The two boys sat in front of my desk. With that look of petulancy, only teenagers can really bring up. One of them was staring through the window as if he would trigger and shot right through it at any second. The second one had his gaze on the ground, with a frown so heavy it was like it had personally wronged him.

“So, would one of you two explain to me why you’re here?” A great opening line as any, though I still had to see the day any of the kids actually answered it. Undaunted by their newfound stoicism, I continued; “Well, if that's the case. I'll start by relaying what was told to me. So, correct me if I'm wrong but...” I took the form that was passed to me from the director's office and started reading it to them. “Mr. Igor and Mr. Adrian were found fighting on school grounds after one student informed the office of their organization of a 'fight club'. The intention of such was to fight till one of them triggered. They were advertising and roping in other students for their, claimed, infallible solution.”

“Who was it?” Igor said, looking up from the ground briefly before resuming his stare competition with the tiles.

“Pardon?” I asked, even if already knowing. I glanced at the other boy, Adrian, to gauge his reaction. He was still passively staring out the window, as if the conversation wasn’t about him.

“Who fucking told on us?” Igor spat. His fists tightening to match his frown. Adrian stopped his stare competition with the sky and came back to the events inside the room.

“Well, I can't really tell you that. And even if I could I wouldn't feel inclined to do so.” The boy opened his mouth to continue his protest. But now that I had their attention, I should probably get the sermon out of the way. “And you two should thank this random person. What you two probably don't realize is the level of danger you two put on not only yourselves but all the other gathered students in. Even if a trigger happened, as unlikely as that is, it would just have been a tragedy. What did you think? That a trigger in the middle of a fight would be a peaceful thing? Whoever of you that triggered wouldn't simply hurt the other. You'd kill them.”

I stopped my rant to breathe a little, and the boys seemed sufficiently meeker. I sighed and sat back in my chair, settling in and releasing most of the tension. “Seriously! Kids these days. You two could be fined for trying this kind of thing. I won't put your names on the line as this is a first offence, but if I catch sight of this again, there will be no more chances. No matter what you read on the internet purposeful triggering is extremely unlikely. The random anecdotes you see are just lies, or exceptions.” I stared at them to make the point clear. The kids deflating a bit, probably losing hope to trigger. I Should probably give the carrot now.

“You two are still young, and these next years are the most likely to make you trigger. If you want to do it fighting, enter some competitive sports or martial arts dojo. The stress you're trying to give yourself can be achieved in that way, and it wouldn’t be illegal.” They were, as expected, completely surprised by my suggestion. Didn't think the counselor would help them, huh? “Hah, I've been there, kids. How do you think I ended up in this position? But anyway, do some sports. Put everything you can into it. The more adrenaline, the better. Some studies show extreme sports can cause up to a ten percent increase in the likelihood of a trigger event.”

The look of contemplation on their face was the visage of a job well done. “Yes. Now, Ill need your signatures. And don’t go making highschool illegal fighting rings again. Understood?“ They both nodded, their anger forgotten. Both also not wanting to make a big deal out of this, “Let's do it quickly so you can go choose a sport. Did you know that our school has a taekwondo club?“

Today I only had a half day in the office. Most days I had nothing to do, so I worked on my journal. Putting in what to do on the next experiments or spending time on the forums. The irony of my job never ceased to amuse me. The hypocrisy I put myself through every day by counseling kids to not try awakening. I also worked with newly awakened, though in those cases I just walked them on the rules and regulations, and put them on the city schedule to train their new powers. That was the normal nowadays. A normalcy I've wished every day since it became possible.

The door to my office opening interrupted me from my thoughts.

“Hey Joseph, finished for the day? We were thinking of going to grab a beer. You know, to celebrate.”

“Hah, I'm an old man, Ben. What is there to celebrate.”

“Come on, man, don't beat yourself up like that. You still have a long way to go.” Benjamin, or Ben as I called him, has been a coworker of mine since I started here at the academy. The guy has a completely optimistic view of almost everything. A history teacher married and with kids. He's always trying to rope me on to his lifestyle.

“You’re still only in your thirties. Are you sure you don't want me to introduce you to those ladies I told you? It would do you good with all your gloominess.”

“No. I’ve told you, I'm too busy already. I don't need extra work in my life.”

“Always with these excuses. It's no extra work at all. It’s what brings meaning to stuff, but I won't bore you with this stuff today. So, you down to those beers tonight?”

