《Tautology》Chapter 21 Part 8
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Chapter 21 Part 8
“Quoth the Raven”
His right hand hurt.
But it was just pain. Pain Aiden could ignore, same with the feeling in his chest, or the tiredness deep in his bones. These were all things he could ignore.
“What do you desire, Aiden?” Ranpo asked.
His eyes glanced towards his creation, “Elaborate?”
“I know your goals, I know what you want to accomplish, but what after that?” the crow asked. “Say you cure her, bring her back hale and healthy. What happens next? What is your next step?”
Aiden was silent, before he turned on his seat, fully facing the crow. When he spoke again, it was almost wistful, childlike even, “I wanted to retire someplace with a view of the sea. To spend the rest of my life quietly watching the waves, almost like a family vacation.”
“Wanted?” the crow asked.
“It was what I wanted before,” Aiden said, knowing Ranpo would catch onto the meaning. “Now I’m not so sure, but it is the only answer I could give.”
The crow leapt off its perch, waddling beside Aiden. “You have to know that she is Bu’s sister.”
“I do.”
“Then you have to know regardless of how hard you work, the world as you wanted will not manifest,” Ranpo continued. “The past is nevermore, yours especially so.”
“I know that,” Aiden quietly replied. “That is why I’m unsure of it, even if that’s what I want.”
A peaceful life with a family that loved him.
Yet, no matter how he tried to imagine this, all he came back to was the feeling of bruises on his skin. Of shouts and arguing. Of the horrid smell of alcohol. Of crawling into a cabinet and desperately trying to avoid making a single sound.
Aiden Lu could not imagine a peaceful life.
“Is that the truest answer you can give me?”
He noted how hard it was to read Ranpo’s expression. His face didn’t lead to the exact same expressions humans did, so he didn’t know what Ranpo was feeling when he replied,
“Yes.”
They left the room. There was nothing to be gained here anymore. He waved his goodbyes to the nursing staff, but they were frantically dealing with the fallout from the Gates today to reply. There was no need to intrude, so he left, taking the elevator down.
It was as he navigated the hospital, that he saw a group of frantic doctors pushing a bed past him, carrying an old man.
And he paused as they passed him.
“Did you get injured Aiden?” a familiar voice called behind him.
He turned and nodded, “I’m fine Mrs Jemina, thank you for the ride this morning. But...”
“The person that just passed us was on the bus wasn’t he?” Ranpo finished.
She sadly nodded, “Do you have time young Aiden?”
He glanced at his phone, checking the time. It was late, but it wasn’t like he was getting a good night’s sleep anyway. “I’m free.”
“Then sit with me,” she asked and Aiden complied.
Around them, the hospital was frantic with activity, though it was a children’s hospital, during times of crisis it took in patients of all ages, as was protocol.
In this mad hustle, they sat down in the waiting hall. A pair of silent figures.
“You recognised Joseph?”
“He was on the mobility scooter next to me on the bus,” Aiden replied. The old man had given him some salted licorice and was the first to charge out when the bus had stopped.
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Mrs Jemina nodded, “He’s a good man, amiable as well, always had a smile on his face even when his legs stopped working.”
And quietly, the old woman beside him began to recount the life of Joseph Miller, of the man who sailed through life with a smile. Of how he bragged about getting rejected by fifty women before the age of twenty. Of how his tastes in candy were absolutely horrid, yet despite that, his grandchildren would always gulp down his durian taffy with a strained look on their faces. Of how proud the man was of his children and grandchildren.
“In the end, when he could no longer do what he once did, he was like the rest of us. Bitter, but he went through it with a smile. Even as he felt increasingly helpless, he still had a smile on his face.”
Aiden was silent, quietly listening to the old woman beside him.
“And that’s why we all came out this day, one day where we can relive our past glories, to have one last hurray into the dark. To shout in defiance of our aging bodies and going minds.” As she spoke, she took out a notepad, on it was a phone number writ in faded ink and angrily scribbled out, but not enough the original numbers weren’t recognisable.
“In the end, we didn’t want to die an old and forgotten husk. We wanted to die as people should.”
A nurse walked up to them, “Are you the one who was with Mr Miller when he came in?”
“Any news?” Mrs Jemina asked.
The nurse shook his head.
And Jemina quietly sighed. Her hands tightly clutching the notebook, “He should still have family out there somewhere. Please contact them.”
The nurse nodded and quietly left.
“Thank you Aiden for listening to an old woman’s ramblings,” she said as she stood up. “Have a good night.”
And she left to visit her now dead friend.
