The room felt huge and empty, with all the soldiers gone. There was something uneasy about being in this large, military focused training area with only a single man giving me that look. His eyes were calculating, serious, and somehow threatening. I suppressed a shudder, and tried to pretend I was unaffected by his presence.

“The level of threat that I pose the world?” I repeated, surprised at his question. “Obviously, I could destroy your world if I wanted to, but the fact that I’ve been here for years and haven’t must surely count for something.”

His eye twitched.

“I am not presently referring to your destructive abilities,” he said. “The issue at hand is your apparent belief that the decisions of a young woman have greater military weight than the expertise of those who have trained in military matters.”

“This is about not training the other soldiers?” I asked, feeling abruptly weary.

“Yes, and more,” he said. “Ms. Koryn, while you have cooperated in all the ways that you clearly deem harmless, you have failed to put even an ounce of actual trust into the decision making abilities of myself or Lieutenant Pash. You question every motive, and seem to be on the verge of taking your own path at any moment.”

“Well… that’s true,” I said. “At the first severe sign of untrustworthiness, I do intend to leave and try to deal with the issue of Nazi Germany on my own.”

“From what you’ve told me, if they do have spellcasters, and you do attempt to deal with them on your own, you will almost certainly be handing over our world to Hitler,” he said coldly.

I flinched.

“Your reaction tells me you already knew that,” he said. “Do you understand the problem now, Ms. Koryn? You already know that such a course has a high chance of failure, with extreme consequences. And yet, even knowing that, you calmly speak of taking that course.”

“But…” I said, my voice barely above a whisper, unable to meet his eyes, “but the consequences of things going wrong here… it’d be my fault…”

“That’s the benefit of having someone in authority over you,” he said, his voice a trace more gentle. “If you put your trust in me, and my decision is wrong, then the consequences are my fault, not yours. I assure you, Ms. Koryn, I am taking this matter extremely seriously. I have no intention of allowing the soldiers you train to threaten the world. You cannot let the fear of guilt put the world at risk.”

I flinched again. My cowardice, he meant. My fear put the world at risk.

But, there was one issue with what he was saying.

“How do I know I can trust you with that kind of decision?” I asked.

“How could humanity know we can trust you with that kind of decision?” he said.

I looked away.

“Have I given you any reason to believe that I’m anything other than dedicated to the future of this country, and this world?” he asked.

“Well… no,” I muttered. “Though I haven’t really looked at your soul…”

“With respect, Ms. Koryn, none of us have looked at yours,” he said, a hint of dry humor entering his voice. “Does that mean we shouldn’t trust you with the fate of the world?”

The pressure of the accusation in his gaze was too much to take. I sank down to the floor and hugged my knees to my chest. He crouched, to stay near, but still looming.

“I don’t want to make a mistake… I don’t want to ruin anything,” I whispered.

“No one does,” he said. “But keep in mind that inaction can be just as terrible as a poor action.”

“I know that,” I said with a weary sigh, thinking back to the story I told Liam.

A town free of magic that grew to rely on me… just me… to solve all of their problems. I hadn’t noticed the parallel as pointedly before. I remembered the accusation against my father. My face ached briefly in memory of the twisted pain from crying so much.

I missed him. My father, my mother, my brothers…

My eyes watered as I looked at the man in front of me.

I was so tired of being the one who always cried. I sighed as I put my face in between my knees.

The most we can give is our all, my father’s voice said to me, through the haze of memory.

But what if our all isn’t good enough? What if a bad outcome isn’t ameliorated by good intentions?

After all, wasn’t the very existence of magic my parents’ fault?

A sinking feeling filled my heart at that thought.

There was no other explanation for their magic, that I knew of. The timing was too suspicious otherwise. It had to relate to the accident that brought me here.

If it weren’t for my parents, London wouldn’t have fallen.

If it weren’t for our mistakes, Churchill would still be alive. The allied forces may just well have won, one day. Lots of countries, like the USA, weren’t involved in this war, but also didn’t want to be taken over - if Germany pushed too hard, they could be overwhelmed. Now, though, there was no chance of that.

Which meant…

If Hitler won, it was our fault. My fault. I was the only thing standing between humanity’s future and its destruction due to the mistakes of my family.

