomination against the natural order!” cried Erky in the present, tearing me out of my daydreaming. “It's not my sensibility that is being offended here! Fighting the undead, and preserving life is one of the core tenets of Adaron!”
“It's just one little skeleton,” said Jim. “Don't be so unreasonable; it's not like we would want to raise an army of the dead!”
“I am not being unreasonable; I am being consistent. I am having principles. But none of you knows what that is like, am I right?”
That stung, little man. I really should use lies and treachery more sparingly when he is around.
“You say, that preserving life is a core tenet of Adaron?” I asked.
“You heard me.”
“Do I look alive to you?”
“Where are you going with that, Arnold?”
“Since I am the one going forward in dangerous situations, I get the most wounds. You should know; you closed plenty of them. Now, sooner or later I will walk into a danger I won't survive. This way, you could say that sending an undead forward, instead of me, is an act of preserving life.”
“This is pure sophistry.”
“Is it? In the last days, you brought me back from the door of death, how many times now? I remember at least three occasions. Sooner or later, my luck is going to run out. Do you want to see all your efforts wasted? Do you want to fail in your sacred duty of preserving life?”
My words sounded insincere even to myself, but Erky took them seriously.
“I have done things against my principles already...” he said slowly. There were tears in his eyes. “We have killed so many goblins. But it was for the greater good, for finding the apple that can cure every illness, to save the villagers of Oakhurst, and to free my fellow prisoners.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Fine. Summon the undead; I will do nothing against it. But after we leave this place, you will have to destroy it, or I will.”
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So it came to pass, that our merry little precession into the unknown depths of the sunken citadel was led by a skeleton dancing to Jim's tune (figuratively), and a tiny spider following Beldrak's instructions. Last day we had scouted what lay behind the door opening to the west from the chamber of the well, so this morning we turned south.
We went forward, leaving a side-corridor towards the west, then the central duct turned into a natural cave. Even though I saw no movement and heard no sound, the place still exuded a certain air of danger. We moved slower and slower, watching every step, and after a few minutes of walking, we halted. The cave took a turn here.
“My little spider does not see anything,” said Beldrak, who sent forward his animal companion. “But the terrain is broken, and there are a lot of places to hide.”
Jim gave the order for the skeleton to move, and as it turned and disappeared from our sight, Beldrak shouted: “A fire snake! It moved! Now I see it!”
I rushed forward. A great red serpent was hissing menacingly over the remains of the skeleton. I cut at it, my sword biting into the snake's flesh, but I wasn't unharmed either. The monster was emitting heat like a furnace, and even being in its proximity burned me. Now the beast turned towards me, fangs bared, but then Jim’s halberd struck at its head, the purple flames of Erky's spell flared up, and the serpent was dead.
“It burned me!” I said with disbelief.
“Fire snakes are dangerous beasts to approach,” answered Beldrak. “They emit heat to discourage their enemies from doing that.”
“Works against me. I won't go near any other of its kind again.”
“It could be of use to us though, one of these beasts. I think a cloak of fire protection can be made from their skin. Well, not from this one, I think you ruined the hide too much...”
“This is a dead-end,” said Jim now, after it looked around. “Should we go back?”
“Wait a little and look at the pit of the snake,” answered the wizard. “These serpents like jewels as much as dragons do. There is a fair chance that we will find some valuables once the pit cools down enough.”
In the end, we did find a few gems of some worth before we headed back towards the western side-corridor which we left unexplored before. Now we followed this as well until it came to an end at a door without any newer side-corridors branching off from it.
“Are you ready?”
We nodded, so Jim opened the door. And then the dragon hissed at us.
“You are intruding on my lair again!” translated Erky.
Beldrak backed off, I started to formulate a suitably cunning and deceitful response, and Jim stepped forward.
“Ranagol, hear my oath! I will duel Calcryx, and beat her into submission! I will fight her and force her to be my mount! This is the way I will prove my excellence to you!”
“Are you insane?!” I shouted.
“It's your life,” Beldrak shrugged.