Aiden sat there, no one but Ranpo beside him. He sat there in silence until he reached into his school bag. Brushing past the dented cleaver, his pencil case and school books, he found a packet, a packet of salted licorice.
“I’ve never tried these before,” Ranpo murmured.
“Neither have I,” he answered.
He took two pieces out, passing one to Ranpo. “Cheers.”
And both ate their piece, and both immediately grimaced.
“Gah, this tastes horrible.”
“I can’t imagine what kind of person would enjoy this bitter thing,” Aiden concurred.
Yet even as he said that he went and took out two more pieces. “Another?”
“Might as well,” Ranpo replied.
And both grimaced again.
“You know, it’s not as bad the second time.”
Ranpo glared at him.
Aiden rolled his eyes, “Ok, it still tastes horrible the second time.”
“I don’t think there is a point where it’ll start tasting good,” Ranpo murmured.
Still, Aiden took two more out, “Probably, want another one?”
“I don’t but I might as well since you’re eating.”
And Aiden smiled, not a bright or large smile, or one that seemed faked or strained, but merely the small curling of lips as he found something particularly amusing.
“Indeed, suffering is best enjoyed together.”
“You are a horrible person,” Ranpo answered as he took his third licorice.
“You don’t have to tell me that,” Aiden answered as he ate his piece. As he thought about Mrs Jemina and the senior citizens who drove him this morning.
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Of how they wanted a retry even when their bodies could no longer support it. Of how they wanted one last chance to make things right. To at the very least, die as people should and not waste away in some forgotten corner as a husk of themselves.
“You don’t have to tell me that,” he repeated.
Lu dreamt of ocean waves.
And also running. Lots of running.
“You can’t escape this you know?” Bu idly said, watching him from the side as he dodged another petal.
“I’m getting used to its movements.” The way the creature forced everything into non-linear movement was worrying, but its actions were predictable, almost appearing preprogrammed even.
“That’s because these movements are all that you remember of it,” Bu said. “But even then you’ll fail.”
A petal slammed right beside him, and Lu quickly vaulted over it just as a second came rushing down.
“I’m still going to try.”
“It is pointless,” Bu said.
“It’s not like we get tired in a dream,” Lu answered. “What about what we talked about? Are you ready any time soon?”
Bu was silent for a moment before he spoke, “There wouldn’t be a point. We are too different after all.”
Lu turned to glance towards him, “That isn’t true-”
The creature grabbed him in that opening, raising him up towards the mouths.
Aiden slammed awake, his throat dry and sweat running down his temples. His shirt stuck to him, uncomfortable and dirty with perspiration and his right hand throbbing with pain.
He noticed then, the struggling of his left arm, covered in grey and duct-taped to the bedpost. Trying to escape its prison and moving completely without his input.
“Hells and I thought I was being paranoid,” he murmured, before he reabsorbed the memory, the tattoo returning to him.
“Some say paranoia is just being appropriately cautious,” Ranpo called out, disturbed from his own sleep by Aiden’s antics.
“They’re probably doomsday preppers,” Aiden replied without much thought as he began to work his arm free by tearing at the tape with his teeth.
“You do realise which world you live in right?”
He paused, and spat out the bite of duct tape in his mouth, “Right right, the zombie apocalypse is just another Tuesday here.”
“Monday actually, but who cares about linear time anyway?”
Aiden rolled his eyes, not that the crow could see in the dark, so he used his cat eyes trick to make them glow slightly and then rolled his eyes.
“Wondrous use of your reality-bending god-like power, I assume the natural next step would be skunking someone you dislike or creating your own circus?”
“Not a bad idea to make money,” Aiden replied, “I already have a clown.”
“I applaud your excellent self-awareness,” the crow drily replied, then clapped his wings together.
He rolled his eyes again as he finally freed his arm. It was annoying since he only had his teeth to free it, but better difficulty than his own power killing him in his sleep.
“That thing is still trying to break free isn’t it?” Ranpo asked.
Aiden nodded, he wished he remembered what occurred during his dreams, but it was for naught. He only knew it was stressful and that the monster was involved in some way, but that was it.
“Should you get help in any way?”
He paused, the idea hadn’t occurred to him, but it made sense. While it was just his power going berserk, if the worst-case scenario occurred and that thing managed to be reborn through him, then… it would be a problem. It was rated as a B-class threat last he heard, and unlike then it would be in a populated location. It meant faster responders but also more immediate casualties should it go on a rampage.
“I’ll ask around the school today, but until then…”
“Until then?”
“I need to move,” Aiden said, throwing on a jacket and swapping out his pants. Dawn had yet to rise, but the street lights were enough. He could see in the dark either way.