I forced myself to look at the general, to meet his eyes and think about this being his responsibility instead of mine. The coward in me liked the idea, but it felt wrong. He didn’t understand the situation in the same way I did. It made more sense for him to be my advisor, than the other way around. He believed that a single nation ruling the world was a bigger threat than training soldiers in magic, which told me everything I needed to know about how well he grasped the threats at stake.

Which meant it was on me. That it must be on me, since no one else even could grasp what the incautious release of magic would actually mean.

I didn’t want this. I looked away, afraid… but I didn’t want to fail again.

Then don’t, Liam’s voice echoed through memory. I didn’t recall the exact words, but... Don’t stand by and do nothing next time. You don’t want to be a coward anymore, so use this to practice.

I took a deep breath and stood up. He stood with me, moving faster so as to always be over me.

“You’re right,” I said, my voice shaking. I met his eyes. “Bring Albert Einstein here. He is willing, and was of great help in working to improve my detection abilities. Fetch Nicholas for me, or whomever, to drive. I will temporarily be returning to Boston. I… I need to see the others.”

“What are your intentions?” he asked warily.

“All of this,” I said, gesturing at the training room, “is pointless if we don’t know what we are facing. I know that you have no reason to place faith in me. But I… I understand what it is to have power. I cannot simply hand responsibility over to another. It is not our way. I will gain perspective, and then will return here. I assure you I will not be gone long.”

“Ms. Koryn, we do not have time for you to just go and ‘get some perspective,’” he said. “We need to prepare.”

“I am aware of what we need,” I said, my voice sounding calm, despite the numbness in my face. “It is up to you whether or not you will cooperate with me, General.”

“Ms. Koryn -” he began, and I cut him off with a gesture.

A flicker of fear erupted in his soul, though his face betrayed no hint of it whatsoever.

“Do not mistake my disagreement as a refusal to do what must be done,” I said, my voice still quiet, but with steel in it that surprised me. “Cooperate or don’t. I leave in fifteen minutes. If a soldier is not ready with a vehicle, I will go on my own.”

I didn’t give him a chance to respond. I left and went to my room.

That evening, I sat at the dinner table in our house. Slick was there, and Alice. They held hands at every opportunity. I couldn’t miss the fear on either of their faces. I had called Liam at work, and both he and Lou managed to get there at a reasonable time to join us. Nicholas was at the table, too, and had completely recovered from his training, glad to talk with my friends.

They were engaged in discussion, but it felt so… trivial. There was a heaviness in the air that I did not like. My friends…

I closed my eyes. I couldn’t join in this frivolousness. General Richardson’s words weighed too heavily on me.

I didn’t even manage to say “excuse me” when I got up and left. This wasn’t what I needed.

Grass had grown over the yard, and no hint remained of the beauty that was once here. Still, I knew, deep in my heart, the spot. Roses of ice and fire filled my mind as I knelt again in the ruins of what had once been my garden.

“Hey.”

Lou was sitting next to me, and had been for a while.

“The new guy, Nick? He’s nice,” Lou said. “I think, anyway. He wouldn’t tell us some stuff, but I got the gist of it.”

Silence reigned for a time, and there was something painful about how Lou looked in the moonlight. I couldn’t help but see her pale skin as deathly white, bleached from the loss of blood, rather than the mere shadows of night. What would I do if she died? Would that be what it took, for me to act? But… if I was to act now, what was I supposed to do?

“I don’t know,” I told her softly. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Me neither,” Lou said, and laughed in a way that sounded like pain. “London… and I’m going to guess you’re blaming yourself again.”

“Obviously,” I said, with a dry laugh. “Though not in the way you think.”

“I actually don’t have a ‘way’ in mind,” Lou said wryly. “I don’t even know how you’d blame yourself. I just know you’d find a way.”

“It’s not about London,” I said. “I… don’t care about that.”

“You don’t care?” Lou repeated, surprised and a little offended. “How do you not care?”

“People die all of the time,” I said. “I didn’t cause this, but I could have prevented it. Probably. Along with many other ills that plague your people. I don’t blame myself for it any more than Hitler’s other atrocities, but… it brings perspective.”

“For crying out… you’re seriously blaming yourself for Hitler?” she asked.

“Not exactly,” I said, huffing in annoyance. “It’s not about that. It’s…”

She waited while I struggled for words.