“Erky, I will need you to translate for me. You two, stay out of it. This will be a duel.”
I backed off, while the priest went into the chamber with Jim.
“What do we do?” I asked in panic.
“The fool will lose. There is no way he could beat a dragon, even if it is only a wyrmling. Even with the three of us, it is doubtful we could kill Calcryx easily, our best chance would be to attack her when she is distracted, and her back is turned to us. If we attack when she expects it, she could just use her icy breath to nail all of us at once.”
“Yes, I understand that, but what do we do?”
“Patience son, I am getting there. We run back to the chambers where we fought yesterday. I look in the northern cave; you look in the western rooms. Get a body as fast as you can, and bring it back. After the dragon beats Jim, she will be hungry. Convince her with your usual flattery that she should eat the body you brought, and get Jim out of the room while she is distracted.”
He turned to go, but I stopped him.
“Wait!” I shouted. “Leave the potion that causes the illness here. The one we found yesterday. Whichever one of us gets back first should use it.”
“Good idea,” he lifted a glass out of his pocket. “So that you know, cold will slow down this illness. Don't let the dragon use her breath on the body before she eats it.”
On that cue, he was already gone.
It was a pain to run in my new mail, but since one of my companions' life was on the line, I pushed myself hard. I have to save him... the bloody fool...
Him? When did Jim become a him? It was a talking beast, like the kobolds and the goblins, not a human. And still... and still... We fought on each other's side, bled for each other, and now he was in mortal danger. And in spite of myself, even when he was in a danger of his own doing, I wanted to save him. I wanted to protect him as I would any of the comrades I had in the army of the Roman People.
It took me minutes to find a body. Someone discovered the mess we made yesterday and cleaned up after we left. Well, cleaning up was a euphemism: the bodies were simply stripped and dragged over into the gardens where the mushrooms grew. To serve as fertiliser, no doubt. The goblins had no respect even for their own dead.
I took a body on my shoulder and started to run back as fast as I could under the burden of a corpse and my armour. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest, and my lungs were aching as I propped the dead goblin against the wall. The glass, with its deadly content, still stood where Beldrak left it. Which meant I was the first one to arrive back. I took the potion, forced open the mouth of the dead beast, and poured all of the fluid down its throat. Wolves, foxes and dogs often eat the throat and the belly of their prey first, and I was hoping dragons are similar in that regard. Then I lifted up the body again and burst through the door of Calcryx' chamber.
The dragon was standing on a pedestal, which might have held a sculpture someday, and was roaring, drunk with victory. Jim's body lay limp in a corner, his arms and horns covered in rime... but his chest still rising and falling. He must have put up some fight because the dragon was bleeding from multiple wounds too, brown speckles of blood frozen on its icy skin.
I prostrated myself and shouted:
“Here, great Calcryx, a feast suitable for your victory! Allow me to show this small token of gratitude towards you, who shall be my future master and leader! Also accept this tiny contribution towards your mighty hoard, which shall be an object of awe and envy in the future!” Saying that I also emptied a pouch before myself, gold and the small gems of the fire-snake glittering between the silver coins.
The dragon looked at me and then at Erky trembling in a corner as he translated my words.
“Truly, you seem to be a useful servant,” announced the dragon at last. “I accept your offering mercifully. You may leave now.”
It spread its wings and leapt to the body of the goblin. Then it breathed a cloud of icy air onto the corpse and started eating.
Trueanvil did say that I should not let the dragon use its breath on the body, but he did not tell how to stop the beast...
But infecting the dragon suddenly seemed superfluous. It became all so clear now. I have seen now everything in the room with perfect clarity. The dragon, tearing and chewing the flesh of the dead goblin, its back turned towards me. Jim, unconscious and severely wounded in a corner. Erky, jittering in another. And I, in the middle of it, as I slowly turned towards Calcryx.
It was all so easy. The dragon never saw me coming, and never raised its head. I unsheathed my sword, closed the distance in four fast steps, and brought the blade down hard, burying it into the back of the dragon, severing its spine, and killing it in an instant. It never even screamed; it only sighed and collapsed into a lump of broken flesh.