Ranpo flapped his wings, landing on his shoulder as he finished dressing and brushing his teeth. “Lead on then.”
He went the same route he did last time. Walking by the river, watching the light slowly peak over the horizon, highlighting the jagged and broken pieces of the Dark Moon that once stole its light.
“Lest Dawn Fail,” Ranpo murmured in an almost… admiring way.
“It’s strange to think that people died to ensure the sun rose,” Aiden replied.
Not metaphorically, or in some ancient religious practice, but in this world, once very literally.
“You need to significantly reclassify what you consider possible then.”
He chuckled slightly, “I know, I know… it’s just that… I still expect to wake up, to find that this was all just a strange dream.”
“I can assure you that your boring mind would never conjure a world this detailed.”
“And if I did?”
“Then take it from the dream crow born from the sacrifice of your memory and particularly good origami skills, get out of accounting and become a writer,” then shook his head, “regardless, if there is an ‘author’, I can only assume he is the poor subject of some sadistic dolt who took the infinite monkey theorem too literally. Not some boring fool who can’t even decide to walk the certain path.”
Aiden’s steps slowed, “So you’re saying god is a monkey on a typewriter?”
“Probably drunk as well,” Ranpo replied, “but even drunk he is at least typing.”
Aiden stopped fully, the crow on his shoulder perking his head into his vision. “What are you implying here?”
“I’m saying you are wafting around like an idiot,” Ranpo cut. “We both have an idea of where this is going. You’re best bet is going it as a cowl. Maybe you rob banks, maybe you shake down small businesses as a mafia enforcer. Or you reveal your identity and on the off chance you don’t get dismissed as a cracked meta, you get a CPA and start working your old job.”
“There’s also construction,” he pointed out. They saw a building get disintegrated by a Gate just yesterday. Somebody had to rebuild it, and the housing industry was significantly more lucrative in this world than his previous.
“Physically intensive labour while missing a hand? Excuse my scepticism,” Ranpo replied. “Sure you can use your power to compensate, maybe make an elephant to do the heavy lifting, but without a Meta License that’s still illegal.”
“I’ve checked nearby low-level data entry and customer service jobs. If I double down and work lots of hours I will be able to hold everything.”
“How long can you do that? Barely any rest while maintaining sufficient academic records? How long can you manage that without breaking?”
“Twenty-five years,” Aiden spoke, softly but not without steel.
Ranpo paused in his speech. Gently, he inquired, “And how long did you live?”
“Twenty-seven,” Aiden Lu replied.
“And what happened in the last two years?”
There was that smile again, soft and sardonic. An admonishment of his own failure, “I did as you said.”
“I broke.”
A quiet declaration. Yet loud it was in the early morning when life had yet to rise from sleep.
Gently, Ranpo leapt off his creator’s shoulder, jumping instead onto a park bench to face him.
“I assume your current plan is to push yourself severely for four years,” Ranpo began. “Holding up multiple side jobs and your education. You never intended to go into cape or cowl work, the piece of paper you took for the same reason you did that interview. Politeness to a man who helped you.”
“After finishing school, earning your Meta License, you attend your mandatory military service. Racking up a small but important starting wealth. Then somehow snowball that into the several tens of millions to cure Jaiden?”
“I might put more detail but it is an accurate assessment,” Aiden replied.
“It is a sensible plan, but there is one problem.”
The wind howled.
“At what point do you break again?”
Very quietly, Aiden stared up at the sky, at the rising dawn.
“Who knows,” he admitted. “That’s the thing about hope. Even when you know it’s fake, you have no idea when or if it’ll break.”
“Is it not the definition of madness to try the same thing expecting different results?” Ranpo cut in.
“Perhaps, but maybe this time it’ll be different.”
“Over a decade of your life devoured by this endeavour,” the crow spoke.
Aiden was silent.
Ranpo flapped his wings, rising to eye-level. “If that is the case, I may not follow you.”
Aiden’s eyes widened.
“Perhaps not today, nor tomorrow, but one day I will leave you. For the world we live in is too vast to be spent living small lives like ours.”
“I thought I programmed loyalty into you,” Aiden murmured. Not in blame or accusation, but in a simple statement of fact.
“You did,” Ranpo replied, “but loyalties change. It is not enough to have followers but to earn them as well. And while our time is enjoyable, friendship is not the same as loyalty. And I’m not sure you are worth my loyalty Aiden Lu.”
“May I hear why?” he asked as the sun finally rose, illuminating both of them in its morning glory.
“Why? Because the world you want is gone and nevermore. You understand it, but you still refuse to admit it.”
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