“Pash told me that with Churchill and the leaders of various governments-in-exile now dead, that Germany was free to make other moves,” I said. “Paraphrasing, of course. And… I don’t know, it hit me a little, then. Germany isn’t a person. Hitler isn’t… he’s… he’s just a leader. By the will of one man, a million wills are cast aside. This isn’t a world of however many billions of people, all of whom have equal sway. It’s a world of very few people of true power, people who make decisions for the whole world. As it was in my world, but I couldn’t join the world stage there. Here, I could. If I do not join their ranks, then they decide the fate of the world without me. If I do, though?”

She was silent again for a long moment, and then sighed.

“Given a choice between you and Hitler ruling the world, I’d pick you,” she said, sounding glum. “But it shouldn’t be that way, either. Is that what you’re thinking of doing?”

“No,” I said, sighing again. “I don’t even know if I could.”

“Well, don’t,” she said dryly. “Pick something else.”

“What, though?” I asked. “I’ve done so little. I’ve been nothing but a failure…”

Then don’t, Liam’s voice echoed in my mind, and my jaw clenched.

“I don’t have to stay that way,” I said, steel entering my voice again, making Lou look at me in surprise. “It’s far too late to start… but I can’t change the past. So it has to be now.”

“Scares the fuck out of me when you talk like that,” Lou said, shuddering.

“It should,” I said, anger heating my voice as I glared at her. “Lou, I have power. That’s what it means. You should fear me. You should also temper that fear with wisdom, by understanding who I actually am. Look at me, Lou, and tell me if who I am is someone that ought to be feared.”

Her face tightened.

“You’re too powerful by half,” she said bluntly. “You could kill us all, and I don’t want anyone to do what you can do. So what that you’re nice? Power like this shouldn’t fucking exist.”

“Oh, and you’d feel completely comfortable around President Roosevelt?” I asked scathingly. “He’s nice, yes, and you have faith that he wouldn’t use his political power against you… but it doesn’t change the fact that he could. The difference, Lou, is that you have no faith in me.”

“No, Aera, it’s that you’re a hell of a lot harder to stop,” she said, glaring back at me.

“Oh, really?” I asked. “Hitler won a democratic vote - he deserves the power as much as Roosevelt. He’s easy to stop, is he? You, alone, could do so?”

“It’s different,” she said, still glaring. “You know that full well.”

“The difference, Lou, is simply that I have a different type of power,” I said. “That, and I’m also the single most powerful person on this planet, by a certain measure. The fact is that anyone with truly great power, whether wealth, political, or magical, is dangerous and hard to stop.”

“It shouldn’t be that way,” she said, looking away, her voice tight. “The whole point of this country is to keep things from being that way.”

“Being in denial of reality isn’t admirable,” I said. “This is the way that it is. Whether or not you like it does not matter. In my world, ignoring reality gets you killed. Here, it means nothing. If you want to actually matter in the world, you must face the truth of it.”

“So when it comes time, are you going to allow magic users, including yourself, to become bound?” she asked, giving me a dark look.

I flinched. Liam must have been talking to her about that issue.

“I’ve accepted that it’s the right thing to do,” I said, my voice tight. “My heart… does not accept it, so it still strains me, weakens me. The only thing that keeps my magic at sufficient strength is convincing myself that I will never let myself become bound. If that means never breaking the rules, when they’re made, then so be it.”

“So you’ll let yourself be ruled by others?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Even though you’ve never given any indication of being willing to do that?”

“I don’t know how magic will intersect with nations,” I said, shrugging. “Now? No, I won’t let myself be ruled by others. When the situation emerges that there is a government structure over magic that I accept is reasonably protected from corruption, I will attempt to learn to do so.”

“So let me get this straight,” Lou said. “I have to accept that your magic exists and will keep existing, and that the world will always be subject to powerful people, where everyone else has to just deal with it. I have to accept the idea of one person, who isn’t even from Earth, having a serious say in the world’s future, no matter what anyone else wants. I also have to accept that this person believes herself above any laws, international or otherwise, and will only start trying to learn how to accept the power of others once there’s a government she, personally, approves of. Am I on the right track?”

I frowned.

“But that’s not all,” she said, crossing her arms. “This person isn’t happy with just being the most powerful person on the planet. No, she also wants people to put their faith in her, to be given social support on top of everything else, and refuses to make any concessions. Do you realize how fucking ridiculous that is?”