I can’t lie that I considered it. My birthday always made me a bit down, and a night with some friends would be a welcome distraction, even if they're not some deep friendships like Ben thinks they are. It would be good, but no.

"Sorry Ben, already planned some other stuff."

He seemed surprised at this. Reasonably so, considering I never really had plans. He gave me a sly grin. “Finally trying out the dating scene? The loneliness caught up to you?” I just gave him a blank stare. He answered with a big guffaw.

“Yeah, thought so. Not that it’d do you any good, with that beard and this caveman hair.”

“Whats that about my hair? It makes me stylish! A complete, proper professor look.”

“If what you’re going for is a mad scientist.” Again, he laughed at his own joke. I smiled with him. It was always good to be around him for some relaxing fun. He just didn’t know how right he was.

“It gathers respect from the kids,” I said while collecting my stuff and getting up to go. Ben held the door open and accompanied me on the way out.

We talked a bit more, greeting and accepting the congratulations of the other few people in the teacher's office and in the secretary. Throughout the years I had made good friends with the people here, even if I didn’t understand just how they could be happy with such a mundane lifestyle. They were all good folks. Most of these people were even afraid of the idea of getting powers. I scoffed internally on the way to my car.

I could understand, though. They have family and friends tying them down to their lifestyles. If they triggered, they risked getting ‘recruited’ by the government, and everyone knew what happened to those who refused. I had no such bindings, though. While they would hope to trigger to a weak power so they could stay with their loved ones, I maintained a certain distance and isolation. So that if, no, when I triggered, I would have no qualms about just becoming a fugitive.

Over my dead body that I’d waste my power being a dog for the government. I shook my head, unlocking my car and getting inside.

Thirty-two years. I mulled as I drove through the well-known roads. How many years have I spend in this limbo? Would today be the day? Probably not. I can't even tell if I still have any hope left.

Powers came to the world first when I was just twelve. How much time has passed since then? Twenty fucking years. I felt the well-known dread worming its way through my mind. In those long years I’ve had to deal with a whole lot of disappointment. The unshakable dread of having what I’ve always wanted just out of my reach.

At least nowadays I know how to keep my cool. Parking my car in the garage, I stayed there for a bit. Not really doing anything besides staring into space. I absentmindedly touched the familiar scar on my neck.

The silence was oppressive. I shook up the melancholy after a while and got out of the car.

My house was big for a man living by himself. Because as much as teaching paid way less than it should, for a lonely man who didn't travel, it added up. So, I had this large-ish house in a good neighborhood. The only thing I really cared for, though, was that the extra space allowed for me to have a workshop area for my experiments.

I took off my shoes, left the keys in their usual place, and dropped my bag on the couch. Loosening my tie while turning on the computer on the way to the kitchen. I put my mug on the familiar machine and took out my cellphone. While waiting for the coffee, I checked the forum.

Most of it was the usual ‘weekly experiments report’ later I’ll check it out. Some of the guys had interesting methodologies.

"I think it’s actually impossible. I’ll quit" There’s always one of these. Just go! Why do they always need to inform everyone?

"Have you guys seen about the kid?" Seems there was a kid who awakened at only 6 years old the last week. There were rumors going around that the government failed in poaching them, as it sure would want. And now, there was a court action for the family to keep custody. That’s doomed to fail though, as the top guys never let power stays out of their grasp. If it wasn’t for their tight control, information about powers would be much more widespread in this shitty country.

Anyway, seems like it became a bit of a public show. The only reason that’s still ongoing, really. The only thing the government cares besides powers is their image, Even more so after the recent scandals. I swear there’s at least one a week.

"Don’t lose hope, guys I had my awakening after 11 years" This was another common type of post but this one was completely bombing up, that usually meant really good or really bad news.

The poster was a known guy. He was in this forum since before even I had entered. Morning_Tea, as they called themselves, had an interesting methodology; They are a firm believer in the soul's theory. That powers are an expression or evolution of it. I didn’t believe it. I much preferred to stick to physical or biological methods. It just seemed more real to me.

Anyway, Morning_Tea was always talking about all the meditation he did, but also a bunch of hallucinogenics that are told to open a connection to oneself. Stuff like LSD, mushrooms and ayahuasca. And it seemed to have worked for him, after all. Interesting. That was a line of experiments that I’ve never gotten into. As I’ve said, I wasn’t much of a believer. The stress and other active things being much more popular and better researched, although it could prove valuable considering I had still to awaken.

I took my finished coffee and made my way to the computer to read more. The post was really long and seemed to have more interesting stuff to add up.