Then my legs gave out. There was the exertion of yesterday, then this frenzied race to find a body and make it back in time. And now the terror that came with turning on Calcryx. I picked a fight with the dragon. If it looked up and saw me while I walked towards it with an unsheathed sword... I started shuddering much like Erky Timbers.
This was how Beldrak found us, all three of us limp and unmoving, and the dead body of the dragon. He looked over the whole room, taking in the scene, then cried out in desperation.
“Arnold! Is that your sword in Calcryx?!”
“It is?”
“You know what you have just done?!”
“I... I have ruined our cloak of protection against frost?”
“That's exactly what you have done!”
“Well, excuse me then,” I grumbled. “I will be very sorry as soon as I finished shitting my pants.” But I was already smiling, and my limbs were shaking a little less. Beldrak was smiling too, and he got Erky to walk over to Jim finally, and start tending to his wounds.
Jim was alive but barely. Timbers brought him back from death's door, as he did with me previously. The power of healers in this world was something to look at. I heard that Pyrrhus, our enemy at Asculum had a similar power, that he could heal the sick if he laid one of his feet on them while sacrificing a rooster, but even he couldn't close wounds like Erky or Jim did. And judging from my companions' demeanour, people with such power were entirely commonplace here.
The tiefling slowly came to, as Erky's magic took effect on him.
“The dragon? What happened?” I heard him whimper.
“She's dead, Jim,” said Beldrak.
“Damn.” I saw with some surprise that Jim was crying. “I am an oath-breaker now.”
“You have fought to the death with the beast,” I said. “I doubt your god will be so unreasonable as punish you for...”
“You don't know Ranagol. He does not tolerate failure. I already feel that he retracted his divine help from me.”
“Then, you should find a new, more accommodating patron, shouldn't you?” asked Beldrak.
“My gods are extremely reasonable,” I offered. “We make contracts with them all the time, just like with other humans. It is really...”
“Thank you, Arnold. I don't want to speak about gods and theology now.”
“Ah. Of course.”
It's not like my gods had power here anyway. It was a sad and unwelcome thought. But it was true. Quirinus himself had said so.
In the next minutes, Erky poured all of his healing magic into Jim so that he could stand again.
“Should we turn back for today?” Beldrak asked.
“Let us stay here for half an hour,” answered Jim. “If I eat a bite, and get some of that superb ale of yours, I think my strength will return.”
“Be my guest. The goblins are footing the bill after all.” He chuckled and threw his wineskin to Jim.
“How did the little beasts get their thieving hands on such a thing anyway?” I asked. “Most of their food and drink was disgusting beyond belief.”
“They stole it with their thieving hands, I would assume. You heard it too in Oakhurst; they don't shy away from a little highway robbery.”
“I wouldn't mind if they had put their hands on some garum as well,” I said wistfully as I bit into my tasteless rations.
“A garum? What is a garum?” asked Jim.
“It's the best spice you have ever tasted!” I said with exuberance. “Might have some other name around these parts. I will tell you how it's made; you will tell me how you call it. First, you take the intestines of a big fish, salt it, take some small fish, salt them too. You put the whole thing into a vessel, and let it ferment on the sun while frequently turning it. It has to be the right kind of fish, though! Then you...”
My companions were listening to my explanation with widely opened eyes. It was a pleasant experience to explain something, instead of receiving explanations, so I was extremely thorough and made sure not to leave out even a single detail. When I finished, the others still haven't said a word.
Did I just expose myself again? I thought in sudden panic. But surely garum is made in these lands as well somewhere! How could any civilisation flourish without such a vital culinary component?
Then, at last, Beldrak spoke.
“Son, I don't think you are in a position to criticise goblin cuisine.”
“Yeah, I would sooner drink goblin wine than this garum stuff,” Jim added.
“I have heard humans are capable of consuming almost anything,” wait why are you saying this like you aren't a human? “But this is truly a pinnacle of obscenity,” said Erky. “I ask you to never again speak of your cuisine in my presence.”
I finished my meal in silence.
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