“You constantly see the problems in things,” I said, shaking my head. “Yes, actually, I do know that I’m asking a lot. But, I’m trying to save your entire world. As it happens, no, I don’t think it’s ridiculous to ask a lot when trying to save the world. Do you want me to give up trying, and let Hitler win?”

She glared at the grass instead of me.

“No, obviously,” she said, sounding sullen.

“Any alternative suggestions?” I asked. “Not just criticising my ideas, but maybe coming up with one?”

“You’ve just mentioned big picture stuff,” she said. “I thought you didn’t have an actual idea.”

“That’s not the point,” I said. “The point is, you keep trying to stop me from coming up with ideas, because you despise the reality which makes those ideas relevant.”

“Not true,” she said. “What I don’t like is your sense of entitlement around the issues, like your ideas and your values are more important than anyone else’s, just because you have magic.”

“I want to save the world,” I said, groaning. “I want to save it from Hitler, from plagues, from famine. All I’m asking you… all I’ve ever asked you… is to support me in that! To come up with ways to help, to use me to make the world better! You’re brilliant, Lou - can’t you use it to lift me up, for once, instead of cutting me down?”

She pursed her lips and looked at the stars.

“I hadn’t thought about it like that,” she said. “I thought you didn’t want to be used.”

“That’s not the problem,” I said. “I don’t mind being used. I just want to be used fairly, openly, and for good reasons.”

There was another long moment of silence.

“Okay,” she said. “Let’s make a deal. I’ll use you. I’ll come up with ways to use you to fix things. But you have to have faith in me, too. You have to trust me. You have to obey me, even if you disagree, sometimes, to balance out the fact that I can’t stop you, when I disagree with you.”

Her words felt like cold hands around my throat. But she was right… the reason I didn’t like it was because I wanted my beliefs, values, and ideas to matter more than anyone else’s.

Unlike General Richardson or Pash, I did trust Lou. I trusted her intentions. She had a heart of gold and a brilliant mind. If I refused… then didn’t that mean she was right to not trust me? On a gut level, I believed I was right about everything, and always would. That my intentions would always be perfect. Yet, I knew it wasn’t actually true.

I exhaled slowly.

“You are dear to me,” I said, swallowing. “You are brilliant, kind, and good. I will put my faith in you, in exchange for your faith in me. I accept.”

“It’s not easy for either of us,” she said, looking away. “I’d like to make sure we’re clear that I do not like this at all. But… it’s the best we’ve got, isn’t it?”

I snorted lightly and smiled at her.

“We can’t even know that much, honestly,” I said, and she chuckled back. “We’re surrounded by the untrustable, with power that no one person ought to wield, but must be wielded anyway, and have no one with real experience in using it to call on.”

“Thanks for that,” Lou said dryly. “I’d almost let myself start thinking we weren’t fucked.”

The next morning, the radios were already announcing the draft was in effect. They’d said it was a certainty within hours of the London Disaster first being reported, but it still caught me by surprise that it only took a single day to implement it.

Alice and Slick were practically hanging on to each other. The draft obviously was disturbing them. Alice’s eyes were full of fear, which she did a wretched job of trying to hide.

Lou and I had spent the evening discussing plans. It wasn’t as productive as I’d hoped for, but better than nothing. Together, we came up with the idea of having me visit Germany in secret, and using mind magic on local animals to have them scout for magic on my behalf, using my enchantments. It would enable me to built a small, defended “fortress,” borrowing from my predictions of my father, in a completely deserted section of the Germany wilderness.

I was also pleased that Lou agreed with me, that training potentially untrustworthy soldiers in magic was a bad idea. She decided that Richardson was too confident in his ability to control them, and her guess was that it was because he was so accustomed to being able to control people.

After a round of farewells, I rode back to the base with Nicholas. We discussed the plan, too. He was more confident than we were in Richardson’s ability to control the soldiers, but he understood why we were worried. He didn’t like our plan that much, since it was a single point of failure. If I were captured, then we - and, by extension, the whole world - lost.

Still, he understood the reasoning. During the drive, I gave him more resistance training, since there was no harm in it. By the time we got back to base, he could maintain a half decent barrier against magesense.

General Richardson was furious with me still, though he kept it hidden. Even so, I could see it clearly just at the surface of his spirit - he’d have killed me, given half an excuse. He really did seem to believe that my “idiocy” was going to cost humanity.