My expectations were completely overthrown. Of all the types of powers to awaken, the guy had come out of it with a meta power. He didn’t explain it all, but he said that he could induce a trance that would awaken others. And that he was willing to ‘share the gift of the awakening’.

Well, shit!

I tried to contain my excitement. That could be it, finally. Meta powers were extremely rare, and every time they appeared, it wasn’t for long. I thought back to the last time I had seen one. The taste of power I had and the shit storm that followed. My hand went to the scar, unprompted. If I was going to get something, it needed to be quick.

I sent my congratulations and requested a dose as well. Being a long-time member and having interacted with the poster before, I was hoping to get a little ahead on the line. Sadly, it was a workday today, so I still ended up with a few people in front of me. Tch, no way around it.

After surfing and interacting some more, I was full of a newfound hope. It sat like a heavy fog in my mind, and a weight in my stomach. Repeated disappointments had eroded the normally nice emotion to an almost depressing state. Now it just got me anxious, as if constantly on the brink of the letdown that would follow.

My cellphone beeped. The particular alarm sending a jolt of another kind of nervousness through me. It was time.

I got my journal, and while checking the recent failed experiments and what was in order for today, I wondered the value of still doing today’s session with the recent news, but decided to do it anyway. Commitment and perseverance are what will get me powers. So, I leafed to the planned schedule, seeing that ‘Intermittent electrocution with sensory overload’ was the menu for today.

In the past years I’ve been trying to keep a constant flow of stress in my trials. Having given up on the more violent stuff after barely surviving some of the heavier shit. Now I tried to keep to the more chill types of experiments, careful and methodical. Trying to force a trigger out of constant but different types of stress.

I opened the heavy door to the isolated part of my house. My workshop. I walked to the table, the closest thing from the door, where I promptly laid the journal on. Opening to the latest page of active notes and inputting the day and time, as well as my mental state. The steps completely familiar.

Nowadays, it was almost just a routine ritual. I took off the shirt I had worn to work. Hidden under it were lean muscles. My obsession kept me to a tight schedule of exercises and diet, although I tried not to show it overly much. The toll I’ve put in my body through the years made it so I didn’t look that healthy, even having a lifestyle that put some athletes to shame. Well, besides the weekly torture, that is.

Having changed into some comfy trousers. I sat in the tarp I had for this purpose. Pointed at me from all sides, I had sirens and big holophotes programmed to make sharp noises and harsh lights. It was absolutely awful, and that was the whole point.

I glued the shocking mechanism to myself, my muscles already tensing in preemptively.

I repeated my mantra in my head. The words that got me through this every single day, every single year. I will obtain power. It will make it all worth it. Awaken. awaken. awaken.

With the simple press of a button left close by, I turned it all on.

The shock immediately made me double over. My tensing muscles making it impossible to cover my ears from the sound. It wasn't so much painful as I’ve made it to be completely confusing and overwhelming. Agitating some primal parts of my brain.

I could feel the stress. Sweat pouring from me as the minutes dragged along. The pauses between the shocks and lights programed to be random so I couldn't get used to it.

That was how I spent a good part of my night. Good birthday me, I thought darkly as I laid drooling on the tarp covered in my fluids. Absolutely disgusting as always. I'm almost sure I couldn't even process this anymore, being in a state somewhat removed from myself. I just mechanically collected myself from the ground and moved to the installed shower. As the water rushed through me, I just repeated to myself why I do this.

For power. After all, how could I stand living in a world where it was possible, and not even attempt to get it for myself? This isn't something I do every day, it's just two or three times a week. The rest of the time I take care of myself.

In my earlier days I did a whole lot of crazy sports and life risking stuff, but as time went on, it got progressively more dangerous. It ended up with me almost killing myself. After that, well, some years in therapy almost convinced myself to give it all up.

But I won't give up. I'll have power. I can't die without even trying. All of those people just living their lives day to day. How can they stand it? Not even trying to shift the odds, even slightly? It's impossible! Other people are doing some crazy shit, while the rest of us are just living like ants. The refreshing fury washing over me was a welcome addition to my wary muscles. I finished my shower and got dressed.

Lying down to sleep, I saw the good news. Morning_Tea had answered me in about two weeks I’d get my dose. He promised it had a good chance of working, with some fellow sleepwalkers having awakened already. I tried to control my expectations, but it was a long night of staring at the ceiling, just imagining how it would feel. What I would get when I finally awakened.