He also did not like the plan at all. He said things like what Nicholas had said, and a few other points besides, but in watching his spirit, I was pretty sure his real issue was that he had absolutely no way to control the outcome.

I didn’t tell him about my deal with Lou, since I was certain he’d try to rope her into this. At least it wouldn’t be easy for him, when the time came - Lou said that police officers were exempt from the first few stages of wartime drafts, since they are necessary for the functioning of society.

Our new plan settled into place, despite his objections. I would continue to train the selected seven to the best of my ability. Einstein would come and help work on the tracking enchantments. I would begin constructing more of those enchantments with all the spare power I could muster.

By the next day, Einstein had made his abrupt farewells from the institute, and was on the base. He encouraged caution, and freely admitted that his mind was a poor match for the requirements of war. He encouraged me to avoid going forth with my plan until we had established thorough means of escape. While he was astounded at my ability to shapeshift into a dog, he wasn’t confident it’d be good enough, even with my other defenses added on.

The third day brought an aura of anxiety and fear among the higher ups at the base. I grew an increased appreciation for magesense - I’d have had no idea without it. Richardson had established himself as being obsessed with control, distrusting to downright hostile to magic, and rare to experience fear. Now, though his demeanor hadn’t changed, his spirit was constantly twitching in a battle between fear and intense focus.

By afternoon, I was tired of waiting for him to tell me. I asked him to speak in private, and he brought me to his office.

“Yes, Ms. Koryn?” he asked, as he sat down.

“Something’s happened,” I said. “I don’t know what, but the fact you haven’t told me concerns me.”

“You haven’t proven yourself trustworthy enough to share classified information with,” he said. “I expect you to begin demonstrating some of that trustworthiness by telling me what you know, how you know it, and by giving your word to say nothing of it to anyone else.”

I groaned.

“I give my word that I’ll say nothing unless I deem it absolutely necessary for some reason,” I said. “I won’t be frivolous about it.”

He sighed, closing his eyes as though seeking patience.

“And the rest?” he said, sounding annoyed.

“You almost never feel fear,” I said, shrugging. “I noticed it, in you and in two others, including Pash. Fear, anxiety, uncertainty… something must be going on.”

His mouth tightened to a fine line, and he looked like he’d probably strike me dead if he could wield magic.

“Have you mentioned this to anyone?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “I’ve been waiting for you to formally tell me, and was just losing patience, that’s all.”

“There is a situation that’s developing, and people are informed on a need to know basis,” he said. “You don’t need to know. Nor do any of your associates. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir,” I said. “When do you think you’ll tell me?”

“When you need to know,” he said.

I glared at him. My glare had nothing on his. Finally, I looked away, grumbling.

“Fine,” I said. “Any suggestions for what I ought to do in the meantime?”

“Train the soldiers, and hold nothing back,” he said coldly.

I had learned a rude gesture from Lou, and for the first time, I felt very tempted to use it. I refrained, and instead just stomped my way out of his office.

Against Richardson’s protests, Albert joined the magic resistance class. I’d told him that he was either joining the class, or I was taking time from something else to teach him privately. He had a knack for it. Recognizing abnormal thought processes, and controlling your thoughts, were key to effective magic resistance. That, and intense emotion. Albert had excellent control of his thoughts, and managed to wield his very curiosity as “fuel” for his resistance.

Apparently, my level of “need to know” was as a civilian, because I once again learned about a change by way of the radio. Albert and I were listening to it in the background while he helped me refine the tracking enchantment.

“Word just came in from Canada,” the reporter said. “Ships, assumed to be German or Russian, are on their way to Nova Scotia. They’re at most a day out. Word is, Canada’s navy attempted to hold off the ships and were completely wiped out. Not much information is available, as the Canadian military isn’t sharing details with the press, and the civilians don’t know much. We do know that the coastal cities being evacuated to the city of Halifax, where the Canadian army is getting ready to protect their people. Keep in mind folks that Halifax is only a few hundred miles from American shores.”

Albert stared at the radio, then looked at me. The worry on his face distracted me from the reporter.

“What?” I asked, uneasy. “What does it mean?”

“Boston is the northernmost port city on the eastern seaboard,” he said, as he walked over and took my hand. “Aera, if I remember my geography correctly, then I fear the Germans are coming here.”

He squeezed my hand tightly.

“We can only assume, my dear, that they come for you,” he said. “It seems we are out of time.”